The role of a father in raising a boy is overestimatedvery difficult. But do all parents have a clear idea of what this role is? After all, raising a boy is not an easy task, so it is necessary to take into account a large number of nuances, including such an important one as the father's participation. Let's try to understand this issue from A to Z. The role of a mother simply cannot be overestimated. She carries the baby under her heart, feeds him with milk, carries him in her arms - in a word, gives him life and takes care of his well-being. But the father's purpose cannot be underestimated either. A man also makes a significant contribution to the upbringing of a child, to the development of his thinking, skills and worldview. Especially if the child is a boy! Very often, mothers of grown-up sons complain that their husbands are not involved in raising the child at all. But, dear mothers, remember the first years of your child's life. Are you not to blame for this? Very often, young mothers are jealous of their new position and do not let dad within cannon shot of the child. And the man is not particularly upset. And not because he is a bad father and husband. Everything is much simpler - mother's love is instinctive, and father's is social. Simply put, the father learns to love his child.
Hello, Dad!
Child psychologists say that for moreclose emotional connection between a boy and his father, their first contact should happen as early as possible. Ideally, this should be the first hours after birth, when the newborn baby has his first impressions of the world around him in his subconscious. But, unfortunately, not all births in our country are partner births, so most often the father takes his son in his arms only after discharge from the maternity hospital. But this is not scary - if the father takes an active part in caring for the child, everything can still be made up for. It is generally accepted that fathers do not understand anything about feeding, bathing, diapers and nappies. However, this is not true at all - numerous studies reliably confirm that the father is no worse than the mother in caring for the child. And such care for the baby is only beneficial - the emotional contact in such a "father - son" tandem is much stronger. In addition, the same studies show that children who are in close contact with their father show much better results in all tests: physical, psychological, motor. Thus, a man who actively participates in the upbringing of his son has a very high chance of becoming the father of a little genius. Well, in any case, you will definitely not have to blush for your son!
A role model
One cannot lose sight of the fact that forA boy's father is the embodiment of the standard of masculinity. The father's moral principles, his model of social behavior, habits, manners - all this is an example to follow. From an early age, the son tries to copy his father in everything. At first, the toddler shows off his dad's tie and wrinkles his forehead like his dad. Then he throws tools all over the apartment. And the time comes - and the son completely copies his dad's behavior. But this is later. In the meantime, the baby is growing and ... begins to realize himself as a representative of the male sex. And this happens entirely under the influence of the father. The child observes, compares, draws conclusions for himself. By the way - always remember this! The child observes constantly, continuously. It seems to you that the boy is carried away by the game and does not pay the slightest attention to the quarrel between his dad and mom? You are very wrong - he sees everything and, moreover, remembers. And he will definitely apply it in practice someday - the subconscious will extract this or that model of behavior that the boy saw in his father as a child.
Strict Dad
Very often you can hear the opinion that the fathershould have a disciplining influence on the child. The standard model of most families is "a good mother and an evil father." Adherents of this model of upbringing believe that such a line of behavior instills masculinity in a boy. However, child psychologists claim that a child living in constant fear of paternal punishment is unlikely to grow up more courageous than a boy whose father was caring and gentle. Rather, the opposite is true - due to the fear of punishment and suppression by excessive paternal strictness, the child can grow up to be an insecure, timid person. Although there may be an even worse option - the child will grow up to be an aggressive, and sometimes even an asocial person. Agree, no parent wants this. And these are not empty assumptions. The first prerequisites can be noticed already in early childhood. And the boy's behavior model itself largely depends on the father's attitude towards the child. If a man chooses a strict and cold line of behavior towards his son, there is a high probability that the child will avoid his father, reducing all contacts to a possible minimum. Remember, we already talked about the fact that a boy involuntarily, but very accurately copies the model of his father's behavior? For example, if a father expresses his negative emotions with aggression, the son will act exactly the same way. If, angry with his son, the father ignores him, declaring a kind of boycott, very soon the child will respond in kind. Therefore, in order to instill a masculine line of behavior in a child, a father must carefully monitor his actions, words, gestures and intonations. And you can correct a child's behavior a little differently - by personal example or with the help of games. It is enough to simply model the necessary situation and play it out. Rest assured - the child will absorb the information like a sponge. In that case, if the relationship between the son is warm, the upbringing process will be much easier. Dad will be able to easily control the behavior and actions of his son. And it is not difficult to explain – a child will never want to lose the warm feelings of his father, and any disapproval will be a real tragedy for the son. And the child's masculinity will not suffer. Research has shown that sons of kind and gentle fathers prefer "male" toys – cars, tools, soldiers – much earlier than those of stern dads.
Strict Mom
But in some cases, families are observeda completely opposite situation, in which the father has no right to vote. A domineering mother, grandmother - the child watches day after day that his father does not make any decisions and does not participate in family life. And most often in such families, the father is not allowed within cannon shot of the upbringing process of the women of the family. And, of course, in such an atmosphere it would be foolish to hope that the child will grow up to be a real man. With a very high degree of probability, such a boy will grow up to be a completely spineless person who will depend on the opinion of his mother all his life, and later - his wife. Of course, if he does manage to get married. And then the mother of this boy will only be left to shake her head sadly, wondering who her son took after.
What are our boys made of?
And what should those women do who, for those reasons,or other reasons are forced to raise a son on their own? In all situations, these reasons are different, so we will not consider them. Let's just take as a starting point the fact that there is no father, or he spends a lot of time at work. What to do? How should a boy be raised so that he grows up to be a full-fledged man? Is it really unrealistic? Child psychologists say that not everything is so hopeless. Of course, there is a difference in the upbringing of boys and girls, and it is radical. But any mother can cope with this task - the main thing is to have the desire and the necessary knowledge. A little pedagogy, a little child psychology - and you have every chance of raising a real man. The first thing a woman should remember is that maternal and paternal love have different natures. A mother loves her child unconditionally and unconditionally. But a father's love must still be earned - by your behavior, successes and achievements. Simply put, daddy's love is objective. And therefore, if a woman is raising her son on her own, or the father is often away, the mother needs to remember the peculiarities of the psyche of boys, which differs significantly from that of girls. Unlike girls, boys have less patience and perseverance, are more active and aggressive. And it is much more difficult with boys from about the age of three, not to mention adolescence. The child tries to assert himself in all available ways - various pranks, antics, whims and screams. As the boy grows, the problems can worsen even more - smoking, stealing, disobedience, rudeness. And this is far from a complete list of the ways in which a teenage boy protests. Therefore, in order to prevent such a deplorable situation, a woman must choose the right line of behavior towards her son from the very beginning. Very often, a mother can hear advice to keep her son "in iron gloves." However, this is also far from the best way out. After all, a boy needs love and affection no less than a girl. You don't want to raise a downtrodden child who is afraid to take his eyes off the ground, do you? So remember the rule of the "golden" mean.
The Trues of Truth
There are a few simple rules andprinciples that must be followed in matters of raising a boy. After all, very often problems in a child's behavior are directly related to the internal personal conflicts of the parents, in this case, the mother.
- "Master in the house"
Very often a boy in a single-parent family hears aboutthat he is the only boss in the house. And in complete families this is often observed - for example, when the father goes to work. But you should never do this! Remember that a child should always remain a child under any circumstances. Excessive responsibility has a very negative effect on the child's psyche, which is simply not ready for such responsibility. Remember that a child takes everything literally, and much more seriously than adults. And the child will be in constant tension, afraid of doing something wrong and losing your trust and love. And such psychological stress will not lead to anything good.
- Look at this or that thing
Don't forget under any circumstances that your son- first of all, a man. Even if he is still very small, but still a man. And a man's perception of the world and emotions are different. And if a girl's thinking is similar to her mother's, then a son's is radically different. And this feature must be taken into account - treat your child with respect.
- Communication with a man
In the event that the boy does not have the opportunitycommunicate with your father, try to organize regular communication with another man you trust. This could be an uncle, grandfather, or just a family friend. In any case, the child should at least occasionally communicate with a man who can support with advice or help in a difficult situation. After all, no matter how much the mother wants to, she will not be able to look at this or that problem from a man's point of view.
- Household duties
Girls are their mother's helpers.This is an axiom and no one argues with it. But with boys, things are a little different. Of course, a child should have household responsibilities. But you shouldn't overload a child with them - a boy should have a little more freedom. And it is much wiser not to force a child to help you, but to smoothly lead him to the point where he himself has a similar desire.
- Be interested in the male world
If you have already been lucky enough to become a motherboy, take the trouble to be interested in things that might be interesting to your son. Construction sets, guns, racers, caps, firecrackers, football players, the latest car brands – you should be able to navigate all of this like a fish in water. Otherwise, you will have fewer and fewer points of contact with your son, especially as he grows up. You don’t want your conversation to boil down to the banal “How are things at school?” by the age of 12 or 13. Child psychologists very often encounter a situation where absolutely any “feminine manifestations,” in the parents’ opinion, are suppressed in a family for fear of raising a boy to be a “girl.” And the parents are absolutely sure that they are acting for the benefit of their son. But in reality, the situation is exactly the opposite. There are many serious drawbacks to such tactics:
- Emotionality
The child, fearing a negative reaction from his parents,is forced to hide emotions. There are often cases of nervous disorders and even breakdowns. As a result, sooner or later the child becomes extremely withdrawn and callous.
- Creative Beginning
Unfortunately, very often the boy is suppressedcreative beginnings. For example, parents send their child to football, not looking at the fact that the boy dances very well. Or to a wood burning club instead of a club for sewing soft toys.
Carrot and stick
Of course, raising a child is neverотругав его, просто невозможно. Однако целью любого воспитательного процесса является осознание ребенком своего проступка, но никак не его унижение. Поэтому так важно знать некоторые особенности психики мальчиков – ведь она во многом отличается от женской. Любой поступок ребенка должен оцениваться – с положительной или отрицательной стороны. Но если для девочек самое важное – оценка их личности, то для мальчиков – оценка поступков. Проще говоря, если для девочки важно то эмоциональное впечатление, которое она производит на окружающих в целом, то для мальчика – суть поступка. Во время оценки поступков мальчика, он заново «проигрывает» его в сознании. И именно поэтому выражения «ты плохо поступил» или « я тобой недовольна» не возымеют никакого должного действия. Ребенок просто не поймет, что не понравилось взрослым. Поэтому необходимо детально объяснить ребенку, чем конкретно вы недовольны. Только в этом случае у мальчика будет возможность проанализировать свой поступок и понять, где он был не прав. Кстати говоря, именно из-за этих психологических особенностей и возникает непонимание между мальчиками и мамами. Глазами женщины ситуация выглядит так: она долго и эмоционально ругает сына, и еще больше злится из-за того, что ребенок, на ее взгляд, остается совершенно равнодушным к ее словам. В итоге атмосфера накаляется еще сильнее, а ребенок еще больше уходит в себя. Неужели ему действительно плевать на данную ситуацию? Вовсе нет! Просто мальчик отреагировал на критику в первые несколько минут. Однако особенность мужской психики такова, что мальчик не может удерживать эмоциональное напряжение больше двух – трех минут. Поэтому по истечению этого времени включается своеобразная психологическая защита и ребенок перестает воспринимать критику. Именно поэтому все «воспитательные» беседы с мальчиком должны быть максимально лаконичны. В начале разговора четко объясните ребенку, что именно вам не понравилось в том или ином его поступке. Потом сформулируйте ваши требования и видение ситуации. И в конце разговора убедитесь, что ребенок понял вас. Только в этом случае ваш разговор возымеет должный эффект. Порой проступки ребенка бывают достаточно серьезные, поэтому родители вынуждены прибегать к наказанию. Конечно же, мы не будем сейчас рассматривать вопрос о физическом наказании ребенка – оно вообще недопустимо, так как унижается человеческое достоинство ребенка. Но как же наказывать мальчиков? Детские психологи говорят о том, что самое страшное для ребенка – это потеря доверия родителей. Поэтому в том случае, если ребенок совершил какой-либо проступок, заслуживающий наказания, лучше всего дать ему понять, что вы можете перестать ему доверять. Например, ребенок подрался в школе. Сократите время его прогулки. Причем объясните ему, зачем вы это делаете — «Ты не умеешь контролировать свое поведение. Значит, и на улице с тобой может что-нибудь случиться». Однако не перегибайте палку и обязательно дайте ребенку возможность реабилитироваться. В противном случае отношения очень быстро зайдут в тупик, из которого самостоятельно, без помощи психолога, выйти будет очень непросто. Кроме того, в качестве наказания можно использовать лишение ребенка каких-либо развлечений. Например, вы можете отменить прогулку ребенка, просмотр фильма или времяпровождение за компьютером. Однако не перебарщивайте – жизнь ребенка не должна состоять из одних «нельзя». Поэтому прибегайте к наказанию только в самых крайних случаях. Очень многие родители в качестве наказания отбирают у мальчика какие-либо его вещи – чаще всего подарки. Однако детские психологи говорят, что этого делать ни в коем случае нельзя. Тем самым вы можете нанести ребенку сильнейшую психологическую травму. Более того – вы рискуете навсегда потерять доверие вашего ребенка. А за это вам придется заплатить слишком большую цену. Очень часто самый лучший способ воздействия на ребенка – это разговор с ребенком, причем не на повышенных тонах. Подобным образом можно урегулировать 90% всех конфликтных ситуаций. Поэтому старайтесь прибегать к наказанию в самых крайних случаях. И еще одна очень важная вещь – если вы все же приняли решение наказать ребенка, делайте это, только полностью успокоившись. Злость — далеко не лучший советчик в подобных ситуациях. Говоря о наказаниях, нельзя не сказать о поощрениях. Нельзя отмечать только плохие поступки ребенка – похвала для воспитания не менее важна. Отмечайте все успехи ребенка, чтобы он знал, что вы его цените и гордитесь им. Причем обратите особое внимание – не стоит за хорошие поступки поощрять ребенка подарками. Таким образом вы привьете ему мысль, что ничего не стоит делать просто так, а нужно постараться извлечь какую-либо выгоду. Вы же не хотите, чтобы ваши отношения приобрели коммерческий характер? Поэтому лучшим поощрением для ребенка станет самая обычная похвала и … свобода. Если вы видите, что ваш ребенок действительно ее заслуживает. Поверьте – разрешение вернуться с прогулки на полчаса позже, либо выбрать какую-либо игрушку самостоятельно – в зависимости от возраста ребенка – сын оценит гораздо больше, чем дежурную игрушку или лишние карманные деньги. Конечно же, воспитание сына – задача не из простых. Однако вы обязательно справитесь с этим. Ведь самое главное, что необходимо вашему ребенку – это ваша любовь. Советуем почитать:
