The role of the father in the upbringing of the boy is greatly overestimatedcomplicated. But do all parents know exactly what it is, this role? After all, the education of a boy is not an easy task, so it is necessary to take into account a large number of nuances, including such important as the participation of the father. Let's try with you to understand this question from "A" and to "I". The role of mother can not be overemphasized. She wears a baby under her heart, nurtures him with milk, carries it on her hands - in a word, gives him life and cares about his well-being. But Papa's destiny can not be underestimated. The man also contributes a lot to the upbringing of the child, to the development of his thinking, skills and worldview. Especially if the child is a boy! Very often mothers of grown sons complain that husbands are not engaged in raising a child at all. But, dear mothers, remember the first years of your child's life. Are not you yourself to blame for this? Very often, young mothers are jealous of their new position and do not let their father to the baby for a cannon shot. A man is not particularly upset. And not because he is a bad father and husband. Everything is much simpler - maternal love is instinctive, and paternal love is social. Simply put, the father learns to love his child.
Child psychologists say that for moreThe boy's close emotional connection with the father of their first contact should occur as soon as possible. Ideally, this should be the first hours after birth, when the newborn child in the subconscious has the first impressions of the world around him. But, unfortunately, so far not all childbirth in our country is partnered, so most often the father takes his son in his arms only after discharge from the hospital. But it's not scary - in the event that the father takes an active part in the care of the child, it is still possible to catch up. It is generally accepted that fathers do not know anything about feeding, bathing, diapers and diapers. However, this is not at all the case - numerous studies reliably confirm that the father is no worse than the mother is able to take care of the child. And such care for the baby is only beneficial - emotional contact in a similar tandem "father-son" is much stronger. In addition, the same studies show that children who are in close contact with their father show much better results in all tests: physical, psychological, motor. Thus, a man who actively participates in the upbringing of his son has a very high chance of becoming the father of a small genius. Well, in any case, blush for my son just do not have to!
A role model
One can not lose sight of the fact that forThe boy's father is the embodiment of the standard of masculinity. Moral principles of the father, his model of social behavior, habits, manners - all this is an example for imitation. Son from a small age trying to copy his father in everything. At first the young man flaunts in his father's tie and paws his forehead like his father. Then he spends his tools around the apartment. And time comes - and Dad's manner of behavior is completely copied by the son. But this later. In the meantime, the baby is growing and ... begins to realize itself as a representative of the masculine gender. And this happens entirely under the influence of the father. The child observes, compares, draws conclusions for himself. By the way, remember this always! The child watches constantly, continuously. Do you think that the boy is addicted to the game and does not pay the slightest attention to the quarrel between father and mother? You are very wrong - he sees everything and, moreover, remembers. And one day it will apply in practice - the subconscious will extract one or another model of behavior, which the boy saw as a child in his father.
Very often one can hear the opinion that the fathershould exert a disciplining influence on the child. The standard model of most families is "good mother and evil dad". Adherents of this model of education believe that this line of behavior instills masculinity for the boy. However, children's psychologists say that a child who lives in constant fear of paternal punishment is unlikely to grow more courageous than the boy whose father was caring and affectionate. Rather, on the contrary - because of fear of punishment and suppression of superfluous severity by the father, the child can grow up insecure in itself by a timid person. Although there may be an even worse option - a child will grow aggressive, and sometimes even an antisocial personality. Agree, this will not be wanted by any parent. And these are not empty assumptions. The first prerequisites can be noticed already in early childhood. And the very model of the boy's behavior largely depends on the daddy's attitude towards the child. In the event that a man chooses a strict and cold line of behavior towards his son, there is a very high probability that the child will avoid the pope, reducing all contacts to a possible minimum. Remember, we have already said that the boy involuntarily, but very accurately copies the model of paternal behavior? For example, if the father expresses his negative emotions with the help of aggression, the son will act exactly like this. If, after being angry with his son, the father ignores him, declaring a kind of boycott, very soon the child will respond the same. Therefore, in order to instill a child's male behavior, the father must carefully monitor his actions, words, gestures and intonations. And to correct children's behavior can be a little different - by personal example, or with the help of games. Simply simulate the necessary situation and beat it. Be sure - the child will absorb the information, like a sponge. Here, if the relationship between the son is warm, the process of education will proceed much easier. The pope can easily manage the behavior and actions of his son. And to explain it is not difficult - the child will never want to lose the warm feelings of his father, and any disapproval will be a real tragedy for the son. And the child's masculinity will not suffer. Studies have shown that in good and soft fathers, sons prefer "male" toys - typewriters, tools, soldiers - much earlier than severe dads.
But in some cases, familiesthe cardinally opposite situation in which the father has no right to vote. The domineering mother, grandmother - the child observes day after day that his father does not take any decisions and participation in family life. And most often in such father's families a woman's family is not allowed to shoot a cannon shot at the educational process. And, of course, in such an atmosphere it would be foolish to hope that the child will grow into a real man. With a very high likelihood of such a boy will grow up a completely spineless personality, which all his life will depend on the opinion of my mother, and in consequence - my wife. Of course, in the event that he still manages to get married. And then this boy's mother will only have to shake her head, wondering at whom her son was born.
What are our boys made of?
And what about those women who are on those orother reasons are forced to raise a son on their own? In all situations, these reasons are their own, so we will not consider them. Just take as a starting point the fact that there is no father, or he spends a lot of time at work. How to be? What should be the upbringing of a boy so that he grows up to be a full-fledged man? Is this unrealistic? Child psychologists say that not everything is hopeless. Of course, the difference in the education of boys and girls exists, and it is radical. But to cope with this task by the power of any mom - the main thing is that there is a desire and the necessary knowledge. A little pedagogy, a little child psychology - and you have every chance to grow a real man. The first thing a woman should remember is her mother's and father's love of a different nature. The mother loves her child unconditionally and unconditionally. But the father's love needs to be earned - by his behavior, successes and achievements. Simply put - Dad love is subject. And so, in the event that a woman raises her son herself, or the dad very often travels, her mother needs to remember the peculiarities of the psyche of boys, which is very different from the girl's. Unlike girls, boys have less patience and perseverance, are more mobile and aggressive. And with boys it is much more difficult already since about three years of age, not to mention teenage. The child tries to self-assert by all available means - various pranks, antics, whims and shouts. As the boy grows, the problems can be further exacerbated - smoking, stealing, disobedience, rudeness. And this is not a complete list of ways to protest the boy - teenager. Therefore, in order to prevent such a deplorable situation, a woman should from the very beginning choose the right line of behavior towards her son. Very often, mother can hear the advice to keep her son "in an iron grip". However, this is also far from the best solution. After all, the boy needs love and affection no less than a girl. You do not want to raise a clogged child, afraid to tear your eyes off the ground? So remember the rule of the "golden" middle.
The Trues of Truth
There are several simple rules and principles,which must be adhered to in the education of the boy. After all, very often problems in the behavior of the child are directly related to the internal personal conflicts of the parents, in this case - mothers.
- "Master in the house"
Very often a boy in single-parent families hears aboutthat he is the only master in the house. And in complete families, this is often observed - for example, when the pope leaves for work. But you can not do this in any case! Remember that the child must remain a child at all times and under all circumstances. Excessive responsibility in a very negative way affects the child's psyche, which is simply not ready for such a responsibility. Remember that the child perceives everything literally, and much more seriously than adults. And the child will be in constant tension, for fear of doing something wrong and losing your trust and love. And such a psychological burden will not lead to anything good.
- Look at this or that thing
Do not forget that your son- First of all man. Even if it is still very small, but still a man. And the male perception of the world and emotions are different. And if the girl's thinking is like that of the mother, then the son's radically different. And this feature must be taken into account - treat the child with respect.
- Communication with a man
In the event that the boy does not have the opportunitycommunicate with your father, try to organize his regular communication with some other man you trust. It can be an uncle, a grandfather or just a friend of the family. In any case, the child should at least episodically communicate with a man who can support advice or help in a difficult situation. After all, with all the desire of my mother, she will not be able to look at this or that problem from the male point of view.
- Household duties
The girls are the mother's mates. This is an axiom and no one argues with this. But the situation with the boys is slightly different. Of course, the child should have household duties. But it is not necessary to overload the child unnecessarily-the boy should have a little more freedom. And it is much more sensible not to force a child to help you, but to smoothly lead him to the fact that he himself had such a desire.
- Be interested in the male world
Since you already had a lucky ticket to become a motherboy, take the trouble to be interested in those things that may be of interest to your son. Designers, pistols, racers, pistons, crackers, football players, the latest brands of cars - in all this you should navigate like a fish in the water. Otherwise, you will have fewer and fewer points of contact with your son, especially as you grow up. You do not want that by the age of 12-13 your conversation was reduced to the banal: "How are things at school?". Child psychologists very often face the situation when in the family, out of fear of growing a "girl" out of a boy, absolutely any "women's manifestations" are suppressed. And parents are firmly convinced that they are working for the good of their son. But in fact, the situation is exactly the opposite. In this tactic, there are a number of serious shortcomings:
The child, fearing the negative reaction of the parents,is forced to hide emotions. Often there are cases of nervous disorders and even breakdowns. As a result, sooner or later the child becomes extremely closed and stale.
- Creative Beginning
Unfortunately, very often the boy is suppressedcreative start. For example, parents give the child to football, not looking at the fact that the boy is very good at dancing. Or in a circle of burning out on a tree instead of a mug on sewing of a soft toy.
Carrot and stick
Of course, to raise a child, never scoldedit is simply impossible. However, the goal of any educational process is the child's realization of his misconduct, but not his humiliation. Therefore, it is so important to know some features of the psyche of boys - in fact, it is very different from the female. Any act of the child must be evaluated - on the positive or negative side. But if the most important thing for girls is the evaluation of their personality, then for boys it's an assessment of their actions. Simply put, if the girl is important then the emotional impression that it produces on others in general, then for the boy - the essence of the act. During the evaluation of the boy's actions, he again "loses" him in the mind. And that's why the words "you did not do well" or "I'm unhappy with you" will not have any proper action. The child simply does not understand what the adult did not like. Therefore, it is necessary to explain in detail to the child what exactly you are unhappy with. Only in this case the boy will have the opportunity to analyze his act and understand where he was wrong. Incidentally, it is precisely because of these psychological characteristics and there is a misunderstanding between boys and mothers. With the eyes of a woman, the situation looks like this: she curses her son for a long time and emotionally, and is even more angry because the child, in her opinion, remains completely indifferent to her words. As a result, the atmosphere is heated even more, and the child is even more withdrawn. Did he really care about this situation? Not at all! The boy just reacted to criticism in the first few minutes. However, the peculiarity of the male psyche is that the boy can not keep the emotional tension for more than two to three minutes. Therefore, at the end of this time, a kind of psychological defense comes into play and the child ceases to accept criticism. That is why all "educational" talks with the boy should be as short as possible. At the beginning of the conversation, clearly explain to the child what you did not like about this or that act. Then formulate your requirements and vision of the situation. And at the end of the conversation, make sure that the child understands you. Only in this case your conversation will have the proper effect. Sometimes the child's misdeeds are serious enough, so parents are forced to resort to punishment. Of course, we will not now consider the physical punishment of the child - it is generally unacceptable, since the human dignity of the child is degraded. But how to punish the boys? Child psychologists say that the most terrible thing for a child is the loss of parents' trust. Therefore, in the event that a child has committed any wrongdoing that deserves punishment, it is best to let him know that you can stop trusting him. For example, a child had a fight in school. Shorten the time of his walk. And explain to him why you are doing this: "You do not know how to control your behavior. It means that something can happen on the street with you. " However, do not bend the stick and always give the child the opportunity to rehabilitate. Otherwise, the relationship very quickly enter a dead end, from which alone, without the help of a psychologist, it will be very difficult to get out. In addition, as punishment, you can use deprivation of the child of any entertainment. For example, you can cancel a child's walk, watching a movie or spending time with a computer. However, do not overdo it - the child's life should not consist of only "not allowed". Therefore, resort to punishment only in the most extreme cases. Very many parents as punishment punish the boy for any of his things - most often gifts. However, children's psychologists say that this should not be done in any case. Thus, you can inflict a severe psychological trauma on the child. Moreover, you risk losing your child's trust forever. And for this you have to pay too much price. Very often, the best way to influence a child is to talk with the child, and not in heightened tones. In this way, 90% of all conflict situations can be resolved. Therefore, try to resort to punishment in the most extreme cases. And one more very important thing - if you still made the decision to punish the child, do it, only completely calmed down. Anger is by no means the best adviser in such situations. Speaking of punishments, we can not say about incentives. It is impossible to note only the bad deeds of a child - praise for education is no less important. Mark all the child's successes so that he knows that you appreciate him and are proud of him. And pay special attention - do not stand for good deeds to encourage the child with gifts. So you will instill in him the idea that nothing is worth doing just that, but you need to try to make some profit. Do not you want your relationship to become commercial? Therefore, the best encouragement for a child will be the most common praise and ... freedom. If you see that your child really deserves it. Believe me - permission to return from a walk for half an hour later, or choose a toy of your own - depending on the age of the child - the son will appreciate much more than a toy on duty or extra pocket money. Of course, raising a son is not a simple task. However, you will certainly cope with this. After all, the most important thing your child needs is your love. We advise you to read: