The existence of female friendship for many mencontinues to be fantastic. But we already know that it exists! It is believed that a good friend is the one with which you passed the fire, water and copper pipes. However, this does not always happen and not with everyone - on the contrary, we very often run into problems in communicating with friends. Someone will prefer to give up and join the camp of people denying female friendship, and someone will try to solve these problems and strengthen relations. And it is for them that our article is intended.
The nature of your girlfriend
Who is your girlfriend? This question is often crucial, because with all we are friends in different ways. This concerns the topics for the conversation that we choose, the favorite way to spend time and even the manner of speaking. This disparity is due to the fact that people with different types of character act in the role of friend, and with each of them we come into contact with different facets of one's personality. What roles are most often played by friends in our lives.
She knows everything and everything in the world. It is up to her to always call and ask how to take care of a rare plant, which product should be introduced into the baby's diet, or simply find out some encyclopedic fact. It's great to have such a universal source of knowledge and advice, but sometimes it can turn into a catastrophe. It often happens that this girlfriend can start giving advice about and without, because she knows best how to live. And it can cause a storm of negative emotions.
- Party girl
With such a friend it's fun to go to bars,clubs and parties. It is like an eternal feast, which you can always take with you. Together with it you can "light" anywhere, even at a family dinner at your grandmother's house. Certainly, such a friend is vitally important, however, in an overdose of communication with her, strangely enough, it can become boring. Party hangouts, parties, but in life you want and something else, except parties.
Very kind and nice girl. She never speaks badly of anyone. With her to communicate well on some life-affirming themes, she will always find advantages in the circumstances and good qualities in bad people. Sometimes this is useful. However, in those situations where you need a girlfriend to crush someone with you, she can not do it, because thinks everyone is good at heart.
Oh, oh-oh-oh, it's with her that all the adventures inof your life. She is absolutely crazy and capable of the craziest actions: suddenly to break into a round-the-world trip, to shave herself or put on scary costumes in Halloween and go to ring the door to strangers. With her you never get bored - she is always full of surprises and interesting ideas. However, constantly maintaining such a rhythm of life can be very difficult for us, ordinary people!
- Waistcoat and whining
These two roles are impossible without each other, sothey are united. Girlfriend-whiner just engaged in the fact that he complains about his misadventures. She is always bad, because. in her life there is always some kind of tragedy. What is the pleasure of communicating with such a friend? It may sound terrible, but in talking with her you understand that you have something in the best possible way. Therefore, such communication can sometimes be pleasant in homeopathic doses. A vest friend always listens to your complaints. She is a master at wiping snot and sympathy. It is she who calls you when something happens to you, so the benefits of interacting with her are obvious. However, in all other respects it is rather inexpressive.
She always does not like you in you - your mannertalk, the color of the walls in the living room or the way you raise a child. She constantly criticizes you on these and many other points. Motives for communicating with such a friend, as a rule, are similar to all: it's an old friend, and you communicate, most likely, by inertia. However, you can find pluses in such communication: no one except it will give you such an objective and honest feedback. Given her comments, you can improve your appearance, behavior and walls in the living room. The main thing is to learn to separate the seeds from the chaff, those things that you really get bad, from things that you just like the way they are. And protect your self-esteem from her attacks.
A sort of wand-rescue, always ready for youlisten and help out. Have you driven into the lamppost? She is already here, helps you to deal with traffic police. It is possible that she does not even feel your friendship, if you do not ask her for help for a long time. Such a person is really indispensable in life, just try not to abuse her trust and do not fall into the relationship of obligation - "if she helps me, then I must help her in everything." Do what you think is right and possible for her and do not consider yourself obligated to do things that you strongly dislike.
- Friend of interests
With it you have something in common - a memory,interest or sphere of life. You can both be moms, love to embroider a cross or remember joint games in the sandbox. There can be many such girlfriends, and with each of them you will unite something of your own. It is quite possible that you will have to turn a blind eye to your incompatibility in all other plans. It is very rare, but it happens that in one person all these roles can be combined. Then you can say that you are lucky, because you have found the perfect girlfriend! You understand each other with a half-word. You have one sense of humor for two. You do not care about her where to celebrate your birthdays - in McDonald's or an expensive restaurant. You have an honest and sincere relationship, which is expressed in the fact that you almost always tell each other the truth - at least about the dress, at least about the boyfriend. You can always contact her and share something important for you at this moment. You are friends not only with each other, but also with your young people. You can say that you understand each other with a half-word (or without any words).
Problems in communicating with a girlfriend
However, even in communicating with the most ideal girlfriendthere are difficulties and problems. You are both living people with their own peculiarities and shortcomings, so there simply can not be complete calm and idyllic relations between you. The main thing is that you both have a desire to overcome these obstacles and maintain your friendship. Here is a list of the most important problems in the relationship between the two girlfriends:
Oh, this is a black feeling! Each of us at least once in my life, but envied someone. Paradox, but women often envy each other than men (maybe they just hide it more carefully?). Envy is very bad for friendship, because it causes anger and a desire to harm, with which friendship disappears. Do not be envious of your girlfriend is very difficult (especially when you think that you do everything the same, but it does it better), but it is possible. You know very well the underside of its success - so try to apply this knowledge in practice. Soberly assess what the girlfriend lost for her achievements. Ask her what helped her in this or that situation. Instead of envying, ask for support and advice. Tell me honestly that you want what she has. And then envy will become much less.
This is generally a "killer" of friendship. An egocentric person needs everything to be for him and for him, in general, so that the world around will rotate. And when in a relationship someone pulls a blanket over themselves, it's very bad. Such a person can not support a friend and sincerely help her, because sometimes for the sake of it one needs to leave oneself and one's desires in the background.
It's not always a problem - sometimes it happens thatcompetition gives the element of the game to relationships, tones up girlfriends, motivates them to new achievements. But it becomes a problem at a time when the race for success is more important than friendship. You even sometimes want something to hurt her, just to be in something better than her. As a rule, when the desire to be the first is so strongly expressed in one or both friends, then it makes sense to give up friendship, as mutual sympathy, openness, trust and support become impossible. However, if competing with your girlfriend appears only occasionally, then your relationship has a chance to continue.
The desire to lie to a friend can be explainedvarious reasons: the desire to get something from her, to get the attention of both handsome men to you or just not offend in any matter. But regardless of intentions, in 99% of cases, a lie is a symptom of something that is not right in your relationship with a friend: you can not be sincere with her, you want her evil or you just do not care about her. In the last two cases, this friendship does not make sense. But if you are just afraid of being frank with a friend, consider - where did this fear come from? After all, if you are embarrassed to tell a friend that a new dress does not go to her - you just think that you are protecting her feelings; in fact, you do not interfere with any unnecessary waste of money on its part (and maybe even more losses). Of course, it is impossible to always be truthful, but we must try to make relations with friends honest and open to the maximum.
It seems to you that your friend does not understand you (and,maybe you are her). Very often this happens because of the inability to look at the situation through the eyes of the interlocutor and intolerance of other opinions. If this is about you, then try to be less rigid - your girlfriend is also a person, and not all of her thoughts are stupid and irrational. You can take her point of view and actions a couple of times, and you'll see how this affects friendships. If such an intolerance is being committed by your girlfriend, then try to explain to her how important her understanding and support is to you.
- Excessive obsession
There are such friends who seem to want"Merge" with you and with your life. This often happens because of the feeling of emptiness in their lives and the inability to remain alone. It is necessary to fight this phenomenon tough. Put in place such friends, explaining to them that now you want to be alone and that this is not a manifestation of your dislike for them - you are just tired of communication, and you need rest and personal space.
- Sharpness in communication
Your girlfriend is harsh in expressionown opinion or comments about you. In such a situation, you need to honestly and openly explain to her that you sometimes need to sweeten the pill. Do not "you look like a prostitute," but "it's certainly very sexy, but I would put something less pretentious in your place." You can train with it in such substitutions. Unfortunately, for many women, relationships full of such problems are a norm of life. They think that there can not be another female friendship, and all the girls are petty and harmful creatures dreaming of taking their boyfriend away and always demanding something. But this is not so! Good communication with the girlfriend is real, and it is quite possible to achieve it. Relations with a girlfriend must first of all satisfy both of you. As a rule, they are characterized by ease and enjoyment of communication. This does not cancel out periodic outbursts of anger, anxiety, grief and envy. They are simply rare, but in general there is a stable desire to continue communication. You do not have a constant desire to cancel a meeting, having wound up something about a sick head or a blockage at work. The basic background of communication is positive. You support each other, although you can sometimes argue and quarrel. Such communication is interesting for both of you, energizes you and gives you strength. It must be remembered that this is not an ideal to which one should strive, but simply guidelines. We wrote about them in order to show to many women that friendship is a positive phenomenon. In those cases when your communication is completely different from the one described, you should think about what you get from such friendship. Perhaps, some personal problems prevent you from interrupting such relationships, for example, the thought that you are unworthy of more, the lack of hope for other better relationships, lack of confidence in your own strengths, fear of change, the fear of losing all your friends and staying alone. These are all serious things that can not be ignored, but remember - you have only one life, and you need to live it with pleasure, and not out of a sense of duty or fear.
Dangerous topics for communication
It's great if you can talk to yourgirlfriend about everything in the world. However, this is not always the case. Most people try to avoid a number of topics in their communication. This may be due to the extreme importance of this topic in the life of a person, with the fact that it is likely to provoke conflict, with the fact that, speaking of it, a person feels psychological discomfort. Here they are, the most dangerous topics in communication:
- Money is a symbol of success, power,opportunities and much more. For many people, money is inextricably linked with self-esteem, so if there are any problems in this area, raising the topic of finance will immediately cause a flurry of unpleasant emotions.
- Very often, religion is a too important topic for a person, and therefore too overloaded with emotions. Well, if it's positive emotions, and if not?
- Disadvantages of family and friends. Even if you tell the truth about the shortcomings of a loved one, your friend will have a primitive instinct - the desire to protect your loved one at any cost. She will resent you and will justify it in every possible way. Therefore, it is better not to create an embarrassing situation and be guided by the principle that only it can scold your relatives.
- Politics permeates all of our society, from itdepends on the quality of life, but, you see, all this is very important for us. You and your girlfriend may have such diametrical views on this issue that quarrels will not be avoided.
- Psychologically difficult situations. Here, probably, everything is clear - do not take old wounds and talk with a person about what is unpleasant for him.
How to improve communication with a friend?
Unfortunately, not every friendship has the right toExistence. Above we have described relations, in the continuation of which both or one side is not interested. Typically, this refers to those types of friendship, when someone is too uncomfortable or difficult to communicate. In all other cases, there is the opportunity to correct or establish relationships. Below you will find tips for communicating with a girlfriend who can improve your friendship:
- Be honest with each other
This has been written many times, but the repetitionThe mother of the teaching. Honesty and openness are the best foundation for building strong friendships. Insincerity is always felt and leads to distrust, so it is better to avoid it.
- Learn to give
Any relationship is based on balance, includingnumber and friendship. If you will be the only one to whom your relationship is working, your friend will soon get tired of it, and she will run away from you. Therefore, try periodically to do something good for her.
- Strive to understand the girlfriend and her point of view
Everyone is unique and has his ownworld outlook. It is always based on something and is not taken from nowhere. Even if the views of the girlfriend seem to you stupid and blasphemous, try to understand it - at least in part. You do not need to take them - just find out how she formed an opinion on a particular issue or why she does it that way. Surely you will learn a lot of new and useful things for yourself.
- Clearly identify relationships with men
The most common reason why female friendshipdenied existence - this is a quarrel over a strong half of humanity. Therefore, our task is to prove to everyone that this is not so! Talk to your girlfriend about the slightest nuances of relationships with men, so as not to cause resentment and not "cross the road" to each other. Not necessarily friendship should be more important than love - perhaps in your case everything will be the opposite, but you both will be morally ready for this.
- Support each other
Remember that sometimes you just want to hear"You do everything right!" Or "everything will be fine." This gives us confidence in our own strength and in the future, and it does not cost anything. Therefore, often support a friend, and she will answer you the same.
- Remember that a girlfriend also has a personal life
Each of you must have its own boundaries andpersonal space. Some areas of life should only be for you and for your family. And if a girlfriend takes offense at such boundaries, then she should be gently explained to her that loneliness and independence are necessary to you as food and sleep, and this does not mean that you are hiding anything from her. Try to have at least one only your sphere in life - there you can realize yourself without a friend and avoid competition. Give advice only if you are asked - do not go into the life of a girlfriend without any expressed need.
- Train the ability to understand and "read" a girlfriend without words
It's very cool when you do not need to explaineach other, what is happening to you - this is understandable by your facial expressions. Such a level of mutual understanding, as a rule, is achieved only with deep sympathy and with the passage of a long time. We advise you to read: