"I sleep with my best friend's husband!"- how often did you hear this phrase from the familiar girls? Surely it's rare, and it's not surprising, because not every girl decides to say it out loud, for fear of publicity, conviction or something else. However, there are such situations, and what to do with them is absolutely incomprehensible. Let's try to understand?
Who is the best friend's husband? This question may surprise you, but the question in this case is about who the husband of her best friend is to a woman, what value has in her life, and there may be a lot of options. The husband of the best friend is a special figure, possessing the qualities of a friend, a hero, a "bad guy" and many others. All these features are capable of clinging to the thin strings of the girl's soul, and you forget that in front of you is the husband of the best friend. Surely you are better than others aware of its virtues and of why your girlfriend married this person. Some of its qualities can be very, very attractive: for example, you have dreamed of a caring and courteous man all your life, and the husband of your girlfriend is just that. Or you are all friends of the "threesome," and not only is she your best friend, but he is also. In general, it often happens that the husband of the best friend is, on the one hand, an open and safe book, and on the other - a new and interesting experience. How will it be? What will bring to life? In addition, the intriguing situation titillates your nerves, adding a degree of passion in your relationship. The relationship that has developed between you, a friend and her husband, can be described very simply - a love triangle. But this is not a simple triangle, but complicated by the fact that you are still friends with your lover's wife. Such a difficult triple relationship can last for years and even decades. This is due to the action of such widespread conscious attitudes as "all men are polygamous" and "there is no female friendship." The current situation fits perfectly into such a framework. Some psychologists believe that the basis of the formation of such a system is the figure of a man with his character, characteristics and desires. Quite often it happens that two types of men enter into a love affair with a friend of the wife: the so-called "alpha males" for whom the mistress and the wife are not people, but proof of status, and clogged, insecure "men" who find in the embrace of a mistress peace and comfort. Both cases are fraught with hidden hostility and the tensions between the "triangle faces". Of course, the aforementioned sketches are only a crude parody of the variety of occurrences encountered in reality. Each person is individual, and it is because of this that universal advice such as "throw it", "scratch your friend's face" or "keep your family and be patient" is wrong and impossible.
And what about the ladies?
We spend so much time and attention on men,that it may even seem unfair. In the end, in the love triangle "wife-husband-girlfriend" the whole two sides are women, besides girlfriends. This fact can not be ignored, because he makes the love triangle closed and complete. Wife and your girlfriend for the most part do not know about the love affair between you and her husband. She may be naive, but maybe you are also very good at hiding your relationship. Some wives even rejoice that their husband and girlfriend found a common language, because full of reverse situations. Most likely, the fact that you are sleeping with her husband does not even come to her mind, because it would be a complete collapse of everything that is important and valuable. Therefore, before taking any important and fateful decisions, try to keep this secret, because you absolutely do not need to once again condemn your girlfriend to suffering. Although there are times when a kind of Swedish family is formed from a love triangle - usually this happens when the state of affairs suits the participants, and none of them is inclined to proprietorship. Someone may even think of this as an interesting sexual experiment that brings a fresh stream into the intimate life. While the story remains a mystery, your girlfriend does not have contact with the situation - unlike you. In the beginning, for sure, you experienced something like the euphoria inherent in the state of being in love: suddenly grown behind your wings, a constant desire to see your lover, a butterfly in your stomach. However, almost immediately (and sometimes it happens in parallel) you begin to experience feelings of guilt, depression, irritation and a host of other unpleasant emotions. After all, you do not just meet with a married man, but also climb into the family of your girlfriend. Well, and if you are married yourself, it's just a guard! You can try to abstract from the emotions overwhelming you and try to soberly assess the situation. And here's what can happen:
It is no accident that they say that a man is a head, andwoman - neck. And if a triangle starts to form around a man, then without women its existence is impossible. Situations are different, but most of their end depends on us, women. Therefore, try to think calmly about what is happening to you. Well, we will help you in this!
Causes of adultery
In order to represent in which directionmove on and how to resolve the situation, you need to understand the roots and causes of what is happening. Of course, there can be a lot of reasons for betraying your spouse or spouse. As a rule, a new love is voiced aloud as such an occasion - say, before its strength no one can resist. This can happen in a situation where the marriage was built on some rational reasons or benefits, but there is a simultaneous falling in love with two people. Fortunately, this is a rather rare case. However, often the causes of betrayal lie quite deep in the relations of the spouses, it is not by chance that no one is able to destroy a strong union. Emotional isolation, lack of warmth and support in relationships, constant quarrels and conflicts - this is an incomplete list of all that can destroy even the most powerful love affair. An important factor is also the degree of satisfaction with the intimate life of the couple: if the sex has lost its brightness and there is a need for a new experience and thrill, then adultery will be very helpful. And the fact that you are a friend of the wife of your lover only adds spice to what is happening, does not it? Revenge is another motive that leads to treason. On your part, this may be the desire to hurt a friend for arrogance, selfishness, callousness or some unpleasant actions. The husband too could accumulate some insults to his wife during the years of life together. And there is no revenge stronger than the sexual bond between the husband and his wife's best friend! But do not forget: revenge is something that negatively affects not only those who take revenge, but also those who take revenge. She takes away your energy and kindness, leaving a void in return. That is why, before you do something out of revenge, you need to think carefully. Some people change, based on the desire to imitate someone. This is especially true of men: in pursuit of a manly manner, they are often "led" on the idea that a real man must simultaneously sleep with several women, and those who do not do so are fools and nuns. It is interesting why the wife's friend chooses for these purposes? It is possible that this is the simplest and most affordable option, for which it does not take much time and effort. It is often possible to find in the literature a division into the male and female causes of betrayal. To answer the question about the causes of betrayal, it is necessary to clearly understand what a woman differs from a man. The most important difference between the sexes is that women are more emotional, focused on the process, not on the result, and also attach greater importance to communication, relationships and everything related to it. In this regard, psychologists distinguish various types of men and women with a tendency to betrayal, in particular, in men the most common is a sort of "kazanova": wanting to please all women, he changes and admires his attractiveness. His masculinity, he proves victories on the intimate front. At the same time, he has a hidden need for love, but he can not and does not have a constant emotional connection with any woman. Women are prone to adultery, they are different: it is the "insidious seductress" who aspires to receive universal adoration and a crowd of admirers, and an "adventurer" and "defenseless nature" who responds to every male gaze cast in her direction, and " dissatisfied ", which can not find satisfaction in anything. By the way, there is an opinion that frigid or, on the contrary, overly sexual women are inclined towards extramarital affairs, but it's not true - we women are very different, but the probability of betrayal of a spouse is present in the life of almost every one of us. On the question of the ethics of treason, it is very difficult to answer: on the one hand, it is certainly bad and wrong, and on the other - life is a very difficult thing, and where her path leads us, it is difficult to predict. Therefore, we recommend that you refrain from condemning others and from self-flagellation. Of course, it is very difficult to remain calm in a situation where the "favorite" is not someone who calls you, but the husband of the best friend. However, in order to cope with all the complex feelings raging within you, you need to answer the question, but what do you even want from this situation? This will be the first step towards resolving it.
7 tips for changing
Anyway, what happened happened and yousleep with your best friend's husband. It is possible that you now do not want to decide anything, but you just want to enjoy what is happening. But there is one hindrance - if a friend finds out about what is happening, she will surely "kill you". This, of course, is loudly said, but your friendship, connection with her husband and calm will come to an end. How to behave yourself, so that this does not happen?
Perhaps, after reading these rules, you will be horrified -how hard it is to live in this world, observing all this! Well, what did you think? Sex with her best friend's husband - this is not a pancake oven for you! It takes a lot of effort to control the situation and not to let the secret become explicit. And maybe you are trying to achieve this? Then you will be interested in the next section.
Paradoxically, there is an option in which allthe parties will be satisfied with the current situation - this is a variant of the alliance. It can work if the main reason for your connection with the best friend's husband was sexual interest. Then in order to legalize your connection, your lover should offer his wife a threesome, mentioning you as a possible "guest star". Only to do this you need very carefully, so that there is no suspicion that he just wants to legally change his wife. The main argument may be that you are still not a stranger to the family and will fit perfectly into their intimate life. Naturally, one can not immediately offer a threesome in the forehead - a girlfriend needs to somehow prepare. You too can take part in this, silently and unobtrusively discussing this topic and learning its opinion on this matter. If you hear a categorical "no", then probably this question should not be raised, well, and if there are notes of interest in the voice, then you can continue to study this soil. You ask: "And how should I behave?". In order for the threesomes to pass smoothly, it is necessary, first, to pay special attention to contraception. This is a security issue that is not discussed, because with such contacts the vulnerability for infections is higher. Be sure to change the condom in each contact and use local antiseptics like miramistine. Secondly, behave in a way that does not cause jealousy from her friend: do not stay overnight and do not pay too much attention to her husband. Try to use this unusual sexual experience to its fullest. Unfortunately, we can offer threesomes only in a very limited number of cases. Both girls should be confident in their attractiveness, and the man - in their power. As a rule, the participants in the love triangle are not ready for such a turn of events, and we have to come up with something else to resolve the situation.
How to break the vicious circle?
Usually the idea that sex with her husband is the bestgirlfriends is a problem, comes a few months after the beginning of this relationship, and sometimes even earlier. Practically there are no people who would feel comfortable under the circumstances. Accordingly, there is a desire to make sure that the wolves are full, and the sheep are whole. Is this real? Unfortunately, no, and, most likely, you somehow have to break this relationship. If you have already taken such a decision and voiced it to your lover, the first thing to do is to completely stop communicating with him. There should not be any contacts, even random ones. To do this, try to spend with your girlfriend more time outside the house: walk in the park, go to the cinema, dine to the cafe. Although, maybe you will not want to see her for a while, because she reminds you of your lover - her husband. Try using the "wedge wedge" method. If you are married, then take a closer look at your husband - you did not just fall in love with him for a reason? Arrange a second honeymoon with him on a trip. Well, and if you are not married, then take a look at the bachelors you know - perhaps among them there is one who will interest you? Or ask friends or friends to introduce you to nice friends. Of course, you will say, it is easy to advise, not experiencing the whole range of feelings that are now raging within me! But you need to cope with them, otherwise this vicious circle will haunt you for a very long time. Try to write your lover a letter, and then read it again and burn it. Coping is also promoted regularly by repeating to yourself the thought that you are after somebody else's, and this is very bad. Remember that you are suffering for a reason. Your goal is to save your girlfriend, and all that you do is directed at this. Still, there are many different men, but real friends do not get it. There are a number of activities that can help you to distract and cope with oppressive feelings:
- If earlier you wanted to be beautiful, smart andinteresting for him, it's time to change the orientation - do everything the same, but for yourself. Do not forget to watch yourself: if finances permit, visit beauty salons and fitness clubs, if not - call your girlfriends and make each other a manicure.
- Try to express your emotions in creativity orhobby. Sign up for a dance class or cooking classes. Buy a paint and a large sheet of Whatman and draw what's on your mind. In order for a hobby to help distract, we must do this with full dedication, and not for a tick.
- In psychotherapy there is such a method - a grouppsychotherapy, when people discuss their problems with each other and share their experiences. When you find out that others are going through the same thing, and what helps them, then it becomes easier for you. Use this idea and open an appropriate topic on the women's forum and ask the girls to share their stories. At the same time and find out what percentage of them ended well and why.
- If you do not get away from yourlove, then try to shift the focus of your attention from what a wonderful person your lover is, what drawbacks he has. Here you will also help your girlfriend's complaints against him - for sure she told you something about the unpleasant aspects of his personality. In order to better feel this, imagine yourself in its place. And, maybe, he behaved ugly towards you? Now memories of this can be useful to you.
The main thing is not to tell your friend about what happenedbetween you - so you lose both your lover and your girlfriend. But, perhaps, you are not so much interested in friendship, how much relationship with this man? This happens, and sometimes people fall in love very much - no one is to blame for the fact that you have not met each other before. In this situation, you need to think about how to present it to everyone. Maybe, for now, you just have to part with your second half, without telling them about the changes - it will be the least traumatic. For a while, do not advertise your relationship, wait until the passions are settled, and you can safely be with each other. The human attitude is a very complicated and confusing thing. There are no equally correct and correct outputs for all. And although it can be not quite right to build one's happiness on the ruins of someone else's, but sometimes it's the only right decision. And sometimes it's better to listen to this rule and give up what seems tempting and attractive - from having sex with the best friend's husband. In general, the last word is always yours. Do what seems right for you, and do not listen to anyone. And then your life will be yours, and not someone else's - only so you can find true happiness. We advise you to read: