The existence of female friendship for many mencontinues to be a fantasy. But you and I know that it exists! It is believed that a good friend is someone with whom you have gone through fire, water and copper pipes. However, this is not always the case and not with everyone - on the contrary, we very often run into problems in communicating with girlfriends. Someone will prefer to give up and join the camp of people who deny female friendship, and someone will try to solve these problems and strengthen the relationship. And our article is intended for them.

The nature of your girlfriend

Who is your friend?This question is often crucial, because we are friends with each other in different ways. This concerns the topics of conversation that we choose, our favorite way to spend time, and even the manner of speaking. Such dissimilarity is due to the fact that the role of a friend is played by people with different types of character, and we come into contact with each of them with different facets of our personality. What roles do friends most often play in our lives?

• Expert

She knows everything about everything in the world.She is the one you can always call and ask about how to care for a rare plant, what product to introduce into a baby's diet next, or just find out some encyclopedic fact. It is great to have such a universal source of knowledge and advice, but sometimes it can turn into a disaster. It often happens that this friend can start giving advice with or without reason, because she knows better than anyone how to live. And this can cause a storm of negative emotions.

• Party girl

It's so much fun going to bars with a friend like that,clubs and parties. She is like an eternal holiday that you can always take with you. Together with her, you can “light up” anywhere, even at a family dinner at your grandmother’s house. Of course, such a friend is vitally important, but if you overdose on communication with her, oddly enough, it can become boring. Parties are parties, but in life you want something else besides parties.

• Kindness

A very kind and sweet girl.She never speaks badly of anyone. It is good to talk to her about life-affirming topics, she will always find advantages in the current circumstances and good qualities in bad people. Sometimes this is useful. However, in those situations when you need your friend to scold someone with you, she will not be able to do this, because she considers everyone good deep down.

• Extreme

Oh-oh-oh-oh, it is with her that all the adventures are connectedyour life. She is absolutely reckless and capable of the craziest things: suddenly breaking off on a round-the-world trip, shaving her head or putting on scary costumes on Halloween and going to ring strangers' doors. You will never get bored with her - she is always full of surprises and interesting ideas. However, it can be very difficult for us, ordinary people, to constantly maintain such a rhythm of life!

• Waistcoat and whining

These two roles are impossible without each other, soThey are united. A whiny friend does nothing but complain about her misfortunes. She always feels bad because there is always some tragedy in her life. What is the pleasure of communicating with such a friend? It may sound terrible, but in a conversation with her you understand that, by and large, everything is fine with you. Therefore, such communication can sometimes be pleasant in homeopathic doses. A shoulder-to-shoulder friend always listens to your complaints. She is a master at wiping away snot and sympathizing. She is the one you call when something happens to you, so the benefit of interacting with her is obvious. However, in all other respects, she is rather inexpressive.

• Critic

There's always something she doesn't like about you - yourthe way you speak, the color of the walls in the living room, or the way you raise your child. She constantly criticizes you on these and many other points. The motives for communicating with such a friend are usually similar for everyone: she is an old acquaintance, and you are most likely communicating by inertia. However, you can also find advantages in such communication: no one except her will give you such objective and honest feedback. Taking into account her comments, you can improve your appearance, behavior, and the walls in the living room. The main thing is to learn to separate the wheat from the chaff, those things that you are really bad at, from things that you just like the way they are. And protect your self-esteem from her attacks.

• Assistant

A kind of magic wand, always ready to help youlisten and help out. Did you drive into a lamppost? She's already there, helping you deal with the traffic police. It's quite possible that she doesn't even feel your friendship if you don't ask her for help for a long time. Such a person is truly irreplaceable in life, just try not to abuse her trust and don't fall into a relationship of obligation - "since she helps me, then I should also help her in everything." Do what you consider necessary and possible for her and don't consider yourself obliged to do something that you really don't like.

• Friend of interests

You have something in common with her -memory, interest or sphere of life. You can both be mothers, love cross-stitching or remember playing together in the sandbox. There can be many such friends, and you will have something different in common with each of them. At the same time, it is quite possible that you will have to close your eyes to your incompatibility in all other respects. Very rarely, but it happens that all these roles can be combined in one person. Then you can say that you are lucky, because you have found the perfect friend! You understand each other perfectly. You have one sense of humor for both of you. You and she do not care where to celebrate your birthdays - at McDonald's or an expensive restaurant. You have an honest and sincere relationship, which is expressed in the fact that you almost always tell each other the truth - whether about a dress or a boyfriend. You can always contact her and share something important to you at that moment. You are friends not only with each other, but also with your boyfriends. You can say that you understand each other without saying a word (or even without saying a word).

Problems in communicating with a girlfriend

However, even in communication with the most ideala friend has its own difficulties and problems. You are both living people with your own characteristics and shortcomings, so there simply cannot be complete calm and idyll between you. The main thing is that you both have the desire to overcome these obstacles and maintain your friendship. Here is a list of the most important problems in the relationship between two friends:

• Envy

Oh, this black feeling!Each of us has envied someone at least once in our lives. It's a paradox, but women envy each other more often than men (maybe they just hide it better?). Envy has a very bad effect on friendship, because it is precisely because of it that anger and the desire to harm arise, along with which the friendship disappears. It is very difficult not to envy a friend (especially when it seems to you that you do everything the same, but she does it better), but it is possible. You know the inside story of her success very well - so try to apply this knowledge in practice. Soberly assess what your friend has lost for the sake of her achievements. Ask her what helped her in this or that situation. Instead of envying, ask for support and advice. Honestly say that you want the same thing that she has. And then there will be much less envy.

• Selfishness

This is generally a “killer” of friendship.An egocentric person needs everything to be for him and for him - in general, for the world to spin around. And when one person in a relationship pulls the blanket over himself, it is very bad. Such a person cannot support a friend and sincerely help her, because sometimes for this it is necessary to leave yourself and your desires in the background.

• Competition

It's not always a problem - sometimes it isso that competition adds an element of play to the relationship, tones up the girlfriends, motivates them to new achievements. But it becomes a problem at the moment when the race for success turns out to be more important than friendship. Sometimes you even want to annoy her with something, just to be better at something. As a rule, when the desire to be first is so strongly expressed in one or both girlfriends, then it makes sense to give up the friendship, since mutual sympathy, openness, trust and support become impossible. However, if you compete with your girlfriend only occasionally, then your relationship has a chance to continue.

• False

The urge to lie to a friend can be explainedfor various reasons: the desire to get something from her, to get the attention of a man you both like, or simply not to offend in some way. But regardless of the intentions, in 99% of cases, lying is a symptom of something wrong in your relationship with your friend: you cannot be sincere with her, you want to hurt her, or you simply do not care about her. In the last two cases, continuing such a friendship does not make sense. But if you are simply afraid to be frank with your friend, think about it - where did this fear come from? After all, if you are embarrassed to tell your friend that the new dress does not suit her - you only think that you are protecting her feelings; in fact, you are not preventing her from spending extra money (and maybe even greater losses). Of course, it is impossible to always be truthful, but you should try to make your relationships with your friends honest and open as much as possible.

• Misunderstanding

You feel like your friend doesn't understand you.(or maybe you hers). Very often this happens due to the inability to look at the situation from the other person's point of view and intolerance to other opinions. If this is about you, then try to be less harsh - your friend is also a person, and not all of her thoughts are stupid and irrational. You can accept her point of view and actions a couple of times, and you will see how well this affects the friendship. If your friend is guilty of such intolerance, then try to explain to her how important her understanding and support are to you.

• Excessive obsession

There are some girlfriends who seem to want“merge” with you and your life. This often happens because of a feeling of emptiness in their lives and an inability to be alone. It is necessary to fight this phenomenon harshly. Put such friends in their place, explaining to them that now you want to be alone and that this is not a manifestation of your dislike for them - you are simply tired of communication, and you need rest and personal space.

• Sharpness in communication

Your friend can be a bit harsh in her expressions.your own opinion or comments about you. In such a situation, you need to honestly and openly explain to her that sometimes you need to sweeten the pill. Not “you look like a prostitute,” but “this is, of course, very sexy, but if I were you, I would wear something less pretentious.” You can practice such substitutions together with her. Unfortunately, for many women, relationships full of such problems are the norm of life. It seems to them that there can be no other female friendship, and all girls are petty and harmful creatures who dream of taking their boyfriend away and are always demanding something. But this is not so! Good communication with a girlfriend is real, and it is quite achievable. Relationships with a girlfriend should, first of all, satisfy both of you. As a rule, they are characterized by ease and pleasure from communication. This does not cancel out periodic outbursts of anger, anxiety, grief and envy. They just happen quite rarely, and in general there is a stable desire to continue communication. You do not have a constant desire to cancel a meeting, lying about a headache or a slump at work. The main background of communication is positive. You support each other, although you can sometimes argue and quarrel. Such communication is interesting for both of you, energizes you and gives you strength. It is necessary to remember that this is not an ideal to strive for, but simply guidelines. We wrote about them in order to show many women that friendship is a positive phenomenon. In cases where your communication is radically different from what is described, you should think - what do you get from such a friendship? Perhaps some personal problems prevent you from breaking off such a relationship, for example, thoughts that you are unworthy of more, lack of hope for other better relationships, disbelief in your own strength, fear of change, fear of losing all your friends and being alone. These are all serious things that cannot be ignored, but remember - You only have one life, and you should live it with pleasure, not out of a sense of duty or fear.

Dangerous topics for communication

It's great if you can talk to yourgirlfriend about everything in the world. However, this is not always the case. Most people try to avoid a number of topics in their communication. This may be due to the extreme importance of this topic in a person's life, the fact that it is highly likely to provoke a conflict, or the fact that, talking about it, a person feels psychological discomfort. Here are the most dangerous topics in communication:

• Money is a symbol of success, power,opportunities and much more. For many people, money is inextricably linked with self-esteem, so if there are any problems in this area, raising the topic of finance will immediately cause a flurry of unpleasant emotions.
• Very often, religion is a too important topic for a person, and therefore too overloaded with emotions. Well, if it's positive emotions, and if not?
• Shortcomings of relatives and friends.Even if you tell the truth about the shortcomings of a loved one, your friend will have a primitive instinct - the desire to protect her loved one at any cost. She will be offended by you and will justify it in every possible way. Therefore, it is better not to create an awkward situation and be guided by the principle that only she can scold her relatives.
• Politics permeates all of our society, from itdepends on the quality of life, but, you see, all this is very important for us. You and your girlfriend may have such diametrical views on this issue that quarrels will not be avoided.
• Psychologically difficult situations. Here, everything is probably clear - you shouldn't stir up old wounds and talk to a person about what is unpleasant for him.

How to improve communication with a friend?

Unfortunately, not every friendship has the right to last.existence. Above we described a relationship that one or both parties are not interested in continuing. This usually applies to those types of friendships where someone is too uncomfortable or has a hard time communicating. In all other cases, there is an opportunity to fix or improve the relationship. Below are some tips for communicating with a friend that can improve your friendship:

• Be honest with each other

This has been written about above many times, butrepetition is the mother of learning. Honesty and openness are the best foundation for building strong friendships. Insincerity is always felt and leads to mistrust, so it is better to avoid it.

• Learn to give

Any relationship is based on balance, includingincluding friendship. If you are the only one for whom your relationship works, then soon your friend will get tired of it and she will run away from you. Therefore, try to do something good for her from time to time.

• Strive to understand the girlfriend and her point of view

Each person is unique and has his ownworldview. It is always based on something and does not come out of nowhere. Even if your friend's views seem stupid and blasphemous to you, try to understand her - at least partly. You don't have to accept them - just find out how she formed her opinion on this or that issue or why she acts in this particular way. You will probably learn a lot of new and useful things for yourself.

• Clearly identify relationships with men

The most common reason why female friendshipsdeny existence - these are quarrels over the strong half of humanity. Therefore, our task is to prove to everyone that this is not so! Discuss with your friend all the smallest nuances of relationships with men, so as not to cause offense and not “cross each other’s paths”. Friendship does not necessarily have to be more important than love - perhaps in your case everything will be the other way around, but you will both be mentally prepared for this.

• Support each other

Remember that sometimes you just want toto hear “you’re doing everything right!” or “everything will be fine.” This gives us confidence in our own strengths and in the future, and it doesn’t cost anything. Therefore, support your friend more often, and she will respond in kind.

• Remember that a girlfriend also has a personal life

Each of you should have your own boundaries andpersonal space. Some areas of life should be only for you and your family. And if your friend is offended by such boundaries, then it is worth gently explaining to her that loneliness and independence are as necessary to you as food and sleep, and this does not mean that you are hiding something from her. Try to have at least one area in life that is only yours - there you will be able to realize yourself without your friend and avoid competition. Give advice only if you are asked - do not interfere in your friend's life without an expressed need.

• Train your ability to understand and "read" your friend without words

It's really great when you don't have to explaineach other, what's going on with you - it's obvious from your facial expressions. This level of mutual understanding is usually achieved only with deep sympathy and over a long period of time. We recommend reading:

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