Will your children be successful in life and howtheir fate depends on their self-confidence and their abilities. Whether the son gets only Cs or A's in school, whether he plans to enter a college or an international university - all this is secondary. Chemistry, physics and other school subjects may simply not be useful to him in the future. The main thing is for the child to know his own worth and strive for more, and not stop at what has been achieved. Academic performance in the class is what moms and dads usually put first. As a result, it turns out that the neighbor Vasya, Petya or Kolya, who got only Cs in school, drives a fancy jeep. And Masha, a diligent student and the pride of the school, works in an unremarkable company as an ordinary employee. Unfortunately, parents rarely pay attention to the self-esteem of their child. And it does not matter whether it is overestimated or underestimated. Any, even a very small deviation from the norm is bad. The thing is that a self-confident person, regardless of circumstances and obstacles, will be able to achieve more in life. A person with complexes, living by the rules, is content with what he has. An overconfident person is convinced that he is not appreciated and not loved, despite the fact that he is the best specialist on this planet. As a result, the last two categories of people become disappointed in life, and shift their failures onto their parents, children, and others.
How to understand what kind of self-esteem your child has
- Low self-esteem
Your child constantly complains that hisIs your deskmate smarter, more handsome, dresses better? Or has he started to often claim that you don’t love him? Constant tearfulness, fear of punishment, expecting the worst, lack of self-confidence – these are all the first signs of low self-esteem. If you don’t take any steps, your child will be bullied in class in the future, and he won’t be able to adapt to any, even the smallest, changes in life. Unfortunately, if you decide to try your luck elsewhere and take him out of school (or transfer him to another class), the situation will not change. The child initially sets himself up for failure, repeating to himself “I won’t be able to get A’s”, “I won’t solve this problem”, “I’m a loser”, etc.
- Heightened self-esteem
Usually children with high self-esteem believe thatthat they are always right about everything. At the same time, your child may claim that a bad grade on a test is not due to his inattention, but to the teacher’s nitpicking. The child is not used to realizing his mistakes; he has no authority. Often, he does not even respect his parents or experienced mentors. The little man strives to subjugate everyone to himself. He uses other people’s weaknesses, desires, aspirations, tries to stand out against the background of other people’s failures. Usually, such children are ringleaders, aggressors and rather cruel leaders in the future. “I know better”, “You won’t succeed, but I can” - at first, such initiative from a child touches the parents. And, unfortunately, loving moms and dads realize too late that they have raised a tyrant.
- Adequate self-esteem
Such a child is not afraid to ask for help, becauseunderstands that it is impossible to know and be able to do everything. At the first failure, he does not give up and does not go with the flow, but tries to solve everything with his own efforts at first. He knows that he is loved and appreciated, so he is not afraid to seem weak. The kid never shifts responsibilities to others. Having helped one of his comrades, the schoolchild will not ask for a reward for this. If your child has adequate self-esteem, he will not play on nerves, demand special treatment from friends, relatives or acquaintances or look for benefits. He accepts people as they are. Moderately self-confident people have it much easier in life in the future, since they are never disappointed in friends, family or work. They look at things realistically.
Caution, low self-esteem!
There are many ways in which you canraise the child's self-esteem and raise a self-sufficient, self-confident person. And the sooner you start acting, the higher the probability of getting a good positive result. At an older age (17-18 years old), without the help of a psychologist, you are unlikely to be able to radically change anything in the character of your son or daughter. How to praise children correctly Regardless of age, status and gender, a person needs praise no less than monetary incentives. By saying the right words approving of a particular action, you will reinforce your child's good habits. If you stop rejoicing, for example, at excellent grades, a room cleaned on time or dishes washed, the schoolchild will eventually lose interest in this. For you, an ode to the trash taken out is stupidity, for a child it is a vital necessity. Do not take such actions for granted. Four cases when you cannot praise But you need to praise a child correctly and in moderation. In some cases, it is better to restrain yourself, since flattery can be very harmful. So, here are four situations in which you should remain silent:
- Dishonest achievements
When a child gets a good grade by cheatingtest from his neighbor at the desk, he showed resourcefulness. Therefore, there is no point in criticizing him for his ingenuity. But there is no point in admiring how he acted in this situation. Try to explain to him that he appropriated someone else's work for himself. If this is the first time, you can refrain from expressing your own opinion.
- Natural data
Expressive eyes, graceful nose, excellenthair - all this is good, but it is not your child's merit. Of course, you need to talk about the fact that your wonderful child is a very beautiful person. But only occasionally, so that the baby knows and realizes that he is no worse than others.
- Things, presents
To admire the fact that the schoolboy has a beautifulbackpack, is as bad as telling a girl that she looks great thanks to her dress. In some ways, it's even offensive. Clothes, toys, and other little things that you bought or gave are taken for granted by adults.
- Pity or desire to please
Many people think that flattery can bribechild or to raise his self-esteem. And this is one of the biggest mistakes of adults. In fact, children are very sensitive to lies, hypocrisy and flattery. Telling an obvious lie, you can push the baby away from you. What to express praise and gratitude for
- Talent
The baby sings, dances, draws or playsinstruments? Encourage him for trying to find himself, even if at first he doesn't do well. Don't throw around phrases that he won't become the second Pushkin or Michael Jackson. This will have a very negative effect on the child's self-esteem, and he will immediately lose interest in what is happening.
- Honest achievements
Whatever your son does, praise him if he does it.put in his efforts. Let it be a trifle: helping around the house, doing homework on time, playing with a younger brother, reading a book. A child is pleased when actions that bring benefit are appreciated.
- For future successes
Learn how to motivate a student.Can't solve the problem? Say that you are confident in his success. Is there a test coming up? But you have no doubt that your child will be able to write the work perfectly. Don't forget to praise your daughter before leaving the house, and then in the evening you will definitely be pleased with their achievements. Techniques for increasing self-esteem
- Be advised
When making any decision, always askadvice from the child. This will help him understand his importance and raise his self-esteem. However, in this case there is one but! Even if your opinion differs from the wishes of the child, try to follow his recommendations. Otherwise, the effect of this technique will be completely opposite - you will develop a bunch of complexes and fears. And next time they will simply be afraid to express their thoughts to you.
- Ask for help
The son will cope with the broken stool perfectly,daughter - will sew up a button that has come off a blouse. Do not try to do everything yourself, ask your children for help. At the same time, treat the child as an equal and do not demand immediate fulfillment of your whims. Duties (cleaning, washing dishes, peeling potatoes) are a completely different matter, the younger members of the family must fulfill them without question.
- Portray weakness
Having taken everything upon themselves, parents raise hothouse childrenchildren. In the future, when they become adults, many of them cannot even cook soup. Not to mention more serious tasks. Any work will cause despondency. After all, before, others did everything for them - grandmothers, mothers, friends. In adulthood, people should be able to be responsible for themselves. You can ask to look after a sick family member, go to the store and buy everything necessary. Older children can pay bills, send mail, walk the dog. The older the child, the more he should help his parents. Of course, you should not dump all the chores on him either. How to punish a baby Your child has misbehaved, and you once again put him in the corner, sullenly muttering that nothing good will ever come of him? Do not be surprised if one day your installation works. After all, you subconsciously hammer into the child's head the thoughts that he is bad, stupid, etc. But this does not mean that mothers should forgive everything and leave misdeeds unpunished. You just need to learn how to do it right. Six rules of punishment
When you can't punish Remember once and for allforever, everything should have its place and time! It is not always worth rushing to conclusions and making decisions without listening to the other side. And in some cases, punishment is strictly prohibited, even if the child is really guilty. So, let everything take its course or wait for some time if:
- You are on the verge, do not feel well, are very tired or did not digest the situation;
- The child is sick, busy with lessons, eating, playing or you have guests;
- When you are unable to understand the underlying cause of the action, the child can not explain his actions;
- The child himself suffered a shock, a trauma, can not cope with his feelings, fears and emotions.
How to help a complexed child adapt
What to do if the child is overweight, he hasbirth defects or is he too shy? Believe me, there is no point in convincing a schoolchild that he is being picked on by stupid classmates. This will only make the problem worse. In this case, there are several pretty good ways to make other children respect him.
- Things
Give your little one something that will help him stand out from the crowd.It is not necessary to buy an expensive mobile phone or tablet. In elementary school, these can be toys, in high school - a good bag, shoes, jewelry. Children are very cruel, so classmates who look much worse and wear old things are often disliked. Remember, it is better to buy two or three good sweaters for the winter from the store, and not buy a whole wardrobe in stock. But in no case do not follow your child's lead and do not buy him everything in a row. Do not give gifts for something (good grades, achievements in sports, cleaning the house), otherwise in the future you will be required to give a present for any occasion. But if you promised something, be kind, keep your word. The kid must trust you.
- Mugs
Enroll your son in football, your girl in dancing,try sending your children to a music school. Choose the sections that are most popular among young people, naturally taking into account the potential of your child. Interacting with a group and doing what he likes, the child will become more relaxed and find himself. A guy who plays the guitar will always be the life of the party. A girl who can sing will never go unnoticed.
- Speaker Courses
Once your baby learns to talk,start visiting a speech therapist. He will help to set the speech correctly and correct some defects. Children often cannot pronounce complex sounds (r, k, g, etc.), which later affects their self-esteem. In elementary and high school, you should go to classes where specialists will teach public speaking. In extreme cases, if the child is constantly sad, cries with or without reason, complains about life and reacts poorly to criticism, visit a specialist with him. An experienced psychologist will be able to find the key to your child's heart and tell you how to behave correctly in a given situation. The main thing is not to wait until everything resolves itself.
