Transitional age

How quickly time passes! It seems that very recently you brought from the maternity home a precious package in which your baby slept serenely. The child grew, changed, developed. And no matter how much we want to avoid it, the time comes when the baby starts preparing for adulthood. Our children enter a transitional age, and with it come the difficulties of the transitional age. Children change not only their physical state, but also a change in their attitude and consciousness. Their body is growing rapidly, amazing processes are happening in it - puberty occurs; the mind changes, the worldview. The nervous system of a teenager is overwhelmed by all these changes. Children become irritable, and often even aggressive. Sometimes parents are lost and do not understand how to behave properly with a teenager. In order to help them, first of all, it is necessary to understand what is the transition age and what happens to our children during growing up. The transition age is such a period of time in the adolescent, when he has puberty, associated with accelerated growth and physical development. All internal organs and body systems in this period are finally formed. At this time, an intensive process of producing a number of hormones occurs, which is the key to all physiological changes. The transition age in boys begins one or two years later than the transitional age of girls. Already in the fifth to sixth grade, this difference between boys and girls becomes visible - we all remember the time when the guys who looked quite childish studied in the same class, and the girls who were already beginning to turn into girls, and looked already quite adults. Adolescent age does not have clear time limits. And the features of the transition age in each child are manifested in different ways. After all, each organism has its own individual rhythms and features of the processes that take place. Therefore it is impossible to say exactly how long the transitional age lasts. But mostly physicians and psychologists call the period from 10-11 years to 15-17 years. With the proviso that these indicators vary both in the direction of decrease and in the direction of increase. Already from the very beginning of the transition age, sex differences begin to appear in adolescents even in the nature of the course and in the difference in age, when the transitional age begins and when it ends. As already mentioned, in girls, adulthood begins a couple of years earlier than in boys, is not so acute and ends more quickly. In boys, the transitional age lasts four or even five years and passes much more actively. Transitional age psychology and medicine are recognized as a rather complex stage in the process of growing up a child. And, no matter how long the transitional age lasts, it can be conditionally divided into three phases. The first phase is the period of preparation of the organism and the psyche for the forthcoming serious changes. The second phase is the actual transitional age in children. It is also called pubertal. The third phase is post-transitional (or post-puerptant) age, during which the physiological and psychological formation is completed. The first phase of transitional age in children can be roughly equated to younger adolescence, but post-transition age can be attributed to the age of adolescence. The time when the transitional age ends, is characterized by a growing interest in the opposite sex, emerging and growing sexual activity. Now evening walks are interesting because of the dates, and the balls and skipping ropes are forgotten. Girls of transitional age near the mirror now spend most of their free time. After all, not only acne transitional age brings with it, changes in appearance and make happy, and frighten young girls. Boys also have a hard time, because their world view is subjected to psychological tests. They are not yet ready to enter independently into adulthood, but it is already impossible to return to childhood. In the transition years, the child's psychology changes rapidly, and it is very difficult for him alone to orient himself in the changing reality for him. The task of adults is to tell their grown-up child how to survive the transitional age with the least loss. Therefore, it is necessary to know the symptoms of the transitional age, and also to be psychologically ready for the fact that the difficulties of the transitional age in any degree overtake each family. Symptoms of transient age is a number of changes in appearance. Moreover, these changes in boys and girls occur in different ways. Therefore, and consider the signs of transition age in boys and signs of transition age in girls we will be separately. The signs of adolescence in boys are the following physiological changes:

approximately in 10-11 years begin to increase in the size of the testicles and penis;
in 11-12 years begins the growth of hair on the pubic, there is pigmentation of the scrotum;
at 12-13 years there is a further growth of the penis and testicles, and the pubic hair becomes longer and thicker;
the transitional age of 14 years brings a "breaking" voice. The break in the voice is due to the increase in the size of the vocal cords and the development of the musculature and the throat cartilage. The voice coarsens, becomes more "courageous". The final formation of the voice occurs in about two years;
hair appears in the axillary regions, abovethe first puff appears on the upper lip. Gradually, the hands, feet, groin, and face are covered with hair. Finally, the hairline will form at the time when the transitional age is over;
At the same age - at 13-14 years - begins to develop violently musculature. The shoulders of boys become wider, and they themselves become taller and stronger.
Practically every boy-teenagerthere are pollutions - this is the name of spontaneous ejaculation during sleep. This is absolutely normal phenomenon, and it usually appears in the period from 10 to 14-16 years.

Physiological signs of the transition age in girls are such age changes as:

in 8-10 years, the pelvic bones begin to expand, the hips and buttocks are markedly rounded;
in 9-10 years the pigmentation of the parasol mug increases, it swells up and starts to protrude;
at 10-11 years on the pubic area and in the armpits appear first hair. The mammary glands continue to grow and develop;
already in 11-12 years may come menstruation, although more often it begins later, at 13-14 years;
at the age of 15-16 the menstrual cycle is already stabilizing, the monthly ones become permanent and regular. The growth of hair on the pubis and armpits continues.

Both boys and girls during the sexualmaturation is a period of increased growth. The peak of growth is about 12 years and can reach 9-10 centimeters a year. Girls grow at the age of 16-18, young men continue to grow up to about 20-22 years. During puberty, most adolescents have acne and black spots on the face, back and chest. Acne of transitional age, as well as black spots and acne, appears due to a change in skin condition that occurs against the backdrop of hormonal changes in the body. But not only changes in the appearance of the child indicate that the age of transition has come. There are symptoms and another plan - the child's behavior changes and even his character. Only yesterday, a tender and obedient child suddenly becomes suspicious, touchy, rude, categorical. He has a habit of arguing with you about anything. Emotional instability and maximalism,stubbornness and rudeness, often turning into rudeness - this is also an age feature, which is caused by hormonal storms in the body of a teenager. Adolescence is changing in everything, including in the state of adolescent health. And the problems of the psychological plan can not but exert an additional burden on the physical state of the child. The main difficulties of the transitional age lie precisely in this plexus of physiological and psychological problems, which become a complete surprise for the adolescent himself. Entering the path of growing up, he does not even guess what kind of trials await him ahead! And very often the teenager's body begins to malfunction. Diseases of transitional age can be temporary. Most of the ailments are caused by the fact that some organs and systems do not have time to grow as quickly as a teenager grows, and therefore do not fully cope with their functions. Later they "catch up" with the growth of their master, and the condition of the teenager is normalized. The most common diseases of the transitional age are acne, vegetovascular dystonia and teenage depression. Vegetosovascular dystonia is a disturbance in the work of the autonomic nervous system, which is a regulator of internal balance in the body. Such disorders arise due to hormonal processes occurring in the body, as well as because of the psycho-emotional overloads that teenagers are exposed to. Symptoms of this disease are rapid heartbeat, dizziness, sweating, low blood pressure, chilliness, abdominal pain of incomprehensible origin, increased fatigue, irritability. As a rule, all these phenomena disappear when the passing age passes. Acne in the transition years appear in almost all teenagers - both boys and girls. They can appear on the face, back, chest, less often - and on other parts of the body. And the cause of their appearance is the increased production of sebum along with the clogging of the excretory ducts of the sebaceous glands. Teenage pimples are a temporary problem. It is relevant only in adolescence and adolescence, and after the period of puberty usually passes by itself. But in especially serious cases, traces of acne in the form of scars and scars can remain for life. In such cases it is necessary to seek treatment for a dermatologist. In addition to treatment, it is also necessary to constantly cleanse the skin of contamination and excess fat. A balanced diet will help to accelerate the fight against acne during the transition years. The transition age in girls causes additional suffering not only because of acne and increased greasiness of the hair, but also because, together with the usual growth of the skeleton and the increase in muscle mass, an increase in adipose tissue occurs. For a teenage girl, this can be a real tragedy. At this time they begin to attach great importance to their appearance, and here - excess weight! Fear that they will become too fat, girls begin to mercilessly exhaust themselves with all sorts of diets, and often even completely refuse to eat. At the rates of growth characteristic for this age, it is dangerous at least that even if in the future normal body weight is restored, the mass of bone tissue can not be restored. And a more serious danger is anorexia. This is a terrible disease, which gives a lot of complications and causes irreparable damage to the body of a teenager. Therefore, during the transition period, the girl's parents should try to form a belief that a good figure should be achieved not through hunger (after all, a thin cow is not a gazelle!), But with the help of sports. The main problems of transitional age in girls are that they have very high demands on themselves. They think that they themselves look no worse than others, and their clothes are not as fashionable as they would like. Formation of a complex of imaginary defects - especially the transition age of girls. At this age, attach great importance to appearance, because right now, relations with boys from friendship change to love. The first love is often unrequited and gives an additional reason to look for the cause of unhappiness in imaginary shortcomings. In addition, there is a growing desire for competition between peers, which often leads to painful conflicts. Girls are more sensitive to all the difficulties they face. They start to feel older, and they want to show everyone what they are already independent, but at the same time they do not always have the opportunity for it. And they have to step over their own pride, seeking help from adults, and this is one of the most frequent causes of the girl's emotional suffering. Parents who have faced problems of transitional age in girls, should not consider them ridiculous, ridiculous and insignificant. It is necessary to listen to your daughter, help her with unobtrusive advice, tactfully guide her to the right decision. In no case is it worth reading the notation or forcing it to do something. And it is very important to remember - when the transition age of your daughter comes, all comments about her appearance you should do as delicately as possible! Problems of Adolescence in Boysbegin most often precisely from the time when he begins to feel an increase in his physical strength and sexual activity. And the peculiarity of the transitional age in boys can be called their constant sense of need to prove to the whole world and, most importantly, to himself, that he is already an adult man, and not a small boy. The need to constantly present evidence of his masculinity deprives him of peace of mind and balance. At this time, as a rule, the character of the adolescent boy changes radically. Growing up, the boy expects more privileged rights, like adults, but begins to get confused in adult values and again feels himself a "non-independent" "little" boy. This frightens him, and fear leads to aggression and nervousness. He tries to change something, but does not know how to do it right; tries to behave in an adult way, but does not understand the measure of responsibility for his "adult" actions. Trying to understand the contradictions of adult life and their internal positions, the teenager becomes closed, stubborn, shy or, conversely, aggressive and completely uncontrollable. If a teenager grows up in a friendly family with sensitive, understanding parents, then, as a rule, his parents manage to help the boy realize and show his masculinity. After all, you can, for example, engage him in sports or other activities where he could develop his physical strength and in the eyes of others look quite manly. If a young man does not feel understanding from adults, and besides, he sees that parents do not expect any achievements from him, then in such cases adolescents often assert themselves with idleness, hooliganism, the appearance of bad habits. When a teenager for any reason has a strong conflict with his father, then, strangely enough, most of all with the problems of transitional age, boys have to face their mothers. If the boy was afraid of his father from the very childhood or, conversely, did not have the opportunity to communicate with him, then his anger and resentment, he would disrupt, first of all, the mother. In such a situation, it would be best to go with a guy from a psychologist who would help sort out his feelings to this young accuser "in all sins." In addition, often, realizing their need for competition, they constantly and in everything try to be better than their fathers - in sports, in relationships with people, including with the opposite sex - everywhere they try to prove their superiority over the father. And if this does not work, and the father has not been able to build friendly relations with his son since childhood, it is the mother that becomes the object of spilling out aggression. The transitional age of the guys causes a constant desire to emphasize their independence from the mother, from her "veal tenderness". And it is in the transition age that the guys have that spirit of contradiction that makes everything do spitefully to their mother: to grow hair when she calls for neatness, to get a girl and spend all her time with her, when to think about studying, to start smoking when mother talks about how harmful it is ... Everyone knows that it's very difficult for teenagers. But ask yourself the question: Is a teenager really easy with himself? The psychology of the transitional age is characterized by the predominance of tragic views, with a constant sense of desperation. According to sociologists, every tenth teenager thinks about suicide. And from every fifth you can hear: "So everything is bad, sad and hopeless, that I want to huddle in a corner and cry." Psychological crisis of transition age is experienced by teenagers the hardest. The overwhelming sense of loneliness and despair is terrible for the teenager's fragile psyche. Every year, about four out of a hundred teenagers are experiencing serious depression. And if this depression is not treated, then the situation may worsen, because clinical depression is a serious disease. It can affect the thoughts of a teenager, his behavior and all his health. There are two types of teenage depression:

an overwhelming feeling of sadness, called major depression, or psychic or reactive depression,

manic depression or bipolarfrustration, when in place of frustration and apathy comes the need for active mental activity, which often leads to the achievement of rash acts. In particular, to attempts at suicide.

Currently, adolescent suicide has becomethe second cause of death after accidents. Very often, attempts at suicide are unsuccessful, but if the girls basically stop after the first unsuccessful attempt, then the boys try to repeat their attempts several times. If you try to identify the main reasons that serve as a prerequisite for adolescent suicide, then first of all it is necessary to name the following:

Deep depression;
family difficulties, most often - parents' divorce;
the unwillingness of adults to participate in adolescent problems.

When the transitional age sets in, adultsit is necessary to remember and about not less formidable danger, than suicidal moods of teenagers. This is addiction. Already in 10 years, 0.4% of children start to try drugs. The peak of initiation to the potion is 13-14 years. At this age, 5-8% of the interviewed adolescents have already used drugs at least once. Moreover, adolescents usually never start taking drugs without prior adherence to smoking and alcohol. Today, almost everyone knows about what drug addiction is, and what it has destructive consequences. The trouble is that not everyone understands that such a terrible misfortune can happen to any child, even completely prosperous. Teenagers are too suggestive, and often they try the drug simply for the company, out of curiosity or "not to fall face to face" in the eyes of their peers. But, having tried only once, they fall into a vicious circle, and they can no longer get out of there independently. Therefore, during confidential conversations, it is necessary to try to convince a teenager of the detrimental nature of such curiosity. And if the teenager is still in trouble, it is important to notice her signs in time and give the boy or girl a helping hand. If you take timely treatment, then there is a hope that the harmful effects of taking drugs can be limited. But it is impossible to achieve complete elimination of drug dependence. Disturbing signs can be considered:

sharp decline in academic performance for no apparent reason;
loss of interest in previous hobbies;
loss of appetite and painful condition;
the emerging need for money;
there is isolation, detachment from friends and family;
the mood of a teenager becomes unpredictable, although aggressiveness and quick temper prevail;
appears asocial behavior;
the teenager constantly tries to pretend that nothing is happening, and there is nothing strange in his behavior.

To start to sound an alarm it is necessary only in thatcase, if all listed changes in the behavior of the adolescent are manifested in the aggregate, because in itself the transitional age of the symptoms is similar. Only they are manifested most often individually. But there are some signs that you can already quite confidently talk about the drug dependence of a teenager:

complete apathy, which suddenly changes sharply to an excessively excited state;
a constant lie that has no apparent motivation;
a sharp deterioration in memory and the appearance of problems with logical thinking;
change the size of the pupils. From the narrowed to the point to the enlarged with the disappearance of the iris - depends on the drug taken, which does not depend on the lighting;
a condition similar to intoxication, but without the smell of alcohol;
appearance in tongue of a touch with a brown tinge, reddening of the proteins of the eyes, traces from injections;
the appearance of a house of smoked utensils, acetic acid, solvents, acetone, etc., syringes and needles.

In the event that you have discovered such signs,then without the slightest hesitation and as soon as possible you need to turn to an expert in narcology or a psychologist. Do not start blaming the child, on the contrary, find words of support that will give him hope. Remember that this is your common misfortune, and you will have to work together to find ways to get rid of it. With the peculiarities of the psychology of the transition age, it is necessary to take into account also those parents who have to contend with another dependence of adolescents; not as formidable as dependence on drugs, but not as harmless as it seems at first glance - with gaming and computer addiction. Modern technologies are developing rapidly,and development has a negative side, which affected primarily the children. Psychotherapists and psychologists from different countries are sure that children's enthusiasm for TV, gaming machines and the Internet become a real national disaster. The consequences can be very deplorable, although they will not appear immediately, but after a fairly long period. Recently, various social networks on the Internet are actively developing. Communicating in such networks, the teenager creates his own virtual world. Quite quickly, he has a pathological need to communicate through the Internet with strangers, and parting with the computer world can lead him even to severe mental trauma. In the event that a child has a computer or game addiction, you should think about the help of a psychologist or even a psychotherapist. Do not rely on the fact that when the passing age passes, this "childish" hobby will pass. After all, the reasons for this dependence can be different - from an inferiority complex, which the teenager experiences, to a nervous breakdown. And these reasons will not disappear by themselves. A good parent word alone is not enough, although it is also necessary. A treatment is necessary, during which the teenager is always able to feel the love and support of the parents. In transitional age, the symptoms look frightening and cause anxiety in parents. Sometimes it is difficult to understand - where the changes in the behavior of the child are caused by deficiencies in education, where - the natural process of growing up, and where it is necessary to sound the alarm. Along with the onset of the crisis of transition, a crisis occurs between parents and children. The teenager begins to strive for independence, moving away from his parents, while realizing that he still continues to be dependent on them. This dependence weighs him down. In turn, parents feel that their child is growing up, leaving their influence. He has new interests, in which he does not want to dedicate them. All this leads to acute conflicts and constant quarrels. To understand all the secrets of the transitional age, to suggest how a transitional age to survive without significant losses is the main task of adults in this period. It is important not to lose contact with your son or daughter during this period, to maintain a trusting relationship. It must be remembered that overcoming the difficulties of transition age is a difficult stage for both sides, but it is adults, as the wisest and most experienced, who must competently respond to all acute situations, and it is they who are responsible for resolving conflicts. More often remember that you yourself were once the same, and you also thought at the age of 14-15 that you are old enough to decide on your own how to live further. Such memories will help you understand that because of his little life experience, a teenager simply can not see the controversial situation from a different point of view, different from his own. Your task is to learn competently, imperceptibly for the rugged teenager to control the situation and unobtrusively help him in making the right decision. If it seems to you that in some situation your child is behaving incorrectly, then try to talk to him about it without going over to the person. Give him the opportunity to make his own conclusions and solve the problem. And in any case, do not blame him for failure. On the contrary, children in transition age have an increased need for approval from adults. Do not be surprised that the teenager began to constantly demand attention to yourself, do not consider him an egoist. He just wants to be sure that his parents love him not for some outstanding success, but simply because he is. It is very important for him to know that his parents will accept him in any case, and in any situation will be on his side, support him and give advice. Characteristic of the transitional age is that at this time adolescents are actively striving for independence. Those parents who give their children the opportunity to feel their independence and independence looks trustworthy in the eyes of a teenager. And the adults themselves, allowing the teenager to make their own choices, relying only on their strength, observe how their child goes up the steps of adulthood, overcoming all the crisis moments of his life. Psychologists consider this approach the most effective. When parents tell a teenager - at your discretion; I will agree with your decision; choose yourself - these answers give the teenager a sense of the right choice, and he begins to approach the decision more responsibly. But the age of transition is the time when a person must learn to act independently and at the same time be responsible for his actions. Also in the characteristic of the transitional age, it must also be mentioned that the teenager begins to actively seek his place in life. This leads to the fact that the circle of his communication significantly expands, he has more and more interests and needs, and more and more time he starts to spend outside the house. Very often parents react to this by increasing control. But this is a wrong step, psychologists say. Total control does not allow the teenager to feel independent and prevents the child from developing a sense of responsibility. Trust your child, learn to seek compromises and with their help give the teenager greater freedom. For example, if a teenager suddenly declares that today he will come home at twelve o'clock in the evening instead of the usual nine, then offer him the option to choose - at ten or eleven o'clock. Do not try to control his cash costs, if you give him pocket money. On the contrary, start giving him money not for one day, but for a week. Let him feel financially independent, because now he does not have to ask you for money for any purchase, and besides, he will learn how to plan his expenses. Psychologists believe that during the transition period the child needs his own territory, his personal space. While the child was small, parents constantly controlled, whether all of his toys were cleaned, whether the order was in his room, etc. But now he needs to allocate a territory that will be inviolable to all but him. The ideal option is a room in which he can establish his own order and maintain cleanliness without the intervention of adults. Of course, not all families have such an opportunity. But in any apartment it is possible to give a shelf in the closet, its bedside table and table to the teenager's personal disposal. And in any case not to invade its territory! Of course, it is very important for the elders to know what is happening in the life of their child, with whom he communicates, what thoughts are in his head, what is going on in his soul. But if you rummage in his pockets or desk drawers, read his letters or diaries, eavesdrop on what he is talking on the phone - you will forever lose the trust of a teenager. Do not go ahead! It's much better if you just talk more often with your child, from time to time, you'll chat with him as if nothing - about music, films, about some minor things, gradually asking him about the child's friends, about their life. In a confidential conversation it is easier to tell a teenager about the dangers that lie in wait for him, to give him advice in a difficult situation. You can tell him about your childhood friends, remember what incidents happened to them or to you when you were his age, how you did then and how you would act in the same situation, having your current experience. At the same time, such stories should contain not only moralizing, but also amusing details. The child will be happy to discover that you felt then the same thing as he is now, which means that "you are of the same blood!" And do not doubt that he will take note of the "morality of this fable". Adolescence is one of the most difficult periods in the formation of man. Often both parents and teenagers ask themselves how to accelerate the transition age, so as not to get stuck in it for several years? Is there any remedy that would help to avoid all these difficulties? The only thing that could be advised to preserve the physical health is sports or any other hobby that requires physical effort. In order to leave as little as possible mental trauma, the sensitivity and wisdom of adults is needed, which will help the teenager learn about all the secrets of the transition age with the least losses. But here it is impossible to accelerate the transition age - how it is impossible to accelerate the arrival of spring after a bored winter! We advise you to read: