Will your children be successful in life and howtheir destiny will develop, depends on their confidence in themselves and their strengths. Whether the son studies for one three or five, whether he is going to enter a school or an international university - all this is secondary. Chemistry, physics and other school subjects in the future may simply not be useful to him. The main thing is that the child should know his own worth and strive for more, and not stop at what has been achieved. Progress in the classroom - that's what mums and dads usually put in first place. As a result, it turns out that the neighbor Vasya, Petya or Kolya, who studied for one of the triples, goes on a smart jeep. And Masha, a diligent student and the pride of the school, works in an unremarkable company as an ordinary employee. Unfortunately, parents rarely pay attention to self-esteem of their baby. And it does not matter whether it is overpriced or understated. Any, even a very small deviation from the norm - this is bad. The thing is that a confident person, regardless of circumstances and obstacles, can achieve more in life. The unsound, living by the rules, is content with what is. Too arrogant is convinced that he is not appreciated and disliked, despite the fact that he is the best specialist on this planet. As a result, the last two categories of people are disappointed in life, and their failures are shifted to parents, children, others.
How to understand what kind of self-esteem your child has
- Low self-esteem
Your child constantly complains that hisneighbor on the desk smarter, more beautiful, better dressed? Or often began to say that you do not like him? The constant tearfulness, fear of punishment, expectation of the worst, insecurity in one's own strengths - all these are the first signs of low self-esteem. If you do not take any steps, in the future the child will be offended in the classroom, he will not be able to adapt to any, even the smallest changes in life. Unfortunately, if you decide to try your luck elsewhere and pick it up from school (or transfer it to another class), the situation will not change. The kid initially tunes himself to failure, repeating to himself "I can not learn from the five", "I will not solve this problem", "I am a failure", etc.
- Heightened self-esteem
Usually children with high self-esteem believe thatthey are always right in everything. At the same time, your child can argue that the deuce in the control work is not his inattention, but the nagging of the teacher. The child is not used to realizing his mistakes, there is no authority for him. Often, he does not respect even parents or experienced mentors. A little man tries to subordinate everyone to himself. He uses other people's weaknesses, desires, aspirations, trying to stand out against the backdrop of other people's failures. Usually, such children are ringleaders, aggressors and rather brutal leaders in the future. "I know better", "You will not get it, but I can do it" - at first such an initiative of the child touches the parents. And, unfortunately, loving daddies and mothers realize too late that they brought up a tyrant.
- Adequate self-esteem
Such a child is not afraid to ask for help, sinceunderstands that it is impossible to know everything and to be able. At the first failure, he does not lower his hands and does not swim with the flow, but tries at first to solve everything with his own efforts. He knows that he is loved and appreciated, therefore he is not afraid to seem weak. The kid never shifts his responsibilities on the others. Having given help to someone from the comrades, the student will not ask for this reward. If your child has an adequate self-esteem, he will not play on nerves, demand special treatment from friends, relatives or acquaintances or seek benefits. He accepts people as they are. Moderately self-confident people in the future are much easier in life, since they are never disappointed in friends, family work. They really look at things.
Caution, low self-esteem!
There are many ways how you can raiseself-esteem of the child and educate self-sufficient, self-confident person. And the earlier you start to act, the higher the probability of getting a good positive result. At an older age (17-18 years) without the help of a psychologist, you can hardly change anything in the nature of your son or daughter. How to properly praise children Regardless of age, status and gender, a person needs praise no less than in monetary encouragement. Having said the right words, approving this or that act, you will consolidate the good habits of your child. If you stop enjoying, for example, excellent marks, time room cleaned or washed dishes, eventually a schoolboy will lose interest in it. For you, an ode to a garbage left is stupidity, for a kid it's a vital necessity. Do not take such actions as a matter of course. Four cases where you can not praise But praise the child should be right and in moderation. In some moments it's better to hold back, as flattery can do much harm. So, there are four situations in which one should be silent:
- Dishonest achievements
When the child received a good mark by writing offcontrol at the neighbor at the desk, he showed resourcefulness. Therefore, to blame for ingenuity does not make sense. But admire the way he did in this situation, not worth it. Try to explain to him that he appropriated other people's labors to himself. If this happens for the first time, you can refrain from expressing your own opinion.
- Natural data
Expressive eyes, graceful nose, excellent hair- all this is good, but it is not the merit of your child. Of course, you need to say that your wonderful child is a very handsome man. But only occasionally, so that the baby knew and realized that he was no worse than the rest.
- Things, presents
To admire the fact that the student has a beautifula backpack, just as bad as telling a girl that she looks great thanks to a dress. To some extent, this is even insulting. Clothes, toys and other small things that you bought or gave, adults are taken for granted.
- Pity or desire to please
Many people think that flattery can bribe a childor raise his self-esteem. And this is one of the biggest mistakes of adults. In fact, children are very sensitive to lies, hypocrisy and flattery. Saying obvious lies, you can push the baby away from you. For which to express praise and gratitude
The kid sings, dances, draws or plays ontools? Encourage him to try to find himself, even if at first he does not do well. Do not jump at the phrases that the second Pushkin or Michael Jackson from it will not work. This will have a very bad effect on the child's self-esteem, he will immediately lose interest in what is happening.
- Honest achievements
To your son did not, praise him if heexerted his efforts. Let it be a trifle: help around the house, lessons learned in time, a game with a younger brother, a book read. A child is pleased when actions that are useful are valued.
- For future successes
Learn to motivate the student. Can not solve the problem? Tell me that you are confident of its success. Is there a control? But you do not even doubt that your child will be able to write a job perfectly. Do not forget to praise your daughter before you leave the house, and then in the evening you will certainly be pleased with your achievements. Receptions for increasing self-esteem
- Be advised
When making any decision, always ask for adviceThe child has. This will help him understand his importance and raise his self-esteem. However, in this case there is one but! Even if your opinion differs from the wishes of the baby, try to follow his recommendations. Otherwise, the effect of this technique will be completely opposed - you will develop a bunch of complexes and fears. And next time you will simply be afraid to express your thoughts.
- Ask for help
Son perfectly copes with a broken stool,daughter - sew a torn from the blouse button. Do not try to do everything yourself, ask for help from your children. At the same time treat your child as an equal and do not demand immediate fulfillment of your whims. Duties (cleaning, washing dishes, cleaning potatoes) - it's completely different, their younger family members must perform without question.
- Portray weakness
Having put everything on oneself, parents raise greenhouseschildren. In the future, having become adults, many of them can not even cook soup. And this is not to mention more serious tasks. Any work will cause discouragement. After all, before they did everything for them - grandmothers, moms, friends. In adult life, people should be able to answer for themselves. You can ask to look after the sick family member, go to the store and buy everything you need. More adult children can pay bills, send mail, walk with a dog. The older the child, the more he must help his parents. Of course, to blame him for all the care of the house is also not worth it. How correctly to punish a child your child was guilty, and you once again put him in a corner, glumly muttering that from him nothing good will ever come of it? Do not be surprised if one day your installation will work. After all, you subconsciously drive into the child's head the thought that he is bad, stupid, etc. But this does not mean that mothers should forgive everything and leave offenses unpunished. Just need to learn to do it right. Six rules of punishment
When you can not punish Remember once and for all,everything should have its place and time! It is not always necessary to hurry with conclusions and make decisions without listening to the other side. And in some cases, it is strictly forbidden to punish, even if the kid is really to blame. So, let's go all by ourselves or wait for a while if:
- You are on the verge, do not feel well, are very tired or did not digest the situation;
- The child is sick, busy with lessons, eating, playing or you have guests;
- When you are unable to understand the underlying cause of the action, the child can not explain his actions;
- The child himself suffered a shock, a trauma, can not cope with his feelings, fears and emotions.
How to help a complexed child adapt
What to do if the child is full, he hasbirth defects or is he too shy? Believe me, to persuade a schoolboy that stupid classmates stick to him, there is no sense. This will only exacerbate the problem. In this case, there are some pretty good ways to make the rest of the children respect him.
Give the baby something that will help stand out in the crowd. Do not necessarily buy an expensive mobile phone or tablet. In primary classes, toys can be used, in the elders there is a good bag, shoes, ornaments. Children are very cruel, so classmates who look much worse and wear old things often dislike. Remember, it's better to buy two or three good sweaters for the winter from the store, and not buy a whole wardrobe in the drains. But in any case, do not go to your child on the subject and do not buy him everything. Do not give gifts for something (good study, achievements in sports, cleaning in the house), otherwise in the future from you will be for any occasion to require a present. But if you promised something, be kind, hold back your word. The kid should trust you.
Write your son on football, a girl for dancing,try to send children to music school. Choose the most popular among the youth sections, naturally taking into account the potential of your child. Interacting with the team and doing what they like, the child will be liberated and find himself. A guy who plays the guitar will always be the soul of the company. A girl who can sing will never be left without attention.
- Speaker Courses
As soon as your child learns to talk,start attending a speech therapist. He will help to put the speech correctly and correct some defects. Children often can not pronounce complicated sounds (p, k, d, etc.), which further affects their self-esteem. In the elementary and senior classes you should go to classes where specialists will teach oratory. In an extreme case, if the child is always sad, crying about or without, complaining about life and reacting badly to criticism, visit with him a specialist. Experienced psychologist will be able to find the key to the heart of your child and tell you how to behave in this or that situation. The main thing is not to wait until everything is resolved by itself.