Breakups are one of the most commonstress level in a woman's life. And if it's not just a breakup, but a divorce - then that's it, lights out! Not only have you just lost love, as well as a close and long-term relationship - all this is complicated by the solution of a number of other issues. And every woman who finds herself in such a difficult situation needs to figure out how to forget her ex-husband, otherwise she will simply go crazy.

Why do husbands leave?

If the decision to divorce was made recently, thenRight now your head is spinning from what is happening. It is very difficult for you at the moment. And an important step will be to understand the reasons for what happened. When you do not understand what happened, it adds negative experiences (and there are already plenty of them). It does not happen that marriages break up just like that. And almost always the responsibility for this lies on the shoulders of both spouses. But how to find out? Having long conversations with your husband is not an option. More precisely, in the future, perhaps this will become real, but at first you have too many negative emotions towards each other, which will significantly affect the course of the conversation and will prevent you from getting closer to the truth. What could be the reasons?

Treason Ah, that terrible word!What is even more terrible is what lies behind it: pain, lies, betrayal, humiliation and disappointment. It rarely happens that a husband falls in love with another woman and, having honestly told his wife about it, leaves the family. Usually this whole story lasts a long time, and its disclosure is comparable to an explosion. Many articles have been written about the reasons for cheating, including in our magazine. But most often, adultery is associated with some problems in marriage. A man feels a lack of something and tries to find it on the side. It is far from always possible to predict this, since the husband may lack something that his wife does not even suspect or that she is not able to give him. In any case, the reason should be sought quite deeply in your relationship.

Frequent quarrels Just like cheating,conflicts are a consequence and indicator of problems in family relationships. Of course, the subject of quarrels is very important if they come down to one reason: there is a high probability that this is the sore point in your relationship. But more often it happens that conflicts occurred frequently and for different reasons, and in this case they were connected with some deeper and more complex problem.

Family crisis As you know, the couple is in the processits formation goes through a number of difficult stages, without which its development is impossible. Unfortunately, not everyone manages to go through this with honor. Spouses may feel that love has gone, and life together is filled exclusively with worries, concerns and problems. In this case, we must not forget that crises happen to every couple. From the outside, some families may seem ideal, but this is not so, and they are going through or will go through exactly the same difficulties as you. The most important thing is to do it together and continue to believe in each other. But if this is forgotten, then one of the spouses (or maybe both) decides to divorce.

Changes in Behavior During Family Lifeeach spouse grows up, and their character inevitably changes. This can irritate the other, because it seems that a marriage was concluded with one person, and in the end it turned out to be completely different. In general, it would be necessary to adapt to this correctly: talk to the spouse if some completely unacceptable things appeared (for example, the wife turned into a shrew, and the husband - into a domestic tyrant), and treat the rest humbly and with acceptance. And, of course, it is necessary to understand why this happens. In particular, when a child is born, the character of the spouses changes very much, which is associated with their acceptance of the roles of parents.

Infantilism of the spouse This, unfortunately, is not the casea rarity these days. If earlier a person was chosen as a spouse with whom the whole life was connected, and he automatically became a relative, whom it was impossible to refuse, then in our time everything has changed. At the slightest problem people think that the spouse can be exchanged for another, and everything will be fine. Men often have the following phenomenon: having started a family, they inevitably face everyday life and a decrease in the degree of romance in the relationship. And it turns out that they do not like it, and they are not ready for a family in the full sense of the word. So they leave their hateful wife, hoping that with another woman everything will be different.

If you have a child...

Of course, it is more difficult to survive the departure of a husband whenсемье есть ребенок. Ни для кого не секрет, что дети очень болезненно переживают расставание родителей: тревога, страх, злость, грусть — вот далеко не полный перечень тех негативных чувств, которые переживает маленький человек. Все это связано с ощущением потери по отношению к одному из супругов и боязнью потерять второго. В то же время, знаете, какая ситуация переживается ребенком наиболее тяжело? Ситуация хронического развода, когда родители постоянно ссорятся и мотают друг другу нервы. Тогда ребенок запоминает, что семья — источник проблем и негативных эмоций и в будущем, вероятно, будет воспроизводить этот сценарий. Если развод действительно необходим супругам, то он необходим и детям, поскольку только тогда наступает вероятность гармонизации и улучшения их жизни. В противном случае, когда муж и жена принимают решение сохранить семью ради детей, но без взаимной любви, это все равно чувствуется и ничего хорошего не сулит ни для одного из ее членов. Но как сделать так, чтобы развод прошел для ребенка с минимальным стрессом? Как известно, больше всего дети склонны винить в расставании родителей себя. Данная бессознательная тенденция связанна с особенностями детского мышления. И первое, что нужно сделать — это убедить ребенка в том, что это не так. Если малыш еще совсем маленький, то делать это нужно на энергетическом уровне, не допуская и мыслей о том, что развод связан с его появлением. А если ребенок достаточно взрослый, то следует ему объяснить, что папа и мама очень сильно любили друг друга, и от этой любви появился он. Но потом им стало очень тяжело жить вместе, и они приняли это непростое решение. При этом они всегда останутся ему мамой и папой и будут очень сильно любить. Можно отметить, что каждый из вас сделал все, что мог для сохранения семьи, но, к сожалению, сделать это не удалось. Это очевидно, но все-таки стоит повторить еще раз: ни в коем случае нельзя ограничивать общения ребенка с отцом. Конечно, вам может хотеться вычеркнуть его из жизни, но и для девочки, и для мальчика он является одной из двух ключевых фигур в развитии, и лишать его ее — подло и неправильно. Даже если между вами очень напряженные отношения, вы должны сделать все, чтобы установить перемирие. Естественно, недопустимыми являются высказывания типа “папа плохой” или “мама отвратительная”. Будет здорово, если у вас получится сохранить привычный для ребенка распорядок дня. Это даст ему хоть какое-то ощущение стабильности. Проводите много времени с ним и способствуйте тому, чтобы то же самое делал ваш супруг. И примите как данность, что у ребенка очень вероятно возникновение каких-либо психологических проблем. Развод — это всегда травма, и вам следует найти специалиста, который поможет скорректировать нарушения в поведении или развитии. Помните, что сейчас вам обоим очень больно. Но чтобы представить, что сейчас чувствует ваш ребенок, увеличьте эту боль раза в два или три. Ужасно, не правда ли? Не стоит погребать себя под бесконечным чувством вины, связанным с расставанием, но вам необходимо осознавать, что в этот период ребенок особенно нуждается в вашей любви и поддержке. Учитесь искать ресурсы для этого где-нибудь вовне, например, в общении с друзьями, новом хобби или смене внешности. Хорошо, если у ребенка есть любимые бабушки и дедушки, с которыми можно оставить ребенка на то время, пока вы развеетесь и наберетесь сил.

How can this be experienced?

How to Forget Your Ex-Husband When You're Having a Hard Timeget up in the morning, life seems dull and meaningless, and nothing can bring a smile to your face anymore? But it won't last forever. Such a depressive state will last one or two weeks at most, and then it will become much easier. During this difficult period, tears and mental anguish are considered normal, but don't overdo it - there should be no masochism in them. And in the evening before going to bed, learn to trust the space, which seems to become lulling - you can draw mental resources from here. The most important postulate of experiencing a breakup - time heals. Yes, now it seems to you that life is over, and nothing good will happen. But this will soon pass. And you will need to learn to live your life. Of course, at first many changes will upset and confuse you, but you will quickly adapt to them. Count on your friends for help and don't be shy about asking them for it, but without manipulation: you are not an unfortunate victim, but a strong person who has been through a serious test. If your husband left you for another woman, then you will inevitably be overcome by anger and envy. The first thing to remember is that their relationship is their relationship. He does not give her what should be given to you, and their love belongs to them. She is a stranger to you, and wanting to take her away is tantamount to wanting to take away someone else's man. Be above this and focus on yourself. After a divorce, many women experience a crisis of self-esteem and their feminine self-perception. This is normal, but it should not drag on. In general, the feeling of one's own femininity depends not only on the reflection in the men around you, but also on the bearer of it. Therefore, it is very useful to periodically remind yourself that you are a woman, to evoke this feeling within yourself and emphasize it. Well, from the side of actions, this can be supported by beautiful clothes, flirting and other actions that are associated with self-love. In such a difficult situation as the departure of a husband, it is important to remember that not a single event in our life happens for no reason. This is also necessary for some reason. Perhaps, only after a divorce you will acquire personal qualities that you have long lacked or understand what you really want from this life. Maybe you will finally realize what kind of man you want to be with, and which ones should pass by. There is a meaning in any case - at least in the fact that having survived this, you will become very strong, and any other life difficulties will seem like childish babble on the lawn to you. Therefore, hold on and remember the wisdom of King Solomon: “This too shall pass.”

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