How to avoid quarrels with a guy?

- You do not cook well! "And you do not give me flowers at all!" "You do not deserve them!" - You do not love me! And it raced! Common situation? Your claims to each other are similar to those of lightning, released into the enemy. And so you, mortally offended, sit in different corners of the apartment and do not talk to each other. Got it? Do not you want to fight with your loved one anymore? Then for you is our practical guide, how to avoid quarrels with a guy!

Causes of quarrels and methods for their elimination

A quarrel with a beloved man is radically differentfrom an argument with a friend or colleague. This is an armed conflict, complicated by heavy artillery of your feelings towards each other. It's quarrels with the boyfriend that hurt us the most, because in the role of the offender here is one of the most loved and loved people in the world. What are the most common causes of these conflicts? And how to avoid conflict with a guy for these reasons?

Different understanding of the meaning of words. Let's explain by example: for you the word "kind" means sympathetic, friendly, ready to help, etc., and for your guy - weak and going on about others. Therefore, when you tell him that he is kind, he takes offense at you because he thinks that you called him weak. In order to avoid such quarrels, always very clearly explain the meaning of certain concepts for you. Do not forget that we all grew up in different conditions.
Misunderstanding due to various inaccuracies. An example of such quarrels may be conflicts due to the fact that someone heard something. Or when you did not say something, but had it in mind (the latter is particularly annoying for our men). The medicine is one thing: to wash your ears in the morning, to hear well, and always say everything in detail and clearly. And then you never know what you can think of!
The manner of communication. For example, you are talking loudly about life. And your young man grew up in a family where everyone is talking softly, and raising his voice is considered a sign of anger and aggression. Therefore, every time you ask him about something, a quarrel begins, because he sees everything as claims. Try to observe what features of your partner you have such a sharp reaction, and what your traits are for him. You can even conduct an experiment: talk with different volumes and intonation and keep track of what emotions you and your boyfriend are having.
Different needs. You and your men have different desires (you probably know about this without us). For example, the need for sex. As a rule, men need more sex than women, although sometimes it happens vice versa (if you and your boyfriend have the same need for love caresses - we congratulate you!). The same situation with the intensity of communication, only in this case the need to be together is usually higher in women. And it is woman who takes offense at a man more often; for her that he does not want to be with her together twenty-four hours a day, means that he does not love her. And this is not true! He just needs less communication. The way out of this situation is one - consider the needs and desires of each other, take them. And do not see in them any secret signs and secret messages like "he does not love me", "he uses me", etc.
Different values. This is perhaps the most difficult option for the couple. Lovers should have the same views on life, and if they look in different directions, then with the passing of passion they will need different roads in life. For example, success and material well-being are very important for you, but for your boyfriend - no. And you will constantly face on this ground. Unfortunately, the world view is practically not amenable to change, therefore, if you found cardinal differences in your values with a guy, then you should think about the future in your relationship. And if the differences are insignificant, then this may even be a plus - you will successfully complement each other.
Different ideas about your life. These are not necessarily different values - just a different vision of what a man and woman should be like and how they should spend time together. For example, your guy thinks that a woman should be soft and compliant, and you think that you need to be strong and independent. Not surprisingly, if you constantly swear, because he expects you to the opposite behavior! If this is your case, then you need to discuss all the differences and come to a compromise. In particular, with him alone you will be soft, and in public - strong and independent. The same goes for pastime: part of the time you spend as he wants, and the other part - as you want. And it will be very nice if you find a bunch of options that suit both of you.
Jealousy. It is in the top of the hit parade of quarrels. It is necessary to understand what jealousy is based on - on low self-esteem of jealous or on free behavior of one who is jealous. In the first case, to continue the relationship jealous, you need to understand yourself, and in the second - to agree on some rules and frameworks, which will be comfortable for both of you.
Failure to fulfill promises. Agree, it's very insulting when your guy does not do what he promised! And he feels the same way. The solution is one: do not promise what you are not going to do (for both parties) and try to do what you promised, at least in 99% of cases.
Disrespect to important things for other things. For example, you are a philologist, and your boyfriend considers all humanities to be unwanted idlers. And you become offended, because it seems to you that you are not appreciated. In order to avoid such situations, treat carefully to the views and interests of your boyfriend, no matter how stupid they did not seem to you. After all, this is your favorite person, and everything that concerns him is important!

General Tips for Conflict Prevention

So, it became clear to you how to avoid a quarrel withguy in some specific cases. However, your relationship is far from ideal, and you want some more or less general recommendations applicable in all cases. Here they are, those very inconspicuous and effective techniques that will help you make quarrels and conflicts a long-forgotten milestone in your relationship.

I'm saying. The fact that the softness of speech is attached to the "I-sayings", did not read unless lazy. However, do not treat with contempt this fact, because it really works! Agree, "I'm hurt" sounds softer than "you insulted me." Try to talk about yourself and your feelings, and not blame the interlocutor, and your conversations will become more constructive.

Pause. The well-known TV commercial of law: when the situation is completely heated, you need to "pause and eat Twix". In other words, take a break in communication, wait for the most violent emotions and calmly continue the discussion of the problem.

Write letters to each other. Sometimes it is difficult to say some words. The written speech has a number of advantages: it has less emotion and more content (it's easier for men), plus there is no restraint and other personal barriers.

Talk a lot. This prevents the accumulation of irritation and allows us to better understand each other, because we are not telepathic and can not read other people's thoughts.

Agree with each other: look for points of contact, go for a compromise, and better - cooperate and get mutual benefit and joy from solving difficult situations.

And the most important general principle, without which the worldbetween lovers will never be - this is respect. Respect your partner and listen to him, and it may turn out that he does not always talk nonsense, and sometimes speaks very sensible and interesting things. And then in your relationship will come true spring! We advise you to read: