The Mendelssohn march ended, and the newlyweds joyfullyare going home. It’s good if it’s a separate apartment. Then this article might not have existed. But not everyone is so lucky with their living space. Some brides have to make do with their mother-in-law in a one-room apartment. And many of them even survived this unequal battle. Jokes aside, the mother of a beloved husband is a serious matter. Especially if she is firmly convinced that you are not worthy of even the little finger of her precious son. And where do such people come from? A reasonable question. However, the answer is no less reasonable: from the maternity hospital. Moreover, mothers-in-law are not born, but become. At the very moment when a young girl gives birth to a long-awaited son and understands: this little bundle is the most precious thing she has in the world. Do you think that at that moment the woman in labor became a mother? Maybe. But she also became a mother-in-law. And even though you, the future daughter-in-law, have not yet been born into this world, she already hates you. For what? Because one fine day you will take away her son. Scared? Exactly. Now let's learn to get along with the mother-in-law. The peculiarities of life with the mother-in-law depend on several signs:

• Do you live with her in the same apartment?
• Your financial situation and education;
• Availability of children;
• Nature of the mother-in-law;
• Ability of the husband to stand up for his family.

In enemy territory

This is the most difficult option of all possible,because you, the young wife, have to adapt to someone else's apartment and way of life. If you are used to getting up at 10 am and having hot sandwiches for breakfast, and your husband's mother has been cooking milk porridge in the kitchen since 6 am, disagreements are inevitable. Let's say you have accomplished a feat, got up at 6 am and sleepily trudged to the kitchen to cook porridge. No, first coffee to wake up, and then porridge. Let's assume that you even succeeded in this, and the eyes of the eternally dissatisfied mother-in-law were met by Repin's painting. "Young Wife in the Kitchen." So what if you didn't get enough sleep? But the porridge is hot and steaming on the stove, and there is still coffee left in the Turk. So what if I look pale without makeup. Look at yourself in the mirror. Oh, and you don't have enough sugar in your porridge? And what is the sugar bowl for? And anyway, eating a lot of sweets is bad for you. Especially for you. Look, you can barely fit through the door. Of course, all the dialogues of the young wife took place in her mind. The mother-in-law also did not skimp on silent censure. And the main thing is that each of their thoughts were written in black and white on their faces. And this is how we described the life of a daughter-in-law in the first month of life with her mother-in-law. When each of them still keeps a good face in a bad game. The young wife desperately wants to please. The mother-in-law desperately fights the approaching hatred and tries to hide it. And then cold wars begin. The weapon of each of the women becomes the young husband of one and the son of the other. Mother-in-law to her son: Your Tanya poured soup into the toilet again and did not flush it after herself. The stench permeated the entire apartment. I barely aired everything out. There was such a draft that I probably caught a cold. (Demonstrative sneezing). The mother's young husband: Be healthy, Mom. Okay, I'll tell her to be more attentive. Wife to her husband: Sasha, honey, your mother is picking on me again. Today I was pouring soup into the toilet, and my mother burst into the toilet and started demonstratively flushing it from the bucket. Was it really impossible to wait until the tank filled with water? Then she opened all the windows. Is she going through menopause or something? And such dialogues can go on forever. Then they develop into open conflicts. What advice can be given in such a situation? Psychologists recommend sitting down at the negotiating table. But this advice is only given by those specialists who have not lived with their mother-in-law. The experienced say: "Run while the family is intact!"

Hooray! We live separately!

Well, what? Escaped from enemy captivity?Are you making your own nest and remembering your mother-in-law as if she were a bad dream? You are rejoicing too early. Your husband's mother will definitely visit you. And even if the portion of negativity is significantly less than if you lived with her under the same roof, it will definitely be there. In the statute of every young wife, it is written in the blood of her predecessors: "Lick the apartment before your mother-in-law comes." Very wise advice. Since every feather found on the carpet threatens to develop into a multi-hour lecture about slobby wives. Have you cleaned the apartment so that you can eat from the floor and drink tea from the toilet? That's not all. Now drag your husband to the bathroom, make him shave, and in the meantime iron his weekend trousers. What's the point? To show how well you take care of her son. And God forbid there is a microscopic hole in his socks! Any potential mother-in-law will start sewing these socks first, and then take on the rest of the wardrobe. I hope you have all your things neatly folded? And the threads in the box are of different colors? How come you don't like sewing?? Any self-respecting housewife will have threads for every pair of her husband's socks. You won't have that much? Don't worry, your mother-in-law will definitely give you a whole box of threads after two hours of sewing socks.

Her mother-in-law became a grandmother

Oh my God! This is my son! My own flesh and blood!Look how handsome he is. What a storm for all the girls! At this moment, you are not thinking about your mother-in-law. All your thoughts are occupied with your beloved newborn son. You are so happy that you are ready to forgive all your grievances. Mom, for not buying the prom dress you asked for. Father, who did not let you go to the most important party in your life. Husband, for not looking at you with the same loving eyes as before. Mother-in-law, for eternal bullying. But you were clearly in a hurry with the last forgiveness. Because soon you will have to listen to about the harm of diapers for boys, about how to swaddle children correctly, how many hours a day to walk with the baby. Your mother-in-law will begin to take care of the young with redoubled force, discontentedly complaining about the unreasonableness of young housewives and about the hands that the new mother has growing ... However, it does not matter where they grow from. How to deal with this? To understand this, imagine that your son has grown up.

Let's switch roles. You are the mother-in-law.

Can you imagine it? Save your imagination a little more.So he fell in love and spent days at some girl's. He finally came home. And didn't even eat. And you spent the whole day baking cabbage pies. His favorite. And warming up borscht. Why isn't he eating? Sveta fed him. What Sveta?? Does that mean her pies are tastier than his mother's? Stop. Do you feel a wave of resentment and jealousy running through your blood? You don't even know your son's girlfriend, but you already don't love her. For the pies. With cabbage. Which your son ate instead of yours. And he even brought some pies with him! This is sheer mockery! Who does this brat think she is? Does she think I can't cook? Or is my family starving? …. Did you bring it for me? No thanks. I don't eat flour products at night. Especially if it's not clear who cooked it. Now imagine that Sveta moves into your house and starts baking those notorious pies in your kitchen? How does that feel? Do you want to kill someone? If so, congratulations. You have joined the ranks of mothers-in-law. And even if your son is still sleeping in the cradle, you don’t want to share him with anyone.

Wisdom, patience and kindness

Now that you've been in the role for a secondyour mother-in-law, we will learn to get along with her. It's about time. And it doesn't matter that your marriage is many years old. And the feud with your mother-in-law is just as old, if not longer. Better late than never. So, let's develop a relationship strategy.

• Point one - Gratitude

What to be grateful for?Don't rush to argue and claim that you have nothing to thank this grump for. What about your husband? After all, it was his mother-in-law who gave birth to him, raised him, and brought him up. And if it weren't for her, maybe he wouldn't be so wonderful. And he's the best. Right? If, after many years of open hostility, you start throwing yourself on your mother-in-law's neck with words of gratitude, you will at the very least not be understood, and at the most, an ambulance will be called. It's best to do this on your husband's birthday. Don't dare say it to his face? Say it on the phone. Call your mother-in-law and thank her for giving birth to and raising such a son. It will be quite appropriate.

• Point two - Let's consult

I know how you don't like to listen to eternal teachings.mother-in-law. And I can imagine the look on your face after you read the next point of the plan. But take my word for it. It works. Of course, you've been baking cabbage pies since you were 13, and you don't need any advice. I have no doubt that you can knead the dough with your eyes closed. But is there something you can't do, but your mother-in-law can? Remember your husband's favorite salad, which for some reason you can't make. Maybe there's some secret to it? Who should you ask about it? Have you guessed?

• Point three - Praise

If you can't bring yourself to praiseyour mother-in-law's new hairdo (really, hair burnt with peroxide can hardly be called a hairdo), praise her son. Remember how young mothers in the sandbox who admired your son made you feel good? You wanted to talk to them again and again, didn't you? And all just because they expressed your point of view out loud. A little later, you will learn to praise your mother-in-law's charlotte, her ability to choose wallpaper and wash out any stains from clothes. And then (oh, miracle) you will wait for praise from your mother-in-law. No, no, a hail of frogs will not start and the world will not collapse. Everything will remain as it was. Your husband's mother will just start to treat you a little better.

• Point four - Give gifts

Yes, it's all so banal.But the simpler the method, the better it works. It is important to give something that you do not need (each of us has a penalty shelf in the closet where unwanted gifts are sent, which are then happily re-gifted). After all, if you did not like the piece of cloth with horrible roses, why should your mother-in-law be delighted with it? Give from the heart. Does your husband’s mother like violets? Find a rare variety and present it as a gift. You do not have to wait for a certain date. Give just like that. Moreover, the more thoughtful the gift is, the greater the effect you can achieve with it. One more thing: give it yourself. No need to send your husband away with packages. I understand that your mother-in-law’s face is the last thing you want to see. However, I will emphasize once again: give it yourself. Let pleasant gifts be associated with you, and not with your beloved son.

• Point Five - When Strategies Don't Work

Unfortunately, this happens every second timefamily. The young wife of the mother-in-law polishes the floors, gives gifts, meets her from the bus so that the "second mother" does not carry heavy bags, and perhaps does not kiss her on the lips. But she is still not nice. Remember the joke? A son comes to his mother with three girls. "Mom, I'm getting married. Guess which one is my bride." "And that one. The one on the far left." "Exactly! How did you guess? "I didn't like her right away. It's the same in life. Therefore, if you have tried all the options, and the mother-in-law still persuades her son to get a divorce, change tactics. To begin with, become independent from the husband's mother. This concerns the housing issue and financial relations. Very often, parents financially support their children. And this is not bad. However, in your case, you will have to give up the money. And then put up red flags. Yes, you get up at 10 am. And you like to have sandwiches for breakfast, not porridge. And you'll send your son to karate instead of dancing, as grandma wanted, so he can learn to fight back. And... I think you'll find something to add to this long list. After all, why should you change your life just for someone else's whim, right? We recommend reading:

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