“I'm sleeping with my best friend's husband!” - How often have you heard this phrase from girls you know? Probably rarely, and this is not surprising, because not every girl will dare to say this out loud, fearing publicity, condemnation or something else. However, such situations do happen, and what to do with them - is absolutely unclear. Let's try to figure it out?

Love triangle

Who is your best friend's husband?This question may surprise you, but in this case we are talking about who a woman’s best friend’s husband is, what significance he has in her life, and there can be a lot of options. A best friend’s husband is a special figure, possessing the qualities of a friend, a hero, a “bad boy” and many others. All these traits are capable of touching the delicate strings of a girl’s soul, and you forget that in front of you is your best friend’s husband. Surely, you are better informed than others about his merits and why your friend married this man. Some of his qualities can be very, very attractive: for example, you have dreamed of a caring and courteous man all your life, and your friend’s husband is exactly that. Or you are all “three friends”, and not only she is your best friend, but he is too. In general, it often happens that a best friend’s husband is On the one hand, it is an open and safe book, and on the other - a new and interesting experience. How will it be? What will it bring to life? In addition, the intrigue of the situation pleasantly tickles your nerves, adding a degree of passion to your relationship. The relationship that has developed between you, your friend and her husband can be characterized very simply - a love triangle. But this is not a simple triangle, but a complicated one by the fact that you are also friends with your lover's wife. Such difficult triple relationships can last for years and even decades. This is due to the action of such widespread conscious attitudes as "all men are polygamous" and "there is no such thing as female friendship." The current situation fits perfectly into such a framework. Some psychologists believe that the formation of such a system is based on the figure of a man with his character, characteristics and desires. It often happens that two types of men enter into an affair with their wife's friend: the so-called "alpha males", for whom a mistress and a wife are not people, but proof of status, and downtrodden, insecure "little men" who find peace and comfort in the arms of their mistress. Both cases are fraught with hidden hostility and tension in relations between the "faces of the triangle". Of course, the above sketches are only a crude parody of the diversity of cases encountered in reality. Each person is individual, and this is precisely why universal advice such as "leave him", "scratch your girlfriend's face" or "save the family and endure" is wrong and impossible.

And what about the ladies?

We devote so much time and attention to men,that it may even seem unfair. After all, in the “wife-husband-girlfriend” love triangle there are two sides - they are women, and girlfriends at that. This fact cannot be ignored, because it is what makes the love triangle closed and complete. The wife and your girlfriend, for the most part, do not suspect the love affair between you and her husband. She may be naive, or maybe you are very good at hiding your relationship. Some wives are even glad that their husband and girlfriend have found a common language, because there are plenty of opposite situations. Most likely, the fact that you are sleeping with her husband does not even occur to her, because it would be a complete collapse of everything that is important and valuable. Therefore, before making any important and fateful decisions, try to keep this secret, because you have no reason to condemn your girlfriend to suffering once again. Although there are cases when a kind of Swedish family is formed from a love triangle - usually this happens when the situation suits the participants, and none of them is inclined to possessiveness. Some may even find it an interesting sexual experiment, bringing a fresh stream into their intimate life. While the story remains a secret, your girlfriend has no contact with the situation - unlike you. At first, you probably experienced something like euphoria, characteristic of the state of falling in love: wings that suddenly grew behind your back, a constant desire to see your lover, butterflies in your stomach. However, almost immediately (and sometimes this happens in parallel), you begin to feel guilty, depressed, irritated and a lot of other unpleasant emotions. After all, you are not just dating a married man, but also interfering with your girlfriend's family. Well, and if you are married yourself, then this is just a disaster! You can try to abstract yourself from the emotions overwhelming you and try to soberly assess the situation. And here's what can happen:

You are not married and have not yet decided on yourexpectations regarding a future life partner. And here in front of you is a ready-made option, already selected and polished by your friend. As a rule, the source of such behavior is deep resentment and mistrust of men, which could have been learned in childhood from your mother, grandmother or an important woman for you. The key feature of this situation is that you enter into a “safe” relationship: on the one hand, you have a man, and on the other - you are not “really” with him, accordingly, there will be no breakups and betrayals. But, unfortunately, at the same time, you deprive yourself of choice and simply live someone else's life, spending time with someone else's man.

A snake named "envy" climbed into your heart andsoul. You consider it unfair that your girlfriend lives better than you, life. And if you can not take away her prestigious job or happy children, you can try to "scowl" her husband. And this again is the desire to live another's life, only in a different way, and it is often accompanied by a considerable risk to turn into a pale copy of your own friend.

You may be driven by a desire for self-affirmation.Perhaps this is a consequence of past grievances (for example, you have long been offended by a friend for something or by the entire male gender) and the desire to achieve at least some male attention (if you do not have relationships with single men). But here the question of your self-esteem arises - why are such ambiguous actions the only way to increase it?

You are bored with your own life and you are looking forthrills. Perhaps it is because of your own boring marriage or a hateful job, but the fact remains - you need a shake-up. But have you tried to get it in other ways? After all, you can try to get a threesome completely honestly - you just need to talk about it with your husband or with your girlfriend.

You are prone to masochism and manipulation and, beingin this situation, seek to seize power over the other members of the love triangle. Or maybe you just can not imagine any other way of life. In any case, you need to tidy up the deep layers of your personality, otherwise you will not see true harmony with yourself and with life.

It is no coincidence that they say that a man ishead, and a woman - the neck. And if a triangle begins to form around a man, then without women his existence is impossible. Situations are different, but in most cases their outcome depends on us, women. Therefore, try to calmly think about what is happening to you. Well, we will help you with this!

Causes of adultery

In order to imagine in whatнаправлении двигаться дальше и как разрешить ситуацию, необходимо разобраться в корнях и причинах происходящего. Конечно, поводов для измены своему супругу или супруге может быть масса. Как правило, вслух в качестве такого повода озвучивается новая любовь — дескать, перед ее силой никто не может устоять. Такое может произойти в ситуации, когда брак был построен на каких-то рациональных причинах или выгоде, но бывает и одновременная влюбленность в двух людей. К счастью, это довольно редкий случай. Однако зачастую причины измены лежат довольно глубоко в отношениях супругов, ведь не случайно считается, что крепкий союз никто не в силах разрушить. Эмоциональная изоляция, отсутствие теплоты и поддержки в отношениях, постоянные ссоры и конфликты — вот неполный перечень всего того, что способно разрушить даже самую сильную любовную связь. Немаловажным фактором также является степень удовлетворенности интимной жизнью супругов: если секс потерял яркость и есть потребность в новом опыте и острых ощущениях, то адюльтер здесь будет очень кстати. И тот факт, что вы — подруга жены своего любовника, лишь придает пикантности происходящему, не так ли? Месть — еще один мотив, побуждающий к измене. С вашей стороны это может быть стремление уязвить подругу за высокомерие, эгоизм, черствость или какие-то неприятные поступки. Муж тоже мог накопить какие-то обиды на свою супругу за годы совместной жизни. И нет мести сильнее, чем сексуальная связь между мужем и лучшей подругой его жены! Но не забывайте: месть — это то, что негативно сказывается не только на том, кому мстят, но и на тех, кто мстит. Она забирает вашу энергию и доброту, оставляя взамен пустоту. Именно поэтому, прежде чем что-то сделать из мести, надо хорошенько подумать. Некоторые люди изменяют, исходя из стремления подражать кому-то. Особенно это касается мужчин: в погоне за мужественным образом они нередко “ведутся” на идею о том, что настоящий мужчина должен одновременно спать с несколькими женщинами, а те, кто так не делают — дураки и нюни. Интересно то, почему для этих целей выбирается подруга жены? Вполне возможно, что это самый простой и доступный вариант, для “охмурения” которого не требуется много времени и сил. Нередко можно встретить в литературе деление на мужские и женские причины измены. Чтобы ответить на вопрос о причинах измены, необходимо четко понимать, чем женщина отличается от мужчины. Самое главное различие между полами заключается в том, что женщины в большей степени эмоциональны, заострены на процессе, а не на результате, а также придают большее значение общению, отношениям и всему, что с этим связано. В связи с этим психологи выделяют различные типы мужчин и женщин, имеющих склонность к изменам, в частности, у мужчин наиболее распространен этакий “казанова”: желая нравиться всем женщинам, он изменяет и любуется своей привлекательностью. Свою мужественность он доказывает победами на интимном фронте. При этом у него есть скрытая потребность в любви, но не может найти и не имеет ни с одной женщиной постоянной эмоциональной связи. Женщины, склонные к адюльтеру, бывают разными: это и “коварная соблазнительница”, которая стремится получить всеобщее обожание и толпу поклонников, и “любительница приключений”, и “беззащитная натура”, которая откликается на каждый брошенный в ее сторону мужской взгляд, и “недовольная”, которая не может ни в чем найти удовлетворения. Кстати, бытует мнение, что к внебрачным связям склонны фригидные или, наоборот, чересчур сексуальные женщины, но это неправда — мы, женщины, очень разные, но вероятность измены супругу присутствует в жизни практически каждой из нас. На вопрос об этичности измены ответить очень сложно: с одной стороны, это, безусловно, плохо и неправильно, а с другой — жизнь ведь очень сложная штука, и куда нас заведет ее тропинка, трудно предсказать. Поэтому советуем воздержаться от осуждения в адрес других и от самобичевания. Конечно, очень сложно оставаться спокойной в ситуации, когда вас называет » любимая ” не кто-нибудь, а муж лучшей подруги. Однако для того, чтобы справиться со всеми сложными чувствами, бушующими внутри вас, необходимо ответить на вопрос, а что вы вообще хотите от этой ситуации? Это и будет первым шагом к ее разрешению.

7 tips for changing

Anyway, what happened happened, andyou are sleeping with your best friend's husband. It is quite possible that you don't want to decide anything now, but just want to enjoy what is happening. But there is one obstacle - if your friend finds out about what is happening, she will probably "kill" you. This is, of course, a strong word, but your friendship, your relationship with her husband and your peace of mind will come to an end. How should you behave so that this does not happen?

Make friends with your conscience, and at the same time withyour lover's conscience. It can especially torment you at those moments when your other halves demonstrate their tender feelings for you. As a rule, its interference is manifested in the appearance of feelings of guilt, shame, disgust and the desire to immediately tell everyone everything. But you don't need to do this! At least until you and your lover decide to live happily ever after - in all other cases, this is just shifting problems from a sick head to a healthy one. You don't want to make your partners suffer for no reason, do you?

Allow yourself to be multifaceted.Each of us is an individual, and this very individual always includes all sorts of sub-personalities: a successful worker, a reckless friend, a keeper of the family hearth, a sexy tigress and many others. And in each individual situation we turn to the world of one of our sides - this does not mean that you are that very side. It's just that at this moment in time you want to be a cunning and liberated slut, and at another - comb your children's hair and cook breakfast for your husband. And this does not always indicate hypocrisy - you can simply be different and enjoy all your roles.

You must always have a perfect alibi.And it is not as easy to come up with as it seems at first glance. For example, in your case the words “I was at a friend’s” will not work, because if your husband calls her and you are with her husband, several times will be enough to arouse suspicion. Spend a little time creating your ideal alibi and demand the same from your lover - and they will serve you well.

Train your memory.As you probably already understood, you will need a clear and well-functioning head, from which you can extract at any moment everything that you have ever told anyone. This is necessary in order not to get confused in your own testimony. If you do not have such abilities, then get a special notebook in which you write down... No, no, not the history of your sexual adventures, but where you were, what you did and who you talked to. This will help you easily make up stories for your husband. Tell your lover about this - perhaps he will also find such a "tool" useful.

An unblemished reputation.The opinion of others about you must be impeccable in all aspects, so you cannot afford what some other women do. The more you look like an angel in the eyes of friends and acquaintances, the less likely it is that you will be labeled as a cheater. No slippery jokes, ambiguous hints or vulgar photos - you are pure and innocent, and everyone should know about it. Constantly controlling yourself - it is very difficult, but it gives you a serious guarantee of your peace of mind.

Don't tell anyone about your affair.It is possible that you have a friend outside of your relationship whom you trust with absolutely everything, and your lover is a friend, but still keep the fact that your friend's husband is sleeping with you a secret. Firstly, do not tempt other people and do not shift responsibility to them. Secondly, your relationship can cause even more condemnation than any other - why do you need this? And, thirdly, do not create an extra opportunity for yourself to get caught. Let such increased secrecy add even more passion to your relationship!

Don't show up with your friend's husband in publicplaces in your city. But traveling is always welcome! By the way, this can greatly romanticize your relationship, because you can meet in the most beautiful places: look at the drawbridges in St. Petersburg, walk along Arbat in Moscow, ride a gondola in Venice and even climb the Eiffel Tower together. Under such conditions, you will always remember your romance as something magical.

You may be horrified after reading these rules.- How difficult it is to live in this world, observing all this! Well, what did you think? Sex with your best friend's husband - it's not like baking pancakes! It takes a lot of effort to control the situation and not let the secret become obvious. Or maybe this is what you are trying to achieve? Then you will be interested in the next section.

Sex threesome?

Paradoxically, there is an option in which everythingthe parties will be satisfied with the current situation - this is a variant of a threesome. It can work if the main reason for your relationship with your best friend's husband was sexual interest. Then, in order to legalize your relationship, your lover should offer his wife a threesome, mentioning you as a possible "guest star". But you need to do this very carefully, so as not to raise suspicions that he just wants to legally cheat on his wife. The main argument can be that you are not a stranger to the family and will fit into their intimate life quite well. Naturally, you can't immediately offer a threesome - your friend needs to be prepared somehow. You can also take part in this, quietly and unobtrusively discussing this topic and finding out her opinion on this matter. If you hear a categorical "no", then perhaps this issue is not worth raising, but if there are notes of interest in the voice, then you can continue to explore this ground. You will ask: "How should I behave?" In order for a threesome to go smoothly, it is necessary, firstly, to pay special attention to contraception. This is a safety issue that is not discussed, because with such contacts the vulnerability to infections is higher. Be sure to change the condom in each contact and use local antiseptics such as miramistin. Secondly, behave in such a way as not to cause jealousy on the part of your girlfriend: do not stay overnight and do not pay excessive attention to her husband. Try to use this unusual sexual experience to the fullest. Unfortunately, you can offer a threesome only in a very limited number of cases. Both girls should be confident in their attractiveness, and the man - in his abilities. As a rule, the participants in a love triangle are not ready for such a turn of events, and they have to come up with something else to resolve the situation.

How to break the vicious circle?

Usually the idea that sex with the husband is the bestgirlfriends - this is a problem that comes a few months after the beginning of this relationship, and sometimes earlier. There are practically no people who would feel comfortable in the current circumstances. Accordingly, there is a desire to make sure that both the wolves remain full and the sheep - whole. Is this realistic? Unfortunately, no, and, most likely, you will have to break off this relationship one way or another. If you have already made such a decision and voiced it to your lover, then the first thing you need to do is to completely stop communicating with him. There should be no contacts, even casual ones. To do this, try to spend more time with your girlfriend outside the home: walk in the park, go to the cinema, have lunch in a cafe. Although, perhaps, you will not want to see her for some time, because she reminds you of your lover - her husband. Try using the "fight fire with fire" method. If you are married, then take a closer look at your husband - You fell in love with him for a reason, didn't you? Take a second honeymoon with him and go on a trip. Well, if you're not married, take a closer look at your bachelor friends - maybe there's someone among them who will interest you? Or ask your girlfriends or friends to introduce you to attractive acquaintances. Of course, you'll say, it's easy to give advice without experiencing the whole range of feelings that are raging inside me now! But you need to cope with them, otherwise this vicious circle will haunt you for a very long time. Try writing a letter to your lover, then reread it and burn it. Coping is also facilitated by regularly repeating to yourself the thought that you've coveted someone else's, and this is very bad. Remember that you're suffering for a reason. Your goal is to keep your girlfriend, and everything you do is aimed at this. After all, there are many different men, and true friends are not easy to come by. There are a number of other activities that can help you distract yourself and cope with overwhelming feelings:

• If you previously wanted to be beautiful, smart andinteresting for him, then it's time to change your orientation - do the same things, but for yourself. Don't forget to take care of yourself: if finances allow, visit beauty salons and fitness clubs, if not - invite your girlfriends over and give each other a manicure.
• Try to express your emotions in creativity orhobby. Sign up for a dance class or cooking classes. Buy a paint and a large sheet of Whatman and draw what's on your mind. In order for a hobby to help distract, we must do this with full dedication, and not for a tick.
• In psychotherapy there is such a method - grouppsychotherapy, when people discuss their problems with each other and share experiences. When you learn that others are going through the same thing and what helps them, it makes you feel better. Use this idea and open a corresponding topic on a women's forum and ask girls to share their stories. At the same time, you will find out what percentage of them ended well and why.
• If you can’t get distracted from your ownfalling in love, then try to shift the focus of your attention from what a wonderful person your lover is to what shortcomings he has. Here, your girlfriend's complaints about him will also help you - she probably told you something about the unpleasant sides of his personality. In order to better feel this, imagine yourself in her place. Or maybe he behaved ugly towards you too? Now memories of this may be useful to you.

The main thing is not to tell your friend about ithappened between you - you will lose both your lover and your girlfriend. But perhaps you are not so much interested in friendship as in your relationship with this man? This happens, and sometimes people fall deeply in love - it is no one's fault that you did not meet each other earlier. In this situation, you need to think about how to present it to everyone. Maybe you should just break up with your significant other for now, without telling them about the betrayal - this will be the least traumatic. Do not advertise your relationship for some time, wait until the passions subside, and you can calmly be with each other. Human relationships are a very complex and confusing thing. There are no equally correct and true solutions for everyone. And although building your happiness on the ruins of someone else's may not be entirely correct, sometimes - this is the only right decision. And sometimes it is better to listen to this rule and refuse what seems tempting and attractive - sex with your best friend's husband. In general, the last word is always yours. Do what seems right to you, and do not listen to anyone. And then your life will be yours, and not someone else's - this is the only way to find true happiness. We recommend reading:

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