Where does low self-esteem come from?Why does it happen that someone starts to think about themselves only in a negative way and stops believing in their abilities? And how to increase self-confidence to remove all obstacles on the path to success? In this article, we will tell you how to challenge those negative feelings and beliefs that have taken over you. We will tell you where these beliefs come from and how they are fixed in your mind. And most importantly, we will tell you how to change these beliefs and increase your sense of self-worth by answering the most important questions that you most likely would like to ask us.

What is self-esteem?

Every person has a certain opinion aboutwhat he or she is like. This opinion is the basis of your sense of self-worth and affects how you feel about yourself and how much you value yourself. Self-esteem is not static and fixed; your beliefs about who you are can change throughout your life, depending on your circumstances and experiences. If you have low self-esteem, your beliefs about your self-worth are more likely to be negative. You are likely to constantly focus on what you perceive as your weaknesses or mistakes, and you spend most of your time convinced that you are not good enough for this world. And when you do something, you think about what you failed at rather than what you succeeded in. If you have high self-esteem, you tend to see yourself in a positive light. Bad life events - such as losing a job, ending a relationship, or losing the trust of a friend - can also hurt you. But the more confident you are in yourself, the more likely it is that your high self-esteem can become a buffer that will significantly soften the blows of fate and allow you to quickly return to normal. It is your judgments about yourself that make the difference between high and low self-esteem. Only yours, and no one else's! It is important to understand that these are just your subjective opinions, not facts. They may be wrong or inaccurate, and there are ways to change them.

What can cause low self-esteem?

Of course, it is impossible to point to just onethe cause of low self-esteem for each individual, because the formation of our core beliefs about ourselves is a rather complex process. A person’s character and innate temperament also play a role, but the most important thing is life experiences and relationships with others, which are unique to each person. Negative experiences in childhood often have a destructive effect on self-esteem, because this is when personality and self-awareness are formed. If relationships with others during this period cannot be called positive, then the child gets the impression that no one appreciates him and he is not important to anyone, and this takes away his chance to build a stable foundation of self-confidence. Significant negative experiences in adulthood can also shake and change a person’s core beliefs about himself. This usually happens not in one day, but over a fairly long period of time, and you may not even notice that your self-esteem is going down. Here is what can negatively affect a person’s self-esteem:

• Physical or emotional needs in childhood that were not met;
• Situations when a person becomes a subject of abuse or violence - sexual, emotional or physical;
• Inability to meet the expectations of their parents;
• Pressure from peers, friends or relatives who demand that you comply with social or cultural norms that you disagree with;
• Intimidation or excessive pressure at work;
• Trauma, injury, illness - everything that affects the quality of your life and activities and your opportunities;
• Bereavement;
• Social isolation and loneliness.

What are the consequences of low self-esteem?

The Impact of Low Self-Esteem on Your Lifecan be significant, and you may find that all areas of your life suffer; even your mental health may be damaged. All of this only aggravates existing conditions, sets the stage for more and more problems to develop, and makes you increasingly vulnerable. Your lack of self-confidence may affect:

• Personal relationships. If you have low self-esteem, then you will be sure that you do not deserve to be treated with love and respect, and therefore you allow friends or partners to simply use and manipulate you.
• Life in society. For some people who are insecure, it can be too hard to hear criticism against them. Therefore, they try to stay away from any actions that require decision-making, and they remain isolated from everyone - and disappointed in life.
• Job. If your low self-esteem is based on the belief that you are not competent or not too smart, then you and at work will avoid performing any tasks, if you are not sure about the outcome of your efforts, or even try to take up work that could would overpower. Your inadequate self-esteem will significantly limit career opportunities and will negate the possibility of your personal development.
• Your reputation. You may find that in trying to fight with self-doubt, you behave in such a way that you begin to harm yourself and those around you. Some try to escape from problems, resorting to risky methods: disorderly (and unprotected!) Sex, addiction to alcohol, taking drugs. And some develop aggressive personality traits to try to hide their vulnerability and thus protect themselves from possible pressure.

No one can be happy all the time, andHigh self-esteem does not mean that you will always feel confident or have successful relationships. However, good emotional health and positive self-esteem are powerful predictors of happiness. If your core beliefs about yourself are mostly positive, you will still face problems, but your ability to cope with them will be much greater.

What can be done to build a positive self-image?

As we have already said, the degree of your confidencein yourself depends on self-esteem, and self-esteem is based on your core beliefs about yourself as a person. If your goal is to increase your self-confidence, then you simply need to challenge these beliefs and completely change them. This task may seem impossible to you; however, there are many ways to do this. We will talk about one of them. Identify your negative beliefs and learn to refute them If you want to increase your self-confidence, then it is very important for you to understand what negative beliefs prevent you from thinking about yourself with respect and where these beliefs came from. This can be an unpleasant and even painful process, so you should probably ask for support from a person you especially trust. If following our advice is too difficult or you are simply not sure that you are doing everything right, then you can seek professional help from a good psychologist. Try asking yourself the following questions in different situations, and it is better to write down the answers to them (this will help you systematize your thoughts and identify those that are negative):

• What do you think about your strengths and weaknesses?
• What do people think about you as negative?
• When do you begin to feel particularly insecure?
• Can you identify the events that cause this feeling?
• Which of the negative thoughts do you have regularly?

It is very useful to keep a diary where youYou will write down your thoughts and feelings for several weeks or even months. Write down the details of the situation, how you felt and what you were thinking. For example:

Situation:I was asked to give a talk at work. My reaction: I felt very anxious, but I said I would try to prepare the talk. My core belief about myself: No one will want to listen to me because I won't be able to prepare good material for the talk.

Situation: I was invited to a party.My reaction: I lied and said I would be busy that day. My core belief about myself: I won't have anything interesting to say, I'll be the worst dressed person, and I'll look really stupid.

Situation:I saw a job posting and I have been interested in this job for a long time. My reaction: I got angry and threw away the newspaper with the ad. My core belief about myself: I am not smart enough to get this job. I won't even be able to make a good impression on the interviewer during the interview.

And so on, describing and analyzing in detail “bybones" every incident that caused you an unpleasant feeling of self-doubt. By accumulating such records and analyzing them, you can challenge yourself and begin to change your core beliefs. One of the best ways is to start writing completely different explanations next to your usual core beliefs, which will be imbued with self-confidence. For example, if you feel that no one loves you, you can start writing down all the situations that show a different picture. For example:

• My mother very warmly congratulated me on my birthday.
• My brother did not answer my call, but then he explained to me that there was nothing personal about this, he was simply very busy at work.
• A friend asked me to be a witness at her wedding.
• I talked very kindly with my colleague during the lunch break, and she said that she would like to continue our conversation.

These are just small examples, but since yourAs your list gets longer over time, you will be able to challenge your negative beliefs about yourself based on it. And your self-confidence will grow steadily. Look for positive qualities in yourself Start making a list of those qualities in yourself that could support the increase in your confidence. Write about everything good that you have and do. For example, you have a pleasant smile - write it down. Or you donate money to charity from time to time, or you have good organizational skills - put everything on your list. Continue to add to this list for several weeks, months, and review it as often as possible. And if you have an event coming up that you are very worried about - reread your list to make sure that you have a lot of good things that you could present to others. Set goals for yourself Set a goal that you can realistically achieve. Start with something relatively easy, but something that is meaningful to you. For example, you can set a goal to write a note for a local newspaper or leave a comment on a blog about a topic that interests you. Once you have accomplished your goal, praise yourself, and then set yourself a more challenging goal. Learn to hold yourself confidently Learn to recognize your body language. Observe how you hold yourself when you are not worried about anything, and remember your posture and your gestures at that moment. Always try to ensure that your shoulders are straight, your head is held high, and your voice is loud enough. This is how self-confident people look. If necessary, change your environment It is quite possible that there are people who provoke or support negative judgments about yourself. It is important to identify such people and take steps to limit their influence on you. Try to communicate with people who do not criticize you and treat you kindly. Find yourself in a hobby You can learn to play the piano, draw, sing, speak a foreign language. Analyze your natural inclinations and abilities and try to do what you have long wanted to do. Your new skill - and perhaps more than one! - will help you feel satisfied that you have achieved something, and you will have some advantage over others who do not know how to do what you can now do. We really hope that our tips on how to increase self-confidence will help you completely change your life. Let following our advice become your first goal, and start achieving it today! We recommend reading:

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