Where does a person get low self-esteem? Why does it happen that someone starts to think of themselves only in a negative way and ceases to believe in their capabilities? And how to increase self-confidence to remove all obstacles on the way to success? In this article, we will tell you how to challenge the negative feelings and beliefs that have taken over you. We will tell you where these beliefs come from and how they are fixed in your mind. And most importantly, we will tell you how to change these beliefs and increase your sense of self-importance by answering the most important questions that you most likely would like to ask us.

What is self-esteem?

Everyone has a definite opinion,what he really is. This opinion is based on self-esteem and affects how you feel about yourself and how much you value yourself. Self-esteem is not static and fixed; Your belief about what you are, can change throughout life, depending on the circumstances and the experience gained. If you have a low self-esteem, then beliefs about your own values ​​will often be negative. Most likely, you are constantly focused on what you consider your weaknesses or mistakes, and most of the time you spend in complete conviction that you are not good enough for this world. And if you do something, then you do not think about what you managed to do, but about what did not happen. If you have a high self-esteem, then you usually see yourself in a positive light. Unpleasant life events - like losing a job, breaking a relationship or losing trust in one of your friends - can hurt you too. But the more confident you are in yourself, the more real it is that your high self-esteem can become a buffer that will significantly soften the blows of fate and will quickly come to normal. It is your judgments about yourself that make up the difference that exists between high and low self-esteem. Only yours, and draws more! It is important to understand that these are just your subjective opinions, not facts. They can be erroneous or inaccurate, and there are ways by which they can be changed.

What can cause low self-esteem?

Of course, it is impossible to point to onethe reason for low self-esteem for each individual person, because the formation of our core beliefs about ourselves is a rather complicated process. The nature and innate temperament of a person also plays a role, but the most important thing is life experience and relationships with others, which are unique for each person. Negative experience in childhood often destructively affects self-esteem, because it is then that the personality and self-consciousness are formed. If the relationship with others in this period can not be called positive, the child has the impression that no one appreciates him and he is not important to anyone, and this deprives him of the chance to build a stable foundation of self-confidence. A significant negative experience in adult life can also shake and change a person's basic beliefs about himself. It usually does not happen in one day, but for a rather long time, and you may even not notice that your self-esteem goes down. Here that can negatively affect the self-conceit of a person:

• Physical or emotional needs in childhood that were not met;
• Situations when a person becomes a subject of abuse or violence - sexual, emotional or physical;
• Inability to meet the expectations of their parents;
• Pressure from peers, friends or relatives who demand that you comply with social or cultural norms that you disagree with;
• Intimidation or excessive pressure at work;
• Trauma, injury, illness - everything that affects the quality of your life and activities and your opportunities;
• Bereavement;
• Social isolation and loneliness.

What are the consequences of low self-esteem?

The impact of low self-esteem on your life is capable ofbe significant, and you may find that all the spheres of your life suffer from this; can be damaged even by your mental health. All this only aggravates the existing conditions, prepares the ground for the development of more and more new problems and makes you increasingly vulnerable. From your self-doubt may suffer:

• Personal relationships. If you have low self-esteem, then you will be sure that you do not deserve to be treated with love and respect, and therefore you allow friends or partners to simply use and manipulate you.
• Life in society. For some people who are insecure, it can be too hard to hear criticism against them. Therefore, they try to stay away from any actions that require decision-making, and they remain isolated from everyone - and disappointed in life.
• Job. If your low self-esteem is based on the belief that you are not competent or not too smart, then you and at work will avoid performing any tasks, if you are not sure about the outcome of your efforts, or even try to take up work that could would overpower. Your inadequate self-esteem will significantly limit career opportunities and will negate the possibility of your personal development.
• Your reputation. You may find that in trying to fight with self-doubt, you behave in such a way that you begin to harm yourself and those around you. Some try to escape from problems, resorting to risky methods: disorderly (and unprotected!) Sex, addiction to alcohol, taking drugs. And some develop aggressive personality traits to try to hide their vulnerability and thus protect themselves from possible pressure.

No one can be constantly happy, and highself-esteem does not mean that you will always feel confident and will always build successful relationships with people. Nevertheless, good emotional health and positive self-esteem are powerful predictors of happiness. If your basic beliefs about yourself are mostly positive, you will still have problems, but your ability to cope with them will be much higher.

What can be done to build a positive self-image?

As we have already said, the degree of your confidence independs on self-esteem, and self-esteem is based on your basic beliefs about yourself as a person. If the goal is to increase your self-confidence, then you just need to challenge these beliefs and completely change them. You may find this task impossible; but meanwhile, there are many ways to do this. We will talk about one of them. Determine your negative beliefs and learn how to disprove them. If you want to increase self-confidence, it is very important for you to understand which negative beliefs do not allow you to think of yourself with respect and where these beliefs come from. This can be an unpleasant and even painful process, so you probably want to ask for the support of a person you especially trust. If you follow our advice will be too difficult or you simply will not be sure that you are doing everything right, you can seek professional help from a good psychologist. Try to ask yourself the following questions in different situations, and write them down better (this will help you to systematize your thoughts and identify those that bear a negative color):

• What do you think about your strengths and weaknesses?
• What do people think about you as negative?
• When do you begin to feel particularly insecure?
• Can you identify the events that cause this feeling?
• Which of the negative thoughts do you have regularly?

It is very useful to keep such a diary where you will berecord your thoughts and record feelings for a few weeks or even months. Write down the details of the situation, how you felt at the same time and what you were thinking about. For example:

Situation: I was asked to make a report at work. My reaction: I felt very anxious, but said that I would try to prepare a report. The main belief about yourself: No one will want to listen to me, because I will not be able to prepare good material for the report.

Situation: I was invited to a party. My reaction: I lied and said that I would be busy that day. The basic belief about myself: I can not say anything interesting, I will be dressed worst of all, and in general I will look very stupid.

Situation: I saw the announcement of the vacancy, and this work has long been of interest to me. My reaction: I got angry and threw out the newspaper with the announcement. The basic belief about myself: I'm not smart enough to get such a job. I can not even make a good impression on the interviewer during the interview.

And so on, detailing and analyzing "bybones "every case that caused you an unpleasant feeling of insecurity. By accumulating such records and analyzing them, you can challenge yourself and begin to change your basic beliefs. One of the best ways - next to your usual basic beliefs is to start writing completely different explanations that will be imbued with faith in yourself. For example, if you think that no one likes you, you can start recording all situations that show a different picture. For example:

• My mother very warmly congratulated me on my birthday.
• My brother did not answer my call, but then he explained to me that there was nothing personal about this, he was simply very busy at work.
• A friend asked me to be a witness at her wedding.
• I talked very kindly with my colleague during the lunch break, and she said that she would like to continue our conversation.

These are just small examples, but since yourthe list will eventually become longer, then you can, based on it, challenge your negative beliefs about yourself. And increasing your self-confidence, accordingly, will increase steadily. Look for positive qualities Begin to make a list of those of your qualities that could support the increase of your confidence. Write about all the good things that are in you and what you are doing. For example, you have a nice smile - write it down. Or you from time to time transfer money to charity, or you have good organizational skills - put everything on your list. Continue to replenish this list for several weeks, months, and view it as often as possible. And if you have an event that you are worried about, read your list to make sure that you have a lot of good that you could show to others. Set your goals Set a goal that you can really achieve. Start with something relatively easy, but what matters to you. For example, you can ask to write a note to a local newspaper or leave a comment on a blog on the topic of interest. After completing the plan, praise yourself, and then put in front of a more complex goal. Learn to keep confident Learn to recognize the language of your body. Watch how you hold on, when you are not worried, and remember your posture and your gestures at this moment. Always try to make sure that your shoulders are straightened, your head is high, and your voice is loud enough. That's what confident people look like. If there is a need, change your environment It is possible that there are people who provoke or support negative judgments about themselves. It is important to identify such people and take measures to limit their influence on you. Try to communicate with people who do not criticize you and treat you kindly. Find yourself in a hobby You can learn to play the piano, draw, sing, speak a foreign language. Analyze your natural propensities and opportunities and try to do what you have long wanted to do. Your new skill - and perhaps not one! - will help you feel satisfied that you have achieved something, and you will have some advantage over others who do not know how to do what you can do now. We really hope that our tips on how to increase self-confidence will help you completely change your life. Let the adherence to our advice be your first goal, and begin to achieve it today! We advise you to read:

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