How to get rid of anger?

Anger is one of the most important emotions, andit is perceived as something negative, something that brings harm and ruins your life. Each of us at least once in our lives experienced shame and guilt for not holding back anger in time in front of a loved one or a respected person. Sometimes it was even the reason for a break in relations. Therefore, finding a solution on how to get rid of anger is relevant for almost every person. Holding back your anger is not so easy. Like any other strong emotion, it arises spontaneously and is difficult to consciously control. We must not forget that holding back anger is not always reasonable and useful, since it does not allow you to express your feelings and remove barriers that prevent you from achieving your goals. In addition, regularly holding back anger leads to pathological activation of the autonomic nervous system, which can be the cause of some diseases. Therefore, you do not need to fight anger, it is better to learn how to use it correctly and control it.

What is anger?

In order to get rid of anger, it is necessaryknow what this feeling is. Anger is a negative emotion directed against the injustice experienced and accompanied by the desire to eliminate it. When you experience anger, you can feel how your blood “boils”, your face “burns” and your muscles tense. Sometimes it is like a volcano or a hurricane. You feel a physical force that prompts you to attack the offender. You have so much energy that sometimes it seems that you will explode if you do not hit someone. It is from this energy that you feel brave and courageous. This is the main meaning of the emergence of anger - an increase in physical strength to fight obstacles and dangers. Throughout its existence, humanity has repeatedly faced various threats, and largely thanks to anger, it managed to overcome them. But as civilization developed, society created entire institutions that ensure the safety of human life, so the need for anger gradually decreases. Modern man is still subject to anger and rage, but their manifestation from the point of view of law and morality is almost always condemned (except in cases of protecting oneself and loved ones). Therefore, some people currently consider anger to be more of a hindrance than a positive element of behavior, and are racking their brains over the question of how to get rid of anger forever. However, from the point of view of psychology, the complete exclusion and suppression of anger is unreasonable, because anger is part of human nature. A person needs to be able to use it for his own good. Perhaps, we rarely find ourselves in a situation of real physical threat (although sometimes we do, and we would not want to lose anger in it!). But more and more often we are faced with the need to protect ourselves from psychological pressure. In these situations, the ability to use moderate and controlled anger will be very useful and will help you defend your rights. After all, if someone puts moral or psychological pressure on you, you need to give him a firm and decisive rebuff, and moderate anger can be the basis of this rebuff. Your anger will be useful not only to you, but also to the person who, by violating social norms, puts you or someone else in danger. This does not mean that you should fight back against every person and in every situation. By making hostility and aggression the norm of your life, you may face suffering. However, their absence does not mean a happy life - quite the opposite. Therefore, it is very important to learn to control your anger.

Causes of anger

There may be a lot of them, and in order to understand,how to get rid of irritability and anger, it is necessary to understand the reasons that cause them. Psychologists describe four main groups of reasons for the emergence of anger:

Restriction of freedom - physical orpsychological. An example of the limitation of physical freedom can be the cry and anger of the baby, when the mother holds his hands and does not let them talk. In more adult people, speech is most often about psychological unfreedom - for example, about some rules, restrictions or conventions.

Presence of obstacles in achieving the goal. When you do something, and suddenly there is an obstacle between you and the target, first of all you get angry, after which you try to overcome it. For example, if you brought documents to an official, and he sits and drinks tea, you will experience anger and try to hand over the documents to him, no matter what.

Psychological reasons. These can be thoughts about mistakes, insults, injustice, insults. A person can be angry with other people if he considers them to be the cause of his misadventures, as well as circumstances or inanimate objects. For example, a person who has a serious illness, is angry with the fate that "rewarded" him.

Very unpleasant sensations - strong cold, hunger,pain, dirt, in general, any discomfort. For example, if you spent the whole day hungry, it would not be surprising when you suddenly become angry with your family.

These four main reasons are, in essence,come down to one thing – the infringement of our Self. Various obstacles prevent us from achieving goals and satisfying needs, which are actually the same thing. This is where the key to controlling your anger lies.

Practical Anger Management Tips

As a rule, when we feel angry, we commitany of the following: trying to pull ourselves together and gain control over the situation, somehow attacking the object and cause of anger, or committing some irrational actions. Most often, you find yourself in situations where you cannot express your anger, which is why psychological recommendations for self-regulation will be useful to you. This is especially true if you have uncontrollable outbursts of anger - how to get rid of them?

Most importantly - understand what makes you angry. If you think that some person is to blame for your misadventures, try to soberly assess whether he did everything he could do to prevent this situation from happening? In most cases, an honest answer is yes. And if not - ask him about it. He may not want, and this is his right, then you can either wait, or try not to have any more business with this person.
To be angry at some circumstance is ridiculous,because it does not exist objectively. The mechanism is simple: instead of yourself, you address your anger to someone or something else. Try not to be angry, but to think carefully - what can you do to improve the situation and achieve the desired goal? Look at the problem from different angles, and most likely there will be a solution.
Sometimes we get angry at something or someone, whenthey seem to us somehow not so. For example, we think a person is stupid, and a vase is funny, and that makes us angry. Most often the reason for anger lies in the fact that we do not allow ourselves or others to be such - stupid or ridiculous. Accordingly, the key to managing anger here is the full awareness of what makes you angry, and the mental resolution of the object of anger to be what it is.
Concentrate on solving the problem, not onlooking for the guilty. Describe the problem for yourself from all sides, draw up a detailed action plan and periodically check what progress is in its implementation. Try to focus on the mind and logic, and not on feelings of anger and irritation.
If you want to express anger to the source orobject of anger, then express it specifically and in essence. Do not weave past and other people's stories. Remember that you are scolding a person for his certain act. Only then does your aggression have a chance to remain useful and constructive and not to provoke a retaliatory anger.
Use humor. Still Sigmund Freud said that humor is a socially acceptable canalizer of aggression. Simply put, experiencing anger, try to joke - even if it is poisonous, and with sarcasm - and you will see how your anger decreases.
Learn to relax. You need to learn to control your breathing - it must be deep and slow. To enhance relaxation, use visualization - pleasant and calm images - and verbal formulations ("my face relaxes, my hands relax, my torso relaxes, my legs relax." Focus on the inner sensations-like looking your body from the inside out.
"Erase" the anger from the muscles. Watch out for yourself - what muscles you are straining when you are angry. If you feel muscular clamps, try to "dissolve" them, as if microscopically twitching these muscles. In this way, you will be free from tension and release the clamped energy.
Express your anger in space. Sometimes it happens that anger is accumulated and accumulated, and there is no detente. In this case, it must be implemented. You can go somewhere far away and shout loudly. Sports will also be effective, especially if it involves aggression, for example, kickboxing or boxing pear training. If you are touched by a particular person, but there is no way for him to say this - write a letter, read it and burn it.

These are the simple answers to the question of howget rid of anger on your own. Try to implement some of these simple recommendations, and you will see how the amount of anger in your life will imperceptibly decrease. We recommend reading: