Envy - a feeling that does notnobody is insured. According to psychologists, this is nothing more than evidence of some dysfunctional factors in people's lives. It happens that a person perceives real or imagined advantages over him of other people (expressed in material goods or in something else) as an immediate threat to personal integrity. This feeling is accompanied by strong feelings and some actions. In other words, envy appears when people value other people's dignities higher than their own. And the mentioned advantages do not always have a place to be. They can only exist in the imagination of man. A feeling of envy causes negative emotions. It brings moral discomfort, but sometimes it is useful. After all, a man whose self-esteem falls, often intends to do something urgently in order to achieve the benefits that, in his opinion, are available to people whom he envies. And in some cases it really achieves visible success, which contributes to the appearance of self-esteem and self-reliance. Psychologists say that the feeling of envy is felt by ninety-four women out of a hundred. The first place in the ranking of reasons for him among friends is appearance, the second - the advantages of the figure. In third place are professional achievements, and on the fourth - the popularity of men. Next comes financial independence, and only then women envy a successful marriage.

How to deal with your own envy?

As prerequisites for the emergence of envy more oftenall are: a very high level of ambition with an unstable, often inflated self-esteem, too close attention to the one who is envious, bored, not satisfying work, lack of one's own way of life. That is, in fact, if we see in others what we lack ourselves, we want to get it. And since we are friends with different people, our successes on the personal front, in the professional sphere and so on often differ from each other. Unfortunately, the human psychology is arranged so that envy is felt by friends. Especially often it happens between women. All of us at least once caught ourselves thinking: "Why does it have it, but I do not?" Although common sense in this matter is completely absent. Envy is not only destructive, but also constructive, motivating to achieve new successes, as mentioned above. But the negative emotions that it causes, you need to be able to get rid of. "What did the girlfriend do to have something?" - that's how to formulate the question, so that the answer to it brings peace or a push to move forward. For example, your friend lives in a separate apartment, but she got it in her inheritance - lucky. And you work day in and day out, paying off your loan or postponing to have your own home in the future. At first glance, it seems that the girlfriend is in a more advantageous position. And if you look deeper, then quite the contrary. Working, you self-actualize and get an opportunity to be proud of the fruits of your successes, knowing perfectly well that your achievements depend only on yourself, and not on someone else. In addition, the envy of girlfriends arises also in the event that the appearance of one of them in something exceeds the natural data of the other. What to do if you suffer from such feelings, experiencing them when communicating with a friend? Option two: you either remove the source of envy, stopping contacting your girlfriend, or take as a fact its external data and try to really evaluate your own. It is likely that your eyes, hair, legs and something else are not inferior in beauty, only you do not want to understand it, envying someone else. It turns out that you do not like yourself and it is with this you need to fight, and not waste your energy, seeking out the dignity of the rest. Envy of girlfriends, arising from the successful personal life of one of them, often has no basis, if we consider the prerequisites for it more closely. First, relations and family are not ideal for anyone, and secondly, it is possible that you are still free from marriage ties, is not at all a disadvantage. But you have a lot of time for yourself, you can be realized as a professional in some area, travel and see many interesting things in the world. And what, in the end, is bad in a young independent woman who has so many events ahead of her? Probably, your time for family relations has not come yet. And by the way, think, perhaps you yourself evoke the envy of your girlfriends with your freedom. The same goes for other aspects of the life of your friends who seem to you better. If you can not completely get rid of envy, then at least use it not for fruitless torment, but as an incentive for further achievements. But first, evaluate soberly, and do you really need to have what your friends have. And one more tip: ask yourself, are you ready to sacrifice your achievements in exchange for the opportunity to get strangers? On what will be the answer to the question posed, your further actions depend.

What if the girlfriend envies you?

Envy is divided into two types - conscious andunconscious. In the first case, a person understands the reasons for his condition and all his actions have some basis. With unconscious envy, feelings and actions are aimed at compensating for the missing, but people do not understand this. Thus, they can not explain what they want to achieve and why they need it so. Compensation can be expressed in the subjective comparison of one's own and others' moral qualities, the understating of someone's achievements, revenge, and so on. All these actions are aimed at raising self-esteem. It must be understood that your life without the envy of a friend, colleague and even a relative is, rather, a beautiful fairy tale, rather than a reality. Only a narrow circle of people can overcome this feeling. Should I be upset about this and always look at friends through the prism of mistrust, looking for hidden gloating about your failures or envy of success in their comments? Of course, no, otherwise you risk being left alone. But to take some measures in order to protect themselves from envious, it is still worth it. Moreover, they only contribute to a sincere relationship with close people. Below are some tips on this.

Do not show off your achievements, rememberthat modesty not only adorns, but also does not give cause for envy of a friend and other members of your environment. Of course, success and happiness always want to share, but think about the fact that, perhaps, friends are not always able to correctly understand this desire. They may think that you are boasting of what has been achieved, and not sincerely invite them to share your joy.

Do away with painful topics for friends. For example, if you know that a friend does not have a personal life, then there is no need to dedicate her to the details of her happy marriage or plans for a wedding. Why give an extra reason for the envy of a friend? Do not ask her about the problems - if she wants to share them, she will tell herself. In this case, your mission is to help and support, for example, in the form of effective advice.

Do not hesitate and talk to your intimate friendabout their own problems and failures. But do it, if you are sure that you will not cause secret malevolence from her side. Perhaps your sincerity will quench the spark of envy of a friend that has flared up, if she realizes that success does not fall from the sky, but requires a huge effort on your part.

And the last tip. Do not try to specifically cause a feeling of envy among friends and girlfriends that surround you. Surely not all of them are able to suppress the negative in this case in relation to you. Remember that deliberate boasting is fraught with revenge on the part of envious persons, which can lead to very negative consequences.

The following should be added as an output: To get rid of feelings of envy, you must first stop living with an eye on others. After all, among them there is always someone who has achieved more than others. Secondly, it is necessary to carry out an audit of one's own life in order to realize that it is not in it as we would like. If such a factor is found, you should try to eliminate it and work on yourself. And, finally, stop comparing yourself with others and begin to evaluate only your own progress. If it exists, it means that there will always be an occasion to meet your own achievements. And in order not to cause jealousy among friends, one must learn to be a modest and sympathetic person. We advise you to read:

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