Marriages break up for a variety of reasons.The reason for divorce is betrayal, constant scandals, death of love, lack of mutual understanding, a major quarrel... One way or another, but the end of a family is always a drama for spouses. Even if there were all the prerequisites for this and divorce seemed the only way out. Because a break between two people who have been together for a long time brings chaos and discomfort into their lives. Women suffer especially from this. A man, having gained freedom, usually begins to use it to the fullest. He hangs out somewhere with friends, drinks to the fullest, does his favorite thing as much as he wants, meets some ladies... It is more difficult for a woman, especially if she has children. You won’t hang out with your girlfriends a lot - there is no time, and most of them are married. Normal young ladies do not enter into too close relationships with a green snake. The weaker sex, of course, has hobbies. However, former married matrons are not used to living only by hobbies, because the family was in the foreground. It is not easy to flirt recklessly - there are not enough bachelors. So one day a divorcee faces the question of how to get her ex-husband back. How to do it correctly and effectively? Well, let's figure it out.
Why women want to return an ex-husband
No matter how much we argue with our other halves,no matter how angry we are with them, dreaming of breaking up, if the breakup happens, we always feel some kind of devastation and confusion. After all, a family is a community, a small world with its own way of life, in which everyone has their own place. And when this world collapses, its fragments hurt everyone. There is no escape from this. Therefore, often, having broken up even with a seemingly hated spouse, we feel melancholy. No, initially there may be relief - well, finally there is peace! No one demands to bring clean socks, does not grumble about every reason, does not reproach for wasted money, does not call you a fool, does not quarrel and does not return home early in the morning. You can seem to breathe a sigh of relief, spread your wings and - fly free! But it does not fly. An empty bed, the absence of your spouse's toothbrush and slippers, lonely evenings... No one to argue with, no one to wait for all night and blame for your wasted youth, no one to be angry and offended with. It's empty and annoying. And he doesn't even think about coming or calling. The emptiness and annoyance are compounded by the grumbling of wounded pride. Once upon a time, when this man got married, he made it clear that you were special and that he couldn't live without you. And now, it turns out, he can. So, you've become like everyone else for him. In addition, it suddenly turns out that after your faithful husband left, your usual daily routine broke down and gaps appeared in it. It's unknown how to fill them. And you suddenly realize that you no longer push the thought "I want my ex-husband back" into the far corner of your consciousness, but begin to cultivate it as a life goal. Why is this happening? It would seem that a woman has truly received freedom, which she can use as she pleases. And she is burning with the desire to return the one who previously limited this freedom. There are more than enough reasons for this. If two people live as one family for a long time, their concerns, problems, goals become connected to each other. In any case, the husband and wife exist together in a chain of events that breaks when they separate. It is difficult for a woman to put together the links of a new chain and adjust her daily goals according to them - the usual guidelines for these goals have disappeared. And she comes to the idea that in order to get out of this situation, it is necessary to return her husband to the family. How can this be done?
What to do after leaving her husband
It is not uncommon to return the ex-husband to the family if hehas not yet found another woman, it is not so difficult. However, even when you have found another, it is also possible. Men have a hard time giving up habits. Whatever happened in the former family, no matter how the relationship developed, it has already become a habit. That is, it has become a way of life to which the ex-husband has psychologically adapted. Therefore, one way or another, he is subconsciously connected with his former wife. And the lady he is dating or living with now, he will involuntarily compare with her. In some ways, she will certainly turn out to be worse. Therefore, even if the ex-husband is no longer alone, not all is lost. You need to start getting him back with a cold-blooded rethinking of the relationship in marriage. Moreover, they should be assessed calmly and thoughtfully, without accusations and offense. It is necessary to find an exact answer to the question of why this happened. Perhaps the faithful was lacking something or, on the contrary, was more than enough? When and how did it happen that the initial affection turned into alienation or hostility? At what stage of communication in the family did mutual understanding and the desire to find a common language disappear? We need to think carefully about all of this. Even if the spouse clearly expressed his complaints before the divorce, he could replace the real reason with an invented one. Not all people are able to speak openly about painful problems. In order to determine as accurately as possible what was the impetus for the divorce, you should remember what situations most often irritated your husband. Was he in a bad mood or angry if we flirted with someone? Perhaps your spouse got nervous if we pestered him with some requests or did not allow him to sit with friends? Or when we began to nag him about the fact that there was no money in the house again and that it was time to start raising children? The reasons for the breakdown in relations can be anything. They must certainly be found out so that in the future, if the husband returns, you can learn to avoid sharp corners in communication with him. After everything is fairly well understood, we need to think about how ready we are to change our own behavior to improve the relationship. If this requires not only excessive efforts, but also the rejection of life principles, it is hardly worth trying to get the man back. Nothing good will come of it. If the behavior only needs correction, and we can easily accept the husband with all his desires and claims, then we begin to act.
Rules of conversation with the former husband
First of all, with your husband, of course, it is necessaryпоговорить. Не надо с этим торопиться – пусть пройдёт хотя бы две недели после расставания. Беседа должна быть спокойной, без упрёков, обвинений, жалоб, оправданий. Наверняка мужчина заранее к ним подготовился и готов к отпору. Очередная ссора нам ни к чему. Она только ещё больше оттолкнёт супруга и окончательно уничтожит надежду на восстановление отношений. Поэтому благоверному следует продемонстрировать, что его право на свободу признаётся. Просто хочется понять, почему развалился брак и что мы сделали не так. Наверняка супруг отзовётся на предложение откровенности в диалоге подобного рода. Всё-таки раньше он был очень близким человеком, значит, способен высказать наболевшее той, что считалась половинкой. Не нужно торговаться и обещать исправиться, если муж вернётся в семью. Не следует угрожать и спекулировать чем-то, навязывая ему роль жертвы обстоятельств. Вряд ли тогда у мужчины вновь вспыхнут чувства, – сильный пол терпеть не может принуждения. Если даже мы и вынудим супруга вернуться таким образом, ничего, кроме отчуждения или даже ненависти, от него потом не дождёмся. Нужно ли говорить, что в этом случае совместная жизнь станет по меньшей мере безрадостной? Ни в коем случае нельзя давать понять бывшему супругу, что мы готовы ждать вечно и всегда к его услугам. Иначе есть существенный риск превратиться в запасной аэродром, куда мужчина будет приземляться время от времени, дабы привести своё психологическое и физическое состояние в порядок. Бывший муж не должен знать, до какой степени мы в нём нуждаемся. Пусть лучше считает, что жена неплохо себя чувствует в одиночестве, вполне способна жить самостоятельно и имеет возможность выбирать, с кем ей связать свою судьбу в дальнейшем. Такая позиция женщины обычно цепляет мужчину и даёт ему понять, что бывшую супругу, если замешкаться, можно и потерять. Если у мужа есть другая женщина, нельзя унижать её и критиковать. Желательно вообще взять себя в руки и сделать вид, что мы спокойно принимаем этот факт. А разговор затеяли только для того, чтобы узнать его взгляд на прошлое и на негативные стороны брака. В принципе, многим мужчинам импонирует явная женская ревность. Однако в данном случае она не сработает. Супруг, получив доказательства того, что жена страдает и ревнует, лишь потешит самолюбие и начнёт относиться к ней с пренебрежением. Целесообразно будет в диалоге ненавязчиво подчеркнуть значимость мужчины в семье. Можно тонко намекнуть на то, что вот-де, без него и полочка перекосилась, и кран начал рычать, и дети заскучали, и собака затосковала. Не мешало бы, мол, почаще появляться в доме и наводить там порядок. Нет, есть вариант пригласить для починки крана или возвращения полочки на место кого-то другого. Однако лучше, если это будет бывший хозяин. Только он знает все нюансы ремонта, и только он способен прибить полочку так, как надо. При этом нужно говорить о том, что муж раньше действительно делал умело. Если он не знает, как держать в руках молоток или как быть с кашляющим краном, то и упоминать о них нельзя. Или не поверит, или не придёт делать, чтобы не упасть лицом в грязь. После того как разговор состоялся, надо найти повод для того, чтобы в дальнейшем поддерживать отношения с бывшим мужем. Причину для этого следует найти нейтральную. Помощь в каких-то вопросах, встречи с детьми в выходные, поездка на дачу — всё, что угодно, лишь бы в нём не было и намёка на более тесное, чем дружеское, общение. Главное, чтобы с супругом можно было регулярно встречаться. При встречах следует вести себя с достоинством, постараться быть веселой и не выглядеть измождённой. Пусть благоверный не сомневается – на нём свет клином не сошёлся. Скорее всего, это заставит его заинтересоваться личной жизнью своей прежней жены. Ведь почему-то же она не бьётся головой об стену от горя и не рвёт на себе волосы! Значит, есть кому утешить. Желательно при этом поддерживать хорошие отношения со свекровью и с друзьями бывшего мужа, если это возможно. Но только не просить их о помощи, а просто звонить, приходить в гости и в разговорах упоминать о том, что очень хотелось бы разобраться в ошибках своего поведения в браке. Это поможет создать своего рода группу поддержки из людей, мнение которых супругу небезразлично. Конечно же, для того чтобы все эти действия были максимально эффективными, надо постараться расстаться с благоверным цивилизованно. 
How to part with her husband, then you can return it
No matter who is to blame for the divorce, it is necessary to part withIt is necessary to be as tolerant as possible with your spouse. It is possible that after the emotions have calmed down, what happened will appear in a completely different light, and you will want to fix everything. In rage and resentment, you can say such things when saying goodbye, for which you will never beg forgiveness later. Therefore, you should pull yourself together so as not to irrevocably burn all bridges. Crying and begging to stay when your husband leaves is also not worth it, even if we are sure that life will end after this. Firstly, it will not end. Secondly, maybe tears will hold a man back, but he will definitely not love you more later. The husband will stay because he does not want to feel like a cruel executioner, and not because he did not want to leave in the first place. But even if this is not so, then his feelings will still change. A note of contempt for his wife and confidence in her dog-like devotion will appear. Such a position will allow the spouse to behave as he pleases. It is unlikely that such a state of affairs will contribute to strengthening and harmonizing relations. When parting, you cannot humiliate or insult your spouse, either directly or indirectly. When people live together for a long time, they know a lot about each other. And in a fit of anger, they can blurt out something that will cause unbearable pain. Of course, a man can do this too. But if you need him, then whether you like it or not, you will have to make allowances for the person’s lack of restraint and emotionality at such a moment. It is easier for women to forgive words that destroy self-esteem, since self-esteem is not so vulnerable in the weaker sex. As for men, everything is much more complicated here. They do not forget and do not forgive blows below the belt. Therefore, you need to control yourself and not respond to insults with insults. No matter what tone they sound in. The best option for parting with your spouse is calm, friendly and benevolent behavior. Like, you can’t force yourself to be nice, so I give you freedom. This will certainly touch a man and intrigue him. Why does a woman let him go so easily? Does this mean he is not the best in the world? Or maybe she really wanted a divorce from the very beginning? In addition, such nobility will make the husband look at his ex-wife differently. And think about what he overlooked in the marriage and what he was wrong about. And this is already a significant step towards a truce. Complete egoists who do not take anyone into account are not so common. If we still want to get our husband back after a divorce, in all likelihood, he is not one of those egoists. Normal men always take their marriage quite seriously, especially when there are children. And when a family breaks up, they sometimes worry no less than women. Even if the marriage was far from perfect, the husband is often ready to return, you just need to find the right approach to him. But this will require working on yourself and your own mistakes. And you need to change not for a while, but forever. When the ex-husband sees a new, gentle, self-respecting woman in front of him, he will be there again. Because no man will exchange the world in which he is loved and appreciated for the unknown. We recommend reading:
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