Oh, this envy – how to fight it?How can we bypass this negative feeling if each of us does not admit to having this shortcoming even to ourselves? And what should we do if we are envied? Or, even worse, if our enemies are plotting and gossiping behind our backs. On the one hand, envy is a silent recognition of your superiority. The realization that you have outdone someone. And since we are all hunters at heart, such views are often flattering. But the primitive communal system has been left far behind, and we need to learn to build civilized relationships. Without malice, lies, hypocrisy. And since envy is one of the most destructive feelings, the process of re-education must begin with it. Unfortunately, we will have to fight it constantly.
We understand ourselves
First, you need to understand what envy is andhow it affects your life. There are two types of this feeling. The first is when you look at someone's achievements, rejoice in them, but at the same time would like to surpass your rivals. You do not cry at night because of the success of your sister's children, you do not quarrel with your husband because of his new position. You quietly try to teach your daughter, simultaneously enrolling in advanced training courses. So, this is white envy. It is not dangerous, but on the contrary, useful. If you continue to strive for the best, you will succeed. As for the second type, such envy can ruin your life. Unfortunately, it is incredibly difficult to cope with it alone. The first signs are nervousness, anger at more successful people, irritation, fatigue. As a result, such representatives of the fair sex give up at the first failures. And if the friends started together, but one of them succeeded, and the other remained at the very beginning, then female envy will lead to the end of friendship. Unfortunately, not everyone can admit that they are defeated. Why you shouldn't envy your friends So, imagine that you have a fairly successful friend with whom you have been friends since kindergarten. She has everything: an apartment, a car, a rich husband or lover. Female envy gnaws at you every day, you can't get rid of the thought that she is luckier than you. Look at things realistically. Perhaps, not everything is as smooth for her as it seems at first glance. It's just that some people don't wash their dirty linen in public, while others prefer to share their problems with the first person they meet. Believe me, everyone has a skeleton in the closet. At the same time, be careful and don't tell anyone anything personal, no matter how close you are with your friend. Even the richest and most successful people feel envy. And in the future, any provocative information can be used against you. Accidentally or intentionally - it all depends on the situation. Today, there are three main reasons why girlfriends can have unpleasant feelings for each other. Beauty, figure, personal life – for some people this is a reason for pride, and for others it is difficult to accept you as you are. How to get rid of the envy of a friend whom you value very much? Start admiring her, give her compliments. Just be sincere in expressing your feelings and emotions. Gossip as an element of envy Do not be upset if your personal life, career achievements are discussed behind your back. And it does not matter whether you are friends with these people or not. This is the psychology of envy (black, of course) – to speak badly about those who have succeeded in life more than us. Usually gossip is spread by those women who did not work out with a husband, career or children. Do you like to tell your friends information about others? If this is ordinary news, it should not have a pronounced coloring “With her money I would have made a better figure”, “Without lovers she would not have achieved this”. The intonation and content of these phrases indicate that the interlocutor is envious of the person being discussed.
How to cope with envy
What to do if strangers are jealous Envyis inherent in everyone. If the opinion that the grass is greener in your garden belongs to a stranger, then do not be upset. You are unique; there are many people in the world, and it is absolutely impossible to impose your thoughts and feelings on another person. Just as it is impossible to convince someone that you live no better than he does (especially if this is not true). If a person mired in his grievances against others is smart enough, then he will be able to turn envy into a desire for self-improvement. And if not, then you will not be able to help him in any way. Unless you make him dislike you again for your achievements and successes. Therefore, do not pay attention to others, but just go to your goal. How to behave when the envious person is a relative But if a person close to you experiences envy, it is simply necessary to fight it. Firstly, it will be easier for you to communicate with a relative, friend, acquaintance. And secondly, it will become much easier for him to live if he gets rid of an annoying shortcoming. How to eradicate envy? To do this, you can:
- Minimize all stories about personal achievements
This method is perhaps the most effective whenthe first sign of envy is visible - sadness or an annoying smile. However, this method is rarely used. Firstly, it is very difficult to keep silent about what you have finally achieved. Secondly, we rarely attribute envy to loved ones. It seems to us that all their congratulations are sincere, and the mood was spoiled by that very headache that the interlocutor refers to. In fact, his painful condition is a reaction to your triumph. Therefore, watch the change in facial expressions on the face of a loved one when you talk about personal achievements. If you see that a loved one, listening to you, is struggling with himself and his feelings, try not to mention any joyful event in his presence once again. Accept someone else's envy as an illness. You don't touch a wound before it heals, do you? So show tact here too.
- Offer a close person to achieve the same result
Did your friend like the new car?Tell me the address of a car dealership and a bank that gives loans for buying a car. Let her drive the same one! But still, be careful, female envy is stronger and more destructive. Representatives of the fair sex rarely rejoice at the success of their friends.
- Tell us about the shortcomings of your achievement
How to deal with envy if your sister is sadlooking at your new dress? Complain about the poor fit and the high content of synthetic fibers in the fabric. Just don't get carried away with describing the shortcomings, otherwise the person may ask: if this thing is so bad, then why did you buy it? None of the tips help? There is reason to think. Are you sure that this person is really close to you? How to cope with yourself The most difficult case is when the feeling of envy eats you up. And there is no escape from yourself, the black desire to have all the best brings only confusion and disappointment. In especially difficult cases, this leads to depression, aggression and bad relationships with friends. How to overcome envy in yourself?
- Understand the problem
The first thing you need to do is admit that you have itlack. Envy is exactly the same disease as psychological dependence or self-flagellation. Therefore, awareness of the wrong attitude towards others will help you significantly. It is not for nothing that they say that the first step is the most difficult.
- Do not try on someone else's costume
You need to understand that the person you envy is neither better nor worse than you. It's just that at the moment when you are writhing in envy, he is moving towards his goal. So isn't it time to follow his example?
- Change
Paint envy white.Don't turn into the hero of the joke who asked the Goldfish for twice as much as his neighbor wished for. Remember how it all ended for the envious person? The neighbor asked to poke out his eye, and the Goldfish, as ordered earlier, doubled the wish for the second fisherman. He remained blind.
- Rejoice in your achievements
Take other people's achievements as an incentive to improveown growth. Envy can be a great impetus for a start in life. However, do not try to achieve everything that your friend has managed to achieve. A red convertible is certainly cool, but if your friend is not married, then the cards, as they say, are in her hands. And for a family woman, a more practical car that can fit the whole family will do.
- Avoid talking about happy topics
If at first you can't controlyour emotions, and the feeling of envy gnaws at you from the inside, try to turn the unwanted conversation into a safer channel. Remove yourself from the source that causes you such thoughts.
- Analyze
What exactly in the conversation with the person causedenvy? Try on other people's achievements for yourself. Are you annoyed that your friend got promoted at work, while you have been sitting in office management for years? Would you cope with the position of department head? Or would a less responsible job suit you? Imagine that you have to stay late at work every day to finish current tasks that have no end in sight. At that time, the regular office manager has long been at home, fried cutlets for her husband, checked the child's homework, and is now calmly sitting in front of the TV. Do you still want your friend's new position? If you constantly analyze your feelings, you will not have to ask yourself how to overcome envy, since this shortcoming will gradually be transformed into determination.
- Experiment
How to get rid of envy?Do something unusual. There is no better way to solve this problem than to forget about other people's achievements for a while, while gaining new impressions. Take a vacation and start traveling around the world, going hiking and enjoying life. Visit a beauty salon, get your hair done, take a massage course. And remember: black envy is not a vice, but just an annoying character trait that needs to be gotten rid of. Usually people try to hide such feelings, which further aggravates the suffering. But in vain. We do not tolerate toothache, and at the first symptoms we go to the dentist! So why does re-educating envy seem like a stupid undertaking to us? Develop your character. Get rid of hypocrisy and cowardice, eradicate the feeling of envy. The more you work on yourself, the better person you will become. And the more friends you will have. After all, many people in the world would like to talk about their achievements. If only there were listeners! As a last resort, if you do not know how to get rid of the feeling of envy that is ruining your life, contact a psychologist with your problem. A specialist will help you increase your self-esteem and help you understand yourself. And then, perhaps, you will surpass all your competitors! We recommend reading:
