Oh, this envy - how to fight it? How to get around this negative feeling with a party, if each of us does not admit to having this deficiency even to himself? And what if you envy you? Or, even worse, if enemies create intrigues and gossip behind their backs. On the one hand, envy is a tacit acknowledgment of your superiority. The realization that you have bypassed someone at the turn. And since we are all in the soul - hunters, then such views very often flatter. But the primitive communal system remained far behind, and we need to learn to build civilized relations. Without anger, lies, hypocrisy. And since envy is one of the most destructive feelings, it is necessary to begin the process of re-education precisely from it. Unfortunately, it will be necessary to struggle with it constantly.
We understand ourselves
To begin with, one must understand what envy andhow it affects your life. There are two kinds of this feeling. The first - when you look at someone's achievements, rejoice at them, but at the same time they would like to outperform rivals. You do not cry at night because of the success of the sister's children, you do not fuss with your husband because of his new position. You are quietly trying to learn your daughter, while registering for a refresher course. So, this is white envy. It is not dangerous, but useful. If you continue to strive for the best, you will succeed. As for the second kind, such envy can ruin your life. Unfortunately, it is incredibly difficult to cope with it alone. The first signs are nervousness, anger toward more successful ones, irritation, fatigue. As a result, such representatives of the fair sex drop their hands at the first setbacks. And if the girlfriends started together, but one of them succeeded, and the second remained at the very beginning, then the female envy will lead to the end of friendship. After all, to admit that you are struck, alas, not everyone can. Why you can not be jealous of your friends So, imagine that you have a fairly successful friend, with whom you are friends from the kindergarten. She has everything: an apartment, a car, a rich husband or lover. Female envy gnaws at you every day, you can not get rid of the thought that she was more fortunate than you. Look really at things. Perhaps she does not have everything as smooth as it seems at first glance. Just some do not take dirty linen out of the hut, but someone prefers to share their problems with the first counter. Believe me, everyone in the closet has his own skeleton. Be careful and do not tell anyone anything personal, no matter how close you are with your girlfriend. Even the richest and most successful have a feeling of envy. And in the future, any provocative information can be used against you. Accidental or intentional - it all depends on the situation. To date, there are three main reasons why girlfriends can have unpleasant feelings for each other. Beauty, figure, personal life - for someone this is an occasion for pride, and someone is difficult to accept you for who you are. How to get rid of the envy of a friend that you really appreciate? Start to admire her, make compliments. Just be sincere in expressing feelings and emotions. Gossip, as an element of envy Do not get upset if you have behind your back discussing your personal life, career achievements. And it does not matter whether you are friendly with these people or not. Such is the psychology of envy (black, naturally) - it is bad to talk about those who have succeeded in life more than us. Usually, gossips are dismissed by those persons who have not formed with their husbands, careers or children. Do you like to tell your friends about others? If this is normal news, it should not have a pronounced coloring "I would do with her money and not make such a figure," "Without lovers, she would not have achieved it." The intonation and content of these phrases suggests that the interlocutor envies the person in question.
How to cope with envy
What to do if others envy envyis inherent in everyone. If the opinion that the grass is greener in your vegetable garden belongs to a stranger, then do not be upset. You are unique; there are many people in the world, and it is absolutely impossible to impose your thoughts and feelings on another person. Just as you can not convince someone that you live in no way better than himself (especially if it's not true). If a person steeped in his grievances on the others is smart enough, he will be able to turn envy into a striving for self-improvement. And if not, then you can not help him. Unless make you again dislike for achievements and successes. So do not pay attention to others, but just go to your goal. How to behave when an envious person is a relative. But if you are jealous of a person close to you, it is absolutely necessary to struggle with it. Firstly, it will be easier for you to communicate with a relative, friend, or acquaintance. And secondly, he himself will be much easier to live if he gets rid of his annoying shortage. How to eradicate envy? For this you can:
- Minimize all stories about personal achievements
This method is perhaps the most effective, whenthe first sign of envy is seen - sadness or an annoying smile. However, this method is applied by few people. Firstly, it is very difficult to keep silent about what has finally been achieved. Secondly, we rarely attribute jealousy to loved ones. It seems to us that all his congratulations are sincere, and the headache, to which the interlocutor refers, has spoiled the mood. In fact, his painful condition is a reaction to your triumph. Therefore, follow the change of facial expressions on the face of the native person, when you tell about personal achievements. If you see that a loved one is listening to you, struggling with yourself and your feelings, try not to mention once again about some kind of joyful event. Accept someone else's envy as a disease. You do not touch the wound before it heals? Here, too, show tact.
- Offer a close person to achieve the same result
Did you like your new car? Tell me the address of the car salon and the bank, which gives loans to buy a car. Let him ride the same! But be careful, female envy is stronger and more destructive. Representatives of the fair sex rarely rejoice at the success of their friends.
- Tell us about the shortcomings of your achievement
How to deal with envy if the sister is angrylooks at your new dress? Complain about the unsuccessful landing and high content of synthetic fibers in the fabric. Just do not get carried away with writing down the shortcomings, otherwise a person might have a question: if this thing is so bad, then why did you acquire it? Does not help any of the tips? There is an occasion to reflect. Are you sure that this person is really close to you? How to cope with yourself The most difficult case, when a sense of envy eats you. And nowhere to get away from, the black desire to have all the best brings only confusion and disappointment. In particularly difficult cases, this leads to depression, aggression and bad relationships with friends. How to overcome the envy in yourself?
- Understand the problem
The first step is to acknowledge the availabilitylack. Envy - this is exactly the same disease as psychological dependence or self-flagellation. Therefore, understanding the wrong attitude towards others will greatly help you. No wonder they say that the first step is the most difficult.
- Do not try on someone else's costume
You need to understand that the person you envy is not better or worse than you. Just at the moment when you writhe with envy, he goes to his goal. So is not it time to take an example from him?
Recolour the envy in white. Do not turn into the hero of an anecdote, which asked the Golden Fish twice more than what the neighbor wants. Remember, how did it end for the envious person? The neighbor asked to put out his eye, and Goldfish, as ordered earlier, doubled what was desired for the second fisherman. He remained blind.
- Rejoice in your achievements
Perceive other people's achievements as an incentive forown growth. Envy can be a great impetus for a life start. However, do not try to achieve everything that your girlfriend managed to achieve. The red cabriolet is certainly cool, but if your girlfriend is not married, then the cards are, as they say, in the hands. And for a family woman a more practical car, where the whole family will fit, will do.
- Avoid talking about happy topics
If at first you can not controlyour emotions, and a sense of envy gnaws you from the inside, try to turn the unwanted conversation into a safer channel. Remove yourself from the source that causes you to have similar thoughts.
What exactly in a conversation with a person causedenvy? Try on other people's achievements. You are annoyed that a friend was promoted at work, whereas you are sitting in office managers for a year? Would you have coped with the position of the head of the department? Or do you still need a less responsible job? Imagine that you have to stay every day at work to finish the current affairs, which there is no end-edge. At that time, the full-time office manager was already at home, pressed the cutlet's husband, checked the child's lessons, and now quietly sits by the TV. Do you still want a new position as a friend? If you constantly analyze your feelings, you will not have to wonder how to overcome envy, because this shortcoming will gradually change into purposefulness.
How to get rid of envy? Do something unusual. There is no better way to solve this problem than to forget about other people's achievements for a while, acquiring new impressions. Take a vacation and start traveling around the country, going camping and enjoying life. Visit the beauty salon, do a hairdo, go through a massage course. And remember: black envy - this is not a flaw, but just an annoying character trait, from which it is necessary to get rid of. Usually people try to hide such feelings, which further exacerbates suffering. But in vain. We do not tolerate toothache, but at the first symptoms we go to the dentist! So why does the re-education of envy seem to us a stupid idea? Bring up your character. Get rid of hypocrisy and cowardice, root out a feeling of envy. The more you work on yourself, the better person you will become. And the more you will have friends. After all, many people would like to talk about their achievements. There would be listeners! In extreme cases, if you do not know how to get rid of the feeling of envy that spoils your life, contact your problem with a psychologist. A specialist will help you increase your self-esteem and help you understand yourself. And then, perhaps, you will outperform all your competitors! We advise you to read: