The path of life is a complicated thing.It is full of successes, failures and unexpected turns. And there is a high probability that as you wander along this road, your "fellow traveler" will be a personality crisis. Now, reading about it, you probably imagine it as a huge monster that cannot be avoided or overcome. But remember the words of the great Friedrich Nietzsche: "What does not kill us makes us stronger." It turns out that your crisis can be useful to you! But how and in what way, you ask? This is what we will talk about.

What is a crisis?

Crisis is a clash between the old andnew, between the familiar past and a possible future, between who you are now and who you could become. What was good and effective before is no longer so. The goals set are not achieved by the old means, and there are no new ones yet. Very often, hidden conflicts and inconsistencies are revealed in a crisis. Psychological crises of personality are characterized by the fact that a person is placed in such conditions - he can no longer behave in the old way, his behavior no longer brings the results he needs. This is why, when you get into a crisis, you most often experience a feeling of a dead end and try to find a way out of it. But the way out is not found - Crisis is also experienced by many people as a period of anxiety, fear, uncertainty, sometimes emptiness, meaninglessness of existence, a stop along the way - each person comes up with their own metaphor. Here is what different people note, talking about their experiences and feelings during a crisis:

• "I seemingly froze alone in some space and did not move."
• "No one was around, and there was a feeling that no one would help me, and the whole world was falling apart."
• "I felt trembling, weakness, heaviness, tension and stiffness."
• “It was like an immersion – it took over me completely, and I couldn’t hide from it anywhere.”
• "I seemed to be in a transparent balloon, and an invisible film separated me from other people."
• "I really wanted someone else to help me."
• "I did not want anything, nothing at all!".
• "It seemed to me that the whole world seemed to be locked around me and about to crush me."
• "I was exhausted, and I did not have enough strength for anything."
• "My life no longer belonged to me, I was no longer its" author. "
• “Time seemed to stop inside me, and outside something was happening and happening.”
• "I wanted as soon as possible to find a way out of this impenetrable darkness."

It's all about him, about the psychological crisis.Individually, the words of each woman mean nothing and can mean anything, but together they form a picture of a personal crisis. Agree, it is a difficult and unpleasant picture. It is no coincidence that this condition is one of the most common reasons for turning to a psychologist.

What are the crises?

There are actually a lot of them. На самом деле кризисы в развитии личности бывают трех видов: возрастной кризис, ситуативный кризис и непосредственно личностный. Как правило, когда люди говорят: “У меня кризис!”, то речь идет о третьем варианте. Но мы рассмотрим все — чтобы знать, когда ждать и набираться и терпения , а когда — спрашивать совета у подруг или искать выход в литературных источниках. Итак, возрастные кризисы. Это вообще фактически норма жизни. Они бывают практически у каждого человека, причем в более или менее одинаковом формате. Возрастной кризис — это когда человек уже чего-то хочет, а среда ему еще этого не дает. Таких кризисов достаточно много, и возникают они почти с младенчества. Детские кризисы бывают в конце первого года, в три года, в семь лет и в течение всего подросткового возраста. Они все связаны с обретением ребенком независимости и новых навыков. Например, в три года ребенок уже хочет одеваться сам, но мама ему пока не разрешает, так как на это уходит слишком много времени. И ребенок начинает бузить. В данной ситуации маме необходимо принять взросление ребенка и специально выкраивать время для того, чтобы ребенок сам одевался — иначе он никогда не научится это делать, и его взросление приостановится. Больший интерес для нас представляют возрастные кризисы взрослой жизни. Первый такой кризис — это 17-18 лет. В этот период происходит первая встреча со взрослостью. Человек начинает самоопределяться и ищет свое место в мире. Второй кризис возникает на промежутке от 30 до 40 лет — так называемый кризис середины жизни. Человек окидывает взглядом свою жизнь и отвечает для себя на вопрос: все ли я сделал, что хотел? Следующий кризис — предпенсионный — случается в 50-60 лет и связан с выходом на пенсию и сменой динамичного образа жизни на более спокойный. И последний возрастной кризис — это кризис конца жизни — у всех случается в разном возрасте. Он связан с общей оценкой прожитой жизни — положительной или отрицательной. Другой тип психологических кризисов — ситуативные кризисы. У них есть своя вполне осознаваемая человеком причина. Например, хочется мужа — и богатого, и доброго, и заботливого, и умного, и веселого — в общем, и рыбку съесть, и на сосну взобраться. Но все вместе не получается, и женщина оказываетесь один на один с этим “не получается”. Или, например, вы хотите и карьеру успеть построить, и очаг идеальный создать, а времени и сил на все не хватает. Все эти “тупики” вполне прозрачны. Все, что вам нужно — расставить приоритеты, развернуться и выйти вон из этой западни. Ну, может быть немного порасстраиваетесь, но жить с этим вполне возможно. И последний тип — собственно личностные кризисы. Именно они отличаются сложностью и сумбурностью переживаний,именно из них вам так сложно бывает найти выход. У них могут быть абсолютно разные причины. Все мы знаем о кризисах, связанных с печальными событиями: горе, утрата, одиночество, ощущение бессмысленности. Но немногие знают о том, что кризисные переживания могут быть вызваны чем-то по сути радостным — рождением ребенка, свадьбой или долгожданным повышением. Итог всегда один: человек чувствует, что внутри что-то изменилось, и сегодня он уже не может жить так, как жил вчера. Он становится другим. Об этих кризисах и пойдет речь далее.

What awaits you: stages of experience

Thank God the identity crisis is developinggradually, since no one can withstand such a sudden burden. There are a number of stages that a person goes through, and you can rejoice - a crisis always ends with a way out. It's just that this way out is different for everyone. A strong and healthy person is always able to find an option that suits him. And you are exactly such a person, aren't you? So, the stages of surviving a crisis:

Immersion stage.As a rule, at the very beginning of a crisis, a person is bothered by unpleasant sensations in the body. But you do not yet understand that you are having a personal crisis - you just feel bad. You are tense and constrained, you feel weak and heavy. Since something needs to be done, you do it, but these body movements are very fussy and meaningless. Your thoughts resemble viscous porridge, and you chew it endlessly. When you think about one thing, it immediately pulls out an even more unpleasant thought from your memory. You are vulnerable and not protected from these and other unpleasant feelings. It is like a huge black hole, and you fall into it. This is the first stage of the crisis.

Dead end stage.It is accompanied by a feeling of loneliness and lack of support. You are immersed in thoughts and endless self-analysis - you go over events, ask yourself questions about the causes of the crisis and cannot find answers. However, your thoughts and feelings are no longer linked into one unpleasant lump - they are increasingly experienced by you separately. Your past no longer helps, you are afraid to be “here and now”, and you gradually begin to make predictions for the future. A feeling of exhaustion and lack of strength permeates you. You understand that help from the outside will not come, and your desire to find a way out of this impasse is growing more and more. But you can’t escape these feelings - they must be experienced, and then for the first time the light at the end of the tunnel appears.

The turning point.Against the background of complete moral decline, you begin to withdraw yourself from the space of crisis. At first, this exit manifests itself literally - you hide under the blanket and fence yourself off from everything - and then psychologically. As if there is “you” and “you are in a crisis. ” Your consciousness is freed from old non-working thoughts and attitudes. Crisis experiences visit you less and less often, and always alone. A restructuring of the personality occurs and a readiness for new experiences arises. The world around you seems to be opening up anew, and you are in harmony with it. You are free and feel lightness in your body. You are constantly thirsty for new sensations and impressions - sometimes you even want to break away and set off on a journey. You finally have your own desires, and you feel the strength and ability to satisfy them. The feeling of happiness does not leave you, and you can finally say to yourself: “I did it! I survived a personal crisis!”

Unfortunately, the crisis does not always end like this.rainbow - sometimes the opposite happens. Psychologists include neuropsychiatric and psychosomatic disorders, suicide, withdrawal from society, post-traumatic stress, various crimes, alcohol or other addictions, etc. among the worst possible scenarios... As we can see, a crisis does not just test a person's strength - it can also destroy them.

How to survive the crisis?

After reading everything that has been written, you probablywere horrified at the thought of what you will have to go through. But do not worry too much. A personal crisis can overtake everyone, and if it happened to you - be glad, because this means a very high level of mental development. Well, if not - then be even more glad, because we have already noted that this is one of the most difficult and unpleasant conditions in life. To our deepest regret, the way out of the crisis cannot be bypassed or accelerated. Remember - the crisis must be lived through, and only then will the opportunity to exit appear. “So what, there is no other way? Perhaps there is some kind of magic psychological remedy?” - you will ask hopefully. And we will have to disappoint you: “No, there is not.” There really are no magic remedies. But there is your personality and your own resources. God himself ordered you to use them. It is necessary to say that, in fact, there are two ways out of the crisis. The first is is to respond to the call of fate and, having accepted it, jump into uncertainty and try to change. But we forget about the second option - choosing safety and the desire to maintain the existing order, you pause and do not go for changes. Yes, this removes anxiety. But anxiety always accompanies personal growth, and the lack of change limits it, and sometimes even destroys you. We hope that you exhaled and chose the first option. Otherwise, you can stop reading. So, how can you make it easier for yourself to live through a crisis?

Find support. Yes, you heard right.As much as you may sometimes want to distance yourself from this world, support and sympathy will come in very handy. Even in a crisis, you remain a person who needs communication, love and care, so wouldn’t it be better to get them from a person who is aware of what is happening? This could be a close friend, your spouse, a distant relative or even a random person on some forum. The main thing is that he should be nice and pleasant to you, and also sincerely interested in what is happening to you. Agree that you will share with him the most intimate and important things for you. It is necessary that he listens to you and does not judge. Your communication should be honest, and the key to this is a sincere expression of feelings.

Start a personal diary. Write down everything that relates to events, experiences, bodily sensations, thoughts and attitudes to what is important for you, as well as the images and metaphors that pop up in your head. Keeping a diary will help you to better understand what is happening to you, and also to separate one experience from another. Through these records, you share your experiences with others.

Find the inner support. The world around you collapses, everything turns upside down, and in order to experience it, you need to find an island of stability in this world of chaos. Such an island of stability and support can be your belief in the justice of the world, in its goodwill and proper organization. You are an important part of this world and you can control your life. Such attitudes allow one to experience despair and loneliness without breaking down, while maintaining faith in the future. Thanks to them, your life again acquires meaning, based on the experience of all mankind.

Experience everything that happens to you.Don't run away anywhere, be aware of your feelings. Separate them from each other and untangle this lump of despair. Dive into them - all this is an invaluable experience, without which you will not be able to become who you can become. This will require all your efforts and resources.

Do not give up, be persistent. Especially in those moments when you want to escape, fly to another planet or just shut down. Hold on! This is your strength. When it's completely bad, lean on important people for you and in your diary. By the way, then it will be interesting to reread everything that happened to you during this dark period of your life.

Be prepared for unexpected discoveries.For example, that you are not as kind as you thought you were. Or that sometimes you are so lazy to do something that you can miss something special. It is important not just to make these discoveries, but to accept them for yourself. Gradually, you will come to the realization that the world is not black and white - there is gray in it and a lot of colors and shades in between. To see them is to accept things as they are.

Catch the rhythm of your life.It is no secret that each of us has our own rhythm of existence. During a crisis it gets lost, and you need to restore it. There are three ways that you can use. The first is to join natural rhythms (the flickering of a fire, the sound of pouring water, the sound of rain), the second is to join mechanical ones (the sound of train wheels, the ticking of a clock), and the third is to join rhythms created by other people (rhythmic singing, dancing, round dances, songs and dances).

Talk to people who have already experienced personala crisis. First, it will give you the feeling that you are not alone on this planet (after all, we are often the most afraid of solitude), and secondly, someone else's experience will be useful to you in terms of opening new means of experiencing the crisis. Each person is unique and, adapting to a difficult situation, inventing something of his own. And suddenly his "own" will be useful to you? To try does not interfere.

Try new things.A direct continuation of the previous point! But seriously, you should try something new when you are ready for it. If you decide to jump with a parachute in a dead-end state - your condition may worsen. Listen to yourself, and if you feel small needs for new sensations and global changes inside - do not forget to satisfy them.

Remember that the crisis is finite. Sometimes you can jump on despair. You will feel that the end and the edge are not visible to all the black whirlpool that has tightened you. At these moments, do not forget that the end will be, and it will be good. Everything depends on you. Keep yourself optimistic even in the most difficult moments.

This is everything you wanted to know about the crisispersonality, but were afraid to ask. Well, maybe you weren’t afraid, but now one way or another you know everything. The most important thing to remember is that the crisis is survivable and final, and its result is your new, brilliant and mature personality. A personality crisis is like teething: it’s painful, difficult, you can try to make it easier, but you can’t skip this period (for example, by extracting teeth from the gum with a special device). And it is thanks to the teeth that have erupted that you will finally be able to bite and chew. The same is true for personality - having gone through a crisis, you will gain new experience, maybe even some knowledge and skills. After the crisis, many situations that seemed difficult to you will be perceived as elementary: “And because of this I was worried?!” In general, in a global sense, a crisis is good and useful. So don’t be afraid, go for it, and everything will work out for you! We recommend reading:

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