Have you noticed that your husband has becomesome strange: gets irritated over trifles, falls into melancholy and despondency, ponders philosophical questions: “What have I achieved? Why am I even living in this world?” It’s not that nothing like this has happened before, but before this state did not resemble an obsession. Did you recognize it in this description? We sympathize, because you are faced with a man’s midlife crisis.
Causes of the crisis of middle age
What is a crisis in principle?This is a turning point, thanks to which the process of growth and development of our body and personality takes place. The sensations of being in it, of course, are indescribable, since it is now that something “passed” dies off and some useful new formation arises. Simply put, the usual patterns of behavior and perception of the world by a person collapse, and new ones arise in this empty place. However, if we talk about a midlife crisis in a man, then here we are talking about quite specific reasons. The age from thirty to forty years is, frankly speaking, a milestone that signals the passage of half of life. It is quite natural that a person has an internal need to take stock and compare the ideas about life formed in twenty years with reality. And this is where sadness covers him. A man analyzes his life path, looks down on his failures and achievements and understands that, despite relative external well-being, his personality is far from ideal. On the one hand, he could have managed to do much more useful things, achieve better results - how much effort and time wasted! At the same time, there comes an understanding that all this is “worldly”, external, and what is inside? And inside there is a reassessment of values. It becomes unclear where to move next, and doubts arise in the already chosen direction: do I have a good job? Is my wife worthy? Did I raise my children correctly? All this is complicated by involvement in public life. If at twenty a man could behave as his soul pleases, then at forty this no longer works. A man constantly has to justify expectations from the outside and demonstrate his own achievements to society. He must create some truly significant material or spiritual product, otherwise the question of its necessity arises - maybe it is worth calling someone younger and more energetic in his place? The midlife crisis in men is also caused by the presence of aging processes and withering of the body. Minor bodily “breakdowns” become more and more noticeable. Appearance changes: wrinkles become more noticeable, as do various fat deposits. But the hardest thing to experience is the decrease in sexual activity. Many men even begin treatment for this completely natural process, driving themselves and their bodies to exhaustion. Thus, the midlife crisis is based on many reasons that make this phenomenon especially difficult and unpleasant for a man.
How does the midlife crisis manifest itself?
This event in a man's life simply cannot happenpass unnoticed by you. Of course, you have encountered certain problems before, but for your usual and familiar husband to suddenly turn into a completely different person?! Let's try to describe the picture of this condition in its entirety.
- Changes in behavior The man begins to do whatsomething he has never done before. If he was characterized by isolation and shyness, he suddenly becomes a merry fellow and the “life of the party”. Or vice versa: an active and purposeful man turns into a lazy person who cannot be driven off the couch.
- Work becomes a burden As a rule, it isis connected with the fact that in his youth every man had dreams: to become a pilot, a racer, a president or a rescuer. He compares this with reality and understands that he has turned into a very ordinary office clerk. If earlier this work brought him joy and satisfaction, now he perceives it as something that distracts him from his “true purpose”. This is precisely what is connected with mass layoffs and downshifting among men of thirty to forty years of age.
- In connection with all of the above, the moodyour man also undergoes unpleasant metamorphoses. He becomes whiny, angry and irritable. The state of chronic depression is now his constant companion. Laziness and apathy may appear, manifested in the unwillingness to do anything. Oh yes, we must not forget about the sharp mood swings: just as you got used to his new status, one fine morning he jumps out of bed in an elated-manic state and strives to prove himself in an incredible way, for example, to build a country house. Unfortunately, his ardor lasts for a few days, and then, as if nothing had happened, he lies down on his sofa.
- Deterioration of physical well-being, whichis associated with both natural physiological changes and psychological instability. The husband begins to complain to his wife about constant headaches, aching joints, colic in the heart and shortness of breath. At the same time, he usually does not need treatment, although in some cases this takes the form of constant visits to doctors. He may even become interested in Eastern medicine and “magic potions” - just so as not to lose his “male” strength.
- Multiple fears If you previously knew yourhusband as a self-confident and fearless protector, then you are surprised to discover that your spouse is afraid of aging and death. Sometimes this even takes a very advanced form, when a man switches to a raw food diet or stops flying on airplanes due to fear of an air crash.
- Global Discontent Midlife Crisisthe husband threatens his wife with constant complaints and nagging, and for the most insignificant reasons. It turns out that you cook disgustingly, are unable to keep the house clean, have no time for anything, talk poorly to children, and as a woman you are not very attractive. Of course, you really want to hit him with a frying pan for such words, but it would be wrong.
It is perfectly logical to be interested in how muchhow long does this state last? Unfortunately, there is no single and truthful answer to this question. Some people manage to live through a midlife crisis in six months and emerge from it renewed, while others slip into unsuccessful attempts to cope with it and remain at this stage of development.
Typical mistakes of a "crisis" man
None of us ever studied at universityнауку под названием “жизнь”. А жаль, ведь это могло бы уберечь массу мужчин от типичных ошибок переживания кризиса среднего возраста. В идеале подобный период становится плацдармом для новых начинаний и взлетов. Даже если ничего глобального в жизни вашего мужчины не поменяется, то само понимание правильности своего пути и внесение в него необходимых изменений (например, отказ от вредных привычек) также являются полезными новообразованиями кризиса середины жизни. В общем, проводимая переоценка — это неизбежный этап в жизни каждого из нас, и итог у нее должен быть положительным. К сожалению, так бывает далеко не всегда. Ах, сколько ошибок делают мужчины в попытках пережить кризис! Самая типичная из них — это нарочитое выпячивание собственной моложавости. Выглядит, безусловно, забавно, когда умудренный сединами мужчина вдруг начинает подчеркнуто молодежно одеваться, делает татуировку, вставляет в ухо серьгу и все свободное время проводит в клубах с более молодыми ребятами. И печалят здесь не сами попытки сохранить молодость, а их искусственность. Примерно та же самая тенденция заставляет мужчину искать любовь “на стороне”. К стремлению мужчины доказать себе и социуму, что он еще полон любовных сил, добавляется неудовлетворенность женой, которая, как ни странно, одна и та же на протяжении долгих лет совместной жизни. Если кризис среднего возраста совпадает с семейным, то быть беде, то бишь разводу. Жене-то непонятно, с чего это к ней вдруг стал придираться некогда любящий муж. Да и дети внезапный деспотизм своего отца воспринимают исключительно в штыки, что чревато охлаждением детско-родительских отношений. У многих мужчин характерно меняется рисунок поведения. Даже если он не нашел себе компанию из молодых ребят, остаются ровесники, в общении с которыми преобладают демонстративные “типично мужские” разговоры, сводящиеся к попыткам симулировать образ мачо: о футболе, женской груди, автомобилях и т.д. … Естественно, что это приводит не к личностному росту, а к росту пивного живота и потребности в алкоголе. Кстати, об алкоголе. Нередки случаи, когда мужчины в период кризиса среднего возраста начинают частенько “закладывать за воротник”. Сначала выпивка используется как средство борьбы с депрессией, помогающее взбодриться и развеселиться. Постепенно ее количество в жизни мужчины нарастает, и в течение нескольких лет он превращается в алкоголика, окончательно теряя здоровье, имущество, карьеру, семью и друзей. Естественно, что лечение этого процесса в запущенной стадии становится практически невозможным. Некоторые мужчины вплотную подходят к осуществлению “старой” мечты, хоть и из последних сил. К сожалению, нередко они делают это без всякого логического осмысления, что приводит к досадным ошибкам. Например, мужчина в состоянии возбуждения делает себе татуировку как у молодого парня на пляже, а впоследствии выясняется ее смешное или даже нелицеприятное значение. Или начинает “страдать” прыжками с парашютом и другими экстремальными видами спорта, несмотря на противопоказания по здоровью. Все эти вещи от нормального хобби отличаются своей навязчивостью: желание заниматься подобным делом идет не из души, а исключительно из стремления поставить галочку в списке личных достижений. Естественно, что подобные телодвижения заканчиваются далеко не радостным итогом. 
How to help your man?
What should a wife do if her husband is having a midlife crisis?age? Oddly enough, but a lot depends on your behavior in this situation. Of course, you cannot just go through this difficult period for a man. But you can choose a line of behavior that will help him get out of it with honor and a correct understanding of what is happening.
Midlife crisis - a difficult time notnot only for your man, but also for you. No one said it would be easy. But any difficulties can be overcome if there is respect and mutual understanding between people who love each other. It is possible that at some point it will seem to you that they have disappeared. Remember that this is temporary. And the darkest hour always comes before the dawn. We recommend reading:
