So, the honeymoon flew unnoticed, youreturned rested and full of hope for a happy continuation of joint existence already as legal spouses. At first everything seems wonderful, but over time you suddenly start to notice that the habits of your husband are annoying, and he himself expresses his love for you with much less fervor than before the wedding. What's happening? Feelings gradually cool down? Or were there none at all? Calm down, it's just time to take a sober look at the relationship, leave the tale and start building a family in reality, with all its difficulties and problems. And in this there is nothing terrible, because it depends on you, whether the prose of your life will become boring and gray, or, conversely, blossom with all the colors of a truly successful and happy marriage. And even if the first year of marriage is left behind, which is often the most difficult, it does not mean that everything will go on smoothly. But many young spouses believe that in such a short period of time they managed to get to know each other so much that they have now learned to understand from a half-word and are able to smooth out "acute angles" in the relationship. However, without the experience of family life, it is impossible to foresee all the joys and disappointments, ups and downs. It would seem that you already knew each other well enough, you can relax and enjoy life. That is why, soothing with the recognition effect, many young couples may simply not notice the pitfalls encountered in families at the beginning of their life together. No wonder the psychologists consider the first year of marriage one of the most crisis.
Pitfalls of life
Unfortunately, not everyone is destined to meetdestined to them fate half, with whom you can live happily to a very old age. Walking under the crown, each of us is sure: "This is it!"; However, a year or two later many begin to doubt this. In most cases, young couples are disappointed in their life partner. Until recently, he was attentive and gentle, generous and understanding, and now he does not notice your suffering, does not see that the apartment has long needed repair and even does not remember the date of the first anniversary of the wedding. Coming from work, quickly swallows dinner and the whole evening lies in front of the TV. You do not get tired of lamenting: where did the love and romance that were before have gone? Life in family relations somewhat lands feelings. The most difficult thing now is to catch the temperament and the spirit of the partner in time. Do not freak out if your desires do not match: he wants to lie in front of the TV, and you - just fool around or go to visit. Learn to adjust the mood of your half, even if for this you have to give up some of your habits. The year after the wedding is a difficult period of cohabitation already on legal rights, during which the relations of young spouses undergo a serious test for strength. And life - it's very difficult, because he ruined more than one love boat. There is no single recipe that would help avoid clogging and conflicts. But there is a rule that can minimize their damage to the young family: do not rush to conclusions, and when making decisions, carefully consider them. Even if you lived together for a while before the wedding and did not quarrel, this is not an excuse to say that misunderstandings will be avoided in the future. After all, before registering a marriage, you and your future husband had a feeling of euphoria from the fullness of feelings, from the desire to be constantly together, often even just touching each other. And, importantly, ahead of you was a holiday called "Wedding". But everyone knows that young girls in their desire to quickly find the status of a married woman show miracles of generosity and either just turn a blind eye to many of the shortcomings of the chosen one or inexplicably do not notice them. But after the wedding ceremony, they immediately drop "pink glasses", and reality is sometimes unpleasantly surprising. But do not be in a hurry to be disappointed if your spouse leaves your things wherever you are, and then gets you questions about where his socks and stuff are. This is not the most terrible sin in family relations, especially as you can correct the situation and, so to speak, correct the education received by your husband. Do not expect that your spouse, who before you may have lived alone, will instantly change his habits. It is very difficult to do this, especially under constant pressure. Therefore, have patience and all the comments sound gently and calmly. Although in general, psychologists advise you to remove scattered clothes not to those who are guilty of this, but to those to whom it interferes. There's a paradox! Of course, always add and hang sloppy things thrown by her husband - this is an extremely tedious business, but you can and do not admit exactly where you put them. For sure, after several unsuccessful attempts to find some toilet item your spouse, if he has common sense, will refuse help with the words: "Let, my dear, I will put my things to myself!". And then you can celebrate one of the first "bloodless" victories in the war for order. But do not forget that you yourself will have to make concessions, because the husband quite rightly can ask: "And where is my dinner?". Dwelling on the shortcomings of the second half and not noticing your own, you are unlikely to be able to build a solid foundation, in which the joint life will develop successfully. Very cautious should be and with formulations like: "If you are my husband, then I must ...". You can not speak so categorically, because love and marriage are not so much a set of rules and responsibilities as a mutual desire to do something for each other, and voluntarily. Therefore, it is better to build your requests differently: "I would like you to ..." or "I would be happy if you ...". Such wording sounds softer and allows a man to remain the master of the situation, because in this case he does not indicate a grumpy wife, and humanly asks for a beloved woman.
Feelings, where are you?
Often a young wife in the first years of marriagebegins to feel a lack of attention from her husband. He prefers to watch TV, and not, as before, go with her for an evening walk or in a cafe. The woman is perplexed, pestering with questions, offended. But in this situation there is really nothing complicated or incomprehensible. At the beginning of the relationship, you and your husband constantly wanted to feel each other nearby, and with the onset of family life, there is a desire to be alone with yourself. Do not think that your husband has fallen out of love with you or stopped cherishing your relationship. The thing is that men and women differently perceive feelings. Girls are very emotional, and young people, on the contrary, are prone to rationalism. Therefore, wives, to feel loved, we need words, flowers and other signs of attention, and husbands are happy simply because we are around. Although in the beginning of relations and men are not devoid of sentimentality, but then stability becomes much more important for them. Therefore, do not harass your husband with questions or say: "Maybe let's leave, because I do not feel your love?". Do not torment him with questions about what happened. Live on and do not look for reasons to clarify the relationship. Just understand and try to accept the fact that romance in your relationship with each year will be less, it will not disappear altogether if you make certain efforts, but it will be replaced by the notorious habit, and the flashing love will give way to deep love and respect. So do not rush into conclusions; on the contrary, in the first year it is better to simply lie down and wait for the direction in which your life together will continue to flow. It is likely that everything will be arranged by itself, both of you will open new horizons of relations and you will gain common values. And problems, if they really exist, will also manifest themselves. And only after making sure of their reality, you can correctly approach to what to do with them. American psychologists have identified six steps that must be overcome by the feelings of any married couple. Successfully climbing them leads to the fact that the family eventually turns into a single organism, where the husband, wife and their children comfortably and happily coexist. At the first stage, the feelings of partners are experiencing a merger when the question of one: "What do you want to see on TV?" - the other will say: "Same as you". Next comes the next stage - separation. Here it is precisely that it is necessary for the first year after the wedding ceremony that the spouses begin to defend their own interests, thereby arranging a marriage test for strength. It is at this time that the newlyweds discover a difference in their convictions and aspirations. If the marriage passes this test with honor, it becomes the third stage - research. A man and a woman try to understand whether they can be separated from each other and be happy at the same time. In this period, more frequent meetings with friends are possible, holidays that are not held together. After a certain time the couple begins the next stage of the relationship - rapprochement. It is at this stage that common goals and a single way of life are developed. One of the last steps in the relationship is called help. During this period, the spouses have children, show interest in what interests each of them, interact in everyday life. The sixth, final, stage in the formation of the family is cooperation, when the couple is a united team, in addition to common children there is also a common circle of communication and often a common cause.
Psychologists, observing the development of relations induring the first years of marital life, determine a number of rules that help to avoid serious conflicts between the newlyweds. And they concern, first of all, women. After all, they are the soul of any family, it depends on them whether the weather in the house is sunny and serene or, conversely, gloomy and unfriendly. Therefore, if you want your house to radiate warmth and you would like to return to it always, adopt the following tips.
Believe me, there are no such families that did not happenwould be conflicts and problems, just like there are no such halves, which from the first day of life together would ideally be combined. Do you want your marriage to be happy and lasting? Try not to carp at each other on trifles. After all, in most cases quarrels and conflicts occur over trifles: because of an unclosed tube of paste, not washed in time, utensils and such small things. A year after the wedding, the couple should learn the main thing: there is no need to understand and prove who is right and who is to blame - it is necessary to simply help each other in everything. It is also worth learning how to get along with weaknesses and shortcomings of each other. In the first few years of marriage, the roles of the spouses are distributed: who will have a family cash register, who will be responsible for housekeeping and so on. Learn to overcome all the difficulties together, and not run around trifles to parents, trying to find in their person support during quarrels. With all the problems you can cope on your own, because you have the main weapon of struggle - your love. We advise you to read: