Approximately in 6 - 7 years children become completelysocialized personality, ready to live in society and the collective. It is at this age that a child enters one of the most difficult periods of his life - begins to look for his place under the sun. Or rather, to find your place in the team. Children's psychologists pay attention to the fact that it is at this age that a child begins to "hone" various models of social behavior, reveals his main character traits and behavior in society. That is why during this period parents should be especially attentive to their child, help him to join the collective, choose the most correct and successful line of conduct with peers. Otherwise, the question of what to do if your child is offended at school will become relevant to you. Yes - yes, do not be surprised - children are extremely cruel beings, capable of much. One of the most unpleasant factors in the formation of the child in the team, but, unfortunately, the most frequent is the persecution of the child in school, either by classmates or by children of an older age. And they often hound boys and girls alike. Yes, and harassment is also equally often engaged in children of both sexes.
Reasons for baiting the child
Of course, that the child will not be persecutedthere must be some reason. However, children - the people are very peculiar, and sometimes not at all predictable, so it is very difficult, almost impossible, to predict what will lead to such a development of events. However, the basic line is nevertheless quite simple to trace - the children's collective can begin to poison the child who stands out from the general mass of peers. Children, unlike adults, do not yet know what tolerance is, and the manifestation of individuality is often perceived as weakness. As a rule, a child may start to harass because of:
Very many parents are well aware of this, andtry to provide the child with all that will allow him not to stand out among peers, and not feel worse than others. Believe me, inner calmness and self-confidence mean a lot to the child - a confident child will be very difficult to tease, since he will be able to stand up for himself and rebuff the offenders.
How to understand that the child is offended?
In order to help the child andto stop this senseless and cruel persecution, parents should notice signs of trouble in a timely manner. Of course, most often the children complain about their offenders to their parents, however, unfortunately, not in all cases. Sometimes a child is simply intimidated by his abusers. And sometimes pride does not allow to complain to anyone, including parents. This is why parents simply need to know the main signs that their child has been harassed by other children. There are several such signs:
- Changed behavior of the child
Pay attention to the mood of your child. In the event that he became closed, refuses to make any contact with his parents, is constantly depressed and gloomy, is in a depressed state - surely something goes wrong in his life. Follow the child - in any case, sooner or later the child will break normal sleep, he can start to feel bad, capricious, without obvious cause for you to show signs of nervousness.
- A marked reluctance to attend school
If the child is looking for anya plausible, and sometimes frankly far-fetched excuse not to go to school, resorting to the most conceivable and inconceivable excuses, the parent must necessarily try to find out where the "wind blows" from, and not just sent him to school. As a rule, the ordinary laziness of a child and his lack of desire to learn are almost never expressed in constant excuses and attempts not to go to school at any cost. And in the event that, recently, a child has changed his usual route from school to another, often much longer, or at all, he constantly wants to change it - parents should immediately get worried, because sometimes it is very a serious alarm. Perhaps it is in this way that a child tries to avoid meeting his abusers at least on the way to school.
- Appearance of signs of physical violence
Of course, parents should immediately scoreanxiety in the event that they found the child signs of physical violence. And do not forget that they are not only bruises - they are an extreme case that requires parents to take immediate action, right up to applying to law enforcement agencies, with a statement about the need to understand the situation. The torn pockets, torn buttons, dirty clothes, torn textbooks, books, a briefcase, broken personal belongings are no less striking about physical violence. Of course, at times such an occasion occurs with the most ordinary happy children. However, there is quite a striking difference - the innocent question of what happened to his clothes or things, the child who is being harassed, but does not recognize this to his parents, he is unlikely to answer the question clearly. Otherwise, he will joyfully tell you that he had a fight with someone at a break, climbed over the fence, fell and so on.
Than help your child?
Naturally, in such a situation, parentsonly one question is concerned - how to help a child if he is offended at school? And is this possible in principle? Very often parents prefer to follow the path of least resistance, and simply - simply transfer the child to another school. However, this is by no means always the best solution to the problem - there is no guarantee that the child will not be offended in the new school, either. And what does the psychologists say about this? Is it really possible to effectively help a child in this difficult situation? Yes, you can help, but for this parents will have to make some efforts. There are several basic rules for parents whose children are in a similar situation:
- Do not ignore the problem
The biggest mistake that can be madeparents - is to ignore the very existence of the problem, or to avoid doing it. As a rule, such parents motivate their decision not to interfere in the ongoing events by the fact that it is absolutely superfluous to get into the affairs of children, because sooner or later everything will necessarily stop by itself, it is just necessary to wait and give the children time to grow up. However, such an approach to the problem is fundamentally untrue. And there are several reasons for this - firstly, if a very small child is being poisoned - the first class is his classmates, they will not leave him quickly in peace, and the feelings that they are doing poorly, because of their young age, they will not yet arise . Secondly, in the event that a teenage child is hounded, things can end much more sadly than in an elementary school. And, finally, in the third place, try to imagine yourself in the place of your child. Are you ready to visit the place where you are hated on a regular basis, day in and day out, and not just do not try to hide it, but openly mock you? Hardly, is not it? Remember also that regular psychological violence affects your child in a very negative negative way. A child who regularly experiences rejection by peers, humiliation, often suffer from chronic depressions and neuroses. Of course, this in no way improves the quality of his life, but to lead to an attempt to commit suicide by the child can with a very high probability. Are parents ready to live after this with an awareness of their own guilt and understanding of it. What could they have prevented the tragedy, but did not do anything for it?
- Be sure to talk with the teacher
In the event that your child has startedpersecute and poison his classmates, in the first turn talk about this with school teachers. In the event that a child studies in a junior or high school, the teacher has a very strong authority in children, and it can be easily influenced by the collective. As a rule, the teacher is able to make sure that violence against your child is stopped immediately.
- If necessary, apply to law enforcement agencies
In the same case, if such a child persecutionoccurs in the senior classes, the problem of "hazing" at the level of teachers is much more difficult to solve. Of course, parents should no doubt inform the teachers. However, teachers are unlikely to be able to influence adolescents - they are clever enough to properly mask their harassment, and are cruel enough to intimidate their victim. Therefore, parents are much more sensible and more expedient to seek help from law enforcement agencies. Of course, it's absolutely not necessary to run to the prosecutor's office and the OVNP with the demand to send a squad of OMON to the school, but it will not even be superfluous to talk with your juvenile inspector. And adolescents must be informed about this, having warned that this will not stop you if the bullying does not stop immediately.
- Pay more attention to your child
Of course, it is only natural that parentsspend most of their time at work to provide their child with a normal decent standard of living. However, in such a situation, if you suspect that the child was a victim of peasants' persecution, and does not want to tell you anything, it is worthwhile to think about why this is happening - does the child no longer trust you? Talk with your child heart to heart, let him know that you are always ready to listen to him, support and understand, no matter what happens to him. Constantly remind the child that he is the best, strong and he will necessarily get everything that he wants. High self-esteem is the key to a child's success. And the formation of this self-assessment is primarily the task of parents.
- Talk to your parents
It will not be superfluous to also talk with parentsthe main offenders of his child. Of course, in the event that a child is offended by the whole class, it is not so easy to talk with all parents. However, this does not need to be done at all - in any collective there are always several winds that pull the whole team behind them. It's to their parents and go with a serious conversation. Almost always all offenders and bully in childhood are divided into two main subgroups: evil children. And just harmful. With harmful children it is much easier - as a rule, they are such as a result of the fact that they are very much loved and pampered at home. And most often parents do not even suspect that their children are doing in school, because at home they are just an embodiment of meekness, submission and courtesy. As a rule, only one visit to the parents of such bully is enough to make him think he forgot about teasing your child. But in the event that a child became a bully due to internal anger, most likely the problem originates in his family. And therefore, most likely, your visit to his parents will not bring any desired result. However, think about the fact that the family can be completely unsuccessful, and that very bully desperately needs immediate help from adults. And this behavior is nothing but a kind of cry for help. Do not deny this help, even to a stranger, but still a child. And who knows, it may very well be that it is you who will save this child from drugs, prison, or even suicide. Agree that this is enough.
- Consult a psychologist
If you want the child in the school not to be offended,but they are not able to take the situation under their control, you need to seek advice from a child psychologist. A specialist will certainly help you cope with the problem - the child will explain how to behave in communicating with peers, and parents about what else they can do to protect their child from the negative influence of their peers. And with your joint efforts you will surely succeed! We advise you to read: