For sure, everyone remembers the words of the old song "Peoplemeet, people fall in love, get married. " But, unfortunately, very many married couples, having lived together for some period of time, get divorced. If a married couple does not have children, problems usually do not arise. But if there is a child in the family, the situation becomes much more complicated: the rights of the child in the process of divorcing parents must be taken into account first. Many parents mistakenly believe that the most important thing they should take care of is compliance with legal norms and property rights. However, this aspect is far from the only one to which attention must be paid. Of course, the housing issue, alimony - this is a very important issue, because it depends on the material well-being of the child. However, very often adults are too keen on solving the issue of the material rights of a child when divorcing their parents, completely forgetting about the moral side. Sometimes parents, during a divorce, so go headlong into their problems and experiences, to find out the relationship with their former half, that they completely forget about their children. Someone believes that the child is too small and still does not understand anything. And someone, on the contrary, believes that the child is already an adult enough, understands everything and does not need explanations. However, such a position is fundamentally wrong and can lead to severe consequences and psychological trauma in the child. Very often, such a shock, experienced in childhood, postpones its negative impact on the entire subsequent life of the child. It does not matter how old your child is. In any case, you can not get to hide from him that negative atmosphere in the house. Do not forget about the feelings of children after the parents' divorce. They, as a rule, experience no less, and sometimes a much greater shock, than adults. Especially if the parents can not peacefully agree on whom the child will live with, or whether the child's desire does not coincide with the desire of the parents. This article contains information that provides complete answers to the most frequently encountered questions that may arise in a woman who has encountered a divorce issue.
The legal rights of the child after the parents' divorce
Unfortunately, very often parents who acceptedthe decision to divorce, peacefully come to a decision that would suit both sides, does not work and, insisting on it, one of the parties tries to infringe the rights of the child. In this case, it must be remembered that the federal law "On the Protection of the Rights of the Child", as well as the Family Code of the Russian Federation, protect the legal rights of the child after the parents' divorce. In the event that people who want to terminate a marriage have common children who have not reached the age of 18, a divorce process is possible only through a court. As a rule, the marriage is dissolved only after three months and only if the spouses have no mutual claims, and the rights of the children are not infringed. An exception to the general rules are those situations where:
- One of the spouses is declared a judicial decision as missing.
- One of the spouses is recognized as legally incompetent.
- One of the spouses is sentenced to serving a sentence in a correctional institution for a term of more than three years.
In all of the above cases, the lawprovides for the possibility of divorce in the registry offices. In the event that parents can not agree peacefully about the one with whom the child will live after the divorce, this issue must be resolved in a judicial order. The judge decides on the basis of evidence available to him about what the parents' income, living conditions for the child, the possibility of training and many other factors. Lately, precedents have been encountered more often when by decision of the court children after the divorce of their parents remain with their fathers if they can provide more favorable conditions for living and upbringing. That's why a woman must take care of a sufficient evidence base in advance. In some families there are disputes concerning the communication of the child not only with the second parent, but also with other relatives: grandmothers, sisters, grandfathers. This issue can also be resolved in court. If a woman believes that such communication has a negative effect on her child, she should take care to present to the court weighty evidence of her rightness. Also, one should not forget about the existence of the property rights of the child after the parents' divorce. Every child has the right to have personal belongings. In addition, both parents must provide money for the maintenance of the child, even if one of the parents is deprived of parental rights. Deprivation of parental rights does not provide for exemption from parental responsibilities. Remember that a child who has not reached the age of majority has the right of ownership to all the incomes received by him, to property received in inheritance or by giving. All those funds that the child receives in the form of pensions, alimony, social benefits, come to the full disposal of the parent with whom the minor child lives, and can only be spent on the needs of the child. The rights of a minor child to housing are protected by the Housing Code. The child has similar rights with all people registered in the living quarters. In the event that the apartment is privatized and the child has a share, after the divorce of the parents, the right of possession remains with the child. On the amount of alimony, parents can agree on their own, after which they need to sign a contract with a notary. If it is not possible to reach a mutual agreement, then you will also need the help of the court. However, first compare the amount offered to you and the one that is prescribed by law:
- If there is one minor child in the family, the amount of alimony will be 25% of the size of the official source of income.
- For two children this amount will be equal to 33%.
- In the same case, if there are three or more minors in the family, alimony will be 50% of the official source of income.
Also do not forget that in the event thatthe child is less than three years old, mother also has the right to receive alimony for the time that she is on maternity leave. Also, in some cases, the court may require the parent to pay a fixed amount that does not depend on the amount of income. Usually such practice is applied in the following cases:
- The parent does not have a permanent job or stable earnings.
- Wages are charged in a foreign form.
- It is not possible to establish the amount of income.
In the event that the parent avoids paying alimony, you will also have to go to court with a claim for debt collection.
Divorce of parents and the fate of children
As already mentioned above, much to our regret, foradult passions boiling around what is happening, parents often forget about such a matter as the divorce of parents and the fate of children. However, before solving all organizational issues related to divorce, parents need to take care of the morale of children. As shown by numerous studies of psychologists, children of different age groups suffer a divorce absolutely differently, and they are tormented by completely different fears. Each age group has its own vision of the problem and gives a different assessment of what is happening. The most severe psychological stress, which has a very negative effect on the child's psyche, is for children up to 6 years of age. First, stability is the main condition for psychological comfort and harmonious spiritual development. When the parents are divorced, they can not talk about stability and speech. The world in the eyes of the child turns upside down. Dad does not come home anymore, and my mother almost all the time is silent, or crying. Due to its age, the child can not give an adequate assessment of events around him, he is lost, frightened and locked in himself. In addition, children between the ages of three and six years are almost always experiencing a strong sense of guilt for what is happening. This is explained by the fact that a kid who is unable to understand the true cause of the divorce, projects the blame on himself, believing that the pope left because of his bad behavior. That is why it is so necessary for mom to regularly inspire the child with the fact that such a position is wrong and the child's guilt is absolutely absent. The father of the child should do the same. Dey's older, at the age of 7 - 8 years, already understand that the reason for the withdrawal of the father from the family are not them. However, until the end they can not understand the situation, of course, they can not, so they are angry with their father. Children of 10 - 11 years also experience a burning resentment, but already on both parents, feel betrayed and abandoned. To cope with this situation independently by the parent often happens not under force. However, closing your eyes and ignoring the presence of a problem is by no means possible, as this will only exacerbate the situation. In this case, parents should contact a child psychologist who will help the child cope with their confused feelings and tell them how to survive the parents' divorce. Adolescents are already able to more or less adequately assess the current situation. However, we must not forget that they, though adults, are still children who still need the support of adults. Adolescents can begin to actively protest against the divorce of their parents. The absence of lessons, smoking, even leaving home - these, at first glance, acts of disobedience are nothing more than an action of protest against the situation in the family.
Pitfalls of divorce. How to minimize the "sharp corners"?
So, the divorce is behind and the child starts a newa life. What should parents expect? The hardest thing for a child is that the parents, exhausted by the divorce proceedings, begin to pay less attention to him than usual. The child is difficult to understand that such changes are only a consequence of the emotional fatigue of the parents. The child begins to feel that he does not need anyone: neither his mother left him, nor the departed father. To aggravate such a situation can in the event that previously not working mom goes to work. The second, also very common pitfall, is that so many parents, when they part, are involved in a kind of rivalry for the love and attention of the baby. This struggle is most often conducted by two methods:
- The parent tries in every possible way to convince the child that,that he is the best and loves him more. Often in the course are the most treacherous tricks and shaking up "dirty laundry." Mom can talk about the many adventures of his father. The father, in turn, accuses his mother of the most unseemly acts. Parents, pursuing their own selfish goal, often, alas, forget about the most important thing - about the child's state of mind. Whatever it was, the child loves both parents and a similar situation seriously injures his psyche.
- The second, the most favored by men, wayto win the attention of the child is a huge amount of gifts and a fascinating pastime: circuses, zoos, attractions, concerts. Most often, for all these decorations, the parent simply tries to hide the fear of being rejected by the child. And sometimes it says that the parent is not able to spend time with the baby simply and naturally while remaining himself. Of course, all children, without exception, just love all kinds of gifts and entertainment. However, for them the opportunity is no less important and valuable.
Another huge error of parents, negativelyaffecting the child's psyche, is an attempt to make a spy out of a child or to assign the functions of a spy to him. In such a situation, the child is constantly subjected to cross-examination by both parents who are trying to find out the details of the personal life of the former second half, or pass on their wishes to each other through the child. Of course, for the first time a child may feel proud of the sense of self-worth, but this feeling will very soon be replaced by completely different, much less radiant. In this period of life, children often do not understand how they can survive the divorce of their parents, therefore they simply become self-absorbed. The child can, as already mentioned above, feel the strongest anger at both parents, and even refuse to meet. In no case do not scold him for it and do not force it - this can lead to very sad consequences. It will take very little time and the situation will be normalized. Very often it happens that since the divorce of parents the childhood of children, especially teenagers, is over. And the fault of this is the wrong behavior of the parents. For example, a mother often turns her daughter into a friend, with whom she can share absolutely all experiences and doubts. However, do not forget that the mentality of a teenager is not yet ready for such stresses and such revelations can cause irreparable harm to her. The same applies to housekeeping. Do not shift to the child washing, cleaning, cooking and looking after younger people. Of course, the child must help you, but within the framework of the reasonable. Of course, the mother's worries after the divorce will increase, but it is still necessary to allow the child to remain a child. Below are some recommendations on how to survive a parent's divorce. After all, no matter how acute the problem of perceptions of divorce was by the child, parents can always alleviate the problem, or, on the contrary, aggravate it. During a divorce, in no case should the child be deprived of the opportunity to communicate closely with both parents. In no case can not put the child before the choice of only one parent and set it up against the second. This is especially true of women who tell children that their communication with their father will be a real betrayal of her. For the child, this is a very painful situation. We must not forget that children are much more loyal and tend to forgive their parents many mistakes, that's why children love both parents about the same way. A lot of popes have the erroneous opinion that they have ceased to play an important role in the life of the child and their visits are not very much needed. However, in fact, communication with the father is very important for the child and helps a faster emotional rehabilitation and is a good way of how the child is easier to survive the divorce of the parents. Unfortunately, with the passage of time the number of visits is reduced. But the father should remember that the children are very sensitive to this fact, no matter how long it took after the divorce: a month or a few years.
How to explain to a child the divorce of parents?
Many parents, not knowing how to explainthe upcoming divorce, prefer to hide this fact to the last. However, the sudden news will be a real shock for the child. It is necessary to tell the child that the father and mother will not live together in advance, before your real divorce. Thus, you allow the child to realize the reality of what is happening, get used to this thought and partially cope with the first shock that will inevitably cause this news. The child will have time to talk with the pope, and with his mother, ask questions that worry him. Children need much more time to accept and understand the situation than adults. This should be borne in mind by adults, when they will decide how to explain the child to the parents' divorce. Surely the child will come back again and again to a painful topic for him, trying to understand why such a situation arose and how to behave further. Be prepared for the fact that such questions will arise with frightening regularity. In no case should you scold the child for obsessive, as this can significantly exacerbate the situation. Child psychologists noticed that those children who knew about the upcoming divorce beforehand tolerated it relatively painlessly. But those children for whom divorce has become a thunder out of the blue, very often face serious psychological problems, down to nervous breakdowns. It is also very important to ensure that the child's explanations are received at the most accessible level to him. The explanations should correspond to the age of the child. Do not overload the extra information of a small child, but a teenager can already give much more information. The main task of parents is to find the "golden mean". It is unlikely that an explanation like "mom and dad can not live together" will suit a teenager, but it's also not worth giving too much information discrediting the reputation of one of the parents. Also do not forget that over time, as the child grows, you repeatedly have to return to the issue of the reason for the divorce. After all, the explanations received by a ten-year-old child are unlikely to satisfy the natural interest of a fourteen-year-old. Be sure to try to convey to the child's consciousness that your divorce will not affect the relationship with him. Be sure to tell that the child will be able to communicate with his mother and father. However, it is worth paying attention to the fathers: if in fact you do not plan regular communication with children, in no case promise them this. It is much wiser to immediately explain to them that you often will not be able to see, but that does not mean that you forgot about the child. You must convince him that he will forever remain loved and needed. The most important thing that you should pay attention to, considering how you explain the divorce of the child to the child, is the need to convince the child that his guilt has not occurred. Also try to explain to the child that he can not prevent the divorce or influence the course of events. Children often remain hopeful until the very end that they will manage to prevent a divorce. Do not feed the children's illusions, as this can be a serious psychological trauma. Of course, the disintegration of the family is one of the most difficult events in the destiny of every person. But in no case should we forget about the divorce of parents and the fate of children. After all, divorce is a matter for two just before a couple has a baby. After that, it is the tragedy of the whole family. The most important thing in this situation is not to become confused or panic, but to try to keep calm and sober thinking, because in a hysterical state it is very difficult to make the right decision and act correctly. Do not hesitate to seek the help of qualified specialists, if you really need it: lawyers, psychologists will always readily advise you how to proceed in this or that situation. We advise you to read:
