At about 6-7 years old, children become completelya socialized personality, ready to live in society and a team. It is at this age that the child enters one of the most difficult periods of his life - he begins to look for his place in the sun. Or, more precisely, to look for his place in the team. Child psychologists draw the attention of parents to the fact that it is at this age that the child begins to "sharpen" various models of social behavior, discovers his main character traits and behavior in society. That is why during this period parents should be especially attentive to their child, help him to join the team, choose the most correct and successful line of behavior with peers. Otherwise, the question of what to do if your child is bullied at school will become relevant for you. Yes - yes, do not be surprised - children are extremely cruel creatures, capable of many things. One of the most unpleasant factors in the development of a child in a team, but, unfortunately, extremely common is the bullying of a child at school either by classmates or older children. Moreover, both boys and girls are bullied equally often. And bullying is also equally common among children of both sexes.
Reasons for baiting the child
Of course, bullying of a child will not occurout of nowhere – there must be some reason. However, children are a very peculiar people, and sometimes completely unpredictable, so it is very difficult, almost impossible, to predict what exactly will lead to such a development of events. However, it is still quite easy to trace the main line – a group of children can start to bully a child who stands out from the crowd of peers. Children, unlike adults, do not yet know what tolerance is, and the manifestation of individuality is often perceived as weakness. As a rule, a child can start to be bullied because of:
Many parents know this very well,and try to provide the child with everything that will allow him not to stand out among his peers and not to feel worse than others. Believe me, inner peace and self-confidence mean a lot to a child - it will be very difficult to tease a self-confident child, since he will be able to stand up for himself and fight back against offenders.
How to understand that the child is offended?
In order to provide assistance to the child andTo stop this senseless and cruel bullying, parents must notice the signs of trouble in a timely manner. Of course, most often children complain about their offenders to their parents, but, unfortunately, not in all cases. Sometimes a child is simply intimidated by their offenders. And sometimes pride does not allow them to complain to anyone, including their parents. That is why parents simply need to know the main signs that their child has been bullied by other children. There are several such signs:
- Changed behavior of the child
Pay attention to your child's mood.If he has become withdrawn, refuses to make any contact with his parents, is constantly depressed and gloomy, is in a depressed state - something is probably going wrong in his life. Keep an eye on your child - in any case, sooner or later, the child's normal sleep will be disrupted, he may begin to feel unwell, be capricious, and show signs of nervousness for no apparent reason.
- A marked reluctance to attend school
In case the child is looking for anya plausible, and sometimes downright far-fetched, excuse for not going to school, resorting to the most conceivable and inconceivable excuses, parents must necessarily try to find out where the "wind is blowing" from, and not just send him to school. As a rule, the child's ordinary laziness and lack of desire to study almost never express themselves in constant excuses and attempts not to go to school at any cost. And if recently the child, for no apparent reason, has changed his usual route to school to another, often much longer, or is even trying to change it constantly - parents should immediately worry, because sometimes this is a very serious alarm signal. Perhaps this is how the child is trying to avoid meeting his offenders at least on the way to school.
- Appearance of signs of physical violence
Of course, parents should immediately give upalarm if they have discovered signs of physical abuse in a child. And do not forget that these include not only bruises - they are an extreme case, requiring immediate action from parents, up to and including contacting law enforcement agencies with a statement about the need to sort out the situation. Torn pockets, torn buttons, dirty clothes, torn textbooks, books, a school bag, broken personal items are no less clear evidence of physical abuse. Of course, sometimes such incidents happen to the most ordinary, well-off children. However, there is a rather striking difference - to an innocent question about what happened to his clothes or things, the child who is being bullied, but does not admit it to his parents, he will hardly be able to answer you clearly. Otherwise, he will happily tell you that he fought with someone during recess, climbed over a fence, fell, and so on.
Than help your child?
Naturally, in such a situation, parentsonly one question worries you - how to help your child if he is being bullied at school? And is it even possible? Very often, parents prefer to take the path of least resistance and simply transfer their child to another school. However, this is far from always the best solution to the problem - after all, there is no guarantee that the child will not be bullied at the new school too. And what do psychologists say about this? Is it really possible to effectively help a child in this difficult situation? Yes, you can, but for this, parents will have to make some effort. There are several basic rules for parents whose children find themselves in a similar situation:
- Do not ignore the problem
The biggest mistake anyone can makeparents - is to ignore the very existence of the problem, or to withdraw from its solution. As a rule, such parents motivate their decision not to interfere in the current events by the fact that it is completely unnecessary to interfere in the affairs of children, because sooner or later everything will definitely stop on its own, you just need to wait and give the children time to grow up. However, such an approach to the problem is fundamentally wrong. And there are several reasons for this - firstly, if a very young child - a first-grader is bullied by his own classmates, they will not leave him alone quickly, and the feeling that they are doing badly, due to their young age, will not yet arise. Secondly, if a teenager is bullied, everything can end much sadder than in elementary school. Well, finally, thirdly - try to imagine yourself in your child's place. Are you ready to regularly, day after day, visit a place where you are hated and not only do not try to hide it, but openly mock you? Hardly, right? Remember also that regular psychological violence has an extremely negative effect on your child. A child who regularly experiences rejection from peers, humiliation, often suffers from chronic depression and neuroses. Of course, this does not improve the quality of his life in any way, but it can lead to the child attempting to commit suicide with a very high degree of probability. Are the parents ready to live after this with the awareness of their own guilt and the understanding that they could have prevented the tragedy, but did nothing about it?
- Be sure to talk with the teacher
In case your child has startedif your child is being bullied and harassed by his classmates, first of all, talk to the school teachers about it. If the child is studying in a primary or secondary school, the teacher has a very strong authority among the children, and he can influence the group without much difficulty. As a rule, the teacher is able to make sure that the violence against your child stops immediately.
- If necessary, apply to law enforcement agencies
In the same case, if such bullying of a childhappens in senior classes, the problem of "hazing" at the level of teachers is much more difficult to solve. Of course, parents should definitely inform teachers. However, teachers are unlikely to be able to influence teenagers - they are smart enough to disguise their bullying well, and cruel enough to intimidate their victims. Therefore, it is much more reasonable and expedient for parents to seek help from law enforcement agencies. Of course, it is not at all necessary to run to the prosecutor's office and the OBOP with a demand to send a riot police unit to the school, but it would not be a bad idea to talk to your juvenile inspector. Moreover, teenagers must be informed about this, warning them that you will not stop there if the bullying does not stop immediately.
- Pay more attention to your child
Of course, it is quite natural that parentsspend most of their time at work to provide their child with a normal, decent standard of living. However, in such a situation, if you suspect that your child has become a victim of bullying by peers, and does not want to tell you anything, you should think about why this is happening - does the child really not trust you anymore? Have a heart-to-heart talk with your child, let him know that you are always ready to listen, support and understand him, no matter what happens to him. Constantly remind your child that he is the best, the strongest and he will definitely succeed in everything he wants. High self-esteem is the key to a child's success. And the formation of this self-esteem is primarily the task of the parents.
- Talk to your parents
It wouldn't hurt to talk to your parents too.the main offenders of your child. Of course, if the child is offended by the whole class, it is not so easy to talk to all the parents. However, this is not at all necessary - in any group there are always a few ringleaders who drag the whole group along with them. It is to their parents that you should go with a serious conversation. Almost always, all offenders and bullies in childhood are divided into two main subgroups: evil children. And simply harmful. It is much easier with harmful children - as a rule, they are like this as a result of the fact that they are very much loved and spoiled at home. Moreover, most often, parents do not even suspect what their children do at school, since at home they are simply the embodiment of meekness, obedience and politeness. As a rule, just one visit to the parents of such bullies is enough for him to forget even thinking about teasing your child. But if the child became a bully because of internal anger, most likely the problem originates in his family. And therefore, most likely, your visit to his parents will not bring any desired result. However, think about the fact that the family may be completely dysfunctional, and that same bully desperately needs immediate help from adults. And such behavior is nothing more than a kind of cry for help. You should not refuse this help, even to a stranger, but still a child. And who knows, it may well be that you will save this child from drugs, prison, or even suicide. Agree that this is already enough.
- Consult a psychologist
If you want your child to be at schooloffended, but you yourself are not able to take control of the situation, you need to seek advice from a child psychologist. The specialist will certainly help you cope with the problem - he will explain to the child how to behave when communicating with peers, and to the parents what else they can do to protect their child from the negative influence of peers. And with joint efforts, you will certainly succeed! We recommend reading:
