How can it be explained from the point of view of chemistry andPhysicists such an important biological phenomenon as first love? (Albert Einstein) During the already beloved holiday of all lovers - Valentine's Day - I really want to talk about love! And since you have looked into this column - it means you are a serious girl; so let's talk about love seriously. Is it possible to truly define what love is? So that I could say - and immediately everything fell into place, everything became clear and understandable. Let's say right away that we are unlikely to succeed in finding a single definition of love. The true and deep meaning of love is very difficult to convey in words. Human love is an endless story in an open book of life experience. You can try to look from a scientific point of view at what love is: philosophers and psychologists, chemists and philologists have tried to define it, even mathematicians have tried to calculate the formula for love. Not a single science has been able to give an exact definition of what love is, because each of them studies only one aspect of this phenomenon. And love is a multifaceted feeling that unites physical, mental, emotional and spiritual manifestations in a person. All artists and poets at all times have attempted to give an exact definition of what love is. Everyone did it differently. Each of us knows exactly when we love that it is love. And yet this feeling remains a mystery to everyone in all respects. No one has yet been able to give a definitive definition of love. Those scientists who are able to find an exact formulation will make a great contribution to our world and society. In the meantime, only the ancient Greeks have defined the essence of different types of love more accurately than anyone else. But - first things first!
Let's glance at the dictionary
Let's start with the most accessible - let's see what definition of this feeling is given in different dictionaries. So, love (and everything connected with it) is:
These are far from all the definitions of love.There could be a lot of them, because in the modern world the usage of this word is slightly distorted, and in some places completely perverted. For example, in some countries no one would ever say: "I love an apple!" There are more appropriate words for such a situation. The ancient Greeks would not have said it either.
Four types of love in Greek
The ancient Greeks divided love into four main types: agape, eros, philia and storge.
- Agape - love-compassion. The highest type of love. This unconditional love with the deepest feelings, when a loving person gives all himself, without expecting anything in return. Such love is for another and for another, it is full of self-denial and sacrifice. All world religions consider such love to be the highest earthly feeling of a person.
- Eros is passionate love. At the heart of it lies, of course, sexual passion, but the passion can be not only physical, but also spiritual (for example, there are passionate fans of football). Eros is an enthusiastic, violent love, but passion burns not so much for another as for itself, it has a lot of egocentrism. (By the way, do not you think that it was the god of passionate love that Eros came up with the phrase "make love"?)
- Filia - sons of love, love-friendship (as betweenparents and children). This is a calmer, more spiritual feeling. Here, love is manifested through loyalty to the family, friends and society; as a rule, at the branch there is a joint use of spiritual resources with mutual expectation of something in return. In the teachings of Plato about love, the branch is raised to the highest level. Well, Plato knows best!
- Storge - conjugal love, love-tenderness, which is the result of mutual affection. It is full of attention of loving people to each other.
Later, other varieties began to be identified.types of love. Among them, there is one interesting type that is worth mentioning: Mania – love-madness, love-obsession (the Greek word “mania” meant madness, attraction, passion). This love is based on a long-term emotional ecstasy, obsession with feelings, overestimation of the significance of this love. Madness from the gods – that’s what the Greeks called this love. The symptoms of such love were immortalized by Plato and Sappho – heart fever, loss of sleep and interest in food, confusion and pain of a restless soul. It is interesting that after the Greeks, for a very long time no one really tried to study love. And only in the twentieth century, psychologists and representatives of other sciences turned their attention to the gaps in this area of knowledge. And they tried to fill them.
Anthropology's view of love
Professor of anthropology Dr. Helen Fisher (USA)занималась изучением природы этого чувства более тридцати двух лет. Не так давно она издала книгу «Почему мы любим: природа и химия романтической любви». Вот так вот. На молекулы разложила! И к какому же выводу она пришла? Фишер считает, что любовь может быть разделена на три составляющих: вожделение, романтика и привязанность. Эти три составляющих могут происходить в любом порядке и в любой комбинации. Вы можете влюбиться в кого-то до того, как станете с ним спать. Можете быть глубоко привязанной к кому-то, а потом полюбить. А можете сначала иметь сексуальные отношения, потом влюбиться, а позже сильно привязаться к этому человеку. Итак, похоть, вожделение… Жажда сексуального удовлетворения, которую может почувствовать человек, заставляет его действовать. Влюбившись, он сосредотачивает все внимание на объекте своих чувств, одержимо думает только о нем. Он не только жаждет обладать любимым человеком; он получает высокую мотивацию, чтобы завоевать этого человека. Возможно, это покажется нелогичным, но когда дела обстоят совсем плохо, притяжение к отвергающей стороне только усиливается. В этом состоянии мозг управляется дофамином – гормоном «предвкушения счастья», и отверженный влюбленный усиленно продолжает свои попытки добиться взаимности. Романтическая любовь является гораздо более мощным стимулятором нервной системы, чем сексуальное влечение. Во всем мире, в любом уголке земного шара люди живут ради любви, совершают поступки ради любви, умирают сами или убивают других ради любви. О любви поют песни, рисуют картины, снимают кино. Любовь порой превращается в помешательство, которое способно принести и радость, и боль одновременно. И все это время в мозгу влюбленного человека происходят химические реакции, которые и управляют этим процессом. И длительность этих реакций не бесконечна. Романтической любви предназначено быть временной, иначе люди не выдерживали бы такого напряжения и умирали от нервного истощения, или попадали бы на лечение в психиатрические клиники. Романтическая любовь призвана сфокусировать внимание пары друг на друге, чтобы стимулировать размножение. Но как только рождается ребенок, включается механизм, который помогает вместе растить малыша – появляется чувство привязанности. Привязанность дает ощущение спокойствия и безопасности. Это, в отличие от романтической любви, долгосрочное чувство, и продлиться оно может до самой смерти партнеров. Здесь «замешаны» уже совсем другие гормоны – вазопрессин и окситоцин, которые ответственны за чувство спокойствия и даже за чувство единения после полового акта. Доказано, что окситоцин делает мужчин более восприимчивым к положительно окрашенным словам. Так что, стоит взять на заметку: когда вы сидите рядышком, держась за руки, или когда вы делаете мужу массаж, или смотрите ему в глаза, ласково говоря ему, какой он хороший, — вы тем самым способствуете выработке окситоцина в мозгу любимого. А окситоцин тут же начинает воздействовать на мозг суженого, и вот уже из него веревки можно вить… Химия! Мы вот в большинстве своем всё шумим, кулаком по столу стучим, требуем чего-то; а ласковые жены не только мусор сами не выносят, но и в шубках щеголяют. Так-то! 
And now about love in terms of psychology
Psychologists tend to distinguish three aspects of love:
There are many combinations thatbecome characteristic of a particular love. Is there passion and friendship, but very little commitment? Then it is “passionate love”. You seem to be together, but do not feel passion or friendly warmth? This is “empty”, unpromising love. In general, there can be many options. Of course, any of us would like to have true love with the “full package”: with passion, intimacy and commitment. This is, of course, an ideal, but you should not unconditionally advocate for it alone. Compromises play a big role in our lives. And chasing the ideal, you can miss your happiness. Well, everything seems simple and clear. But how can you recognize true love? How not to mistake simple infatuation, infatuation or banal lust for it? Let's try to derive our own, feminine definition of true love. Love is when you want to do something good for a person. Just like that. And you feel good only because you managed to do something pleasant and useful for him. Love is when you can't breathe if he is not around. And as soon as he appears in your field of vision, it’s as if butterflies start dancing in your stomach! Love is when food tastes bad, fun games are boring, everyday activities are meaningless… The only thing that makes sense is to sit in a chair and smile stupidly, dreaming about him. Love is when you can’t help but think about how extraordinary he is, unlike anyone else, even if you are… incredibly angry with him! Love is when no other women exist for him except you. Well, maybe his mother… Love is when forever. Only with him. For life. True love will overcome all obstacles and stand the test of time. And even if this is not always possible, each of us prefers to think exactly this way. As in Shakespeare’s sonnet: Love is not love, When it changes color at the slightest change And flies away at the first cooling. Well, so that you don’t get too far off the ground in your dreams of true love, we want to give you some advice.
Tips & Warnings
- You can not love others until you learn to love yourself.
- Do not forget: if you feel love for someone, this does not mean that he, too, should love you.
- It is not necessary to fall in love with a person whois unstable in his feelings - then hot, then cold. Such a person will make you cry much more often than smiling. Find the strength to put an end to this; you will still find a more worthy person, capable of a healthy relationship.
- Remember that love has different “levels”.Two people who love each other have the right to choose what kind of relationship they want to have. But love itself is not a choice: you cannot decide how much you love.
- Sometimes reckless love enslaves. Do not try to give your life on the altar of service to your loved one. Do not lose yourself completely dissolving in it. Better become even better for the sake of your beloved, develop, learn something new for yourself. Let him be interested in you! Unconditional love does not mean that only you have to take care of your loved one. It means that you must balance your relationship in such a way that your life also changes for the better.
- We venture to say that they really love when love is not only taken, but given. No matter how much love you give to someone, it is important that he always wants to give you more.
- It is not love if you only talk about it.To express love, it is not enough to say "I love you"; it is better to reveal your love not with words, but with actions and deeds. "Actions speak louder than words," - says an Eastern proverb. Actions influence feelings more than talk. Even if someone just waves at you with a sincere smile, it can make your heart skip a beat and start pounding wildly.
Centuries have passed, but people still haven’t been able togive a precise definition of this feeling. Perhaps because love is different for different people? For some it is suffering, and for others – wings on the back; for some love is an opportunity for self-expression, and for others – a quiet family comfort. Love brings happiness, love can cause grief. It can even lead to war! But love is constant in one thing – it is eternal, and it makes a person be human! We recommend reading:
