There are many types of depression, and one orone in four people on the planet suffers from some of them. Psychotherapist Richard O'Connor talks about the peculiarities of this widespread disease and methods of treatment in his book "Depression is Cancelled" published by Mann, Ivanov, Ferber. Here is what he advises to those who have not yet plunged into the abyss of despair (when more serious medical help is needed), but already suffer from apathy, low self-esteem and gloomy thoughts:
- Set realistic goals
Depressed, pessimistic and insecurePeople avoid setting goals to protect themselves from disappointment. They don’t realize that not setting goals leads to a whole other set of problems, often worse. By striving for a goal, you grow even if you don’t achieve it. A study comparing people who became disabled after an accident with lottery winners found that a year later, both groups had returned to their original psychological state. If a person was unhappy before becoming rich, he or she will be unhappy with money. If a person was cheerful and lively, even becoming disabled, he or she will remain cheerful and optimistic. However, depressed people do not trust their ability to adapt to bad news, begin to avoid setting important goals, and live without direction. The goal becomes simply to survive until the next day. Scientific research shows that the simple act of setting a specific goal can improve both your feelings and your productivity. If you decide to write a book, set a goal of writing X pages a day, and not just vaguely “write” when the mood takes you. This way you focus your thoughts on how to get to your destination. And as you get closer to your goal, you will feel much happier.
- Form the right attitude to work
Paradoxical situation:During work, people feel their skills and see challenges ahead, so they feel happy, strong, creative and satisfied. During their free time, they feel that there is nothing special to do, their skills are not in demand, so they tend to feel sad, weak, despondent and dissatisfied. However, they want to work less and spend more time on rest. Most of us are used to considering work as something imposed. Even if we see challenges and incentives, we believe that it benefits someone else, not ourselves, and we tend to view work as a period subtracted from the time allotted to us for enjoying life. How much better it would be if we could change the perception of work and feel that the time spent on work is a chance to be happy, and not just days torn from the allotted years. Your attention should be focused on the activity, so while working, try not to be distracted by other stimuli. Deep involvement helps a person forget about all the unpleasant aspects of life. The inner critic is silent. We forget about ourselves for a while, but after completing the task we feel better. It is good when there is a quick return, which allows us to track successes and adjust behavior in time.
- If the work is still not fun
Many people get stuck in jobs that don't bring them any rewards.no joy (given the economic crisis, there will be more and more of them), but you have to thank fate that there is at least something. If this is your case, there are always a few things you can do to make work more enjoyable.
- Look for sources of pride and self-esteem
Rethink your views on achievements, praiseyourself more often and be proud of your successes, even if they seem insignificant to you. Perhaps finding a few minutes to read a book with a capricious child is already a great achievement, not only because it is difficult to find the time, but also because it has benefited the child. Regardless of whether you like your job or not, it is important to remember that it brings many reasons to feel proud. There are many things you take for granted, forgetting to reward yourself with praise. No less important an achievement than a salary is that you get up and come to work on time, stay there until the end of the day, sometimes do difficult or unpleasant things. This can also be a source of self-esteem! In the transition to a service-oriented society, more and more professions are accompanied by not physical but emotional stress. All positions where you have to work with people require the ability to manage yourself, to play a certain role. We must put a good face on a bad game and control the expression of our true feelings. However, control must come from a conscious, deliberate desire to do a good job, and not from the belief that our feelings are unacceptable in themselves. Sometimes we have every reason to be in a bad mood, but we have to restrain ourselves. This is professionalism, and it is something to be proud of! Think right now about what recent achievements you deserve praise for. Maybe you fed a homeless kitten, supported a friend in a difficult situation, or simply did morning exercises?
- Define your core values
To make your life more fulfillingmeaningful and happy, try this exercise: 1. Write a list of ten or more things that you think are worth living for. Don’t worry – the list doesn’t have to be perfect or complete, because you’ll be coming back to it several times. Try not to think about the “right” values: just write down whatever comes to mind, without judgment. If becoming a saint isn’t one of your priorities, but going to good restaurants is, don’t worry about it. This list is just for you. No one else will ever see it, and you deserve the most honest information you can. 2. Put it aside for a few days, and then repeat the exercise. Don’t look at the old list – start with a clean slate. Assume that you may have missed some obvious things the first time – simply because you take them for granted, or for any of a thousand other reasons. Then, after a few more days, make the list a third time. 3. Now combine all three lists. If any of the items are repeated, list them as one, but note how many times they appear next to them. If you notice that some of the items are just examples of a larger idea (for example, dancing and going to concerts could count as loving music), consider them repeats. Then try to rank the items in order of importance to you. This will be a tough choice, but don’t get hung up on it. Don’t worry if you can’t decide whether having sex is more important than eating good food. However, you should be able to roughly rank the items and see, for example, that both sex and good food are more important to you than golf. Or vice versa. 4. The painful part of the exercise: For the next few days, keep a diary of what you do. Keep track of how much time you actually spend on the activities and conditions listed as top priorities. If you’re one of many, you’ll be discouraged by how much time you spend on things that aren’t on the list at all. You may find that your time is being spent on unnecessary, low-level tasks, like surfing the web. Take a conscious look at how you spend your time and try to increase its value. Plan your evenings and weekends in advance. Plan your vacations around your highest priorities. Spend more time with friends and family. Cut back on TV and the internet. At the same time, allow yourself some emotional downtime. Constantly doing your top priorities can wear you out very quickly. Growth and change are hard work. But the hard truth is that we either grow or die, challenge ourselves or stagnate. So follow these tips: set goals, find ways to fulfill yourself, take action, and don’t forget to praise yourself for your successes.