You suffer from pain and grief, from any lossin your life? If this is so, we are ready to empathize with you. We wish you love and good on your journey. We want to help you overcome your pain! Sooner or later, loss and sorrow occur on the life path of each person. Each of us once feels the pain of this or that loss: betrayal, loss of loved ones, loss of love, deceived expectations, the alienation of growing children, fleeing youth. It happens that every single disappointment in itself is not so great, but, accumulating, they cause depression and loss of interest in life. It would seem that only everything was in order, and the next moment the heart is squeezed by an aching anguish and the earth leaves from under the feet. And if you really suffered a great loss - such as the death of a native person or a divorce - there will be enough despair and grief for you to drop your hands for several months or even years. But even less dramatic life events and changes can cause you much pain and suffering. Here are some of them:

• Moving from one place of residence to another;
• Departure of children from home;
• Break friendships or any other relationships;
• Change or loss of work;
• Detection of signs of aging;
• Disease or loss of legal capacity that makes for you unattainable something that was only recently normal;
• Failures in business;
• Refusal of plans caused by a coincidence of circumstances, and not by your desire;
• Serious quarrel or divorce of parents;
• Contradiction in the views (for example, different religious beliefs) between you and your loved ones;
• The sense of purposelessness and senselessness of your life;
• Awareness of one's own shortcomings and bad habits that spoil life, but you can not change that;
• Death of a pet.

If one or more of the abovecases occurred with you, then you too risk becoming a victim of depression. Any life changes, even if they are positive changes, lead to stress and a sustained sense of loss. Grieving about the loss, you feel left alone with your emotions. It seems to you that no one else can understand your grief over what you have lost. Or maybe you do not want to burden others with your sorrow and pain. This misconception often leads us to self-isolation and depression, forcing us to keep our suffering deep within ourselves. Hiding your pain, you are not deceiving others, but yourself. This has not yet helped to reduce the sense of pain from loss. It will be easier for you to endure grief if you know that sorrow is a psychological process that follows its own specific laws. And you should obey these laws, and not resist them.

The five main stages of grief

Depending on the cause that caused you a feeling of grief and loss, grief can go through different stages:

Negation. "It can not be!", "It's just impossible that this happens exactly with me!" When we are informed of the loss that has overtaken us, we refuse to believe. "It's some kind of mistake!" At the first moment, there are not even tears. Later we refuse to accept the loss and the emptiness that has been created: we continue to put a plate on the table for the deceased or left of the husband's family, or see the flashed jacket of his child in the crowd, which is actually far away from us.

Anger. "Why me ?!", "It's so unfair!" A great desire to resist fate. Sometimes a person even feels anger towards the deceased, accusing him of leaving: "He left me!" If a person died of a disease - anger often spreads to doctors: "Why did not they do everything necessary to save?"

Conversation. "Bargaining" often occurs before the loss occurs. Someone is trying to negotiate with the spouse who announced his resignation; someone is trying to make a deal with God to prevent the loss of a loved one lying on his deathbed. "I will do anything to return ..., save ..., find ...!" - it seems to us that our ardent requests and vows can prevent impending disaster.

Depression. "There is no meaning in life anymore." A person experiences an overwhelming feeling of hopelessness, disappointment, bitterness, self-pity. We begin to mourn the loss, as well as unfulfilled hopes, dreams or plans for the future. The grieving person, as it were, falls into a stupor and loses interest in everything. Often thoughts of suicide come to mind. Deep depression causes serious health problems and often requires professional treatment.

Humility, acceptance. After some time a man accepts the loss. Everyone has this in different ways: someone needs several months, someone - a few years. The grieving person fully realizes and accepts his loss. He begins to look for something that will help him survive the pain of loss, fill the void that has formed and give him comfort and healing.

These stages do not have any definiteorder; they can follow in an arbitrary order, some stages of mourning go away, and then come back again. But the final step is always acceptance, when you finally let go of your pain and move on.

How to cope with your pain?

It is necessary to go through your grief, and thenlet her go and move on life further. Do you want to know how the person who wants to deal with depression will manage after the loss? Here are six steps that need to be taken to go through the grief that has overtaken you and find your way to healing:

• Identify the source of pain

Sometimes it's too obvious - if you're going throughthrough a divorce or lost a loved one. In other cases, you may experience grief without understanding what exactly makes you feel a loss. Analyze all the changes that have occurred recently in your life, and allow yourself to experience the feelings that appear when you remember each of the events. Try to identify situations that cause you a feeling of pain or sadness. As soon as you find the reason that causes you heavy emotions, recognize for yourself its existence. If you pretend that everything is in order, trying to suppress your feelings, then in the course of time these feelings will still manifest in an unhealthy way. They will turn into anxiety, anger, depression.

• Allow yourself to cry

When you feel that your eyes are "on wetplace ", - give yourself a cry. Tears for our body - like a valve that allows you to go out of sadness, anxiety, disappointment, and does not allow to accumulate stress. Tears help to get rid of stress hormones and harmful toxins that arise from the effects of stress. Those who do not allow themselves to cry during grief and sadness, contribute to the accumulation of stress hormones and weakening of their immune system, which can even lead to serious illnesses. Psychologists have long established that crying is an important part of confronting grief and healing from it.

• Talk about what's bothering you

Some people always needto share with others their thoughts and emotions. On the contrary, others are very secretive. This, in general, is a private matter for everyone. But not in the case when a person does not know how to cope with the loss. Talking to someone about your problem (especially with someone who is unreservedly trusted) helps to build confidence in oneself and faster healing through emotional openness. Such a conversation helps to discuss questions that can be too difficult or painful for you alone, without friendly support.

• Pay more attention to yourself

If you are faced with grief and loss, thennot only does your mood decline. Your energy level also drops significantly. You can experience not only mental, but also physical pain. You will be troubled by anxiety, headache, pain in the muscles. Now is not the time to force yourself to observe your usual schedule of employment or even give yourself extra workloads. Instead, give yourself a break. Pamper yourself by allowing yourself to do whatever the soul asks and what can comfort you. Go for a long walk or soak in the bathroom. Go for a massage. Listen to your favorite music. Look at the funny movie. Eat something tasty. And most importantly - give yourself a proper sleep. When you feel that sadness overcomes you - try to stay away from alcohol. Alcohol will make you feel even worse. In addition, limit the viewing of television and in any case do not look melodramas with a sad ending. And yet - avoid isolation. Now you need to spend as much time as possible with your family and friends. Even if they just stay close to you, you will feel a noticeable relief.

• Concentrate on gratitude

Of course, it's hard to think about something else, whensorrow knocked at your door. But, despite your losses, there have been a lot of good things in your life. Remind yourself of this. To make it more convincing for you, list all the good that is in your life, writing it on paper. And try to find something positive for yourself, even in your current difficult situation. If the children have left to study in another city, and your house empty without them has become like a ruined nest - think that your children turned out to be few of those who wanted to enter a good university and who really could do it. Enjoy that in the future they will become good specialists with a specialty in your city that is in demand in your city. Imagine how many happy moments await you from meeting with them, when they will come home for a vacation! If a person has died, write down all the best memories of him. Thank the fate that he was with you. If your loved one has died of a serious illness - let you be comforted by the fact that his suffering is already behind us. If you go through a divorce - you can think first of all that now you will be spared from those painful moments of your life together, which eventually led to the destruction of the family. And the freedom will give you the opportunity to pay much more attention to yourself. In addition, now you have opened the way to a new relationship. How to know, maybe it's the new love that will make you truly happy! Grief and pain, it seems to us, can penetrate all aspects of our life, destroying its habitual course, and we completely forget about all the good that still surrounds us. Perhaps, at first you can not bring yourself to feel gratitude to life for the fact that it continues. But try to still notice all the positive things that are happening around you. And there, you look, and positive emotions will gradually return.

• be patient

You already know that sorrow is a certainprocess. Depending on the cause of your grief and loss, you must go through different stages before your healing comes. Knowing the patterns of your emotions, you can better understand how to cope with the loss that you have suffered. Allow yourself to fully experience all the emotions associated with your grief, and let it help you to realize that eventually they will leave. The sense of loss and grief are temporary, even if you feel forever stuck in painful experiences. All of us eventually get cured and find further ways to advance our lives. So the person is arranged. When we say that you, too, will recover from grief and can live on - this does not mean that you will forget about your losses. Of course not! We mean that you can move on, you will learn to rejoice in everything good in your life. Despite the weight of your loss today. If you grieve for the great loss in your life - we were happy to give you support by teaching you how to deal with grief. And if you know someone who is now overtaken by a loss - ask him with words of love and support! We advise you to read:

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