Loss and grief: healing is possible!

Are you suffering from pain and grief, from anylosses in your life? If so, we are ready to empathize with you. We wish you love and goodness on your path. We want to help you overcome your pain! Loss and grief sooner or later occur on the path of life of every person. Each of us at some point experiences the pain of one or another loss: betrayal, the passing of loved ones, loss of love, deceived expectations, the estrangement of growing children, the escaping youth. It happens that each individual disappointment in itself is not so great, but, accumulating, they cause depression and loss of interest in life. It would seem that just now everything was fine, and the next moment your heart is squeezed by a gnawing melancholy and the ground disappears from under your feet. And if you have really suffered a great loss - such as the death of a loved one or a divorce - then there will be enough despair and grief to make you give up for several months or even years. But even less dramatic life events and changes can cause you a lot of pain and suffering. Here are some of them:

Moving from one place of residence to another;
Departure of children from home;
Break friendships or any other relationships;
Change or loss of work;
Detection of signs of aging;
Disease or loss of legal capacity that makes for you unattainable something that was only recently normal;
Failures in business;
Refusal of plans caused by a coincidence of circumstances, and not by your desire;
Serious quarrel or divorce of parents;
Contradiction in the views (for example, different religious beliefs) between you and your loved ones;
The sense of purposelessness and senselessness of your life;
Awareness of one's own shortcomings and bad habits that spoil life, but you can not change that;
Death of a pet.

If one or more of the aboveIf any of these things happened to you, you too are at risk of becoming a victim of depression. Any life change, even if it is a positive change, leads to stress and a persistent sense of loss. When you grieve a loss, you feel alone with your emotions. It seems to you that no one else can understand your grief over what you have lost. Or maybe you yourself do not want to burden others with your sadness and pain. This misconception often leads us to self-isolation and depression, forcing us to keep our suffering deep inside ourselves. By hiding your pain, you are not deceiving others, but yourself. This has never helped anyone to reduce the feeling of pain from loss. It will be easier for you to bear grief if you know that grief is a psychological process that proceeds according to its own specific laws. And you should submit to these laws, and not resist them.

The five main stages of grief

Depending on the reason that caused you to feel grief and loss, grief may go through different stages:

Negation. "It can not be!", "It's just impossible that this happens exactly with me!" When we are informed of the loss that has overtaken us, we refuse to believe. "It's some kind of mistake!" At the first moment, there are not even tears. Later we refuse to accept the loss and the emptiness that has been created: we continue to put a plate on the table for the deceased or left of the husband's family, or see the flashed jacket of his child in the crowd, which is actually far away from us.

Anger. "Why me ?!", "It's so unfair!" A great desire to resist fate. Sometimes a person even feels anger towards the deceased, accusing him of leaving: "He left me!" If a person died of a disease - anger often spreads to doctors: "Why did not they do everything necessary to save?"

Negotiation."Bargaining" often occurs before the loss occurs. Some try to negotiate with a spouse who has left; others try to make a deal with God to prevent the loss of a loved one lying on their deathbed. "I will do anything to bring back..., save..., find...!" - we think that our fervent requests and vows can prevent the impending disaster.

Depression. "There is no meaning in life anymore." A person experiences an overwhelming feeling of hopelessness, disappointment, bitterness, self-pity. We begin to mourn the loss, as well as unfulfilled hopes, dreams or plans for the future. The grieving person, as it were, falls into a stupor and loses interest in everything. Often thoughts of suicide come to mind. Deep depression causes serious health problems and often requires professional treatment.

Humility, acceptance. After some time a man accepts the loss. Everyone has this in different ways: someone needs several months, someone - a few years. The grieving person fully realizes and accepts his loss. He begins to look for something that will help him survive the pain of loss, fill the void that has formed and give him comfort and healing.

These stages do not have any specificsequence; they can follow any order, with some stages of grief passing and then returning again. But the final stage is always acceptance, when you finally let go of your pain and move on.

How to cope with your pain?

You need to get through your grief and thenlet it go and move on with your life. Want to know how to cope with depression after a loss if you want to cope? Here are six steps you need to take to move through your grief and find your path to healing:

Identify the source of pain

Sometimes it's too obvious - if you go throughthrough divorce or the loss of a loved one. In other cases, you may be grieving without knowing what exactly is causing you to feel the loss. Consider all the changes that have occurred in your life recently and allow yourself to experience the feelings that arise when you remember each event. Try to identify situations that cause you to feel pain or sadness. Once you find the reason that causes you difficult emotions, acknowledge it. If you pretend that everything is okay, trying to suppress your feelings, then over time these feelings will still manifest in unhealthy ways. They will turn into anxiety, anger, depression.

Allow yourself to cry

When you feel like your eyes are "wet"place", - let yourself cry. Tears for our body are like a valve that allows sadness, anxiety, disappointment to escape, and does not allow stress to accumulate. Tears help get rid of stress hormones and harmful toxins that appear due to stress. Those who do not allow themselves to cry during grief and sadness, make their "contribution" to the accumulation of stress hormones and the weakening of their immune system, which can even lead to serious illnesses. Psychologists have long established that crying is an important part of confronting grief and healing from it.

Talk about what's bothering you

Some people always feel the need tosharing your thoughts and emotions with others. Others are very secretive. This is, in general, a private matter for everyone. But not in the case when a person does not know how to cope with a loss. Talking to someone about your problem (especially someone you trust implicitly) helps to strengthen your self-confidence and heal faster through emotional openness. Such a conversation helps to discuss issues that may be too difficult or painful for you to deal with alone, without the support of friends.

Pay more attention to yourself

If you are facing grief and loss, thenIt’s not just your mood that’s down. Your energy level is also significantly lower. You may experience not only mental pain, but also physical pain. You will be overcome with anxiety, headaches, muscle pain. Now is not the time to force yourself to stick to your usual schedule or even give yourself extra work. Instead, give yourself a break. Pamper yourself by allowing yourself to do whatever your heart desires and whatever might comfort you. Go for a long walk or soak in the bath. Get a massage. Listen to your favorite music. Watch a funny movie. Eat something tasty. And most importantly, give yourself a good night’s sleep. When you feel sadness overcoming you, try to stay away from alcohol. Alcohol will only make you feel worse. Also, limit your TV viewing and never watch melodramas with a sad ending. And also, avoid isolation. Now you need to spend as much time as possible with your family and friends. Even if they are just around you, you will feel a noticeable relief.

Concentrate on gratitude

Of course, it's hard to think about anything else whengrief has knocked on your door. But despite your losses, there have been and are many good things in your life. Remind yourself of this. To make it more convincing for you, list all the good things in your life, writing them down on paper. And try to find something positive for yourself even in your current difficult situation. If your children have left to study in another city, and your empty home without them has become like a ruined nest - think about the fact that your children were few of those who wanted to enter a good university and who were actually able to do so. Rejoice in the fact that in the future they will become good specialists with a specialty in demand in your city. Imagine how many joyful moments await you from meetings with them when they come home for the holidays! If a person dear to you has died - write down all the best memories of him. Thank fate for the fact that he was by your side. If your loved one has died from a serious illness - let you be comforted by the fact that his suffering is already behind you. If you are going through a divorce, you may think first of all that now you will be freed from those painful moments of your life together that ultimately led to the destruction of the family. And the freedom you have gained will give you the opportunity to pay much more attention to yourself. In addition, the path to new relationships is now open to you. Who knows, maybe it is a new love that will make you truly happy! Grief and pain, as it seems to us, can penetrate into all aspects of our life, destroying its usual course, and we completely forget about all the good that still surrounds us. Perhaps, at first, you will not be able to force yourself to feel gratitude for life for the fact that it continues. But still try to notice all the positive things that happen around you. And then, you will see, positive emotions will gradually begin to return.

be patient

You already know that grief is a certainprocess. Depending on the cause of your grief and loss, you will go through different stages before you can begin to heal. Knowing the pattern of your emotions will help you better understand how to cope with the loss you have suffered. Allow yourself to fully feel all the emotions associated with your grief, and be helped by the knowledge that they will pass with time. The feeling of loss and grief is temporary, even if you may feel stuck in the painful experience forever. We all eventually heal and find ways to move forward in our lives. That is just the way humans are. When we say that you, too, will recover from grief and be able to move on, it does not mean that you will forget about your losses. Of course not! We mean that you will be able to move on, you will learn to enjoy all the good things in your life. Despite the severity of your loss today. If you are grieving a major loss in your life, we would be happy to support you by teaching you how to cope with grief. And if you know someone who is currently experiencing a loss, please reach out to them with words of love and support! We recommend reading: