Your man threw you? This happens often enough and many had to go through the despair and resentment that accompanies such a separation. In my head it always sounds, as if on a broken tape recorder: "For what? For what? .. "Today, we will try at least somehow to help you in this situation and tell you what to do in order that such a crisis quickly pass. Probably, every woman at least once in life faced with such trouble, as parting with a loved one. And this is indeed a very, very difficult test, even for the strongest woman. And the only question that arises in a woman's head during this period is how to survive after parting with a loved one? From the outside, this question may seem completely delusional. But those who have experienced this pain on their own, will understand the urgency of this problem. After all, in fact, a woman's life after a break with a loved one for some time almost ceases. Interest is lost literally to everything - to work, to their hobbies, to children, if they are, to their appearance, in the end to food. Fortunately, in most cases this negative period does not last very long - two or three weeks, after which the woman begins to slowly come to her senses. But, alas, this is not always the case - some representatives of the fair sex for a long time can not pull themselves together. And this threatens already very real problems - for example, prolonged depression. This is not allowed in any case - you need to start acting. Folk wisdom says that with tears of grief you will not help. And this is really so, unfortunately or fortunately. Therefore, wipe away the tears, throw out handkerchiefs and forward - to a brighter future. Of course, no one requires you to sing songs and give your radiant smiles in the first days after the break. Want to cry? Cry! Do you want to kill all the dishes in the house? On health, then buy a new one. Is your soul demanding to cut to pieces all things reminiscent of the former? Scissors help you! Psychologists call this state a splash of negative emotions. And this is the most important stage on the way to recovery, which means it must be passed. And it will become much easier for you, you'll see!
Realize what happened
The first few days after parting womancan not realize what happened. In psychology, this phenomenon is called the "period of negation." No, brains, that woman perfectly understands what happened, but on the emotional level refuses to believe it. And as long as she does not believe, she will not be able to escape from this emotional state. They got fried? And now sit down, stop roaring for at least a minute and tell yourself the following: you, or rather - with you, severed the relationship. The severance of any relationship is almost always difficult to endure, and at once with two partners in a pair. And despite the fact that it was your ex-man who ripped the relationship, it is hardly easier for him now than for you. Strangely enough, but for most women this malicious thought warms the soul. And that's right - is not it the same for you to suffer? You should accept such a situation from this point of view. Your subconscious mind refuses to believe what is happening and no exhortations and attempts at common sense to reach you do not help? Well, you have to act more drastically. First, remove from the prominent places all the things that remind of your ex-man. The same folk wisdom says that out of sight is out of mind. If you do not raise your hand to throw everything away, then at least collect everything in one box and take it away. Of course, in the event that the husband left you, it will not be easy to do it - you will not push the whole apartment into the closet. But the output can be found in this situation - go for a couple of days to my mother or even go to some rest home. by the way, at the same time, and change the situation, which will also benefit you, please note.
Do not harbor illusions
Doctors-psychologists say that the most difficultThe time immediately following the break is sixteen first weeks. It is important that this time interval can be largely reduced only if you decide for yourself that this is the real end. Understand - let him go! Let, it's not your fault, but only his decision. Do not hold back tears. Cry a lot, but do not forget to repeat a thousand times to yourself: "Yes, gone! He's gone forever! "And now, uttered for the thousandth time, this phrase at a time will cease to dominate you. And with this, as a rule, there are very serious problems - almost every woman for a very long time hopes that the man will think better and will necessarily return to her, realizing what he has lost. And as long as a woman will think about it, and not how to start a new life after parting, she will not be able to get rid of spiritual torments. Pay attention to this! This understanding of the situation is important. Therefore, if you manage and understand that this is really the end, then it is already expensive. Consider that this is the first victory, the first battle won in the war in the name of yourself. Turn into a strong personality - a woman who can cope with difficulties. A parting for her - no more than another, completely eliminated problem. You can stand back on your feet and continue your journey, so that it does not happen. And if you continue to wait for the return of your prince, you will continue to exhaust your already exhausted psyche. Is it worth it? As practice shows, less than a third of all men come back, who severed relations on their own initiative. In addition, it is very important to ask yourself one simple question - do you really need this return? And, more importantly, answer it honestly. After all, you are well aware that the betrayer will one day probably betray one more time. Are you ready to live permanently, like a powder keg?
How to reduce pain?
Do not forget that your main goalis the most painless way out of these failed relationships. First of all, you must preserve your individuality and respect for yourself. And if you became the initiator yourself, then, for sure, you do not want to suffer from remorse and want to quickly forget about everything. In that case, read on:
- A diary
In the event that you never differedespecially talkativeness, and to share with someone their problems somehow not in your habits, then you should start a personal diary. The diary is, perhaps, one of the best and most effective methods to get rid of all sorts of grievances, sad memories and oppressive thoughts once and for all. You can simply get rid of the load of problems. Your diary is not only a wonderful listener and interlocutor, who is always with you in difficult moments of parting, but also a wonderful psychotherapist. In addition, the thought written on paper becomes clearer and clearer and easier to understand. As soon as you pour out all your insults, insults and torments, they will at that moment turn into the past and leave you home. Emotions and experiences are not so prevalent in the soul and as if they let you go free. You seem to take off, and calmness, self-control and common sense return to you. Very often you can hear the advice to burn everything written, trying to get rid of the negative in this way. But many psychologists say that the negative you will throw out on paper, and reread about your current emotional state later, when everything is stabilized, will not only be very entertaining, but also useful. Just be careful that the diary does not fall into the wrong hands - do not bother to dig into your dirty underwear, right?
Staying alone with your problemshard enough. So you will extend the recovery period even longer after the relationship breaks. Do not shut yourself up. Tell us about your problems to the largest number of people around you. Psychoanalysis refers to this approach as a method of dispelling grief. In a fairly short time you will feel enough lightness, as if with a soul stone fell. Communicate with your girlfriends. You will be listened to and something prompted. Although in some cases it is still better to come to a psychologist. Unfortunately, it often happens that despite the huge circle of communication, there is no one to talk out. After all, you can only share the most intimate with those people whom you completely trust. Of course, instead of a psychologist, you can go to the station, take a ticket for the first train and talk to fellow travelers. But this is long, uncomfortable, and it is unlikely that a fellow traveler will give you any practical advice, unlike a psychologist.
- Self talk
With an intelligent person it is always pleasant to talk, notis not it? And besides, it's also very useful! Comfortably sit in front of the mirror. Then try to talk to yourself. Tell yourself about your problems. Doctors-psychologists say that this kind of therapy very successfully copes with depression and stress. By the way, by training near your mirror, end the session with a lesson in facial expressions. Scrape yourself a funny face, and your mood will immediately go uphill. Just try to convince yourself that the problem is not worth a damn and eggs. And with such a trifle you will surely cope.
- Strengthen your body
Remember: our mental and mental state is directly related to our body. Doing sports and training your body, you will be able to cope with other problems. Work until "loss of heart rate". Absolutely no matter how you will load yourself: you can do power training, jogging, fitness, or start a general cleaning with the rearrangement of furniture in all rooms and general repairs. Never mind! The main thing is that you are physically trained. In some cases it is useful to shout loudly or to burst into sobs. The main task is to release steam, give negative emotions to go out, do not accumulate inside of you, do not store them, otherwise they will gradually destroy you from within. Yes, and sleep at night will be much stronger - you just do not remain strong on the tears in the pillow.
- Work! Work! Work!
Plunge into work with a head. This is just a magical method of solving all problems. Parting with your loved one will pass much faster and more imperceptibly for you. Actively working, you will forget about your troubles and problems, digress from them. Yes, the work has another invaluable plus - this is not only psychotherapy, but also a way to earn money, which means that you get a double benefit. And maybe, and promotion on the career ladder.
- Pamper yourself
Not only psychiatrists, but also other doctors are confident,that regular exercise helps to relieve stress. Better sort yourself and go to a fitness club or gym. Do not forget the fresh air. Nature also has healing properties. Go for a walk in the park. Pleasure yourself! Reread the book you love, or watch a good movie. Pay attention to yourself. Dress smartly, even if you do not want to go anywhere this evening. Just stay at home and cook yourself for dinner what you love. Or go to friends, take part in cheerful and noisy parties - so you will distract yourself from sad thoughts. Your life should not stop and freeze. Events and changes must take place in it.
And you know that meditation is beautifulThe way to replace the non-drying rivers of tears. Meditative state, calm and relaxed, allows you to achieve peace and clarity. During meditation, recovery occurs several times faster than even during sleep. And it does not matter that you have not come across this before - go study, it's good that there are a lot of such centers.
is also an important point in the treatment processdepression and depression. You should always eat correctly. Only in the movie the main character, after the next parting, is saved by a ton of chocolate and a pood of marmalade. In life, it's better to give up spicy and sweet if you want to get back to a normal state and forget about depression. All kinds of fruits and vegetables, mineral water and natural juices will help you and are just necessary for a speedy recovery. But if you want to prolong the life of your neurosis, then keep eating kilograms of cakes, singing it all with red wine.
Throw out all the excess from your home, even what isin no way connected with your ex-man. You want to start a new life? Hence, it is necessary to part with any reminders about it. By the way, ideally it would be nice to do repairs and replace furniture. Of course, in the event that your financial capacity allows it.
Goals and achievements
You should recover from the loss and take care of yourself. Set the goal of returning to a new life - a life without it. Try to remember who you were before him, what worried and excited you more than what you wanted to do and what dreams were put off then. Today you have a rare and wonderful opportunity to show your personality, following your desires. Do not dream of revenge - this reaction will not give you the desired relief, but will only protect old wounds. It is necessary to understand that an intelligent, strong and adult woman, personality and individuality, able to end the separation. And in general enough to think about it and constantly cry! Recall all the wrongs that he inflicted on you during your relationship with him, all the prohibitions. Now put on a red short dress that has always been your favorite, and he forbade you to wear it, because it seemed vulgar to him. Call the best friend with whom he forbade you to communicate, because he said that it was stupid. And go for a walk and have fun in the club or elsewhere. Be sure together with your best friends and girlfriends, to whom he was jealous of you and with whom he forbade to communicate. Life is beautiful without it! It's even much better, so do not put it off in a long box and start your new and, most importantly, happy life! We advise you to read: