Whoever initiated the breakup -you or he, in any case, will have to face pain and disappointment. Most likely, you are in for a very difficult time. How to cope with it on your own? How to fill the emotional emptiness after a breakup? You will find answers to these and other questions in our article dedicated to how to survive a breakup.

Stages of experiencing a break

There is nothing eternal in our world.Sadly, this principle also applies to love. What started out as the most beautiful and romantic love story in the world can, after a while, turn into a drama or a boring narrative. You thought you had finally met the right man, but at some point your relationship couldn’t stand the test of strength. One way or another, you break up. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately), a breakup is not something you can live through in one moment, no matter how much we might want to at times. Everything in our lives has its place, including people, and when we lose them, it’s as if a void forms in our souls. You’ve probably heard a variety of descriptions of how long it takes to survive a breakup: some say it’s half the length of the romance itself, others say it’s one week for every month spent together, and for others, it takes the form of a six-month “binge” in any case. Everyone experiences it individually, but there are some common stages that every “broken up” woman goes through:

Denial The breakup of relations is rightfully ontop of the hit parade of the most stressful events in a person's life. It is not surprising that at first you do not want to believe in what is happening - it seems unreal and slightly grotesque to you. Some women even experience such psychosomatic reactions as stupefaction, prolonged (more than twelve hours) sleep and other bodily phenomena. This is how the body tries to protect our fragile psyche from mental trauma.

Search for the “guilty” Sooner or later you will realizethe reality of what is happening. And at this point, there is a desire to figure out what happened to your wonderful couple. Most likely, you will simply try to find the culprits. Naturally, at the very beginning, anger takes hold of you, and only one thought is spinning in your head: “It’s all his fault!” And this is really easier, because then you are almost completely relieved of responsibility for what is happening. But you can and should cope with this anger. It’s good if, instead of scratching offensive words on his car, you simply take everything that reminds you of him to the trash. Often, a woman who is going through a breakup with her loved one subsequently “throws” herself to the other extreme. Bitter thoughts about her own guilt come to mind. For example, “if I had been softer, everything would have worked out for us” or “I should have been more attentive to him” and many, many other small things that may have really irritated your ex. But this introspection is quite pointless and even harmful, because you do not acquire anything except complexes. And we must not forget that each of us has our own shortcomings, and usually they do not determine the outcome of a situation. People are able to put up with the negative characteristics of another their entire lives - this is called acceptance, and if in your case it was not there, then the relationship was most likely doomed.

Regret One morning you just wake upunder the weight of the sad fact that this person is no longer in your life. Resentment, anger, guilt - all these feelings pass, giving way to new ones - sadness, longing and regret. This is the period of experiencing the death of your story and mourning it, and it is very, very difficult. Sometimes it will even seem that this state will last forever, but this is not so. The main thing - do not stop yourself, give free rein to your feelings and tears. A person important to you is really leaving your life, and this loss is quite great. Therefore, you should not expect a quick end to this stage - it will probably take at least six months. But gradually it will become easier for you.

New life Gradually the flow of tears subsides, youcome to your senses and realize that the world, it turns out, hasn't collapsed. People still go to work, meet with friends, rejoice and smile at the spring sunshine or autumn bliss. You have the strength to return to life, and that's why it's so important to maintain contact with your loved ones. Visit friends or go to your parents "for pies". And best of all, meet someone new - new characters will help you get rid of the past and let the future into your life.

Summing up Above we wrote that youyou will definitely want to find the reasons for your breakup with the man. But only now is the time to think about what really happened between you. Yes, yes, do not be surprised, but only now, when your head is free from resentment and anger, you will be able to soberly analyze the break in relations between you. Most likely, this man was really a good person, like you. But something went wrong, and your task is to understand what exactly it was in order to build new relations with a calm soul in the future and not drag the baggage of the past into them. It happens that people simply by mistake end up on the pages of each other's lives, and you should not try to maintain this connection at the cost of your own happiness.

Who will win?

You probably know that a lot of thingsdepends on who initiated the breakup. This important moment determines the balance of power during the breakup, and also affects the degree and depth of your emotional experiences. If he dumped you, do not commit inappropriate, inappropriate and thoughtless acts, for which you will be ashamed later. Yes, it hurts, it is offensive, because some man just rejected you. That is why allow yourself to feel anger and sadness, grief and despair. You should not try to seem strong - this will take a lot of mental strength, which is now important to you for someone else. There is another very interesting point: when we are dumped, the experience of guilt is much deeper, because it often seems that we were rejected because of our own individual shortcomings. At the same time, a woman practically does not take responsibility, since the decision to break up was made by the man. And in this case, you should be careful and not slide into the position of a victim, which is so attractive after such a breakup. If you decide to break off the relationship, there is a high probability that you will be overcome with resentment and anger. It was you who made the decision to break up, and most likely it is connected with your deep dissatisfaction with the relationship. But it is not so easy to drive away the thought: “Why didn’t he do anything to save me?” This position is less destructive for your personality, but there are also dangers here. Do not doubt and do not regret your actions, reproaching yourself for being bad, but still being. The most important thing for you now is time to come to your senses, because it is not for nothing that they say that time is the best healer.

The most actual ways to fill a void

Psychologists unanimously declare that it is time to startIt is best to start a new life in harmony with yourself. The most important thing now is to avoid making mistakes and to preserve your own mental resources. That is why you should not rush to drive out fire with fire and start a new relationship (although there are happy exceptions). It is better to repeat the words in your mind as often as possible: “Everything that happens is for the best!” And also follow our psychological recommendations on how to survive a breakup with a loved one:

• Avoid the victim position It is certainly true thatthere are a lot of bonuses and advantages: everyone feels sorry for you and helps you, and somehow it’s morally easier on your soul - after all, you’re the good one, and he’s the bad one! Oh yeah, of course, you have moral permission to let yourself go, make a mess in your apartment, work half-heartedly - in general, abandon those areas of life that in one way or another require your efforts and attention. But won’t you later feel sad about what you’ve turned into? Therefore, right now, as soon as you want to feel sorry for yourself and lament, stop this flow of thoughts with the words: “Okay, enough! I’m not a victim, but a grown, self-confident woman who’s just having a hard time now. But I can handle it!”
• Don't go back to the past That's how we are made,women, that in moments of particular emotional vulnerability we are so drawn to ex-boyfriends or husbands. This happens especially often when drunk, so if you know about this feature, take care in advance that the phone is out of your reach. But seriously, every time there is a temptation to put everything back in its place, stop and remember why you actually broke up. You can even write yourself a letter in which you vividly describe all the shortcomings of the relationship with the once beloved man - this will be an excellent “antidote” to sentimentality.
• Try using dance and music assome kind of purification ritual You don't have to be able to dance to do this - just close your eyes and move to the music the way your body asks you to. Very soon you will see that being alone and living happily is not so difficult. But this will be in the near future, and for now you have to adapt to new life circumstances.
• Reading books is the perfect way to cry togetherwith the hero of the novel, who, like you, is going through a breakup, and maybe come to some kind of decision together. The same goes for movies - these are all versions of parallel reality that help you to escape from what is happening and become a source of spiritual strength. Just don't overdo it - after all, you can't forget about real life.
• Communicate with people who are the same as you as often as possible.their presence can set you in a positive mood. This could be a cheerfully chirping flock of girlfriends who will help you to leave your introspection and give you a sea of ​​joy even in such a difficult period for you. Or it could be a friend who knows and understands everything about you and whose very appearance expresses support and concern. However, if you need to talk, contact a professional psychologist who, unlike girlfriends, will not give unnecessary advice, but will listen and help you find the right direction in life.
• You shouldn't spend all your free time onwork, becoming a workaholic But taking on a complex and interesting project is a completely different matter. Firstly, you will gain confidence in yourself and your abilities, because such things contribute to the disclosure of all your capabilities and resources. And, secondly, you will simply be distracted by such a useful and interesting task.
• Don't rush into starting a new romance "to spite him" andprove that you are needed by someone Instead of the expected triumph, such relationships will bring you emptiness and disappointment, because, most likely, it will turn out that no one cares about your love victories. And this hits your pride hard. It is better to get a pet. Seriously - the need to take care of your favorite animal will distract you from your experiences and will not allow you to "get hung up" on them. Just do not "replace" relationships with men with cats - after all, they are not the same thing.
• Find a suitable hobby for yourself. Something for the soul.will help you not only calm your nerves, but also make new acquaintances. Perhaps what you need is a change of image, which will make you feel renewed and happier. Another good tactical move is to do what you have long wanted, but until now either did not have enough time or determination. In any case, you can prove yourself and make a secret dream come true - who knows, maybe now is the time for radical changes in your life?

Breaking up is a very difficult andcrisis period. But it gives us a lot: vitality and fortitude, self-confidence and self-reliance, as well as the experience of independence and self-sufficiency. Only after going through this, you will understand that nothing is impossible for you. And now, after tears, snot and sleepless nights, you finally smile and enjoy life. And this means that you are one step closer to finding true and sincere love! We recommend reading:

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