There are three destructive forces created by forceour mind: fear, hatred and loneliness. They are like fire-breathing dragons, which paralyze our consciousness and undermine forces, creating diseases, misfortune and suffering. They seem so powerful that we feel completely helpless before them. And we do not understand at all that we ourselves are the sources of their power, and that in our power to take from them this power.

What is loneliness?

Loneliness is one of these terrible forces. And if with fear and hatred, as you sometimes think, somehow you can cope, how to cope with loneliness? You may think: this is not an emotion, which are the first two destructive forces! Here you do not take yourself in hand, you will not switch your attention to something more pleasant - these are external circumstances that do not depend on us! And if you really think so, then you are very much mistaken. Loneliness is a state of mind, not a measure of how many people you interact with. You can be overwhelmed with a sense of loneliness, being in a noisy restaurant or in the auditorium of a cinema, during a business meeting or on family identity, and even during sex. And you can feel happy, full of harmony and peace in the middle of a dense forest, far from people. Loneliness is a very complex and multidimensional phenomenon. Therefore, there is no single "cure" for loneliness, that there are many different types of this condition. The loneliness of a widow who recently lost her husband is different from the loneliness of a boy who, due to illness, is forced to lie in bed and can not go to school or go out to see his friends. And just as there is no one type of loneliness, there is no single solution to how to cope with loneliness. Different tasks require different solutions. One of the important aspects of this condition is the frequency with which a person feels lonely. Some people are very rare, if with them ever this happens, they feel in some isolation. Most often these people experience this feeling in some special situations that affect their emotions in this way. For example, some are sad on a cold rainy day, or when they are going to a distant train for their company, for some time parting with their family and friends. Psychologists call this type of loneliness situational, because this state is manifested only under a certain confluence of circumstances, in certain situations. And there is a more persistent sense of loneliness, which is preserved regardless of the situation. The person is not able to establish the necessary connections with the people around him, and he perceives this with bitterness, accusing anyone in his position, but not himself, or without resentment, believing that it has always been so, and nothing can be done about it . Loneliness is a special form of unmet need for communication and support, when you are very acutely experiencing their absence. You feel lonely when you think that your world will never be the way it should be for your spiritual comfort and what it was once. Most likely, we feel lonely when we lose the communication that we used to have - when a loved one died leaving us in this world, or left when the family broke up, or when we lose work and we have a sharply narrowed habitual circle of contacts . It hurts us to experience the contrast between what we had before and what we have left now. The acute regret that we have lost - as a rule, it is something very significant for us - makes us wake up feeling of isolation from other people, whose life continues to go on as usual. This comparison of one's life with that of other people, by the way, can also cause a sense of loneliness. Seeing the happiness of other people who have strong families, good friends, a friendly team of employees, we strive to get the same pleasures, and have an acute sense of loneliness in case of failure.

How do we contribute to our own sense of loneliness?

Loneliness is a passive state. That is, it is fueled and gaining strength due to our inaction, when we ourselves involuntarily allow it to continue and do nothing to change the existing state of things. We hope that it will eventually go away, but loneliness only grows stronger in our minds. Strangely enough, there are times when it seems to us that we even get used to it, we reconcile ourselves to our loneliness. But this condition, if you do not take any measures, tends to only worsen, leading us to a feeling of depression and helplessness that, in turn, lead to depression and even to more serious consequences: alcoholism, drug addiction, thoughts about suicide and even suicide. If you are not satisfied with this prospect, do not hesitate to learn later how to find ways to escape from this hell and how to cope with loneliness.

Step One: Understanding Your Loneliness

To stop feeling alone, youFirst you have to admit that you feel that way. Sometimes confessing to this even to yourself is very, very difficult! But it is necessary to do this, otherwise you will not be able to understand what you need to do next. Then, recognizing your sense of loneliness, you will need to somehow express it. For example, you could have a personal diary, or start writing letters to your imaginary friend or relative, write a song, draw a picture; in a word, to do something that would allow you to start expressing your feelings, giving vent to the emotions that are inside you. When you start doing this, you can make the unexpected discovery that you have a whole range of emotions that can be directly related to your sense of loneliness, including sadness, anger and frustration. You could understand that these emotions are closely related to the fact that you feel alone. Once you start to see these links, you will understand where you need to start making changes in your life. It is only necessary to clearly understand the difference between solitude and solitude. Loneliness is when you are unhappy and suffer from the fact that you are alone. Solitude, on the contrary, is when you are happy to be alone with yourself. You can not call loneliness and the state when you are for some reason isolated, but have not lost the desire to communicate with people. In this case, you will always find who to make friends with, even if for some reason they are ripped out of their usual circle of friends. If you are experiencing a heavy, oppressive sense of loneliness, then for you a good outlet would be counseling psychologist. He will help you understand yourself, find the cause of your condition and tell you how you need to act.

Step Two: Overcoming loneliness

Of course, it is necessary to overcome this condition withusing methods that are specific to your case. When you recognized and expressed your sense of loneliness, you certainly could "pull" out the causes of its occurrence. You have to work with them. Perhaps you will find our advice. Try to try them on your situation; such actions helped many. Here's what you can do to overcome loneliness:

Focus on the Present Wheneveryou begin to overcome the longing for the past, tell yourself: "Stop! I'll think more about it! "Bring all your attention to what is happening in today's day. You can not go back to school years and again become a queen of the class. It is not in your power to return a friend who died from a serious illness or a beloved cat that fell under the car. No one can return to the past! So look for other opportunities to be happy just today and tomorrow.

Be yourself by yourself; moreover, be proud of yourself Yes,you are not a celebrity that half the world knows and is being hunted by the paparazzi; you and not the person who lives in a three-story mansion and car picks up the color of his lipstick. You belong not to the whole world, but only to yourself - and it's wonderful! You are a unique person, there is no such person in the whole universe, so be happy and proud that you are the person you are.

Learn to enjoy from that time,which you are alone with yourself After you learn how to comfortably spend time alone, you can overcome the obsessive need for communication with others. To love privacy, take in the habit of long walks in the park or along the river bank. And think while walking about something pleasant.

Do not let yourself sit back When your mindnothing is occupied, in it "unnecessary" thoughts begin to be born. If you have free time, then go for a walk, ride a bicycle, read a good book. Be sure to find for yourself some hobby, and do not be afraid to try something completely new for yourself. When you get a new experience, you become a more interesting person, and many more people will be attracted to you. In addition, if you start attending all sorts of clubs on interests, you will be able to make new acquaintances with people whose interests are similar to yours. As a result, you will significantly expand the circle of communication.

For yourself, clarify the purpose of your life, and alwaysstrive for the activities that will be directed at solving your problems. When you know that your life has a certain important goal, the support and encouragement of other people loses its significance. It is much more difficult to feel the meaninglessness of one's life (which is often the case for lonely people), if you have a vision of its future goal!

Try to be useful to others. Take care,for example, by volunteering. Helping those who are harder than you, will also bring you great benefits. You will understand that in fact you are a happy person, because you do not have such terrible problems as those people whose fate you are trying to alleviate. An additional bonus from this activity is that volunteers usually work with sociable and friendly people, and you will find among them many new real friends.

Find a notebook that you have nottook in hand, and call your old friends and acquaintances. In our life, many daily worries, events succeed each other, and this fuss gradually disunites people. You will be surprised, feeling how happy you are to hear the old friend. Believe me, she will be glad to you no less. And you will have another path that will lead you into the world of human communication.

Spend time with your family.strengthens faith in ourselves in us, like the love of our parents! You can sit at home in a close family circle, or you can go to an event together, for example, to celebrate City Day. There you can meet new people together. The realization that you are not alone among strangers will help you reduce the feeling of awkwardness that often occurs when meeting in public places.

Test yourself by taking the lead insocial relations Do not wait for people to turn to you, get close to them yourself. If the situation is to this, ask the person interested in you if he wants to talk with you on an interesting topic for both of you. Invite him (or her) to have a cup of coffee with you. You must show interest in other people, and then they will also show interest in you. Do not expect that you will acquire a new friend immediately after you get to know someone. It can be a long and painstaking process, but it will lead to real friendship.

Get yourself a fluffy four-legged friend youdo a good deed if you take a puppy or a kitten in a shelter, and yet you will also get a true friend. A faithful and truly infinite love of your pet can melt any ice of loneliness!

Engage in your development Start walking inreading room or learn to swim in kayaks, take lessons on playing a musical instrument, learn a foreign language or engage in oriental dances. New knowledge and skills will expand your horizons and attract even more friends to you.

Be physically active.walk, do yoga, go to the gym, try to learn how to swim or ride a bike. Not only will you improve your health and improve your figure, so also you get an impressive portion of endorphins (they are also called "happiness hormones"), which are allocated by our body during exercise. It is very difficult to feel lonely when you are happy!

Listen more often cheerful, cheerful musicFind such melodies and songs that make your mood fly up, like on wings. Turn it on to full volume, and dance, sing - let this music sound inside you!

And this is rather not advice, but a warning: Do not get carried away on the Internet If you become dependent on some Internet community, this will not give you relief, but will only cause unnecessary complications. You can use the Internet as a tool to meet in reality and get to know those people from your city who share your interests. A forum can be a good "filter", which will help to understand the common interests; but do not expect that in reality your new acquaintances will be the same as on the forum in the "online" mode.

Loneliness is such a strong emotion that itcan make you feel isolated even in the crowd. You can have friends, relatives and friends, and still feel lonely. But you should not perceive your condition as some constant and unchanging reality, especially since you now know how to cope with loneliness. Create for yourself a positive view of your situation. In general, loneliness can be a suitable occasion to try something completely new, take a break from the daily affairs or take up the education and formation of your new self. In the end, some of the most famous personalities spent a lot of time alone. And than you are worse? We advise you to read:

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