There are three destructive forces created by forceour minds: fear, hatred and loneliness. They are like fire-breathing dragons that paralyze our consciousness and undermine our strength, creating illness, misfortune and suffering. They seem so powerful that we feel completely helpless before them. And we do not understand at all that we ourselves are the sources of their power, and that it is in our power to take this power away from them.

What is loneliness?

Loneliness is one of these terrible forces. И уж если со страхом и ненавистью, как вам порой кажется, еще как-то можно совладать, то как справиться с одиночеством? Вы можете подумать: ведь это же не эмоция, каковыми являются первые две разрушительные силы! Здесь не возьмешь себя в руки, не переключишь свое внимание на что-то более приятное – это же внешние обстоятельства, которые от нас не зависят! И если вы действительно так считаете, то очень сильно ошибаетесь. Одиночество – это состояние души, а не мера того, с каким количеством людей вы взаимодействуете. Вы можете быть переполнены чувством одиночества, находясь в шумном ресторане или в зрительном зале кинотеатра, во время деловой встречи или на семейном тожестве, и даже во время секса. А можете чувствовать себя счастливой, полной гармонии и покоя посреди густого леса, вдалеке от людей. Одиночество является очень сложным и многомерным явлением. Поэтому и нет единого «лекарства» от одиночества, что существует множество различных видов этого состояния. Одиночество вдовы, которая недавно потеряла своего мужа, отличается от одиночества мальчика, который из-за болезни вынужден лежать в постели и не может ни пойти в школу, ни выйти во двор, чтобы увидеться со своими друзьями. И так же, как нет одного типа одиночества, так нет и единого решения того, как справиться с одиночеством. Разные задачи требуют разных решений. Одним из важных аспектов этого состояния является частота, с которой человек чувствует себя одиноким. Некоторые люди очень редко, если с ними вообще когда-либо это случается, чувствуют себя в некоторой изоляции. Чаще всего такие люди испытывают это чувство при каких-то особенных ситуациях, которые воздействуют на их эмоции таким образом. Например, некоторые грустят в холодный дождливый день, или когда собираются в дальнюю поезду по делам своей фирмы, на какое-то время расставаясь с семьей и друзьями. Психологи называют этот тип одиночества ситуационным, потому что это состояние проявляется только при определенном стечении обстоятельств, в определенных ситуациях. А бывает и более стойкое ощущение одиночества, которое сохраняется вне зависимости от ситуации. Человек не в состоянии наладить необходимые связи с окружающими его людьми, и воспринимает это либо с горечью, обвиняя при этом в своем положении кого угодно, но только не себя, либо безропотно, считая, что так было и будет всегда, и ничего здесь поделать нельзя. Одиночество – это особая форма неудовлетворенной потребности в общении и поддержке, когда вы очень остро переживаете их отсутствие. Вы чувствуете себя одинокой, когда вам кажется, что ваш мир никогда уже не будет таким, каким он должен быть для вашего душевного комфорта и каким он был когда-то. Скорее всего, мы чувствуем себя одинокими, когда теряем то общение, которое раньше у нас было – когда любимый человек умер, оставив нас в этом мире, или ушел, когда распалась семья, или когда мы теряем работу и у нас резко сужается привычный круг общения. Нам больно испытывать контраст между тем, что у нас было раньше, и тем, что у нас осталось сейчас. Острое сожаление о том, что мы потеряли – как правило, это что-то очень значимое для нас, — заставляет проснуться чувство оторванности от других людей, у которых жизнь продолжает идти своим чередом. Такое сравнение своей жизни с жизнью других людей, кстати, тоже может вызвать чувство одиночества. Видя счастье других людей, которые имеют прочные семьи, хороших друзей, дружный коллектив сотрудников, мы стремимся получить те же удовольствия, и испытываем острое чувство одиночества в случае неудачи.

How do we contribute to our own sense of loneliness?

Loneliness is a passive state.That is, it is fed and gains strength due to our inaction, when we ourselves unwittingly allow it to continue and do nothing to change the existing state of affairs. We hope that it will eventually go away on its own, but loneliness only takes root even more firmly in our consciousness. Oddly enough, there are times when it seems to us that we even get used to it, resign ourselves to our loneliness. But this state, if no measures are taken, tends to only worsen, eventually leading us to a feeling of oppression and helplessness, which, in turn, lead to depression and even more serious consequences: alcoholism, drug addiction, suicidal thoughts and even suicide. If you are not satisfied with this prospect, then do not put off the opportunity to learn how to find ways to escape from this hell and how to cope with loneliness.

Step One: Understanding Your Loneliness

To stop feeling lonely, youFirst, you have to admit that you feel lonely. Sometimes it can be very, very difficult to admit this even to yourself! But you have to do it, otherwise you will not be able to understand what you need to do next. Then, having acknowledged your feelings of loneliness, you will need to express it in some way. For example, you could start a personal journal, or start writing letters to your imaginary friend or relative, write a song, paint a picture; in a word, do something that would allow you to begin to express your feelings, to give vent to the emotions that are inside you. As you begin to do this, you may suddenly discover that you have a whole range of emotions that can be directly related to your feelings of loneliness, including sadness, anger and frustration. You might realize that these emotions are closely related to the fact that you feel lonely. Once you begin to see these connections, you will understand where you need to start making changes in your life. It is only necessary to clearly understand the difference between loneliness and solitude. Loneliness is when you are unhappy and suffer from being alone. Solitude, on the contrary, is when you are happy to be alone with yourself. You cannot call loneliness the state when you are isolated for some reason, but have not lost the desire to communicate with people. In this case, you will always find someone to make friends with, even if for some reason you are torn out of your usual social circle. If you experience a heavy, oppressive feeling of loneliness, then a good solution for you would be to consult a psychologist. He will help you understand yourself, find the reason for your condition and tell you how you need to act.

Step Two: Overcoming loneliness

Of course, it is necessary to overcome this condition.using the methods that are suitable specifically for your case. When you acknowledged and expressed your feelings of loneliness, you were probably able to “drag out” the reasons for its occurrence. These are the ones you need to work with. Perhaps our advice will also suit you. Try to apply them to your situation; similar actions have helped many. Here is what you can do to overcome loneliness:

Focus on the present wheneveryou start to feel nostalgic for the past, tell yourself: “Stop! I will not think about this anymore!” Transfer all your attention to what is happening today. You cannot return to your school years and become the queen of the class again. It is not in your power to bring back a friend who died of a serious illness or a beloved cat who was hit by a car. No one can return to the past! Therefore, look for other opportunities to be happy today and tomorrow.

Be yourself; moreover, be proud of yourself.Yes, you are not a celebrity known by half the world and hunted by paparazzi; you are not the person who lives in a three-story mansion and matches her cars to the color of her lipstick. You do not belong to the whole world, but only to yourself - and that is wonderful! You are a unique person, there is no other person like you in the entire vast Universe, so be happy and proud that you are exactly the person you are.

Learn to enjoy the timewhich you spend alone Once you learn to comfortably spend time alone, you can overcome the obsessive need to communicate with others. To love solitude, make it a habit to take long walks in the park or along the river bank. And think about something pleasant during your walk.

Don't let yourself be idle When your mindis not busy with anything, "unnecessary" thoughts begin to be born in it. If you have free time, then go for a walk, ride a bike, read a good book. Be sure to find some hobby for yourself, and do not be afraid to try something completely new for yourself. When you gain new experience, you become a more interesting person, and many more people will be drawn to you. In addition, if you start visiting all sorts of clubs of interest, you will be able to make new acquaintances with people whose interests are similar to yours. As a result, your circle of communication will significantly expand.

Be clear about your life's purpose, and alwaysStrive for activities that will be aimed at solving your problems When you know that your life has a certain important purpose, then the support and encouragement of other people loses its significance. It is much harder to feel the meaninglessness of your life (which often happens to people experiencing loneliness) if you have a vision of its further purpose!

Try to be useful to others. Get busy,For example, volunteering. Helping those who have it harder than you will bring you great benefits. You will understand that you are actually a happy person, because you do not have such terrible problems as those people whose lot you are trying to alleviate. An additional bonus from this activity is that volunteers are usually sociable and friendly people, and you will find many new real friends among them.

Find a notebook you haven't used in a while.picked it up and call your old friends and acquaintances. Our life is full of everyday worries, events follow each other, and this fuss gradually separates people. You will be surprised to feel how glad you are to hear from an old acquaintance. Believe me, she will be no less glad to see you. And you will have another path that will lead you into the world of human communication.

Spend more time with your family Nothing like thatdoes not strengthen our self-confidence like our parents' love! You can sit at home with a close family circle, or you can go to an event together - for example, to a walk in honor of the City Day. There you can meet new people together. Knowing that you are not alone among strangers will help you reduce the feeling of awkwardness that often arises when meeting new people in public places.

Challenge yourself by taking the initiative insocial relationships Don't wait for people to approach you, get close to them. If the situation allows, ask the person you are interested in if he or she would like to talk to you about a topic that interests you both. Invite him or her to have a cup of coffee with you. You must show interest in other people, and then they will show interest in you. Don't expect to make a new friend immediately after meeting someone. It may be a long and painstaking process, but it will lead to a real friendship.

Get yourself a furry four-legged friend.You will do a good deed if you take a puppy or a kitten from a shelter, and at the same time you will acquire a loyal friend. The devoted and truly endless love of your pet can melt any ice of loneliness!

Take charge of your development Start going toreading room or learn to kayak, take lessons on a musical instrument, learn a foreign language or take up oriental dancing. New knowledge and skills will broaden your horizons and attract even more friends to you.

Be physically active Exercise regularlywalks, do yoga, go to the gym, try to learn to swim or ride a bike. Not only will you improve your health and figure, but you will also get a significant portion of endorphins (they are also called "happiness hormones"), which are released by our body during physical activity. It is very difficult to feel lonely when you are happy!

Listen to cheerful, upbeat music more oftenFind such melodies and songs that make your mood soar, as if on wings. Turn it up to full volume, and dance, sing - let this music sound inside you!

This is not really advice, but rather a warning:Don't get carried away with online communication If you become dependent on some online community, it will not give you relief, but will only cause unnecessary complications. You can use the Internet as a tool to meet in real life and get to know those people from your city who share your interests. Some forum can be a good "filter" that will help you understand common interests; but do not expect that in reality your new acquaintances will be the same as on the forum in "online" mode.

Loneliness is such a strong emotion,that it can make you feel isolated even in a crowd. You can have friends, relatives and acquaintances, and still feel lonely. But you should not perceive your condition as some kind of constant and unchangeable given, especially since you now know how to cope with loneliness. Create a positive outlook on your situation. In general, loneliness can be a good opportunity to try something completely new, take a break from everyday affairs or take on the education and formation of your new “I”. After all, some of the most famous personalities have spent a lot of time alone. And why are you worse? We recommend reading:

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