It is believed that in the life of each of us there comessuch a time as a midlife crisis. Some people even prefer to “blame” everything that doesn’t suit them in life on it. Problems at work? It’s a midlife crisis. Haven’t had sex with your wife for six months? Same thing. So what is it - a real phenomenon or a fiction that is used to justify the desire for radical changes in life? And what to do if it does happen? You will learn the answers to these and other questions from our article.
Myth or reality?
When did the term “midlife crisis” first appear?возраста”? Это очень и очень интересная история. Вы наверняка слышали про выдающихся психоаналитиков Зигмунда Фрейда и Карла Густава Юнга. Фрейд в течение долгого времени был учителем и покровителем Юнга, однако когда Карл Густав начал развивать свой собственный взгляд на человеческую психику, между ними произошла размолвка. Юнг очень тяжело переживал свое “расставание” с Фрейдом, и эти ощущения он описал в своих трудах, предположив, что через этот кризис проходят все люди на Земле. Его идеи были подхвачены психологами во всем мире, которые начали исследовать данный феномен. Но до сих пор ведутся споры о том, является ли реальностью кризис середины жизни, или это просто была индивидуальная личностная реакция Юнга. Карл Густав утверждал, что первую половину своей жизни человек занимается внешними достижениями: сделать карьеру, создать семью, родить ребенка или купить дом. Но где-то в тридцать-сорок лет он обращается к своей внутренней жизни и понимает, что на самом деле он глубоко неудовлетворен всем происходящим. Получается, что человек сам себе что-то обещает, стремится достичь всех своих целей, но в результате понимает, что не в этом счастье. А ничего другого у него нет. В юности кажется, что успешность является гарантом удовлетворенности жизнью, однако к сорока годам “состоявшийся” человек думает, что если он всего достиг, то что ожидает его дальше? Получается, что только падение вниз. Что уж говорить про менее успешных ровесников. Человеку вообще свойственно много мечтать и строить грандиозные жизненные планы. Однако когда в середине жизни он оборачивается назад, то выясняется, что он не достиг и половины задуманного. В молодости мы привыкаем жить будущим, когда кажется, что наши мечты обязательно исполнятся, просто чуть позже. А в сорок лет вы понимаете, что этого “позже” уже не будет. Причины кризиса среднего возраста также кроются и в физиологии человеческого организма. Проще говоря, все мы стареем. Наши тела изнашиваются, и мы сталкиваемся с рядом неприятных открытий, касающихся нашего здоровья. Мужчины лысеют, либидо снижается, а одышка и внезапно выросшее пивное пузо способны вогнать в депрессию любого представителя сильной половины человечества. У женщин появляются морщины, седые волосы, кожа теряет эластичность, а некоторые уже к середине жизни познают «прелести» предклимактерических изменений. Естественно, что приятного в этом мало, и поневоле задумываешься над тем, что жизнь меняется, причем далеко не в самую лучшую сторону. Еще один важный параметр кризиса — это смена социальной роли. До какого-то определенного предела мы можем позволять себе подурачиться, наделать глупостей, переложить ответственность за неприятные события со своих плеч на чужие — в общем, побыть ребенком. Однако рано или поздно наступает момент, когда вы понимаете: в семье я мать, на работе — ценный специалист и наставник для молодых, а по жизни — взрослая и серьезная женщина. Для кого-то подобное осознание становится шоком. Особенно тяжело тем, кто в этот период теряет собственных родителей — это усиливает необходимость кардинальных изменений, и вы понимаете, что по жизни можно рассчитывать только на собственные силы. Не каждый человек оказывается морально готов к этому. Ситуация в семье тоже может быть толчком для развития кризиса середины жизни. Дети растут, вступают в переходный возраст, и это тоже доставляет немало страданий. Кроме того, однажды утром вы просыпаетесь, смотрите на своего супруга и понимаете, что это отнюдь не тот человек, за которого вы выходили замуж. То же самое происходит с вашим мужем. Для семьи этот период становится своеобразным испытанием на прочность, и кто-то не выдерживает подобного давления. 
Symptoms of the crisis of middle age
Psychologists studying this phenomenon are faced withwith a lot of difficulties related to the fact that it proceeds completely differently for everyone. Accordingly, it is very difficult to compile a list of possible symptoms. We approached this issue creatively and tried to group and offer you only the most vivid and colorful manifestations of the crisis, which will help you accurately determine its onset.
- Vague experiences of anxiety, points, sadness, the cause of which is not clear to you;
- Discontent with yourself, your way of life and the achievements that you have to date;
- Feeling of inner disorder, lack of one's place in life;
- The desire to radically change anything. That's why men buy sports cars and have young lovers, and women are enrolled in pilates and florist courses. A person experiencing a crisis, it seems that all the problems are in the external circumstances, which he is trying to change.
- An increase in the number of conflicts with relatives and friends. With more distant acquaintances a person, as a rule, keeps well done, but family members often "get".
- Change of world view. A person thinks about what is the meaning of life and what was important was personally with him. Many people try to somehow measure their achievements and sum up the subtotals.
- The following symptom is associated with the previous one:decreased self-esteem. People going through a crisis often describe themselves as “unlucky,” “lost,” “embarrassed,” “unfulfilled,” “hopeless.” Some women, in connection with this, try to throw themselves headlong into a career (or, conversely, start a family - that is, do something they had not dared to do before).
- Not passing depression and apathy. Some people experience the crisis is especially difficult, and they are faced with the loss of desires and aspirations. As a rule, this symptom is noted in those who before the crisis suffered from personal problems.
Man and woman: what's the difference?
Above we described some general ideas aboutwhat a midlife crisis is. But we must not forget that men and women experience it differently, and accordingly, they should fight it differently. An interesting fact: men suffer from a midlife crisis more often than women. This is due to the fact that in their lives the role of external achievements is incomparably greater than in women's. They are ordered to build a house, grow a tree, raise a son, and at the same time earn a million dollars, buy a mink coat for their wife and do not forget to travel regularly with their family. It is not surprising that somewhere around forty years old, a man begins to ask a completely natural question: where am I in this race? An experience of a radical turning point in life occurs, when a man understands that, in fact, he has always lived for others and tried to meet some external standards. There is a feeling that the part of his life that has been lived is much greater than the part that remains. After which the man begins to look for “thrills”. It is at this moment that the risk of divorce increases, because it seems to him that his wife does not understand him at all, and in general, it is her fault! This also includes a sharp change in hobbies, social circle, taste - everything in a man's life is turned upside down. And in this case, the wise behavior of his other half will be very useful. For women, the midlife crisis begins at about thirty-five - forty years, but it proceeds differently. As a rule, women's experiences are based on several "whales". Firstly, it is appearance. Thirty-five years is the age when you have to buy creams marked "for mature skin". And such pressure awaits a woman everywhere: if she puts on a short skirt, goes to a nightclub and dances all night or decides to jump on a trampoline, shame is inevitable, because it is believed that such manifestations do not suit an adult lady. Indeed, flaws in appearance become increasingly noticeable, the skin loses elasticity, and the figure - its former outlines. Of course, this does not always happen, but certain age-related changes occur, and it is very difficult for us to come to terms with this in a world dominated by the cult of beauty and eternal youth. On the other hand, many women who got married early and switched their attention to the home, with age understand that they have not really achieved anything. Children grow up, the husband works, and the family no longer satisfies the woman's need for self-realization. The temptation immediately arises to blame the household for everything, and some ladies simply "go crazy" from this. They start a dozen new hobbies and try to somehow make a career. Family members are very scared of this, which the woman, in turn, perceives as a misunderstanding and a negative attitude towards her development. Naturally, this does not improve the situation at all. So, it is obvious that the crisis is not easy for representatives of both sexes. The reasons may be different, but the essence is the same: a person suffers from his own “badness” and inadequacy and tries to change something. But how productive are such actions?
How to survive the crisis of middle age?
Many people have a desire to fight the crisiswith the help of various eccentric antics and devaluation of everything that is now. But this way out is illusory, because a person still tries to change something on the outside, while he needs to experience everything inside. Another frequently encountered option is to fall into depression, from which it seems impossible to get out. Of course, you can again write everything off to your painful condition: “Leave me alone, I'm in a crisis!” But it is worth remembering that the events happening in a person's life are a consequence of his own choice. If you want, you can always fight, and if not, then, of course, it is much easier to whine and fall into depression. The top 10 most unsuccessful male options for overcoming a midlife crisis also include an increased craving for alcohol, an increased demonstration of one's masculinity with or without reason, divorce and young lovers, as well as rapid "rejuvenation" (youthful clothes, partying from night until morning, a mouse tail from the remains of hair, etc. ... - all this is good when a person is truly young at heart, and not trying to pretend to be something). Women act similarly: they get divorced and have young lovers, get plastic surgery, take out their anger on younger colleagues, which is also not an effective way to get out of the crisis. But, oddly enough, there are other options. Naturally, there is no universal answer to the question of how to overcome a midlife crisis. However, the fact that you will do something in this direction and fight depression already significantly increases the likelihood of success. Our advice is suitable for both men and women, because ultimately the desire to live happily is present in both.
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