Civil marriages - a phenomenon quite common inour country: fewer men and women want to go to the registrar for a stamp in their passport. According to Rosstat, almost half of modern Russian couples live in unregistered marriages. Civil marriage: for and against, - this topic is devoted to a lot of discussions. Someone with foam at the mouth proves that registering in the registry office only spoils the relationship, that two loving people do not have to play a wedding in order to be happy. Others firmly believe that civil marriage is just an attempt to avoid responsibility for a partner and unwillingness to be with each other until the end of their days. So which of them is right?
Where does the concept of "civil marriage" come from?
You, probably, will be surprised, but officially underthe term "civil marriage" means official relations documented in the local registry office. Well, remember what the important aunt says during the wedding ceremony? "So, today we are registering this couple in an act of civil status ...", - right? So it turns out that by putting a stamp on registering a marriage in your passport, you become a full participant in a civil marriage, and a free relationship "without painting" has nothing to do with it. How did it happen, where is this confusion in terminology? After all, until now most of us were sure that there are only two types of marriage: civil without a campaign in the registry office and official with a lavish wedding and a two-day walk. In fact, everything is quite logical. The fact is that some hundred years ago it was believed that all marriages are made in heaven, which means that they must necessarily be consecrated by the church. Before the revolution, every decent young lady dreamed of marrying her lover in order to consecrate the beautiful mystery of marriage. The same daredevils who refused to marry and were content with a "documentary" marriage were considered sinners living only in a civil marriage. Times have changed, the notions of morality and morals - too. Now few people care about the fact that couples "live in sin", not married in a church or a temple. Now the usual ceremony in the registrar's offices has become an absolutely unnecessary procedure for couples who decided to live together. Nevertheless, civil marriages - such as they exist in the modern concept - are not recognized by the church or the state. Such relations are still considered "semi-legal", at least in our country. Despite this, people who decided to live together and are not in a hurry to unite themselves by the bonds of a legitimate marriage, are becoming more and more. What is the reason for this attitude of our contemporaries towards the institution of marriage? Let's analyze the pros and cons of civil marriage.
Civil marriage: advantages
Undoubtedly, a civil marriage is very convenientthat enables partners to "try" themselves in family life. If in old times most marriages were concluded by agreement of parents and other relatives, now the concept of "enduring - falling in love" is unacceptable for almost all young people. Our advanced youth are well aware that the candy-bouquet period will end sooner or later, and it will be a hard time to use the characters, as well as tests, with domestic difficulties. It is a well-known fact that a considerable number of official marriages fall apart precisely for these sad reasons, so that a civil marriage for many is just a find. In case of failure - no noisy divorces and the division of property: quietly fled, and that's it. Also, many young (and not so) couples believe that in a civil marriage, not one of the partners is a "prisoner", wholly owned by its half. Suppose an official husband can be piously sure that since he is married, then the wife is "not going anywhere", and therefore, you can not treat her with the same piety. Hence - rudeness, indifference and even treason. In a civil marriage, both partners are freebirds, and if the relationship of one of the cohabitants in some way does not suit the other, then that person may well leave his passion and continue to seek happiness on the side. This, in the opinion of adherents of informal relations, is a powerful stimulus for man and woman to cherish each other truly. We will neither confirm this version, nor refute - in this case everything is very individual. Someone really spurs the fear of losing a loved one, and the uncertainty in the desire of the partner to "live with him happily ever after" keeps in a kind of tone, forcing him to give his best in family life. And for someone, this state of things can become humiliating, the eternal uncertainty in the future with a partner to force to find someone who certainly will not escape at the first turmoil. Another plus of civil marriage can be considered a kind of saving money. You do not have to spend money on a wedding and a buffet table - once, to meet in rented apartments and hotels - two, to spend money for regular suppers in cafes and restaurants - three (you can eat at home). And you will agree that if during a romantic meeting any girl is sincerely happy with numerous expensive gifts, then when living together, the budget becomes, as it were, common, and you do not really want to spend it on flowers for half a thousand dollars. After all, without a bouquet, in principle, you can do, but without a new coat, which you still need to save - not much. So think, you need this kind of savings or not. Be that as it may, the number of civil marriages is growing at an alarming rate. According to the results of the global Internet survey, forty-seven percent of Russians do not believe in the longevity of official marriage, while twenty-seven percent consider it to be archaic and unnecessary at all. And, strange as it may seem, in both cases the opinion of the female part of the population in these matters prevailed over the male. Is the usual cohabitation - indeed a panacea for a happy family life, or does it still have its own shortcomings?
Civil marriage: cons
If civil marriage harbored some advantages,then, perhaps, the institution of marriage would have long been in the past. Unfortunately, and maybe, fortunately, this is far from the case. Unregistered relationships are fraught with a lot of negative aspects, both for women and for men. And, perhaps, the main of them is the lack of stability in relations. Indeed, why torture yourself, get used to each other, tolerate partner's shortcomings or correct them if you can quickly collect things and look for yourself "the next happiness." Years go by, we do not get younger, but we did not have a strong family, and we still do not. Is this a pleasant prospect? Of course, there are women who do not accept the idea of official marriage a priori. But they are strikingly small compared to those who almost from childhood dream about a wedding limousine and a chic white dress. Often happens so that the beloved easily agrees to live with you under one roof, but here's a hand and a heart to offer is in no hurry. In these cases, women easily go to a civil marriage, believing that "it's better than nothing." They consider themselves to be married women, but only their cohabitants do not always consider themselves husbands. Representatives of the stronger sex do not want to lose part of their personal freedom, believing that they have all the rights to meet with other women. Any guy will like it when home is waiting for him and a hearty dinner, and ironed linen, and quality sex. And all this, mind you, without an official stamp in your passport. Unfortunately, most of the males are polygamous, and, not being your official spouse, can afford to afford romance on the side. And what? He is not married, and the fact that you live under the same roof, does not yet glue him to you forever! Of course, there are treason in a lawful marriage, but there the man willy-nilly has to behave more cautiously: in the event of a break, there is a painful procedure for divorce, sharing of property and so on. Equally controversial in a civil marriage is the issue of managing a joint family budget. Moreover, it is not always joint! If you think that, having entered into a civil marriage, will endlessly enjoy your guy's money, then you have a risk of "getting into a puddle". It is in official relations to the man by the status it is supposed to provide for the family financially. In your case, everything can be quite different. There are many men who are firmly convinced that living with them under one roof is already the pinnacle of happiness for any woman, and they do not want to think about paying expenses or buying new things. It's unpleasant to think about it, but it's quite possible that without offering you a hand and a heart, the roommate doubts that you are the woman who will live with him all his life. And this means that it is not necessary to be wasted on you. You can be an alternate option, and not become the main one. Of course, in official marriages there are husbands-misers who consider every penny in their wife's purse. But, mind you: such unpleasant behavior is condemned by society, but the "chiseliness" of your cohabitant will be regarded by many as far-sightedness and prudence. He is not your husband, you are not his wife, so why should he risk his money? If you decide to live with your lover in a civil marriage, you should discuss the management of the family budget in advance: either all the money in half, or everyone uses their own income. In a word, there are lots of options, and they need to be discussed before the beginning of domestic difficulties, and not during their peak. Otherwise, you have all the chances not only to pay your own bills on your own, but also to buy property necessary for living together for your money. By the way, about the property. If at a registered marriage during a divorce, all the co-acquired property is divided in half, then in civil matters everything is much more complicated. For example, you have issued a loan for a car, and money was paid out of the total family budget. After the rupture the car will get to the person to whom it was issued, and prove in court that your involvement in the joint payment of the loan will be extremely difficult. Even if you repay the whole loan. The same applies to housing: if the apartment in which you lived together is not framed for you, then you will not be able to receive it or divide it from you. And it does not matter how many years you lived in it. Even worse, if one of the roommates died. If he did not leave any will on you, then claiming joint property will not be easy. There is a case when one lovely woman lived in a civil marriage with a partner to a very old age, and after his death for several years defended the right to the apartment in which she lived her whole life. And this case is by no means an isolated one, courts often appeal to the division of property after a civil marriage, proving that they were the main earners in the family. In a word, legal insecurity is one of the main drawbacks of unofficial marriage. Another important detail is children born in a civil marriage. Well, if a man agrees to recognize his child - then the baby gets absolutely the same rights as children who have appeared in an official marriage. If the new-born father for some reason does not want to recognize paternity, then you will either have to force him to genetic examination, or be content with the status of a single mother. In the second case, you will not receive any child support in the event of a break for the maintenance of the child. Besides, it's far from easy to explain to your own child why you and your dad are not married. It is especially unpleasant if your peers joke about your child, ridiculing this state of affairs. But how unpleasant it is to justify yourself before close relatives who ask the same question day after day: when will this marriage be married to you? Our parents, grandparents have grown up quite a different time, and the joint life of young people without marriage obligations is considered by them as debauchery. And no matter how much you do not assure them that happiness is not in the stamp in the passport, but in mutual love, it is unlikely to change their minds. "I would have loved - I would have married!" - that's the whole story. Civil marriage: the pros and cons ... What is more in this marriage? Alas, there is no unified opinion. Around there are many couples who happily live in informal relationships and do not intend to change anything. Although for most women this marriage is just a stepping stone to official relations, a hope for a long and happy life together as a husband and wife. But if you live with your beloved man in a civil marriage, vainly expecting him to offer a hand and a heart for several years - think: perhaps it is worth looking for someone who will not pull and choose for too long, but will connect your lives both spiritually and documented, putting the long-awaited stamp in the passport. You decide! We advise you to read: