To the expression "civil marriage" we have long been accustomed toand now we are treating this kind of union quite calmly. Copies on this topic at one time was broken a lot, but over time, the society gave up on such a variant of cohabitation by hand. In the end, the present times and morals imply the freedom of the individual, therefore, it is legitimate to formalize their relations or not - each pair decides for itself. And the problems that arise in a civil marriage ... Well, that's life! Perhaps, it is precisely such problems that became the basis for the emergence of yet another variety of the marriage union called "guest marriage". Today this phrase is heard more and more often and makes you become interested: what exactly is this modern trend? Is it just a fashion or a new level of relationships? Someone thinks that this is a marriage of two egoists who want to remain free of responsibility and obligations even in the union of love. And someone is sure that the guest marriage is based on complete trust in each other and unconditional love. Some argue that this is some sort of perversion, a kind of excuse for legalized sex without obligations. It is likely that this is a new sector of love and marriage ... So how do you treat society: to condemn a new kind of marriage or look at it as a progressive phenomenon of the modern world?
Zone of love and compatibility with guest marriage
First, let's define what is invested inconcept of guest marriage. Guest marriage (or extraterritorial marriage) implies the relationship of two people who are legalized in the same way as a normal marriage union. In a married marriage, the spouses are officially a husband and wife, have a stamp in their passport and a common surname by mutual desire. The main difference between an extraterritorial marriage and an ordinary union is that the spouses live separately from each other and meet at any agreed time. Most often they spend holidays together, vacation or just leisure, but they do not have a common household, house or apartment. Each of the spouses has a separate dwelling and is the master of its territory. Free from the meetings, the husband and wife in a guest marriage spend completely as they please. Often, such a marriage is confused with civic cohabitation or generally define it as an open relationship. However, it is not. In some cases, sex with other partners takes place, but it is more an exception than a rule. In general, guest marriage is often seen as an alternative to traditional marriage. Usually this kind of union is preferred by people who value their freedom and independence. Some of them are so-called "brakofoby", that is, those who for some psychological reasons are afraid to create a real family. After all, we usually do not know how to keep love in a marriage. And many believe that living together does not contribute to the development of feelings, but rather kills them. During the gray days, all novelty and sharpness of sensations is erased, and the spouses gradually lose their love and cease to appreciate what they have. As a result, people who think so, come to the conclusion that marriage in a separate territory can be an ideal option for maintaining relations.
Guest Marriage: FOR
A new kind of marriage can quite help to preserve for a long time the moral values of love, marriage, family. It helps to solve such problems of development of relations as:
- Destructive effect of routine and life;
- Limitation of personal space and time;
- Excessive dependence of spouses on each other, which is expressed in reproaches and persistent questions;
- Loss of husband's interest in his wife, as a woman, arising from the constant observation of her as a cook and housewife;
- Loss of the wife's interest in her husband, who does not watch himself and bores his endless lying on the couch with a remote control in his hands.
High technologies of the modern world with a constantthe development of the Internet, the prevalence of virtual novels and online dating seems to give more and more rights to guest marriage. After all, for people who live in different cities or countries, it is this kind of guest marriage that can become a so-called panacea from association and the best version of the development of events. Because not all of us can leave our country, relatives and work even for the sake of moving to a loved one. The choice for such people is obvious: they conclude a guest marriage and thus get the right to happiness, while finding their second half and not changing the usual course of things. They do not necessarily rush one after another to the ends of the world, and sacrifice some of their personal achievements. In addition, a guest marriage is just an excellent option for mature people. The older the person, the more settled and harmonized his own world. He has already formed a world view and a whole set of habits that are not so easy to change, let alone to completely abandon them. Mature people hardly tolerate any interference in their already familiar everyday course of things. At the same time, they are happy to spend free time, weekends and holidays with their beloved person, while remaining calm for the safety of their internal and external world without frequent and aggressive foreign intrusions. Marriage with their apartments often becomes an ideal option for people of creative professions (singers, artists, writers, composers, poets, etc.), as well as such public and busy people as businessmen or politicians. With frequent business trips, traveling, concerts or filming, this kind of marriage is the best way to preserve relations and even bring some stability to them.
Guest Marriage: AGAINST
The main problem in the conclusion of guest marriageit can be considered that for its implementation, favorable economic and social conditions are needed. Accordingly, the people who enclose it must be healthy, financially secure and socially successful people. Tests in the form of diseases, temporary financial difficulties or lack of housing have a bad effect on the concept of guest marriage in general. The legitimate sexual gratification that underlies this marriage requires constant maintenance of the quality of sexual relations. Otherwise, relations based on the principle "no one owes nothing to anyone" can very quickly be upset. In addition, the atmosphere in such a sector of love and marriage is often uncomfortable from the understanding that the relationship is essentially market. Another of the problems of such a union is the prevailing sympathy of men for this type of marriage, in which the possession of a woman is not associated with any obligations towards her. It is also difficult to decide how to raise and educate children. Usually it turns out that children in guest marriage live with their mother, and she, of course, has a hard time. A child in a family with a similar device does not form a habit of living together: he simply does not know how to live with the same person in the same territory, sharing all the problems and adversities together. Because of this in the future, he may have problems with building his own family. Often guest marriage is in fact an intermediate stage of the relationship. According to psychologists, if a person does not agree to live with another person in the full sense of the word, then subconsciously he is still in search of his second half. Naturally, the female part of such a union causes a feeling of insecurity in oneself, an experience of instability and distrust towards a partner.
How to survive in a guest marriage?
So, all the pros and cons are understandable and obvious. Weigh them, you decide on a life in a guest marriage. However, the solution is a decision, and it's up to you to live in it. Psychologically competent information on this topic is practically absent - still, because people simply do not have this experience! So, what do you need to do to make the guest marriage as comfortable as possible for you and your spouse?
- Keep in touch There is an opinion that marriage withoutco-housing implies a decrease in the amount of communication with their second half. This is not entirely true, but rather completely depends on you. If you want to keep the warmth and closeness of relationships, then communicate with your spouse as often as possible: write, call, arrange meetings and appointments. Talk about how the day went, dedicate yourself to your problems and successes. In today's world, thanks to the development of technology, this is not a problem, even if you live in different cities or countries.
- Think about the ritual of meetings and farewells. Situations inlife is different, and if an extraterritorial marriage is a forced decision, then each separation can be painful for both sides. In this case, it is very important that each of you can express your emotions and feelings, remain heard and realize that he is appreciated and loved. It does not matter whether it is a sit-round, a noisy meal in a restaurant with common friends or a modest tea party; the main thing is how important these rituals are for you.
- The decision on guest marriage should beweighted and reciprocal. You must understand that in this case each of you has a huge private space in your life. And this can cause jealousy and mistrust. To avoid such an outcome, it is necessary to clearly discuss in advance how much each of you will enter into the life of the other and where the boundaries of freedom go. And if the worm of doubt continues to gnaw your soul, it is worth considering - and whether you personally come to a guest marriage?
- Find like-minded people. Be a supporter of somethingunusual in our society is not so simple - it immediately causes condemnation and misunderstanding from others. And if you are already so uneasy in the situation of guest marriage, the reaction from other people can be an additional stress. Therefore, it is very useful to be united by those who chose the same variant of the family. Then in your life there will always be people who can support you, offer help in a difficult situation or share their experiences.
- Create family traditions It may seem,that marriage with a separate economy is a challenge to existing canons and rules. But perhaps this is just the only option for two loving people in the circumstances. The feeling of family contributes to the creation of several things: family boundaries, traditions and history. Therefore do not hesitate to invent affectionate nicknames, intimate language, keep diaries describing the brightest events of your life together - this can become a grandiose source of positive energy for all family members.
- Support each other What do you think, whyis marriage created? In order to be in sorrow and joy together. Even if it's a guest marriage. So do not forget about each other's spiritual needs in love, caress, care and attention. It is for this purpose that people create families. Especially if you are forced to be separated because of profitable work or other similar things. Each of you can experience stress, but with mutual support you can experience it.
- Love your children Marriage in separate territory- this is not the most convenient space for procreation, but it can become a source of very interesting experience in this matter. In order that children do not feel deprived and unmarried, one should explain to them as early as possible why mom and dad live separately. And do not forget to make up for lost time for communicating with children to the maximum. In the end, it's not the quantity, but the quality that matters, so try to make every minute spent with the children a source of bright and positive emotions. And then the parental guest marriage will not be a great stress for them.
Every person is free to choose what is best andmore convenient for him. Sometimes it happens that the circumstances of the life of two loving people do not contribute to their living together, or their views on the future do not quite match. In this case, it is quite a reasonable compromise to become a guest marriage. Sometimes this is the best way out in this situation. Then, if this choice is made jointly by two people, and the result of their decision in the form of guest marriage brings them happiness and satisfaction, it becomes clear that this kind of relationship has the right to exist. And who can question the presence of love and the pursuit of happiness? We advise you to read: