If you approach the question correctly,is a civil marriage, then it can be defined as the official registration of marital relations between a man and a woman by state bodies authorized for this purpose. It turns out that all people who have a marriage certificate in their hands and have not gone through the wedding ceremony are in this kind of marriage. Then it is unclear why in our country this term is now always used to denote a different kind of relationship, in which a couple does not officially register their relationship, but simply lives together as spouses, the so-called cohabitation? This confusing situation is associated with the period of the formation of the Soviet state and has a fairly simple explanation.
What does the term "civil marriage" mean?
The term "civil marriage" itself arosein Russia in 1918, when power in the country passed from the tsar's hands to the Bolsheviks. Remember the school course of national history: before the revolution, the church and the state were inseparable, so relations between people were regulated by God's law, the implementation of which was undertaken by the clergy. Since with the advent of the new government, completely different life principles were promoted in society, based on atheism, the issue of concluding marriage unions completely and entirely became the prerogative of secular legislation. Weddings lost their legal force, became illegal and were held secretly. Later, when church marriage was practically supplanted by the new order, the term "civil marriage" also disappeared from use, since it became the only possible way to formalize relations in the new state. And the official conclusion of marital unions began to be called legal. With the passage of time and the change of life realities, the original meaning of civil marriage has been lost, and now it has come to be called a free relationship of a couple living together without officially registering their marriage. Although from the point of view of the church, any union between a man and a woman without a wedding ceremony is still sinful. However, we are primarily interested in the public view of civil marriages and the fact that relationships of this kind are becoming more and more popular every year. This situation is due to the fact that before entering into marriage, each couple goes through different stages of a relationship. Often, having no experience of living together, after the wedding, the newlyweds can experience disappointment. The result of such disappointment is either a divorce or many years of painful existence under the same roof with a completely different person than the one with whom they would like to live their whole life. That is why many couples prefer to first live in a civil marriage, and then enter into a legal one. In this case, they have the opportunity to get to know each other better. If living together does not lead to disappointment, the lovers decide to enter into a legal marriage. However, there are often cases when one (or both) of the couple constantly postpones the wedding (the procedure for registering the marriage). Our society has changed a long time ago, and today every couple has the right to choose the form of relationship that suits them best. There is nothing wrong with this if a civil marriage is a mutual desire. But what to do if one of you considers the official registration of the relationship to be a very important step, confirming the seriousness of intentions, and the other does not share this point of view? From the point of view of men living in a so-called "civil marriage", a stamp in the passport does not solve anything, but gives them an illusory sense of freedom. However, women are of a completely different opinion: "He does not propose to me. And I think that if he loved me, he would marry me." Since it is the representatives of the stronger sex who propose to legalize marital relations, let's try to figure out what reasons often hold them back from such a step.
Men are afraid of marriage with strong women
It is no secret that for a woman, an official marriage isThis is a sign of a certain status and success in society. The term "old maid" has lost its original meaning, but is often applied to women who have reached 30-35 years of age, but do not have a family and children. And even if a woman is divorced, it is better than not being married at all. Society thinks in stereotypes, and breaking them is a difficult and pointless matter. So, representatives of the fair sex try to get the coveted stamp in the passport, although they are often not sure whether they will be able to live with the person chosen as a husband in the future. But it also happens that a woman has certain life achievements and is considered by society as self-sufficient and successful. Let's say she is in a relationship with a man, such as a civil marriage. And it is the woman who has a higher position in society, and a solid salary, and is generally distinguished by a strong temperament. Thus, she kind of competes with the man and, accordingly, respects him little. A marriage certificate for such women is often seen as another obligatory trophy, and not as a confirmation of a sincere desire to tie their lives with this particular person. Men sense this approach to marriage, even if it is veiled and presented under a “different sauce,” so avoiding an official union on their part looks like resistance to pressure and a desire to maintain at least the appearance of freedom. What should you do if you find yourself in a similar situation? First of all, answer the question honestly about whether you need marriage as a proof of love and strong family relationships. If the answer is yes, then think about whether the man receives enough purely feminine signs from you, such as caring and affectionate attitude, sincere interest in his affairs, respect for his needs. Perhaps all this is not enough on your part, and that is why the chosen one is in no hurry to make an official proposal of marriage. A way out may be to rethink your attitude towards a man and cultivate femininity in yourself. Show that you can not only achieve success as a professional, but are also ready for the role of wife, mother, and truly respect the masculine principle in your chosen one.
The desire to preserve the illusion of freedom
Often, one of the participants in the relationshipcalled "civil marriage" it is simply advantageous to maintain the intensity of the relationship in this way. Indeed, many women are afraid that a man who is not bound by an official union can leave at any moment, slamming the door. Therefore, they try to please in every possible way, adapt and often sacrifice their principles and beliefs. This applies not only to men - many modern women also often take advantage of the opportunity to keep their chosen one in suspense. However, over time, this passes and a desire for stability and confidence in the future arises. Representatives of the stronger sex are not at all averse to remaining free as long as possible, because for many, free cohabitation is an opportunity to preserve precious freedom, no matter how illusory it may be. In principle, such a position of a free union between a man and a woman is acceptable as long as it does not become a burden for one person in the couple. If your relationship has stood the test of time, and you feel that it is time to go to the registry office, then you should frankly talk about it with your chosen one, taking the initiative into your own hands. Often men do not object, but there are also rare cases when instead of a marriage proposal you hear: "You know, darling, it would be better for us to break up." In any case, you will find out what your chosen one really considers your relationship - temporary or permanent. After all, you also cannot wait forever, since it is impossible to slow down the biological clock.
Fear of responsibility and bitter experience
Another deterrent, oftenThe fear of responsibility associated with such a decision prevents representatives of the stronger sex from formalizing their relationship. Indeed, the lion's share of all sorts of problems that an official young family will have to solve falls on men's shoulders. But often such a burden is exaggerated by men, so they are afraid of not coping, of not living up to the image of a breadwinner and head of the family. So they try to maintain their independence as long as possible, so that the measure of responsibility for the happy life of the woman next to them does not turn into an obligation. So what to do? You need to show all your inherent gentleness and miracles of patience. Try in every way to show your chosen one how much you value his strength and intelligence, what a wonderful husband he will be, how happy your life is. Should such a real man in every sense be afraid to make the relationship official? The most difficult, often simply insurmountable, obstacle to registering a marriage for some men is the negative experience they had in the past. Subconsciously, a previous unsuccessful union and the subsequent difficult divorce form a fear in both sexes to transfer the so-called successful cohabitation to an official status. It seems to them that this will make the relationship worse and lead to sad consequences. However, it is easier for women to decide on a second attempt due to certain psychological and biological characteristics. But men often avoid repeated legal marriages and break off relationships only when they feel transparent hints from their partner. If you are in a civil marriage with exactly such a person, then do not rush to despair. It is possible that the situation will change for the better over time, and you, having shown patience and endurance, will be able to change your chosen one's ideas about legal marriage, showing yourself to be an ideal woman in all respects. But another version of the development of the relationship is not excluded, in which the man will not dare to formalize his relationship officially for the second or third time. And here only you have the right to continue such cohabitation or go in search of another life partner. After all, it is impossible to change a mature person, nor to solve internal problems and contradictions for him.
Why do we need a civil marriage?
To answer this question, we need toyou should understand the pros and cons of living together. And first of all, I would like to talk about the undeniable advantages of this form of relationship between people, because they are quite significant. This is especially true when it comes to the attempt of a young guy and girl to build a life together, because they do not have such experience yet. Civil marriage is necessary first of all to check your compatibility. Due to the difference in habits and characters, even a vacation together can become a real hell, not to mention living together. After all, you must agree that when you meet for several hours a day, it is easy to escape from problems. However, not every couple can withstand existence side by side 24 hours a day. Therefore, many unpromising unions break up, barely starting their existence. Civil marriages have other psychological advantages. They level out the stereotypes generally accepted in family life, when a man is assigned the role of a breadwinner, and a woman is assigned the role of a housewife. The absence of an official stamp in the passport, so to speak, gives freedom of thought and encourages people to try new options for distributing responsibilities. The same applies to the need for a common family budget: in free unions, there is often a rule when everyone manages their own income, allocating only a certain part of it for common needs. There is no proprietary attitude towards one's other half in civil marriages. Often, both men and women show more respect for each other, are capable of sincerity and frankness in defining their desires. Undoubtedly, all this allows for the harmonious development of relations and keeps them fresh for a long time. However, we should not forget about the negative aspects that are hidden by the unofficial cohabitation of a man and a woman. And first of all, this is the uncertainty of civil unions from a legal point of view. This concerns the division of property accumulated by the couple over the years of existence in an unregistered relationship, in the event of separation, because it is impossible to draw up a marriage contract in this case. A number of unpleasant nuances also apply to the possibility of one of the civil spouses living in the living space of the other after a breakup. Problems also arise if children are born in such a union and it breaks up. The issue of alimony payments often has to be resolved in court, and also with the procedure for establishing paternity. Difficulties also await those people who, in the sad circumstances of the death of one of the common-law spouses, claim the role of heir. The fact of the existence of marital relations will also have to be proven in court with the involvement of witnesses, which can be a labor-intensive and very expensive matter. To summarize all of the above, from the point of view of feelings and emotions in a common-law marriage there are plenty of positive aspects, but the legal aspect of such relations is controversial and contradictory. Therefore, when choosing an option that involves cohabitation without formalizing a legal union, all its aspects should be taken into account.
How to live in a civil marriage?
You can live with your chosen one ifYou both dream of getting married. A woman should not consider such a relationship as an opportunity to enter into an official union in the future if she is not sure that the chosen one is ready for a life together. Perhaps he is simply giving in to her under certain pressure in an attempt to maintain a sexual relationship. Having decided to live together, be sure to talk to your loved one and make sure that he completely adheres to the same opinion. In this way, you can avoid misunderstandings in the future associated with the fact that one of you is just passing time, and the other hopes that you will soon get married. Agree with the chosen one that after a certain period of time, say, six months or a year, you will analyze your relationship and decide together whether you are ready for marriage or not. Do not agree to live with a guy if you do not want to marry him. And also refuse the decision to live together if he does not think about family life, but is rather looking for an opportunity to have a temporary roof over his head and a hot dinner. Relationships that are now called civil marriages should be considered primarily as an opportunity for a kind of training before entering into an official legal relationship. How can one calculate the most suitable time for this? Many couples consider it necessary to register their union when they feel that it is time to have children for the continued existence of their happy family. No matter how your relationship develops in the future, whether a legal marriage will be a continuation of the civil union or not, it is always worth remembering the extent of responsibility that people take on when entering into both official and unofficial cohabitation. After all, life next to a loving and beloved person should be a joy, and not instill uncertainty and fear. We recommend reading:
