In every family with the birth of a childimmediately there is a problem - the child cries! What to do? How to understand if a child is crying for some serious reason, or is he just being naughty? Even when the child grows up, it gets older, parents do not always understand why their child is upset, often reaching hysterics and driving mom, dad, and at the same time grandmother and grandfather to complete despair? How to deal with the vagaries of a child? I would like to help them find the right way out of such situations. To do this, you need to learn to determine when the child's tears are just childish tantrums and moods, and when - an alarm signal, through which the child signals to adults that everything is not right with him. And if it's still whims, then why do they arise and what must be done to stop them? After all, parents often do not know how to cope with children's moods.

What is a childish whim?

The word "whim" came to us from the French languageand translates as "stubbornness, perseverance; whim, fad. " In the Dictionary of Practical Psychologist S. Yu. Golovin, caprice is interpreted as follows: "... a whim, a fad without actual need, necessity." And in the dictionary-guide for parents (edited by LG Guslyakova and SG Chudovoi) it is said that children's hysterics and moods are "a feature of the child's behavior, expressed in inappropriate and unreasonable actions, in unreasonable resistance to the requirements of adults, in striving to insist on one's own. " Children's moods, as a rule, are accompanied by crying or even shouting of the child, and excitement is expressed by sharp movements. The child stomps his feet, wags his head or hands, sometimes he can even fall to the floor. At different ages and moods are different. A baby breast cries most often because of some discomfort, and it's hard to call it a whim. Rather, it is a request for help. At the age of one year, three, five, the child experiences age-related crises, and these periods carry with them a vivid emotional reaction in children. During periods of age-related crisis, it would be right to perceive moods as a half-natural psychological reaction. At this time, the child needs a special approach and sensitivity. But if adults improperly educate a child, whims and childish hysterics often become a habitual form of behavior. After all, in the first years of life the child begins to realize himself as an individual and actively studies the world around him. The kid needs to touch everything, drag it into his mouth, understand about every thing - what is it and how does it work? So it is with the parents - the child needs to be tested, how the older will react to this or that behavior, what will they do if they ignore their remarks? And if, experimenting with various forms of behavior, he received a result desired for himself, this way of behavior is remembered by him as the most effective and fixed in his mind. So it turns out that adults because of their mistakes often themselves become guilty of the whims of their children. And after that they begin to comprehend how to deal with children's whims. Capricious often become spoiled, overly petulant children. Constant attention is too tiring for the baby, and if the child at first is happy, then later he often even begins to cry. This is a predictable reaction of the child's psyche to fatigue from the endless attention of adults, to which the kid responds whims. Therefore, before you look for an answer to the question of how to cope with childish whims, it is worth to assess your communication with the baby. The opposite extreme - when the child is not paid enough attention, refer to him indifferently. The child begins to be capricious, trying to attract attention. And children who are sorely lacking maternal love and affection, very often become irritable and begin to lag behind in development. Another reason for the appearance of children's whims is inconsistency or lack of unity in the requirements for the child. For example, if yesterday you allowed your child to spank the puddles on a walk, and today you were suddenly banned, bitter tears can not be avoided! Or, for example, a mother is more strict with her child than a grandmother, and much of what the grandmother allows her mother to do forbids, then the child will need quite a bit of time to understand: when the grandmother can and pokapriznichat, and with the mother this number will not pass . Constantly adjusting to each adult, the child begins to experience a greater burden on the psyche and the nervous system, which invariably leads to breakdowns and whims. And adults can not develop a common tactic how to deal with the vagaries of a child, because they do not have a common position. Often capricious there are such children who do not know any restrictions. They do not have the ability to restrain themselves, to control their desires and emotions. Therefore it is very important to teach the child in time to the necessary self-restraint. The word "impossible" should be clear to a small child one of the very first. Of course, you can not abuse endless prohibitions. It is necessary to prohibit only what really can harm a child or something that he himself can do harm. A rather common mistake of parents is the discrepancy of the child's age characteristics and requirements or methods of influencing him. It happens that parents want from their child what is inaccessible to him because of his age, and the child responds to a natural reaction for such a situation - a whim, which in such a situation can not be called a caprice. Rather, it is a form of protest. That parents did not commit such a mistake, one must have an idea about the age features of the child's psyche and about the peculiarities of the moods of each crisis period. This knowledge will help them understand and how to respond to the whims of the child and how to properly deal with children's moods.

Whims of a child up to a year

In children up to a year, speech is not yet developed, and crying -the only signal that the child can give, telling that he is either wet, or hungry, or he has something hurts. Therefore, the vagaries of a child up to a year is actually difficult to call whims. And if parents carefully observe the child, then very quickly they will learn to understand what their baby wants to tell them. And the reasons for the child before the year is not so much:

• Perhaps the baby is wet. Change him a diaper or diaper, and he will calm down;
• If the child is hungry, then he will tell you about it;
• Maybe so - the baby changed clothes, fed,but he still continues to cry. If he prunes with this, then, most likely, his tummy hurts. The child is not sick, he is simply tormented by gases. Up to 3-4 months the intestine of the child is not yet fully developed, and often the baby even perceives the milk poorly. To alleviate the suffering of the child, take it in your arms, press your belly to it to warm it. Or put a diaper heated on the stomach; warmth will soothe and reduce pain;
• Sometimes the vagaries of a child up to a year are caused by the fact thatthe child still fell ill. It seems only that everything was in order, the child was calm, and suddenly he begins to ask for his hands, he is capricious, refuses to eat. In this case, it is worthwhile to look at the child, observe it, and at the first suspicion of the disease it is necessary to call a doctor. Moods will disappear as soon as the child is healthy;
• In order not to provoke the whims of a child up to a year,it is very important to remember that a young child should observe the regime of the day. Feeding, alternating sleep and wakefulness, walking - all this should be done at a strictly certain time. The kid gets used to his regime, and any disturbance causes him anxiety and vagaries.

Whims of a child from 1 to 3 years

The first real whims appear in the childquite early. Already by the year he begins to understand that parents react very quickly to crying, because he for them - a signal that the baby needs something. Later, the child starts using the same signals to get a candy or an item of interest. And if by the year the child has not learned what he can and can not do, and his parents are not too consistent in establishing the limits of what is permitted, the vagaries of the one-year-old child become quite frequent in such a family. In one year the child is experiencing the first age-related crisis. It occurs because in the first year of his life the child has accumulated certain knowledge and skills. They simply require that parents and the child move to a new stage of relationships. After all at this age the kid starts to perceive himself as a person. He begins to speak, takes the first steps - this gives him the opportunity to learn the world in a new way. But this also leads to the fact that the number of vagaries of a one-year-old child is increasing. And, very often they are provoked by adults! For example, you can often see such a picture: uncertainly stomping baby fell, but did not cry, because he did not have time to understand what happened, and it does not hurt too much yet - not so far from the ground is his soft ass! But the parents are already frightened to run to him, pick up on his hands, start to groan - they fix attention on the fact of the fall. And the child begins to cry, it does not scare the pain, but the bustle and fright of the parents. Now the child will cry every time it falls, because parents too hurried with unnecessary help and did not allow the child to learn to overcome their own difficulties on their own. So parents nurtured the first whims of a one-year-old child! By the end of the first year of life, the horizon of the child expands beyond the limits of the arena, cot or stroller. He wants to walk everywhere, take everything, touch it, put it in his mouth. But its increased needs are faced with the inability to satisfy them completely. On his way there are many prohibitions and shouting. Only he will find something interesting for himself, as he immediately takes it away. And the baby starts to protest, expressing protest with the help of screaming. After all, he does not know yet! The whims of the child of the second year of life is the result of the fact that the child can not yet express his wishes in words, and his parents' misunderstandings cause a storm of indignation in him. For parents, it should not be a surprise that in certain age periods their child becomes very irritable and capricious. To begin with, it is necessary to understand the cause of whims. Did not want to swim or eat porridge? Maybe the water in the bathroom is hotter than usual or last time in the eyes it got a soapy foam, and the porridge turned out to be a bit too salty or too sweet? Once I "stuck" in a weeping daughter almost a whole plate of semolina porridge, and only then I found out that there was so much salt in it that the porridge seemed bitter ... Without enough vocabulary, my baby could not tell me about this, and she had to swallow the opposite mass in half with tears! It often happens that the whims of a child of the second year of life are caused by a change in the situation, overfatigue of the child or his illness. If the child is capricious for an incomprehensible reason for you - do not start insisting on your own, wait. The child will not fix his attention to the incident and quickly forget about the unpleasant sensations. In the second year of life, the vagaries of the child to pay off are quite simple. Allow him to take many new actions. Let him try to eat himself with a spoon (just give him a second spoon in his hand, when they feed him), try to pull the shoes. Do not prevent him from traveling around the apartment, just remove all dangerous items from his path. And remember that your baby is already a person, though still small, with his emotions, desires, mood. Approximately by three years, children have practically formed a model of communication with their parents. During the first three years the child develops as quickly as will never develop later. Already by the age of three, the child has basically formed a character, attitude to others and himself. By the way, the self-esteem of a child at this age is mostly overstated, and this is normal. It is at this age that real whims appear, which frighten parents so much. Due to the fact that in three years the child begins to acutely experience conflicts, the vagaries of the child of the third year of life become more sophisticated and emotional. Even the easy-going children until this time suddenly start constantly saying "I do not want", "no", "I will not," but he behaves very aggressively - he screams, screams, throws everything that comes to his hand, falls to the floor . Parents are often completely lost and completely do not understand how to cope with the vagaries of the child. Especially since this happens often not only at home, but also on the street, in front of outsiders. The whims of a child of the third year of life require the parents to make timely adjustment in their relations with the child. After all, the age of three is called "the first difficult age". At this time, the child is a little away from adults and tries to establish with them a new relationship from the position of his "I", which they have already realized. And misunderstanding by parents of this fact causes the child of the third year of life to have whims with a particularly strong emotional coloring. It is necessary to establish new, deeper relationships with the child, to encourage the initiative, not to limit its independence. Only such an approach can become the key to how to cope with the vagaries of a child of this age.

Whims at the age of 5 years

The whims of a child of 5 years are very similar to vagariesthree-year-olds, with the only difference being that the toddler has already grown up, and now his parents are manipulating more consciously. He already understood quite well that by shouting, tears, whining, he can achieve anything. After all, at the sight of a yelling child, adults simply lose the ability to think logically and agree to everything, if only their offspring are silent. If things have gone so far, then parents can only sympathize; on how to cope with the vagaries of a child, they still have no idea. It often happens that parents, trying to call a brave child to order, raise his voice to him. And do not understand that you just need to teach your child to express their needs not by shouting, but by a normal voice. At the same time, each time to respond to requests made in a normal way, and all demands on high tones are underlined to ignore. If parents after the child raise their voices, the child develops a firm conviction that all problems are solved only with the help of screaming. Even tiny nesmyshlynyshy able to catch that mom and dad can be controlled by voice - shouted, and got what he wanted. And the vagaries of a child of 5 years is a completely meaningful action. The child is able to analyze the actions of adults, trying on them. Therefore, it is not necessary to establish a dictatorship of power and put pressure on the baby with the authority of the elder. If you want to learn how to cope with the vagaries of a child of 5 years, then, first of all, ignore all attempts to manipulate you and suggest the child to think about what he needs what he asks you for. If his request can not be fulfilled, then explain why. The child will gradually learn that you do not need to shout at all to be heard. And he will understand that not every desire can be realized. If he understands why he can not get what he wants, there will be no refusal to take it painfully. But it is the absence of negative emotions in this situation that is the main key to how to deal with the vagaries of the child.

Whims, whims ... How to cope with them?

So, we already know that even the mostcalm and obedient children from time to time are capricious. And it happens to them at any age. Therefore, one of the most important knowledge in the matter of raising children is knowledge of how to deal with children's moods. First of all, parents need to learn how to firmly resist the child's unreasonable desires. If you go to the occasion of the baby at least once, then he will continue to achieve with the whims of anything he wants. How to respond to the vagaries of a child, if it still happened? Hug him, try to distract his attention. Talk to him kindly, say that you love him. But in any case, do not go backward, giving the baby in the end what he required. If he does not calm down and still scandals, then leave him alone. Do not comment on what is happening, on the contrary, do not pay attention to it. It will be better if you leave him alone. He will not be interested in crying alone, because he needs to cry for someone. And only after he takes his soul and calms down a little, tell him how you are upset by his behavior. And how to respond to the vagaries of a child, if he not only does not calm down, but already beats in hysterics? First of all, sit near the child so that your eyes are at the same level. Ask him what he wants - let him articulate his needs aloud. If he fell into hysterics - hug him, press him to him, talking to him in a calm voice. If he tries to hit you, hold his hand, but in no case do not push him. It is very important that the baby heard your calm voice and felt your support. The most effective method, how to wean a child from whims - as much as possible to pay attention to the baby, ask about his needs, always explain the reason for the refusal, if you have to refuse the request. Refusal is necessary to argue, and not just to say "it is impossible, that's it!" Or "because I said so." After all, we do not want to teach our child that only orders and demands can achieve something. Effective ways how to wean a child from vagaries can be called those that show the child that you admit that he is already old enough and you respect his desire to be independent. It is necessary to change the tactics and strategy of your communication with the child in time. Do not do for the child what he already can do himself, despite the fact that you yourself would have done it better and faster. Let him, too, try, learn - helps to wash the floor, erases his socks, puts the plates on the table. This will help its self-affirmation, and it costs more than spilled water or a broken plate! And a few more tips on how best to deal with the vagaries of the child:

• Give the child the right to choose. For example, if you know that a child does not want to go to the street wearing a hat, then instead of "put on a hat" it's better to say: "What kind of hat do you want, blue or green?" The child will have a feeling of an independent choice, but that in the end he goes to walk in the headdress, passed by his attention.
• Do not make the child obey, but beatsituation as if you need help: "I forgot how to clean teeth properly, show me, please." That's it, a child will be pleased that his mother can teach something, and brush his teeth - better than usual!
• In a conflict situation, createchild perspective. Tell him about that pleasant event that awaits him soon, and this will help him to accept the fact that now something must be done that is not very pleasant. For example: "Vanya, now you need to collect scattered toys, and then I'll give you paint, and you'll draw."

In order to understand how, with the vagaries of a childto struggle, it is necessary to assimilate firmly - caprices are not accidental and never arise from scratch. They always have any reasons, and if adults do not react to children's moods, then they only support and fix them. The correct way to how to wean a child from whims is the knowledge of the age features of the child's psyche, the observance of the regime, the unity of the requirements for the child, the finding of a golden mean between lack and excess of attention. And most importantly - love and great patience! We advise you to read:

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