We risk being rotten tomatoes, butyet we venture to assert that so much self-pity for others is the result of an egoistic attitude to the world around us, and it is an extreme form of egocentrism. And what is characteristic - people who are constantly exhausted by self-pity, are not only unhappy themselves, but also make others unhappy. Yes, we do not argue - there are situations where self-pity should not be called the state of a person who has objective conditions for this very state. So, let's separate the grain from the chaff and draw a line between pity and depression, sorrow and sadness. With the last states everything is clear; there all experiences of the person are directed inside of itself. But the one who pities himself - constantly looking for sympathy from others, as a rule, hoping in this sympathy to find pleasant feelings for himself and even some euphoria. We will not even ask - we are sure that you will not have to strain your memory to remember one or two friends who are constantly whining and complaining about their unfortunate share. You can meet such people quite often. They become so dependent on the support and approval of others that they do not hesitate to molest even unfamiliar people, laying out to them all their misfortunes and expecting a new portion of pity and sympathy; the only way they can feel better. Unfortunately, such dependence is in many respects akin to chemical dependence (from nicotine, alcohol, drugs) - the pleasure from the received "dose" of sympathy passes, and they begin to feel the need for an additive. Fixing such people on what in their lives, as they themselves think, is going "wrong", acts on our poor brain, well, just like sandpaper - how annoying is their eternal whining! Their endless self-pity quickly ceases to arouse sympathy, especially since they never listen to us, if we note that there is a "so" in their lives and how much more positive than negative in their lives. Oh, they will never agree with us, because with such blatant statements we just knock out the ground from under their feet: so, what's good, you can and lose all reason to feel bad and suffer!
As views on life change their attitude to themselves
All of us are endowed with emotions, and this fills ourlife paints of different shades. Sometimes these paints are bright and cheerful, sometimes - quiet, pastel. But sometimes a person is overtaken by depression or grief, and then the colors are gloomy, dark, hopeless. There come the days when everything becomes indifferent to a person, and only one feeling pulsates with pain in his soul: "But what about me? How will I live now? ". Pity and compassion at such times can help a person cope with their condition and gradually return to normal life. It also happens that a person has something to change in his life, and he is afraid of these changes and begins to panic, complaining in advance of possible deprivations that await him, as it seems to him. You do not have to go far for examples: remember some of your friends who left the job because the well-earned husband demanded of her "to quit this damned job for a pittance and finally take up a family!". Remembered? And now let's remember what fears she shared with you. And now she will have no one to communicate with, because now everyone will forget her, as classmates and then classmates once forgot; and money will not be enough for their family without its salary; and the husband will not respect her now, she will keep her housekeeper ... Of course, these fears can be understood. But why in such a situation not to think first of all about what good she has? Remember: she was not really reassured by the arguments that she would not be tired from work for many hours now, that her husband respects her, and loves, as she worries about the fact that her wife is torn between family and work. And they are unlikely to be poor, because the husband decently earns. And she should appreciate what she has: a good family, a beautiful house in a prestigious district of a big city, a new car. And so that no one will forget, you just have to continue to maintain relationships with friends and acquaintances. And here the great importance will be played by the prudence of the young lady. She will take care a little, she will regret herself, and she will start to live on, as if nothing had happened. Prudence will prevail, and she will appreciate what she has, easily parting with what will not be. And if self-pity takes precedence over prudence, then the search for problems will continue to continue. Rather, the search for reasons, because of which we all need to immediately begin to regret it. And she will look at life gloomily, not noticing that the sun shines very brightly. And it also happens that a woman or a girl is never happy and happy with life. It seems that the fact that she was born made her deeply unhappy. It has a peculiar complex - a martyr complex, when everything in life is bad and only gets worse. If you analyze all the complaints of such a "martyr", it will become very clear that all problems are simply sucked from the finger, and the only thing that she needs is sympathy. But no matter how much she received it, it does not become easier for her. Why? Yes, simply because she does not want her to feel better. It's so nice - revel in your suffering and the sympathy of others!
Do I need to get rid of pity?
With views on life is understandable. It's not quite clear whether you need pity for yourself to an ordinary person. Well, let's deal with it. Pity is an emotion, and all emotions have both positive and negative sides. So with pity. Positive in pity is her ability to become a kind of anesthesia: self-pity freezes mental pain when she overtakes us. She immerses all our other emotions in a dream, and wraps us in a cotton wool, hiding from the "invasion" from the outside. So this is a good "cure" for pain. But if it could be bottled and sent to a pharmacy, then it would have to be sold only with the prescription of a doctor. Otherwise, lovers of self-treatment would be threatened with an overdose. In small doses, pity is not harmful. Here children, for example, it is even necessary for survival, and therefore laid in them by nature. But when a person becomes an adult, pity begins to be a burden. And it's inappropriate for an adult to whine and ask to pat on the head! It looks very nice when a little girl sucks her finger; but imagine an adult aunt, who is doing the same thing - will she be able to rely on respect and serious attitude from others? If you look at the negative side of pity, then immediately it should be noted that self-pity paralyzes all thoughts, feelings and actions. A person ceases to understand that he alone is responsible for solving his problems. Constantly weeping lady becomes a miserable manipulator, using people to solve her problems. And she usually looks outside herself for the source of her problems. And in vain ...
Where to look for the causes of many problems?
"I did not create a problem, so I can not get itdecide! "And what can this conviction lead to? To the creation of a constant, practically immortalized in life such a "sufferer" downward spiral, which with each turn will thread the next problem into a long chain of failures and pity. By definition, a person who considers himself a sufferer will never take responsibility for his own life. Well, how, this responsibility must be borne by someone else! Such a position in itself can lead to a whole series of problems, and certainly, that his life will never change for the better. In addition, pity separates the sufferer from himself, from people, from the whole world, from his own power over himself. This emotion covers all the unfortunate communications, and precisely because of her increased need for attention and sympathy. Who would like to constantly wipe someone's tears? And still, pity is the enemy of choice. It deprives the will, and it becomes very difficult to make a decision. Therefore, nothing changes in the life of a man who is only engaged in the search for pity and sympathy. So it turns out - self-pity is capable of creating a miserable life!
Did you recognize yourself?
We were not going to show at all to anyonewith your finger! Just allowed you to take a look from the outside. And if you find yourself in our description of people constantly or from time to time experiencing pity, then you should not get upset. Know: if you could take yourself so critically - then everything is not lost. You will be able to cope with this shortcoming, and we will gladly tell you how to get rid of the feeling of self-pity. Fortunately, getting out of the quagmire of pity is quite affordable. We only call on you to be brave and say to yourself: "Stop! It is necessary to change something in your life! "Of course, to change yourself and your habits, it will take time and your efforts. The technique, which we will describe, should be applied by you at an automatic level - this should be the same for you as you need to brush your teeth or use the toilet. If we approach this technique in the same way - to perceive it as another absolutely necessary hygienic skill - then we can assure you that the reward for you will be simply huge! Your life will change, and the problems will begin to decrease. Of course, you have to work on yourself, but you want your life to become much more joyful and easier? You should already have realized how much good in this life passes by you. We have already said that pity blocks all other emotions. When you get rid of it, your ability to clear thinking will increase many times, and the ability to feel the full range of emotions will also be increased.
We resort to meditation
The technique of getting rid of pity is based on meditation, but it is quite suitable for those who have never tried meditation before. Especially since we will paint your actions literally in steps:
Work on yourself - and enjoy life! We advise you to read: