self-pityWe risk being pelted with rotten tomatoes, butnevertheless, we will dare to assert that self-pity, so beloved by many, is the result of an egoistic attitude towards the surrounding world, and it is an extreme form of egocentrism. And what is characteristic - people who are constantly tormented by self-pity are not only unhappy themselves, but also make others unhappy. Yes, we do not argue - there are situations when self-pity should not be called the state of a person who has objective reasons for this very state. So, let's separate the wheat from the chaff and draw a line between pity and depression, grief and sorrow. With the latter states, everything is clear; there, all of a person's experiences are directed inward. But the one who pities himself - constantly seeks sympathy from others, as a rule, hoping to find pleasant sensations for himself and even some euphoria in this sympathy. We won’t even ask – we are sure that you won’t have to strain your memory to recall one or two acquaintances who constantly whine and complain about their miserable lot. You can meet such people quite often. They become so dependent on the support and approval of others that they don’t hesitate to pester even strangers, laying out all their misfortunes to them and expecting a new portion of pity and sympathy; this is the only way they can feel better. Unfortunately, such dependence is in many ways akin to chemical addiction (to nicotine, alcohol, drugs) – the pleasure from the received “dose” of sympathy passes, and they begin to feel the need for more. The fixation of such people on what they themselves believe is “wrong” in their lives acts on our poor brains just like sandpaper – how their eternal whining irritates us! Their endless self-pity very quickly ceases to arouse our sympathy, especially since they never listen to us if we point out that their life is “like this” and how much more positive there is in their life than negative. Oh, they will never agree with us, because with such impudent statements we simply knock the ground out from under their feet: so, what’s good, you can lose all reason to feel bad and suffer!

As views on life change their attitude to themselves

We are all endowed with emotions, and this fills ourlife in colors of different shades. Sometimes these colors are bright and cheerful, sometimes - calm, pastel. But sometimes a person is overtaken by depression or grief, and then gloomy, dark, hopeless colors prevail. There come days when a person becomes indifferent to everything, and only one feeling pulsates with pain in his soul: "What about me? How will I live now?" Pity and sympathy at such moments can help a person cope with his condition and gradually return to normal life. It also happens like this: something in a person's life must change, but he is afraid of these changes and begins to panic, complaining in advance about the possible hardships that await him, as it seems to him. You don't have to go far for examples: remember some friend of yours who quit her job because her well-earning husband demanded that she "quit this damn job for pennies and finally take care of the family!" Remember? Now let's remember what fears she shared with you. And now she will have no one to communicate with, because now everyone will forget her, as her classmates once forgot, and then her fellow students; and their family will not have enough money without her salary; and her husband will not respect her now, he will consider her a housekeeper... Of course, these fears are understandable. But why in such a situation not think first of all about what is good about her? Remember: after all, she was practically not calmed by arguments about the fact that she will no longer be overtired from working long hours, that her husband respects and loves her, since he worries about the fact that his wife is torn between family and work. And they are unlikely to be poor, because her husband earns a decent income. And she should also appreciate what she has: a good family, a beautiful house in a prestigious area of ​​​​a big city, a new car. And so that no one forgets, you just need to continue to maintain relationships with friends and acquaintances. And here the prudence of the young lady will play a great role. She will be a little afraid, feel sorry for herself, and will start living as if nothing had happened. Prudence will prevail, and she will value what she has, easily parting with what will no longer be. And if self-pity prevails over prudence, then she will continue to search for problems. Or rather, search for reasons why we all should immediately start feeling sorry for her. And she will look at life gloomily, not noticing that the sun is shining very brightly. And it also happens that a woman or a girl is never happy and satisfied with life. It seems that the very fact of being born has made her deeply unhappy. She has a kind of complex - a martyr complex, when everything in life is bad and only gets worse. If you analyze all the complaints of such a "martyr", it will become very clear that all the problems are simply sucked out of thin air, and the only thing she needs is sympathy. But no matter how much she gets, it does not make her feel better. Why? Simply because she doesn't want things to get easier for her. After all, it's so nice to revel in your own suffering and the sympathy of those around you!how to get rid of self-pity

Do I need to get rid of pity?

It's clear with the views on life.It is not entirely clear whether an ordinary person needs self-pity. Well, let's figure it out. Pity is an emotion, and all emotions have both positive and negative sides. The same is with pity. The positive thing about pity is its ability to become a kind of anesthesia: self-pity freezes mental pain when it overtakes us. It puts all our other emotions to sleep and wraps us in a cotton cocoon, hiding us from "invasion" from the outside. So it is a good "medicine" for pain. But if it could be poured into bottles and sent to a pharmacy, then it would have to be sold only with a doctor's prescription. Otherwise, self-medication enthusiasts would be at risk of overdose. In small doses, pity is not harmful. For example, children even need it for survival, which is why it is embedded in them by nature. But when a person becomes an adult, pity begins to be a burden. And it is inappropriate for an adult to whine and ask to be patted on the head! It looks very cute when a little girl sucks her finger; but imagine an adult woman doing the same – will she be able to count on respect and a serious attitude from others after that?! If we look at the negative sides of pity, we must immediately note that self-pity paralyzes all thoughts, feelings and actions. A person stops understanding that only he himself is responsible for solving his problems. A constantly moaning lady becomes a pathetic manipulator, using people to solve her problems. And she usually looks for the source of her problems outside herself. And in vain...

Where to look for the causes of many problems?

"I didn't create the problem, so I can't fix it."Solution!" And what can such a belief lead to? To the creation of a constant, practically perpetuated in the life of such a "sufferer" downward spiral, which with each turn will string another problem into a long chain of failures and pity. By definition, a person who considers himself a sufferer will never take responsibility for his own life. Well, of course, someone else should bear this responsibility! Such a position in itself can lead to a whole series of problems, and certainly, his life will never change for the better. In addition, pity separates the sufferer - from herself, from people, from the whole world, from her own power over herself. This emotion blocks all communications of the unfortunate, and precisely because of her increased need for attention and sympathy. Who would like to constantly wipe away someone's tears? And also, pity is the enemy of choice. It deprives the will, and making any decision becomes very difficult. That is why nothing changes in the life of a person who is only busy looking for pity and sympathy. And so it turns out - self-pity can create a miserable life!

Did you recognize yourself?

We had no intention of pointing at anyone.finger! We just allowed you to take a look at ourselves from the outside. And if you recognized yourself in our description of people who constantly or from time to time feel sorry for themselves, then you should not be upset. Know that if you were able to treat yourself so critically - it means that not all is lost. You will be able to cope with this shortcoming, and we will be happy to tell you how to get rid of the feeling of self-pity. Fortunately, the way out of the quagmire of pity is quite accessible. We only urge you to muster up the courage and say to yourself: “Stop! You need to change something in your life!” Of course, changing yourself and your habits will take time and your efforts. The technique that we will tell you about should be applied by you on an automatic level - it should become for you the same necessity as brushing your teeth or using the toilet. If you approach this technique in the same way - perceive it as another absolutely necessary hygiene skill, - then we can assure you that the reward for you will be simply enormous! Your life will change, and your problems will begin to diminish. Of course, you will have to work on yourself, but you want your life to become much happier and easier, right? You should already realize how much good in this life passes you by. We have already said that pity blocks all other emotions. When you get rid of it, your ability to think clearly will increase many times over, and your ability to feel the full range of emotions will also be increased.Do you need self-pity?

We resort to meditation

The technique of getting rid of pity is based on meditation, but it is quite suitable for those who have never tried to meditate before. Moreover, we will describe your actions literally step by step:

  • Find a convenient time for yourself when you stay in silence and all alone. You can turn off the light, you must close your eyes;
  • Spend a minute or two to completely relax both the body and consciousness;
  • Imagine yourself in the bathroom or in the toilet holding a vessel;
  • Start feeling sorry for yourself, and try to call inimagine an emotion as strong as possible. Filling yourself with pity, you must simultaneously pour it from your body into the vessel that you hold in your hands. Focus on pity and on the reasons that should cause it, maximizing your emotions. Try to stay in this state for 5-10 minutes. In fact, keeping your focus on pity will be much more difficult than you can imagine. It is very difficult to concentrate on something for a very long time, for this you may need some practice.
  • After filling the vessel take the next step -mentally pour the contents of the vessel into a sink or toilet bowl, and immediately wash it off with water. Rinse off with an abundant and fast flow of clean water - as soon as possible away from the eyes! The key to this meditation is that you must pour pity from your body into the vessel, and from the vessel - pour it into the sink and wash it off with clean water.
  • Slowly count from one to five, and at the expense of"Five" open your eyes. Even if it seems to you that you have never felt sorry for yourself - you are highly recommended, try to do this at least once. You will be much surprised by the feeling of ease that you will experience as a result. And if you practice this technique on a regular basis, then such hygiene of "emotions" will completely change your life.
  • Work on yourself – and enjoy life! We recommend reading:

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