The formula of family happiness, perhaps, is one of the mostcomplex life formulas. A successful marriage is something that most of us strive for. And what many can not create. Divorces, divorces, divorces ... Unhappy spouses, deprived of the attention of one parent, children, loneliness, firmly settled in the house. All this can be found at every step. And after all, marriages are created with the hope of a long and happy life together! Why does someone get it, but someone does not? What are the secrets of family happiness and do they exist in general? Exist. And we will now try to find out what secrets are.
What determines family happiness?
What is the main secret of family happiness? If you look at the relationship of happy couples more closely, you can see in them something in common. Firstly, the spouses in such pairs simply do not exist without each other. In such families there is no isolated "I", but there is an inextricably bound "we". Secondly, in successful marriages, the husband and wife communicate a lot with each other. They discuss joint plans, problems, relationships with friends and relatives, the complexity of professional activities and so on. Thirdly, in strong families there is trust, due to which the partners are as frank as possible among themselves. They tell each other, even about what to someone else to say ashamed. And they are able to forgive their companions of life, not criticizing their actions, but gently advising. And, at last, in happy families do not stir up the past, remembering only good things. Why it happened that one person became a real half of the other, it is difficult to determine precisely. However, there are several conditions under which the probability of a successful marriage is significantly increased. These include:
- Love and respect Admittedly, not all marriagesare created on the basis of lasting love. A superficial feeling of falling in love can quickly evaporate, leaving a void instead. Therefore, if we decided to create a family, we must learn to transform love into love. And try to respect your soul mate. It happens that only one of the spouses sincerely and deeply loves the family. The other simply allows himself to love. Here, respect for the life partner is especially important. On its basis, immeasurable attachment to a loving partner can develop, capable of eventually turning into love;
- Ability to accept another person asWe all have both advantages and disadvantages. In this - the integrity of human nature, its individuality and, in fact, attractiveness. Trying to remake your mate is a thankless task. Yes, and meaningless, because the shortcomings and dignity - the concept of relative. Each person decides what suits him in another and what does not. The opinion of others should not be the main one in this matter and can not be an occasion for persistent attempts to change the life partner;
- Trust and openness In the happy families of the wifeDo not be afraid to confess to each other in the most intimate. Being confident that they will be understood, they openly express their feelings. This makes it possible to exclude suspicion from the relations and not to doubt that in a difficult situation the partner will support and not betray;
- A joint case can be a joint affairthe desire to buy furniture, car, housing, apartment design, cleaning, cooking dinner ... The main thing is that the spouses should enjoy it and be in solidarity in their decisions. In addition, it is important that they share responsibility for the consequences of some actions. And, if there were trouble, did not blame each other, and tried to deal with them together;
- Lack of competition In happy families, the husband andthe wife does not compete with each other either in everyday life or in professional matters. They sincerely rejoice at the achievements of their halves and do not find out which of them is more talented or luckier;
- Ability to constructively resolve conflicts Without quarrelsnot one even the most prosperous family does. However, in strong marriages, conflicts have boundaries. Partners do not allow themselves to humiliate and insult each other and certainly not tossed to everyone that will fall under the arm. Each of them intuitively feels when it is necessary to stop. And if the insults have been lost in the fever of the quarrel, the spouses know how to forgive them;
- Mutual sense of humor Especially by the way it is whenmaturing conflict. When two have the ability to translate everything into a joke and laugh at the situation together, their relationship can be considered healthy and the marriage strong. If not, it's time to sound the alarm: the joint life has cracked;
- The desire to make your soul somethingpleasant This includes both affectionate nicknames, and gifts, and a desire to help, and gentle touch, and a meeting with work and much more. Perhaps, to someone, the treatment "zainka", "kotik", "lapochka" will seem sugary. However, without them, family life acquires some kind of semi-officialism, which does not allow the couple to really get closer. Lovely words, together with unexpected pleasant surprises, seem to say: "You are my very native person! I always remember about you and I want to bring joy ";
- Ability to properly build relationships withparents "Properly build" in happy families means to discuss all news, crisis moments and some big events, first of all, among themselves. It's no secret that many of us, when even minor friction with my husband appear, run to complain to my mother. The result of such complaints is usually the growing hostility of parents to her husband and husband to them. It may well lead to the collapse of the family, even if the spouses initially did not want this at all. Therefore, parents should not be involved in their family affairs. Let them be just very close people, and not supervisors and leaders.
Well, here, perhaps, and all the main secretsfamily happiness. Of course, in every prosperous family there are little secrets and rituals that help to maintain and strengthen the relations of the spouses. But no rituals will not save us from trouble, if we begin to re-educate our soul mate, we will begin to hide something constantly from it, we will not trust each other and will not find common points of contact for communication. A family where each of the spouses lives by itself can not be considered full-fledged. It's just a cohabitation of two people who are still comfortable with each other. Their future is hazy, prosperity is doubtful. Is it worth creating such marriages? Each of us dreams of happiness. And we often hasten to get married, believing that it is in his marriage that we find him. And then we lament because the husband was not what he wanted, the normal family did not work, the scandals do not stop in the house or there is a dark, gloomy silence. Why do we need such a life? Was it not better to wait for someone next to whom it would be reliable and warm? Let's see in what circumstances marriage promises to be successful and whether we are ready for family life.
Conditions for a successful marriage
So, we meet with pretty nicea young man and already seemingly ready to run with him to the registrar. Stop. Family life is not a walk along the boulevard and not a pleasant cruise on the Mediterranean. This is a painstaking daily work and almost constant work on yourself. To simplify the life by means of marriage not capable for such work young ladies usually it is not possible. But it's easy to complicate things. Therefore, before wearing a wedding dress, let's think, do we really need this young man and do not we deceive ourselves and him. Live in two different people on the same territory is not easy. After all, they grew up in different conditions and were brought up in different ways. And this means that the spouses have to go through the period of grinding, implying patience, indulgence, the ability to forgive. Without them, marriage will turn into a continuous hell, where even harmless habits of a husband or wife can cause a grand scandal. If we are very attracted to a young man, we will certainly be able to quickly adopt his lifestyle. Well, when there is no such attraction, both will have to be tight. Attempts to change the spouse, to force him to live in his own way either alienate the man, or break. In the first case, he will increasingly leave the house, in the second will turn into a weak-willed henpecked or alcoholic. Is this what we want from our half? It would seem that adults already have some kind of wisdom and can be relatively flexible, adapting to each other. But this is in theory. In practice, we most often just demand from our faithful that he renounce his habits, find fault, yazvim, grumble. He snaps, we start, we begin to recall the past, we get a barrage of indignation in response ... Scandal, stress, tears. And the blame for everything - a towel thrown by her husband on the edge of the bathtub ... However, the reason is not in him. It's just that she married a girl, and she did not understand why she needed this family. And all current conflicts with her husband are an external reflection of her inner dissatisfaction and immaturity. And now the marriage depresses both. To prevent this, before you meet a young person under one roof, you need to determine for yourself a few things.
If the girl answered all these questionsin the affirmative, then everything is in order. She solved the secret of happiness in the family and is ready to create it. Of course, in order for a marriage to be really successful, it is necessary that the man aspire to it. Does not aspire yet? Do not force events. Otherwise, he will try, already being married, to take a walk that he did not go to the wedding. We will be diplomatic and patient. After all, we are ready to sacrifice for our own desires! The main enemy of a happy family life is selfishness. This he forces the couple to always make each other some demands and claims, set conditions, limit the actions of their halves and so on. Our selfishness does not allow us to selflessly, without waiting for anything in return, to love another person. And, consequently, does not allow us to be free and happy. If we can not cope with our own selfishness, why create a family? To begin with, you need to learn to control yourself and your feelings, develop patience and the capacity for selfless forgiveness. And then find a worthy young man and boldly march with him to the wedding cortege, towards happiness. We advise you to read: