The formula for family happiness is perhaps one ofthe most complex life formulas. A successful marriage is what most of us strive for. And what many never manage to create. Divorces, divorces, divorces... Unhappy spouses, children deprived of the attention of one of the parents, loneliness firmly settled in the house. All this can be found at every step. But marriages are created with the hope of a long and happy life together! Why does it work out for some, and not for others? What are the secrets of family happiness and do they exist at all? They do. And now we will try to find out what these secrets are.
What determines family happiness?
What is the main secret of family happiness?If you look at the relationships of happy couples more closely, you can notice something in common. Firstly, the spouses in such couples simply do not exist without each other. In such families, there is no separate “I”, but an inextricably linked “we”. Secondly, in successful marriages, the husband and wife communicate with each other a lot. They discuss joint plans, problems, relationships with friends and family, the difficulties of professional activities, etc. Thirdly, in strong families there is trust, thanks to which the partners are as open as possible with each other. They tell each other even about things that are embarrassing for someone else to talk about. And they know how to forgive their life partners, without criticizing their actions, but gently advising. And finally, in happy families they do not stir up the past, remembering only the good. It is difficult to determine exactly why it happened that one person became the real half of the other. However, there are several conditions, the observance of which significantly increases the likelihood of a successful marriage. These include:
- Love and respect It must be admitted that not allmarriages are created on the basis of strong love. A superficial feeling of being in love can quickly evaporate, leaving behind emptiness. Therefore, if we have already decided to create a family, we must learn to transform being in love into love. And try to respect our other half. It happens that in a family only one of the spouses loves sincerely and deeply. The other simply allows himself to be loved. Here respect for a life partner is especially important. On this basis, an immense attachment to a loving partner can develop, which can eventually turn into love;
- The ability to accept another person as he isWe all have both advantages and disadvantages. This is the integrity of human nature, its individuality and, in fact, its attractiveness. Trying to remake your other half is a thankless task. And pointless, because disadvantages and advantages are relative concepts. Each person decides for himself what suits him in another and what does not. The opinion of others should not be the main thing in this matter and cannot be a reason for persistent attempts to change a life partner;
- Trust and openness In happy families, spousesare not afraid to confess their deepest secrets to each other. Being confident that they will be understood, they openly express their feelings. This allows them to eliminate suspicions from their relationships and not doubt that in a difficult situation their partner will support them and not betray them;
- Joint business Joint business can bethe desire to buy furniture, a car, housing, decorating an apartment, cleaning, cooking dinner... The main thing is that the spouses enjoy it and are united in their decisions. In addition, it is important that they share responsibility for the consequences of some actions. And if troubles arise, do not blame each other, but try to cope with them together;
- Lack of competition In happy families, the husband andwives do not compete with each other either in everyday life or in professional matters. They are sincerely happy with the achievements of their other half and do not find out which of them is more talented or luckier;
- Ability to resolve conflicts constructively WithoutEven the most prosperous family does not avoid quarrels. However, in strong marriages, conflicts have boundaries. Partners do not allow themselves to humiliate and insult each other, and certainly do not throw everything that comes to hand. Each of them intuitively feels when it is necessary to stop. And if insults were nevertheless blurted out in the heat of an argument, the spouses know how to forgive them;
- A mutual sense of humor is especially useful whena brewing conflict. When two people have the ability to turn everything into a joke and laugh at the situation together, their relationship can be considered healthy and the marriage strong. If not, it's time to sound the alarm: life together has cracked;
- The desire to do something for your significant otherpleasant This includes affectionate nicknames, gifts, a desire to help, gentle touches, meeting from work and much more. Perhaps, someone will find the addresses "bunny", "kitty", "honey" cloying. However, without them, family life acquires a certain formality, which does not allow spouses to become truly close. Sweet words coupled with unexpected pleasant surprises seem to say: "You are my dearest person! I always remember you and want to bring you joy";
- The ability to build relationships withParents "Correctly build" in happy families means discussing all the news, crisis moments and any major events, first of all, among themselves. It is no secret that many of us, when even minor friction with our husbands appears, run to complain to our mothers. The result of such complaints is usually an ever-increasing hostility of parents to the husband and the husband to them. It can very well lead to the collapse of the family, even if the spouses initially did not want this at all. Therefore, you should not involve your parents in your family affairs. Let them simply be very close people, and not controllers and managers.
Well, that's probably all the main secrets.family happiness. Of course, every happy family has its own little secrets and rituals that help preserve and strengthen the relationship between spouses. But no rituals will protect us from trouble if we start to re-educate our other half, constantly hide something from him, do not trust each other and do not find common ground for communication. A family where each of the spouses lives on their own cannot be considered complete. This is simply the cohabitation of two people who are still comfortable with each other. Their future is foggy, their well-being is questionable. Is it worth creating such marriages? Each of us dreams of happiness. And we often rush to get married, believing that it is in marriage that we will find it. And then we grieve because the husband turned out to be not what we wanted, a normal family did not work out, scandals do not stop in the house or a gloomy, deaf silence hangs in the air. Why do we need such a life? Wouldn't it be better to wait for someone with whom it will be reliable and warm? Let's see in which case marriage promises to be successful and whether we are ready for family life.
Conditions for a successful marriage
So we meet a pretty cute guya young man and are already ready to run away with him to the registry office. Stop. Family life is not a stroll along the boulevard or a pleasant cruise on the Mediterranean. It is painstaking daily work and almost constant work on yourself. Young ladies who are not capable of such work usually do not succeed in simplifying their lives with the help of marriage. But complicating them is easy. Therefore, before putting on a wedding dress, let's think about whether we really need this young man and whether we are deceiving both ourselves and him. It is not easy for two different people to get along in the same territory. After all, they grew up in different conditions and were brought up differently. And this means that the spouses will have to go through a period of adjustment, which implies patience, indulgence, and the ability to forgive. Without them, marriage will turn into a complete hell, where even harmless habits of the husband or wife can cause a huge scandal. If we feel a strong attraction to a young man, we will certainly be able to accept his lifestyle quite quickly. Well, when there is no such attraction, both will have a hard time. Attempts to change your spouse, to force him to live your way will either push the man away or break him. In the first case, he will start leaving home more and more often, in the second, he will turn into a weak-willed henpecked husband or an alcoholic. Is this what we want from our other half? It would seem that adults already have some wisdom and can be relatively flexible, adapting to each other. But this is in theory. In practice, we most often simply demand that our faithful give up his habits, we find fault, are sarcastic, grumble. He snaps, we get wound up, start remembering the past, receive a whole barrage of indignation in response ... Scandal, stress, tears. And the reason for everything is the towel thrown by the husband on the edge of the bathtub ... However, the reason is not in him. The girl simply got married, poorly understanding why she needed this family at all. And all the current conflicts with her husband are an external reflection of her internal dissatisfaction and immaturity. And now the marriage oppresses both of them. To prevent this from happening, before getting together with a young man under one roof, you need to determine several things for yourself.
If the girl answered all these questionsaffirmatively, then everything is fine. She has figured out the secret of happiness in the family and is ready to create it. Of course, for a marriage to be truly successful, the man must strive for it. Not striving yet? Don't force things. Otherwise, he will try, already being married, to have sex with what he did not have before the wedding. Let's be diplomatic and patient. After all, we are ready to sacrifice our desires for him! The main enemy of a happy family life is egoism. It is this that makes spouses constantly make demands and claims on each other, set conditions, limit the actions of their other half, and so on. Our egoism does not allow us to selflessly, without expecting anything in return, love another person. And, therefore, does not allow us to be free and happy. If we cannot cope with our own egoism, why start a family? First, we need to learn to control ourselves and our feelings, develop patience and the ability to selflessly forgive. And then find a worthy young man and boldly walk with him in a wedding procession, towards happiness. We recommend reading:
