Can't find a place for yourself - does this ever happen to you?

It's dark outside, late evening.You have been lying in bed for more than an hour, but you cannot fall asleep. Perhaps you are thinking about a conflict that happened at work. Perhaps some trouble with the children makes you return to them again and again in your mind, and you toss and turn in bed, thinking and trying to find some solution. Whatever the problems, you cannot get them out of your head either day or night; you try to find a solution, here and now, and continue to restlessly turn from side to side. Another hour has passed ... Now you begin to worry because you understand that you will not have time to sleep well, and it will be very difficult for you to work tomorrow. "I must sleep!" But it becomes even more difficult to fall asleep. Anxiety and worry have done their dirty work. Does this picture sound familiar? Have you ever had to be restless because of anxiety, obvious or unconscious? Most likely, you have. Modern life gives us all many reasons to worry: divorces, layoffs, threats of terrorism – you can’t list them all! And very often we cannot somehow influence the circumstances and change them. All we can do is worry, sometimes not knowing how to pull ourselves together and stop being nervous, or even panicking.

Why do people worry?

The feeling of anxiety was left to us as a “legacy” fromour distant ancestors. Anxiety helped ancient people avoid encounters with dangerous predators, saving their lives. Cold sweat of anxiety is the result of adrenaline being released into the blood, and adrenaline still serves us well under certain circumstances. Anxiety is a natural reaction to real stress, and such a reaction helps us motivate ourselves, and sometimes gives us energy to take the necessary measures if necessary. Such anxiety also helps us protect ourselves. But, as we all know very well, it also happens like this: there is no specific threat, there is only the possibility of some kind of crisis, and - done! A person already "switches on" the anxiety mode, and it begins: "I can't sleep at night!", "I can't find a place for myself!" In such a situation, we do not think about how serious the danger is and how likely the threat is. Anxiety takes over our consciousness, and we begin to see danger, as they say, on every corner. In the case of such overwhelming anxiety, people lose the ability to make the right decisions. They begin to avoid many things, cannot concentrate on any task; anxiety for the slightest reason haunts them day after day. In such a situation, it is important not to miss the moment and try to help yourself, otherwise you will have to resort to professional help. If it increasingly happens to you that you catch yourself thinking “I can’t find a place for myself”, then try using two strategies. Psychologists recommend them to help us overcome anxiety. Here they are:

Analysis and neutralization of negative thoughts

Ask yourself:Are these thoughts productive? Will they help me get closer to my goal? Or is my restlessness just preventing me from concentrating and making the right decision? If you come to the conclusion that your thoughts are unproductive, you will need to try to switch your attention to something else. This is difficult to do, but it is important. (A little later we will tell you about ten techniques that will help you distract yourself and reduce anxiety.) Try to replace anxious thoughts with more optimistic thoughts. For example, instead of being completely paralyzed by the fear of a possible dismissal, try to direct your thoughts in a different direction: “Perhaps I will be fired, perhaps I will have to part with my usual environment. But I will do everything in my power right now: I will save money to create some kind of reserve, I will start looking for information about vacancies. Perhaps I will even be able to find a job with a higher salary, and closer to home!” Of course, it's very unpleasant when something doesn't go as planned - a presentation falls through, a conversation doesn't work out, or you fail an exam. But you have to realize that this is, of course, the worst outcome that could have been, but there is still a very high probability that the world will not collapse because of it. Sometimes the worst thing that can happen to you is the panic attack itself.

Ability to relax

When people are excited, they tend toswitch to shallow breathing. This only makes the situation worse, because shallow and frequent breathing increases the excitability of the nerve centers, while deep breathing, on the contrary, decreases their excitability. Therefore, if you feel anxious and worried, try to control your breathing. Put your palms on your stomach and inhale slowly and deeply, no more than 12 times per minute. Try to breathe using the diaphragm. This breathing will help you relax. Each of us has experienced anxiety, each of us has shared our worries with someone close to us: “I’m worried… I’m nervous… I can’t find a place for myself…”. And none of us is immune from such experiences in the future. But the good news is that we can help ourselves. And this help can be more effective than the usual advice from loved ones in such a situation “don’t be a panicker” or simply “stop thinking so much about…”. As a result of recent studies on anxiety, experts have developed innovative, sometimes even, at first glance, strange recommendations for overcoming fears and anxiety. It turns out that most people are able to gain control over the situation if they try to change their attitude to their thoughts and feelings. Here's how to do it:

10 ways to deal with anxiety

Repeat the situation that causes youanxiety and fear until you feel the absurdity of the feeling that arises. For example, when you enter an elevator, you begin to feel anxious (what if the elevator stops between floors or falls down?). It is quite understandable that you prefer to walk up the stairs rather than ride the elevator. But try to act in spite of your fear - go up in the elevator ten, a hundred times in a row. Eventually, the moment will come when you feel that you do not feel any fear at all. Do the same with anxious thoughts. Some anxiety bothers you - try to think about it again and again. It only seems that way - like, I can't find a place, I think day and night. In fact, anxious thoughts are replaced by thoughts about what to cook for dinner, then interest in what is happening on the TV screen, then thinking about what a friend said on the phone half an hour ago. And try not to be distracted by anything - just think and think about the fact that your boss suspiciously didn't greet you today. Your favorite TV series has started? No time, you need to think. Read an interesting book? No time! As a result, the unpleasant thought will run away from you. You know the story about the white monkey that you can't think about? It's the same thing, only in reverse.

Pretend that everything is even worse.If you try too hard to control your anxieties, you can only strengthen them. Instead, try to provoke an event that you are afraid of, and observe what will happen. For example, you need to make a report, and you are terribly afraid that you will lose your mind in the middle of the speech. Take yourself and perebeyte their speech, and with the words: "Hmm, what I just said?" Look at the sheet. What will happen? Maybe someone will start laughing or, on the contrary, angrily stomping their feet? You can give a one hundred percent guarantee that no one will even brow, or even very kindly tell you what you were talking about. Be sure that after such a voluntary provocation you will forever get rid of the fear of public speaking.

Return to reality.Often, fears are much more dramatic than the actual state of things. For example, the husband went by car outside the city, and by evening he had to return. Already all the terms have passed, but he is still not there, and he does not answer phone calls. Then it turns out: hit the wheel, fumbled in the dark with a spare, the phone so as not to drop it, left inside, did not hear the calls, did not notice the run of time. And what about the wife? All this time in her head one terrible picture succeeded another: here he lies on the roadside, and the car is broken ... Here he takes the fellow traveler, about that he kills and steals the car ... Or here: he is really not out of town, but on the other, Here and does not answer calls ... Thoughts all come and come, where only they come from! And after all, the main thing is that we do not just contemplate such pictures here, we really experience every variant of a possible tragedy, losing nerve cells. 90% of the misfortunes that we experience happen only in our imagination. Are the imaginary misfortunes of the fact that we are poisoning our lives with experience?

Recognize the falsity of your fears.Such a "popular" fear of a fire in the apartment due to the left iron is almost never realized. And your heart palpitations do not mean the onset of a heart attack; this is just a natural reaction to excitement or physical activity, so you should not panic. Very often, many thoughts and sensations are interpreted as signals for anxiety and even panic, although we have no grounds for this. Have you seen a fire truck that rushes towards the area where you live? Let him go, help someone in trouble. You did not stroke anything today!

Turn your anxiety into the film's footage.You can disconnect from your thoughts, turning them into a kind of show. Maybe it's not you talking about how to stretch the money, so that they are enough to pay, and that funny little aunt on the screen of the cinema, while you are sitting with popcorn in the auditorium and quietly watching her? And any movie ends sooner or later!

Set aside the excitement for a while.Too often, we devote too much time to our restless thoughts. It's like an e-mail signal - after seeing that another letter has come, we stop all cases and are in a hurry to open it, even if we know that it can be just spam. And what if I did not respond immediately? Try to set some specific time, say, from 17.00 to 17.30, when you will think over your problems. If you are concerned about something at 10 o'clock in the morning - write down, and resolutely postpone thinking until the evening. Very often it happens that by 17 o'clock the problem will no longer exist. And you will spend the whole day without unnecessary alarm.

Let the events go on as usual.Sometimes we fuss, we try to solve the problem, but only more confusing. And if you wait for a while, the decision can become more obvious. It's like a sinking person: if he panics, screams, claps his hands on the water, he swallows water faster and drowns. And if he relaxes, spread his hands and stop moving - the water itself will push it to the surface. This is a paradox, but when it seems to you that you have surrendered, at that moment you get much more control over the situation.

Relax. Do not forget about breathing at the moment of alarm. In order to cultivate the ability to relax, it is very useful to meditate.

Take a jump in time.When something very much disturbs you, try to imagine what you will feel about this in a month, a year. Often past problems seem to us even ridiculous after some time. Such "time excursions" will help you ease the anxiety, somewhat devaluating in your eyes its cause. Everything passes, "and this too will pass!" (As it was written on the ring of the wise King Solomon).

Do not let worries prevent you from living your ownmany of them, as we have said, will be false, so do not waste time on them and risk your health. Do not isolate yourself from life, try to fill it with various joyful shades. And do not forget to reward yourself every time you manage to cope with your fears and anxieties.

It happens that things really happen to ustroubles and misfortunes, and anxiety becomes a consequence of the stress experienced. We can live for some time as if on autopilot. But do not despair. If you work on yourself and your feelings, then fear and anxiety will retreat, and they will never poison our lives again. We recommend reading: