Up to 3-4 years, children do not know how to lie. It does not even occur to them that they need to hide something from their parents. Closer to 5 years old, the child begins to analyze everything that is happening to him, to think: “And why did they scold me today? How could this be avoided? How can I do so that my parents no longer do this? ”He comes up with little tricks to get around all the parents“ not allowed ”. Trying to avoid punishment, the child tells a lie, and later, having received a portion of parental discontent for his lies, resorts to increasingly sophisticated methods of deception.
Photo: GettyImages The fear of parental punishment or cry is the most common cause of children's lies, but not the only one. Pushing the child to cheat also:
- Lack of admiration from parents. The liars are the children of those parents who dream of growing geniuses, young Olympians, etc. from their crumbs. Moms and dads expect too much from a child, and he simply cannot justify these hopes. In order not to upset parents, the kid begins to invent his achievements. Encountering approval, the lie swells up to universal proportions.
- Negative example of parents. Often adults themselves do not notice how they give the child a reason to lie. Communicating with other people, they may lie to something, but the kid quickly notices and begins to believe that a lie is admissible in principle.
- Increase self-esteem. Pupils lie to improve their status and look better in the eyes of classmates. They can boast that they met a rock star, an actor or a famous athlete, although in fact it was not. May exaggerate the wealth of parents. If this happens only from time to time, you can not worry about it, since “playing supermen” for children is a common thing. But if this is repeated regularly, then you need to think seriously and find out why the child is dissatisfied with himself. Perhaps he is an outcast in the classroom, laughing at him and humiliating him.
- The establishment of personal boundaries. Growing up, the child begins to desire more and more independence, personal space. If the parents are too trying to patronize and control him, then he begins to lie and secretive. At the same time, children are often also rude, emphasizing their desire to be alone with themselves.
- Family problems. The cause of children's lies can be problems in the family. In this case, theft and vandalism may be added to the lies. Often this happens to children whose parents are considering divorce. With his negative behavior, the child is trying to at least temporarily unite mom and dad, even if against himself.
Elena Nikolaeva, medical psychologist:
Here are the basic rules for parents, if theyfaced with lies by their child. Avoid any aggression, the intonation rise also applies here. Make remarks about the deed and not about the child’s personality. Show the child that his behavior grieves you. Your sincere disappointment will serve the child as a sufficient punishment.4. Do not reinforce the “role” of a cheater in a child, reminding and constantly suspecting him of something, everyone can improve. Set a good example - be honest yourself! Know that nothing hurts children more than injustice. Therefore, no matter how obvious the child’s fault may seem, remember: you can be mistaken. What can you do if you see that the child is still lying?
- First you need to find out why he does it. It is necessary to explain that it will be easier to find a way out of this situation, to be honest about everything. We need to help the child solve the problem, suggest how to do it. He is growing, he has no experience yet, he does not know how to get out of difficult situations, he goes blindly.
- Try to sympathize insteadto scold. For example, a child gets a deuce. This is a blow to him. What do parents do? They fall on the child. What remains to do? To lie that he has no deuce, to erase it in a diary - why tell parents about their difficulties at school when they react like that? Parents should sympathize with their child, and not swear. After all, when we have trouble at work, we also count on support. It is better to talk quietly with the child, find out what can be done to correct this deuce.
- If the family has problems, you should at least sayto the child: “Listen, when we shout at you, we are wrong. Do not take it personally, in fact, this is something that is not going on here. ” From such recognition to the child will be easier. It turns out that he is not the source of all ills ...
The parent needs to change his position - stopto be a judge who makes sure the child behaves well, and to become a teacher who supports and guides the child. There are plenty of judges outside the door…
