The results of an online survey of the socialdesigning "Platform" disagree with the opinion that dangerous public have unlimited power over teenagers. 74% of the population of our country believes that the main cause is problems in the family, and the introduction of restrictions on the Internet for children will not give the desired result. Is this so, Woman's Day asked the psychologist Elena Shamova. "I share this view," Elena says. - If a child has a warm relationship with parents, siblings, no "whales" and "sharks" are not afraid of him. The child values life, cherishes it, he has what (the joy of being) and whom (loved ones) lose. Indeed, in order for a person to commit suicide, there must be some events in real life. Therefore, the task of parents is to be attentive, to try to notice negative changes in the behavior and mood of children. Because when the depression has a protracted character, the child ceases to see the way out of the situation, and he does not trust his mother and father, then a decision may come about the withdrawal from life.
A photo: Getty Images Adolescents prone to depression are easily identified from the general mass. They are usually not very talkative, they slouch, as if locking themselves in, often in a depressed mood, as if something is deprived or someone is offended, cynical, with depressive notes in their voice, like gloomy colors and such gloomy jokes. Bright hysterics among them are rare. They can be rogue companies, constantly being bullied, or simply not finding their role in the classroom. Sometimes a child attracts attention to poor schooling, absenteeism - so he broadcasts something that he can not say. And here it is important to assess the depth of the problem, to find the roots of what is happening.
SOS, teenagers!
Under special attention – .Hormones, emotional instability, first love and can make a mountain out of a molehill. Because of this, there are tense relationships with parents, who cannot always understand the unexpected "adulthood" and independence of their 14-year-old "baby". On the one hand, you need to give freedom to the teenager, taking into account his new interests, and on the other - understand that if there is too much of it, he begins to suffer, feeling abandoned. Try to find a happy medium.
You are my friend and I am your friend
How to Build a Trusting Relationship with Your Sonor daughter? Only through the habit of normal communication. It is difficult, but possible. Often, by adolescence, parents come with their own bouquet of problems. Dad is experiencing a midlife crisis, mom is going through menopause, plus the tense situation in the country, the ruble exchange rate... In a word, the neurosis of a megalopolis. Chronically tired, dissatisfied parents work around the clock. Relationships with the child are reduced to formal "How are you at school?", "Have you done your homework?", "How long have you been on the Internet?", "Why did you skip school?"... By the way, about "why". The question makes the child justify himself, and this does not add warmth to the relationship. In some families, it is customary to share secrets before bed, in others - to go to a cafe on weekends... Establish your own rituals of communication! Interest in the life of the child should be sincere, an indifferent look will not force you to open your soul. And forget about your controlling function, at least for a while. Choose neutral topics for discussion, and if the child wants to open up, he will do so without pressure. Remember, it is important to get involved in his life - find out what music he listens to, what he reads, who his friends are. But do not smother him with love and attention, just be there as if he were a friend, without violating or destroying personal boundaries.
Photo: Getty Images
The Second Self
Generate a role for your child that willRaise his authority, increase his value in the family. For example, participate in a weekly discussion of the family budget ("You're already an adult, we can't do without your opinion") or manage some important process. At the same time, do not shift the functions of a parent to him, for example, caring for a younger brother or sister. This can be overwhelming, and we need to solve another problem - to form an internal adult, that part of the personality that is responsible for actions and their consequences. Emphasize adult character traits: independence, strength, endurance in a boy, cleanliness, the ability to cook in a girl. Thank him for the initiative and desire to help. If the child does not want to move into the category of adults - grimaces, jokes, behaves irresponsibly - show him the advantages of adult life. Tell him about the rights that he now has. For example, he can go to bed later, go to the cinema on his own, etc. Modern children get tired due to heavy workloads and endless demands at school and clubs. If there is a loss of strength, the light at the end of the tunnel has disappeared, create an intermediate goal. And motivate for achievements! Then it will be easier for the child to run this marathon
Confused in the networks
There is a reason why children disappear on the Internet, they are therefind something for themselves. For some, it's entertainment ("life is boring"), for others, it's a vital way to relax after the negativity of school, for others, it's an escape from reality (the effect of autism - I see nothing, I hear nothing, I don't want to know anything). The latter is especially relevant for families where scandals regularly arise and contact is broken. And for others, it's a space where they can try on another role, feel like the main character in a virtual "war game". Immerse yourself in the game with your child, then you will definitely understand him better. "Really cool!" say. "Don't you want to experience the same emotions in laser tag?" Offer your child something that will interest him.
Keep calm, just keep calm!
Construct any dialogues in a calm tone, do notinsulting the child. If passions run high and you are treated rudely in response, it means that the child has copied this situation from you, do not hold it against him. And do not even think of being offended, do not create a guilt complex in the child. He will think that he endlessly does not live up to your expectations, thereby devaluing himself as an individual ("Give birth to me again, I will be different"). As they say, no matter how you educate, the child will still grow up like you.
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