We have long been familiar with the expression “civil marriage”we have become accustomed to and now, for the most part, treat this type of union quite calmly. Many copies were broken on this topic in its time, but over time, society gave up on this type of cohabitation. After all, the current times and customs imply personal freedom, so each couple decides for themselves whether to formalize their relationship legally or not. And the problems that arise in a civil marriage... Well, that's life! Perhaps it was precisely such problems that became the basis for the emergence of another type of marriage union called "guest marriage". Today, this phrase is heard more and more often and makes you wonder: what, in fact, is this modern trend? Is it just a fashion or a new level of relationships? Someone thinks that this is a marriage of two egoists who want to remain free from responsibility and obligations even in a union of love. And someone is sure that a guest marriage is based on complete trust in each other and unconditional love. Some argue that this is some kind of perversion, a kind of excuse for legalized casual sex. At the same time, it is quite possible that this is a new sector of love and marriage... So how should society treat this: condemn the new type of marriage or look at it as a progressive phenomenon of the modern world?
Zone of love and compatibility with guest marriage
First, let's define what is being invested inthe concept of a guest marriage. A guest marriage (or extraterritorial marriage) implies a relationship between two people that is legalized in the same way as a regular marriage. In a guest marriage, the spouses are officially husband and wife, have a stamp in their passports and a common surname by mutual consent. The main difference between an extraterritorial marriage and a regular union is that the spouses live separately from each other and meet at any agreed time. Most often, they spend holidays, vacations, or just leisure time together, but they do not have a common household, house, or apartment. Each of the spouses has a separate home and is the owner of their own territory. The husband and wife in a guest marriage spend the period free from meetings entirely as they please. Such a marriage is often confused with civil cohabitation or even defined as an open relationship. However, this is not the case. In some cases, sex with other partners takes place, but this is the exception rather than the rule. In general, a guest marriage is often considered an alternative to a traditional marriage. Usually, this type of union is preferred by people who value their freedom and independence. Some of them are the so-called marriage phobes, that is, those who, for some psychological reasons, are afraid to create a real family. After all, we usually do not know how to preserve love in marriage. And many are sure that living together does not contribute to the development of feelings, but on the contrary, kills them. During the gray everyday life, all the novelty and intensity of sensations are erased, and spouses gradually lose their love and stop appreciating what they have. As a result, people who think so come to the conclusion that marriage in separate territory can be an ideal option for preserving the relationship.
Guest Marriage: FOR
A new type of marriage can help to preserve the moral values of love, marriage, and family for a long time. It helps to solve such problems of relationship development as:
- Destructive effect of routine and life;
- Limitation of personal space and time;
- Excessive dependence of spouses on each other, which is expressed in reproaches and persistent questions;
- Loss of husband's interest in his wife, as a woman, arising from the constant observation of her as a cook and housewife;
- Loss of the wife's interest in her husband, who does not watch himself and bores his endless lying on the couch with a remote control in his hands.
High technologies of the modern world withThe constant development of the Internet, the prevalence of virtual romances and online dating seem to give more and more rights to a guest marriage. After all, for people who live in different cities or countries, this type of guest marriage can become the so-called panacea for unification and the best option for the development of events. Because not each of us can leave our country, relatives and work even for the sake of moving to a loved one. The choice for such people is obvious: they enter into a guest marriage and thus gain the right to happiness, while finding their other half and without changing the usual course of things. They do not necessarily rush after each other to the ends of the earth and sacrifice some of their personal achievements. In addition, a guest marriage is simply a great option for mature people. After all, the older a person is, the more established and harmonized his own world has become. He already has a formed worldview and a whole set of habits that are no longer very easy to change, not to mention completely abandoning them. Mature people have a hard time with any interference in their already familiar daily routine. At the same time, they are happy to spend their free time, weekends and holidays with their loved one, while remaining calm about the safety of their inner and outer world without frequent and aggressive outside intrusions. Marriage with their own apartments often becomes an ideal option for people of creative professions (singers, artists, writers, composers, poets, etc.), as well as such public and busy people as businessmen or politicians. With frequent business trips, travel, concerts or filming, this type of marriage is the best way to maintain relationships and even brings some stability to them.
Guest Marriage: AGAINST
The main problem when concluding a guest agreementmarriage can be considered that its implementation requires favorable economic and social conditions. Accordingly, people entering into it must be healthy, financially secure and socially successful people. Trials in the form of illnesses, temporary financial difficulties or lack of housing have a negative effect on the concept of guest marriage as a whole. Legitimate sexual satisfaction, which is the basis of this marriage, requires constant maintenance of the quality of sexual relations. Otherwise, relations based on the principle of "no one owes anything to anyone" can very quickly deteriorate. In addition, the atmosphere in such a sector of love and marriage is often uncomfortable due to the understanding that the relations are essentially market ones. Another problem of such a union is the prevailing sympathy of men for this type of marriage, in which possession of a woman is not associated with any obligations towards her. The solution to the question of how to raise and educate children also remains difficult. It usually turns out that children in a guest marriage live with their mother, and of course, she has a hard time. A child in a family with such a structure does not develop the skill of living together: he simply does not know how it is to live with the same person in the same territory, sharing all the problems and hardships together. Because of this, in the future, he may have problems with building his own family. Often, a guest marriage is actually an intermediate stage of a relationship. According to psychologists, if a person does not agree to live with another person in the full sense of the word, then subconsciously he is still looking for his other half. Naturally, for the female part of such a union, this causes a feeling of self-doubt, instability and mistrust of the partner.
How to survive in a guest marriage?
So, all the pros and cons are clear and obvious.Having weighed them, you decide to live in a guest marriage. However, the decision is a decision, but you will have to live in it. There is practically no psychologically competent information on this topic - and of course, people simply do not have such experience! So, what should you do to make a guest marriage as comfortable as possible for you and your spouse?
- Keep in touch There is a common belief that marriagewithout a shared home means reducing the amount of communication with your significant other. This is not entirely true, or rather, it depends entirely on you. If you want to maintain the warmth and closeness of your relationship, then communicate with your spouse as often as possible: write, call, arrange meetings and dates. Tell them how your day went, share your problems and successes. In the modern world, thanks to the development of technology, this is not a problem, even if you live in different cities or countries.
- Consider the ritual of meetings and farewells Situations inlives are different, and if an extraterritorial marriage is a forced decision, then each separation can be painful for both parties. In this case, it is very important that each of you can express your emotions and feelings, be heard and realize that he is appreciated and loved. It does not matter whether it will be a get-together for two, a noisy feast in a restaurant with mutual friends or a modest tea party; the main thing is what meaning these rituals have for you.
- Don't push The decision on guest marriage should bebalanced and mutual. You must understand that in this case, each of you will have a huge personal space in life. And this can cause jealousy and mistrust. To avoid such an outcome, it is necessary to clearly discuss in advance how much each of you will enter into the life of the other and where the boundaries of freedom lie. And if the worm of doubt continues to gnaw at your soul, it is worth considering - is a guest marriage right for you personally?
- Find like-minded people Be a supportersomething unusual in our society is not so easy - it immediately causes condemnation and misunderstanding from others. And if you are already having a hard time in the situation of a guest marriage, the reaction of other people can be an additional stress. Therefore, it can be very useful to unite with those who have chosen the same type of family. Then there will always be people in your life who can support you, offer help in a difficult situation or share their experience.
- Create Family Traditions It may seem likethat a marriage with separate households is a challenge to existing canons and rules. But perhaps this is simply the only option for two people who love each other in the proposed circumstances. The feeling of family is facilitated by the creation of several things: family boundaries, traditions and history. Therefore, do not hesitate to come up with affectionate nicknames for each other, intimate language, keep diaries describing the most striking events of your life together - this can become a tremendous source of positive energy for all family members.
- Support each other What do you think, forWhat is marriage created for? To be together in sorrow and joy. Even if it is a guest marriage. Therefore, do not forget about each other's spiritual needs for love, affection, care and attention. After all, this is why people create families. Especially if you are forced to be apart due to a profitable job or other similar things. Each of you may experience stress, but with mutual support you will be able to survive it.
- Love your children Marriage on separate territory- this is not the most convenient space for procreation, but it can become a source of very interesting experience in this matter. In order for children not to feel deprived and unloved, it is necessary to explain to them as early as possible why mom and dad live separately. And do not forget to make up for the time lost in communication with children as much as possible. In the end, its quality is not important, so try to make every minute spent with children a source of bright and positive emotions. And then the parental guest marriage will not be a big stress for them.
Every person is free to choose what is best andmore convenient for him. Sometimes it happens that the circumstances of two loving people's lives do not contribute to their living together, or their views on the future do not quite coincide. In this case, a guest marriage can be a completely reasonable compromise. Sometimes this is the best way out of the current situation. Then, if this choice is made jointly by two people, and the result of their decision in the form of a guest marriage brings them happiness and satisfaction, it becomes clear that this type of relationship has the right to exist. And who can doubt the presence of love and the desire for happiness? We recommend reading:
