Love illuminates. Love makes your head spin.Love gives wings. A great feeling – Love! Great… But blinding. And at the beginning of the relationship, the chosen one seems to us the best, the most ideal. And we believe that this magical state will last forever and will never end. But time passes, and many families break up. Only a few, who know exactly how to save a marriage and not drown in everyday problems, continue to live happily ever after. The rest suddenly have an epiphany, like: “Why didn’t I notice before that she was so talkative?” or “He is so sloppy, how come I didn’t notice this in him before the wedding?” Tender and warm relations gradually evaporate somewhere, and irritability and intolerance come to replace them. And yesterday’s ardent lovers suddenly begin to treat each other harshly, and sometimes cruelly. Why does disappointment come over time instead of joy? What needs to be done to save a marriage for many years?
What is love? Different theories
Love has existed since its inceptionhumanity. And all these tens of thousands of years, each person has been looking for their soulmate and trying to understand what love is? Over hundreds of centuries, many theories have been born. Artists and philosophers, writers and musicians - everyone contributed to the concept of "love" based on personal experience. These theories were not always confirmed, but they gave rise to stable opinions, shrouded in superstitions and legends. These legends were picked up, passed on from generation to generation, and then myths were born, which many people still believe in. It seems to them that they know exactly how to save their marriage. But is this really so? In reality, it is these (often incorrect) stable ideas about the nature and mystery of love that have a negative impact on the further development of relationships in the family. Such a multifaceted and complex phenomenon as love cannot be viewed from a realistic, understandable point of view. It is not influenced by stereotypes, and therefore many common opinions in practice turn out to be nothing more than myths. Let's see what these myths are and try not to make other people's mistakes.
Lovers should not have secrets from each other
Everything seems to be correct.If two are considered halves, then together they are one whole. And the whole cannot have secrets from itself. In reality, everything is not so simple. No matter how much we trust our other half, each of us has something in our life experience that we want to forget forever. These can be unpleasant memories associated with sexual harassment, difficult relationships with parents, some immoral acts, etc. Usually, such situations cause significant internal discomfort. And it is very unpleasant to talk about them, even to a loved one. And before dedicating someone to your secrets, it is necessary to realize and process these secrets yourself, so that later you do not react very painfully to reminders of the past. Such work is a difficult thing. Sometimes the process of psychological rehabilitation lasts for years. Marriage implies not only a peaceful loving coexistence of two, but also quarrels that flare up from time to time. And then almost all of us try to hit our other half as painfully as possible, using “forbidden methods”. A reminder of an unbearably painful event that once happened in life can be just such a technique. Therefore, those who accept love as the basis of a family and understand that it is a “fragile substance” never tell their other half everything to the end. This is reasonable, because the temptation to use negative information about a person during a scandal is great. And, having succumbed to it, we methodically kill the warmth and sincerity of the relationship. If you still really want to share all your secrets, then such openness should be mutual. In some cases, the secrets that spouses have together bring them closer and increase the feeling of trust in each other.
Any man can change
When falling in love, almost any man triespresent himself to the lady in the most favorable light, strenuously demonstrating all his positive qualities. Of course, the accents of his perception by the woman shift to the better. And she may have a not entirely correct idea based on the impression that the man wants to make. A wise woman understands that over time, her chosen one will show not the most beautiful character traits and not very pleasant habits. And she is ready to accept him along with these traits and habits and does not intend to change anything in the man. Perhaps, he will then unconsciously change himself. And if not, she will accept her beloved as he is. Or not. Time will tell. However, many of the fairer sex make every effort to mold their chosen one into their ideal. And they begin to break him, forcing him to commit actions that are not typical of the person's character. At the same time, the woman's expectations may not always correspond to the positive qualities that her chosen one possesses. It happens that she herself does not understand what she wants. In addition, women who have a vague idea of how to correct some of their husband's shortcomings want to get everything at once. Agree, this does not happen! Any development, including the development of relationships, occurs progressively, dynamically. And failure to meet expectations leads to a deterioration in both the family climate and the character traits of the woman herself. To avoid disappointment, you need to understand that in order to arrange the strongest marriages, you should try to accurately imagine what kind of man is next to you, and what kind you would like to see in your life partner. And remember that the essence of a person is unchangeable and attempts to transform it usually end in failure.
Breaking up is not for us
There is a misconception that in couples,created out of love, neither the husband nor the wife ever think about divorce. This is not true. In almost any family, each of the spouses sometimes thinks about breaking up. After all, any union of two people has its own problems, questions and fears. And in every couple, a crisis in the relationship occurs from time to time. In the first year, this may be a crisis associated with getting to know each other or with the birth of children. Then the spouses experience a midlife crisis, a crisis of reassessment of values, etc. Not everyone knows how to overcome the period of crisis with dignity and together. Even very loving couples transform their inability into anger or irritation and project them onto their partner. This is how conflicts arise, during which both spouses see each other only in dark colors and involuntarily think about breaking up. In the strongest marriages, spouses know that they should not hold back accumulated negative feelings. It is necessary to let off steam, but also to understand that the thought of breaking up is only the result of temporary irritation, and not a thoughtful and firm decision. After the truce, there will be no trace of this thought. In addition, a mutual emotional outburst will allow the internal tension to be discharged, and the relationship in the couple will become much more comfortable. Therefore, it is inappropriate to remain silent in crisis moments. The feeling of dissatisfaction with each other will grow, the resentment will begin to take on threatening proportions. And then the thought of parting will no longer seem so unrealistic. As a result, even the strongest marriage can be on the verge of collapse. Therefore, if you want to quarrel, we quarrel, but at the same time we do not attach much importance to phrases like: “I'm tired of everything, I'm divorcing you!” This is just an attempt at a strong psychological blow.
Sex in the first place
Even the most passionate spouses have periodssexual lull, when intimate life gives way to other activities. This is explained quite simply - spouses need to solve some everyday problems that dull emotions, and their libido fades into the background. In addition, they can get tired, constantly thinking about some pressing issues. Of course, sexual pleasures add and strengthen mutual feelings, but how often and when to have sex, each couple chooses for themselves, without taking into account the opinions of others. Age and experience are of great importance here. If desired, spouses will always find an option that suits both. In this case, an outside opinion can only interfere with the optimal choice.
A man in love does not stare at others
Oh, how many conflicts this commonopinion generated! It is impossible to live in society and be isolated from it. Every person meets many attractive people every day. And some of them become interesting, but this interest, as a rule, does not go beyond communication. There is nothing shameful here, on the contrary, light flirting and harmless hobbies only fuel the fire of the relationship. Without a doubt, even in light flirting there is a danger of crossing the line. After all, even ardent love is not a guarantee that a spouse will never cheat on each other. But they can usually make such a mess in the heat of the moment or from strong resentment. This, of course, does not apply to those marriages where the husband or wife walks left and right. Such families are based on free love. And the spouses in them do not pay attention to who is looking at whom. We are talking about couples who prefer fidelity. In order for this fidelity to be unbreakable, you should not focus too much on the fact that the other half liked someone else. This is just a temporary infatuation that can in no way destroy a reliable marriage. If you constantly reproach your life partner for being interested in someone else, sooner or later he may actually become seriously interested in this “other”. And then there will be a real threat of losing your loved one forever.
You can not love a predictable person all your life
Often our ideas about life fit intothe same pattern for everyone: kindergarten, school, getting a profession, getting married, having children, and so on. And in any relationship, you can also find a familiar algorithm: meeting - falling in love - courtship - wedding ... And now the exciting period of recognition is long gone, all the reactions, habits and tastes of the other half are known. Now a period of monotony and daily routine should come. It is on this opinion that the myth is based, advising to remain mysterious, unpredictable and completely incomprehensible to each other. However, it must be admitted that for the overwhelming majority of married couples, following such advice is harmful. A rare person's psyche can withstand constant stress for several years. As a result, such stress can lead to nervous breakdowns, and they in no way contribute to strengthening the family. At the same time, when the actions of the spouses are predictable, an atmosphere of stability, peace and security firmly reigns in the family. This is much more important for a strong marriage than the psychological swings that arise from the fact that one of the couple never knows how the other will behave in a given situation. In this life, we all lack a solid support, which we strive to find in the family. And what kind of support can there be on a person whose actions cannot be predicted? Therefore, it is quite possible to say that it is the predictability of spouses that strengthens the family most of all and makes it a reliable wall. These are, perhaps, the most common erroneous opinions about marriage. Unfortunately, many of us continue to adhere to them. Of course, there are quite happy couples who are quite satisfied with these rules. But there are not so many of them. In general, there is no need to adhere to any stereotypes and pay attention to other people's opinions. And then the question of how to save a marriage will disappear by itself. Build a family union based on your own considerations, because your happiness is only in your hands! We advise you to read:
