how to save a marriage Love lights up. Love turns his head. Love gives wings. Great feeling - Love! Great ... But dazzling. And at the beginning of relations the chosen one seems to us the best, the most ideal. And we believe that this magical state will last forever and never end. But time passes, and many families break up. Only a few who know exactly how to save a marriage and not drown in everyday problems continue to live happily ever after. The rest suddenly have an epiphany, like: "And why did I not notice earlier that she was such a talkative?" Or "He's so sloppy, how could I not see it in it before the wedding?". Tender and warm relations are gradually disappearing somewhere, and irritability and intolerance come to replace them. And yesterday's ardent lovers suddenly begin to treat each other harshly, and sometimes cruelly. Why, instead of joy over time, is disappointment? What needs to be done to save the marriage for years to come?

What is love? Different theories

Love exists from the moment of appearancehumanity. And all these tens of thousands of years each person is looking for his soul mate and trying to understand that there is love? For hundreds of centuries, many theories have been born. Artists and philosophers, writers and musicians - all contributed to the concept of "love" their contribution, based on personal experience. Not always these theories were confirmed, but from them grew strong opinions, shrouded in superstitions and legends. These legends were picked up, handed down from generation to generation, and then myths were born, in which many people still believe. They think that they really know how to save their marriage. But is it really so? In fact, it is these (often incorrect) stable ideas about the nature and mystery of love that have a negative impact on the further development of relationships in the family. This multifaceted and complex phenomenon, like love, can not be viewed with a realistic, understandable point of view. It is not subject to the influence of stereotypes, and therefore many common opinions in practice are no more than myths. Let's see what these myths are and try not to make other people's mistakes. marriage how to save

Lovers should not have secrets from each other

It seems to be all right. Once two are considered halves, then together they are one. And the whole can not have secrets from himself. In reality, everything is not so simple. No matter how much we trust our half, each of us in life experience has something that you want to forget forever. These can be unpleasant memories associated with sexual harassment, uneasy relationships with parents, some immoral acts and so on. Usually, such situations cause significant internal discomfort. And it's very unpleasant to talk about them, even to a loved one. And, before you dedicate your secrets to someone, you need to realize and rework these secrets yourself, so that later on, reminders of the past do not react very painfully. Such work is a complicated thing. Sometimes the process of psychological rehabilitation lasts for years. Marriage also implies not only a peaceful love coexistence of two, but also occasional quarrels. And then almost all of us try to hit our half as painfully as possible, using "forbidden methods". It is such a technique that can be a reminder of an intolerable pain event that once happened in life. Therefore, those who accept love as the basis of the family and understand that it is a "fragile substance" never tell their half to the end. This is reasonable, because the temptation to take advantage of negative information about a person during a scandal is great. And, yielding to him, we methodically kill the warmth and sincerity of the relationship. If, however, you really want to share all your secrets, then such openness should be mutual. In some cases, the secrets that the spouses have in common, bring them closer and increase the sense of trust to each other.

Any man can change

Fall in love, almost any man triesto present herself to the lady in the most favorable light, strenuously demonstrating all her positive qualities. Of course, the accents of perception by his woman are shifting for the better. And she may have an incorrect idea, based on the impression that a man wants to make. A wise woman understands that over time her chosen one will show not the most beautiful traits of character and not very pleasant habits. And she is ready to take it along with these traits and habits and does not intend to change anything in the man. Perhaps he will later unknowingly change himself. And if not, she recognizes her beloved as she is. Or does not recognize. Time will tell. However, many of the representatives of the weaker sex are making every effort to fashion their ideal out of the elect. And they begin to break it, forcing them to perform actions unusual for the character of the person. At the same time, women's expectations may not always correspond to those positive qualities that her elect have. It happens that she does not understand what she wants. In addition, women, vaguely imagining how to fix some of her husband's shortcomings, want to get everything right away. Agree, it does not happen! Any development, including the development of relations, is progressive, dynamic. A discrepancy between expectations leads to a deterioration of both the climate in the family and the qualities of the woman's character. To disappointment did not arise, you need to understand that to arrange the most solid marriages, you should try to accurately imagine what kind of a man next to you, and what you would like to see in the companions of life. And remember that the essence of man is immutable and attempts to transform it usually end in failure.

Parting is not for us

There is a misconception that in pairs,created for love, neither husband nor wife ever thought of divorce. This is not true. Virtually every family of each of the spouses sometimes visits the idea of ​​parting. After all, any union of two people has its own problems, questions and fears. And in each pair from time to time there is a crisis in the relationship. In the first year it can be a crisis associated with knowing each other or with the advent of children. Then the spouses have a mid-life crisis, a crisis of revaluation of values ​​and so on. It is not all that everyone knows how to overcome and overcome the crisis successfully. Their inability to even very loving couples transform into anger or irritation and project them onto a partner. So there are conflicts, during which both spouses see each other only in black tones and involuntarily think about parting. In the strongest marriages, the spouses know that one should not restrain accumulated negative feelings. Steam must be released, but also understood that the idea of ​​parting is only the result of temporary irritation, and not a deliberate and firm decision. After the truce, there will be no trace of this thought. In addition, a mutual emotional outburst will allow the internal tension to be discharged, and the relationship in the pair will become much more comfortable. Therefore, to remain silent in times of crisis is inexpedient. The feeling of dissatisfaction with each other will increase, the resentment will start to take on alarming proportions. And then the idea of ​​parting will not seem so unreal. As a result, even the most lasting marriage can be on the verge of collapse. Therefore, if you want to quarrel - quarrel, but do not attach much importance to phrases like: "I'm sick of everything, I'm getting divorced!" This is just an attempt at a strong psychological attack. keep a marriage

Sex in the first place

Even the most ardent spouses have periodssexual lull, when the intimate life gives way to other occupations. This is explained quite simply - the spouses need to solve some everyday problems that dull the emotions, and their libido moves to the background. In addition, they can get tired, constantly thinking about some pressing issues. Of course, sexual pleasure adds and strengthens mutual feelings, but how often and when to have sex, each couple chooses for themselves, without taking into account someone else's opinion. Of great importance here are age and experience. If desired, the couple will always find an option that suits both. Outside opinion in this case can only interfere with the optimal choice.

A man in love does not stare at others

Oh, how many conflicts are commonthe opinion gave birth! You can not live in a society and be isolated from it. Every person meets a lot of attractive people every day. And one of them becomes interesting, but this interest, as a rule, does not go beyond communication. There is nothing shameful, on the contrary, light flirting and harmless hobbies only fuel the fire of relations. There is no doubt that even in flirting, there is a danger of crossing the border. After all, even ardent love is not a guarantee that the spouse or spouse will never change each other. But they can usually break down such firewood in a fever or from a strong insult. This, of course, does not apply to those marriages where the husband or wife is walking right and left. Such families are based on free love. And their spouses do not pay attention to who looks at whom. We are talking about couples who prefer loyalty. In order for this fidelity to be unbreakable, do not overestimate the fact that the other half liked someone else. This is just a temporary hobby that can not destroy a reliable marriage in any way. If, on the other hand, he constantly reproaches his partner for life in that he is interested in someone else, sooner or later he can really become interested in this "other" in earnest. And then there will be a real threat to lose a loved one forever. how to save a marriage for a long time

You can not love a predictable person all your life

Often our ideas about life fit intothe same for all scheme: kindergarten, school, getting a profession, getting married, having children and so on. And in any relationship, you can also find the familiar algorithm: familiarity - love - courtship - wedding. ... And now the far-off exciting period of recognition is far behind, all the reactions, habits and tastes of the second half are known. Now there should come a period of monotony and daily routine. It is on this opinion that the myth that advises to remain for each other mysterious, unpredictable and completely incomprehensible is based. However, we must admit that the overwhelming number of couples follow such advice adversely. A rare person's psyche will withstand constant stress for several years. In the end, such tension can lead to nervous breakdowns, and they certainly do not contribute to strengthening the family. At the same time, when the actions of the spouses are subject to forecasting, the atmosphere of stability, peace and security is firmly established in the family. This is for a strong marriage is much more important than the psychological swings that arise from the fact that one of the couple never knows how to behave in this or that situation the other. We all in this life do not have enough strong support, which we aspire to find in the family. And what kind of support can be on a man whose actions can not be foreseen? Therefore it is quite possible to say that it is the predictability of the spouses that strengthens the family most of all and makes it a reliable wall. This, perhaps, is the most common misconception about marriage. Unfortunately, many of us continue to adhere to them. No, of course, there are quite happy couples who are quite happy with these rules. But there are not so many of them. In general, there is no need to adhere to any stereotypes and pay attention to someone else's opinion. And then the question of how to save the marriage will disappear by itself. Build a family union, based on your own considerations, because your happiness is only in your hands! We advise you to read: