Photo: Thinkstock / Gettyimages.ru

Golden mean

One of the poles of a relationship with a child isa strict, authoritarian upbringing, the essence of which is vividly reflected in the rubber phrase “you still have not dried milk on your lips”. In the modern world, this approach is gradually losing relevance, more and more parents are perplexed so that children can express themselves as much as possible without succumbing to stereotypes that have been imposed. and are not proof of sincere care. The younger generation is feeling the new trends of “free” upbringing: acquaintances are not hearsay with the side effects of severity, we choose another extreme be falling into the trap of permissiveness and indulging his child. It’s not for nothing that “in Japan, children under 7 do not prohibit anything”! But the results make parents doubt the correctness of their choice, which is dictated by the desire to grow an independent, independent and strong personality. To be a parent-friend in the most correct sense requires more wisdom and courage than to use the usual methods of carrots and sticks. Photo: Thinkstock / Gettyimages.ru

Pitfalls of Equality

Perhaps the image of a carefree liberal mother, withwhich you can behave like with a girlfriend, is very attractive. Who among us as a child did not dream of modern active parents who do not read notations and allow you more than their peers? Freedom of morals conceals a hidden threat: a friend cannot take responsibility for the life and deeds of a child - this is an adult’s task children communicate with us on an equal footing, we inevitably lose their respect. This equality is not so necessary for the child, as we believe: permissible invulnerability is nothing more than a defensive reaction, an unconscious request for help. Desperate attempts to demonstrate their independence signal to their parents that they need to be even more sensitive and tactful. When your preschooler or teenager is sure that you are on his side, when his basic need - to be safe - is satisfied, his motivation once again disappears your attention is an asocial behavior. And by refusing to impose your will on the child, the main thing is not to overreact, because the truth is always in the middlePhoto: Thinkstock / Gettyimages.ru

Compliance with family hierarchies is not a relic of the past.

The elder must take care of the younger, supportand guide it: experience and wisdom cannot compete with the appearance of equality! The higher position of the parents in no way humiliates the child, but gives him confidence that everything is in its place. And the place of a caring, attentive, loving adult is irreplaceable. It is sad that sometimes a deep sacred relationship is reduced only to the level of friendly relations. Violating the natural hierarchy, we voluntarily disclaim obligations and knock the ground out of the child from under our feet. Freedom from our opinion and rules primarily hurts him, because neither a crumb nor even a junior schoolchild or teenager can choose the right guidelines on his own. Friendship in the most positive sense is to build respectful relationships with your child the younger are taken into account, but the final decision is always taken by the adult. juice. Then the world in the family will cease to seem fragile and unstable. Photo: Thinkstock / Gettyimages.ru

The fine line between trust and frankness

Consider that we can devote children without reservein their affairs and wait for understanding - a serious mistake. An immature psyche cannot cope with this heavy burden: being a child is not so easy anyway, and knowledge of adult problems will in no way prepare our children for the harsh reality. When we discover our confusion and powerlessness before children, we don’t it will rather frighten them and make them feel helpless. The basis of the foundations is the belief that everything is ruined by their parents, and they shake. Children instinctively avoid overly frank conversations, fearing that they will get the same sincerity from them. And to demand from them to share what is at heart is the most real violence against a person, because even between close friends there are sometimes secrets. The tacit recognition that each family member has a personal space contributes to the formation of strong healthy relationships. The role of parents is much more important - to become for your child the person who will listen to, who will accept him for what he is. We will not be able to replace children peers, so it is worth leaving the right to friendship to them. It is precisely a reasonable protection from our side that will allow our children to always feel under the safe rear.

Comments

comments