To the editorial staff of WDay.ru wrote a disturbing letter to a young woman who, by the will of fate, was left alone with her child: "I read that a child, especially a boy, must have a father, otherwise he will grow into a slobber and a rag. That boys who grew up without a father often become criminals. Well, and other nightmares. I'm very much afraid that I will not be able to raise a real man from him alone. Alas, but his dad already has a family, and he lives in another city. To keep pregnancy was my decision, I longed for a child. Our relationship, unfortunately, came to naught after my birth. As a matter of fact, I am a single mother, but now I understand that for the sake of my son I must start to organize my personal life again and look for a good daddy for a child, not a man as husband to myself. But this is even more difficult than finding a husband. Did I make a mistake and prepared a terrible fate for my son? "
- Today, such a number of psychologicalinformation that the reverse effect begins. People start to wind themselves on level ground where, maybe, it is necessary to rejoice. Of course, I want everything to be perfect, but in the ideal world does not exist. And the depreciation of what is only for the reason that it does not fit into some ideal framework, smells of a neurosis.
A photo: GettyImages First, you need to get together with the spirit and evaluate what we have in fact and what's good about it. Secondly, we recall how familiar, native, friends and heroes from films with a similar plot emerged from similar difficult situations. What helped them, how they coped with it, what they had as a result. And as an example for imitation we use those who have turned out best. The main thing is not to fantasize. The future depends on us, but we still can not predict it. As for the education of boys. They really need a male figure, father. As an unreachable ideal at first, then as an example, and then as an opponent, which must be "defeated", that is, to become something slightly better than him. Boys who have not "defeated" their father, and therefore, have not been initiated, remain at the teenage stage of development. Then these guys also become something like slobbers, rags and cowards.
Photo:GettyImages Yes, a boy who is brought up in a complete family has more self-confidence. It is more difficult for a boy growing up without a father. His starting conditions in life are much worse. But if a boy from a complete family needs to "defeat" a specific person with certain advantages and disadvantages, then a boy from an incomplete family needs almost the whole world. If you pay attention to films in which the hero saves the Universe, or is he just some unusually good, bright, charismatic, then most often in the story he grew up with one mother. A boy without a father chooses for himself some other bright figure to follow, the strongest, the most intelligent, even if fictitious, or a public person, and goes through the stages that would have to go through with the figure of a father. Such a boy has higher stakes. He either becomes like the hero Kingsman (whose father was killed), or a criminal, since ontologically he is also a hero, only with a minus sign.
A photo: frame from the movie "Kingsman" In a boy who grew up without a father, more and more prominently manifested. For example, the moral standards for the child (regardless of gender) should be set by the father. But not every father himself knows what is good, what is bad, in some families these concepts are blurred. The boy, who as a guide is forced to choose from the examples brought to the absolute, moral standards will be tougher. Yes, it's bad if he chooses to follow the dark side of power. But a huge acquisition for humanity - if he chooses the good and will imitate the heroes with high moral values. Then after a while he will become a clear example for many, even grown up in complete families. It is not even necessary to say that it is mother that can and should help in choosing an example for imitation. Gently, unobtrusively and without neurosis. Still very important is the moment - you need to show respect to the boy's father in every possible way, whatever happens between you. But the child must have the confidence that his father is also a worthy person. And to arrange a personal life only for the sake of his son is not necessary. Let it settle itself, naturally. You do not need to become a pope for him. It's enough just to be a good, loving, real mother for him.
